Chapter 3:


“Sorry I'm late ...”

Brian turned to look at the man who'd just spoken to him and then he closed his eyes in disbelief.  Shit.  This was the trick, not the blond young man that had just fled from his house in obvious disgust and Brian groaned.  That must have been Taylor; he was the only other person they'd been expecting, but as he hadn't shown, Brian thought he'd telephone again and re-arrange their meeting.

“Everything okay?” the trick asked, confused by Brian's silence.  He'd seen the young man jump into his car and roar away, in fact he'd almost collided with him as he'd pulled in to park.  Pity he'd left; he'd looked kinda cute; a threesome would have been fun, but he wondered why the blond had left in such a hurry, especially now as he surveyed the guy standing on the doorstep.

He'd been told that the man who lived at the address he'd been given was a very important client and was to be treated with the utmost respect, but he hadn't expected him to look quite as good as this.  Stripped down to jeans when he came to the door and as much as Brian disbelieved it; hiding behind the beard or not, he was still one hot guy.

Brian opened his eyes and studied the trick.  He looked to be in his late twenties and was quite attractive; about 5' 11”, slim build, green eyes, longish fair hair and dressed in expensive casual clothes.  

“Shall we go inside ... wouldn't want you catching a chill ...” the man suggested; trying to hurry things along and Brian sighed.  Lindsay would chew him a second one if she knew what he'd just done; confusing the young artist she'd hired to paint Gus' portrait with a paid trick and he probably wasn't even gay.  He was going to have to sort this out, but in the meantime the trick had come around in front of him and had started to run his fingers down Brian's chest and Brian smiled; well, as long as the man was here ...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“What an asshole ... I can't believe that guy ...” stated Justin as Daphne passed him his coffee.

“Are you sure you didn't misunderstand?” asked Daphne and Justin looked up at her and raised an eyebrow.

“Misunderstand?  Misunderstand him taking me up to his bedroom ... half-naked and offering me money  there and then ... like ... like some trick?” answered Justin; an indignant tone to his voice.

“Sounds hot ...” stated Daphne, grinning.  “But who would have thought Brian Kinney would be gay... seeing as how he's got a kid and all ... what was he like?” she asked him and she plonked herself down on the sofa beside him.  Justin had driven straight to Daphne's to return her car to her; she knew something must have happened by the expression on his face and the fact that he'd returned so early.

“I don't know ... I really didn't take that much notice ... he was so rude and arrogant ... and then when I realized what he was suggesting I just turned around and walked out ...”

“Are you going back?” asked Daphne.  “Are you kidding? ... he obviously thinks just because he's offering to employ me that gives him the right to fuck me ... just because he's some famous writer and lives in this huge fucking mansion ... well not this mister ...”

“A mansion?” asked Daphne, frowning.  “Does it have stables and a pool?”

“How the fuck should I know ... it was in the middle of no-where ... I only saw as far as Kinney's bedroom ... and then he starts to strip off and offers me money ... fucking asshole ...”

Daphne frowned at this further barrage of words that came tumbling out and she watched as Justin stirred his coffee and she saw how he was now biting his lip. 

“You've got the hots for him ...” she ventured, still grinning.  “No I haven't ...” Justin contradicted her, but Daphne knew him far too well and she continued to grin at him until he finally relented; he never could keep how he was feeling from Daphne.

“Okay ... the guy is hot ... I guess ...” Justin conceded and he put down the spoon and picked up his cup; taking a mouthful of coffee before continuing.

“He was younger than I expected ... at least I think he was ... it was kinda hard to tell cos he has a beard ... but he had a great body and these amazing hazel eyes ...” and then he stopped and sighed.

“But he thought I was just going to jump into bed with him ... he didn't even introduce himself properly ...”

“Like you've never done that before ... slept with a guy and not know his name?” Daphne pointed out and she chuckled and shook her head as she took a sip from her own coffee cup and Justin looked at his friend, shocked by her observations of him.

“That makes me sound so ... so cheap ...”

“But it's so ... so true ...” continued Daphne and she patted his knee; emphasizing that she was just teasing him.  

“Maybe ... but if I didn't know their names before hand ... I always did afterwards ... I mean I didn't just fuck someone and walk away ... we always exchanged names and numbers ...”

“And how many of them ever called you back?” Daphne asked him seriously, for she knew her friend so wanted to find someone to fall in love with that he often ended up falling for trash; guys who would use him but never call him back: something she could never understand.  

Justin would be a catch in anyone's book.  He had beautiful blue eyes, a killer smile and just about the world's most perfect hair.  On top of that he was extremely talented, kind and sensitive and wanted to do right by everyone and Daphne just wished the right man would come along for him.

But now it looked like he'd been let down again, but this time it meant he'd miss out on the commission that would have come in so useful now that he owed so much back rent.

“If he's as hot as you say ... I wonder why he has to pay for it?” asked Daphne and Justin shrugged.

“I was wondering that myself ... maybe he's into S&M or water sports ...” and he shuddered as Daphne pulled a face; both of them thinking that Justin probably got out of there just in time.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


For the first time since the start of  Gus' visit, Brian poured himself a drink and closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of the Beam make its way down to his empty stomach.

The trick had gone.  He'd been more than willing to do whatever Brian had wanted and was well schooled; knowing exactly the right buttons to push as Brian allowed himself to be lost totally in what they were doing.  But for some unexplained reason, the look of disgust he'd seen on Taylor's face when the young man realized Brian thought he was his trick for the night, kept coming back to him; haunting him: staring at him with those incredible blue eyes.

Brian sighed; he would have to seek him out and explain the misunderstanding or he'd never hear the end of it and he didn't want to upset Lindsay.  After all, she'd been so agreeable to him having Gus of late he didn't want to rock the boat on that score.  

Brian wasn't exactly used to apologizing.  Before the accident, he used to live his life exactly how he wanted: no regrets, which ultimately meant no apologies either and they still didn't sit easy with him.  But it looked like he was going to have to make one this time.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The phone book had a J. Taylor listed in an apartment building just off Liberty Avenue, Pittsburgh which matched the number the young man had given him when he'd first called.

There was no avoiding it; Lindsay had set her heart on this portrait so he would have to try and talk Taylor around to agree to set up another meeting and apologize for the misunderstanding and that their disastrous first encounter deserved an apology in person, even though it had meant summoning up every ounce of courage he had in order to do so.

From behind the tinted glass of the BMW, Brian looked across the street.  It was a pretty run down building and looked like it was in need of a lot of work: another reason to try and talk to the guy, because if this was the only place he could afford to live, then Taylor was definitely in need of the work and Brian frowned; wondering why that seemed so important to him.

Glancing behind to make sure the road was clear before getting out, Brian caught sight of himself in the rearview mirror.  Lindsay was right, of course she was; outside of a few people, he was the only one who knew why he grew the beard and what it was covering up and taking a deep breath, Brian opened the car door and stepped into the street.

Taylor's apartment was on the top floor and it was no surprise that the elevator was out of service, but grateful that he was in pretty good shape, Brian was able to take the stairs and arrive outside the apartment without any ill effect.  But he stood outside the young man's door a full minute before eventually knocking and then trying to make himself heard over the music he could hear from inside.

Justin had resigned himself to thinking the commission to paint the Kinney kid's portrait was all but dead and buried and he was getting ready for the art show and desperately hoping he'd do well.  Immersed in his work and the CD player on pretty loud, he didn't hear the knocking the first time and it was only when the second knock came and louder than the first, did Justin look up from what he was doing and he reached out and turned the volume down on the player.  

He looked at his watch.  It couldn't be Daphne, her shift didn't finish until much later and Justin groaned; hoping it wasn't going to be Burrows.  But looking through the peephole, Justin caught his breath and stepped back before taking another look.  Brian Kinney was standing in the hallway and knocking on his door.

Brian was on the verge of walking away when he noticed that the music had been turned down, but it was a few minutes before there was a response to his knocking and he'd wondered if he was being deliberately ignored.  But then the door was opened and once again, he found himself looking into those beautiful blue eyes and Brian coughed.

“I ... I didn't get around to introducing myself properly yesterday ... Brian Kinney ... I think there was a misunderstanding ...” and Brian hesitated for a moment before holding out his hand.  Justin blinked; obviously the man wasn't used to showing up on someone's doorstep and he could tell by his voice that apologizing didn't come natural.  But the fact that the man had come all this way had to count for something and Justin thought that just maybe he should give him the benefit of the doubt and he took Brian's hand.  “Justin Taylor ...” he answered and both men smiled.

Brian couldn't help but notice Justin's hand so much smaller than his own; delicate: an artist's hand and for a moment he didn't want to let go.  And Justin hoped that Brian couldn't detect how much he was trying to stop himself from shaking at his touch; a reaction he didn't normally suffer from.

“You better come in ...” said Justin; eventually breaking the silence that had overtaken them and they slowly dropped hands and Justin stepped back to allow Brian to enter and the older man looked around him; taking in his surroundings and Justin closed the door.

“This is ... “

“A dump ...” chuckled Justin.  

“I was going to say ... interesting ...” stated Brian, noticing the pieces of artwork standing around the room and leaning against the walls, but Justin shook his head.

“No ... it's a dump ... but at least it's my dump ... for the moment anyhow ...” and he saw Brian frown as he looked at the younger man.  

“A question of being a little behind with the rent and not seeing eye to eye with the landlord ...”

“Ah ...” acknowledged Brian and he nodded his understanding.

“But I've got a show coming up and I hope to do okay ...”

“Well ... if this is anything to go by ...” commented Brian and he walked over to one of the finished pieces.  Justin observed him cross the room; he'd noticed how he carried himself before at the house, but now, even in smart casual wear, Brian looked elegant: his movements smooth and a pleasure to watch.

“Do you like it?” asked Justin.  “Would it make any difference if I did?” came the honest reply, probably a little more quickly than he should have, as Brian looked back over his shoulder at him and Justin shrugged.  But for some inexplicable reason, yes, it did matter, what this man thought of his work.

Brian took a deep breath and turned back to look at the piece he was standing in front of.  It was so vibrant it was almost alive and about to jump right off the canvas and he nodded.  “It's exquisite ...” but it wasn't just words; Brian meant it.  And although Brian didn't see it, Justin allowed himself a slight smile.

Brian closed his eyes briefly and rolled his lips into his mouth before turning around to face him.

“I ... I owe you an apology ... about last night ...”

“I guess I wasn't who you were expecting ...” chuckled Justin and Brian nodded; grateful that the young man appeared to be helping him out with his explanation.  But not only that, unless seriously impaired, Brian's gaydar was working overtime and was usually right on the button; he smiled.

“Shall we start again?” he asked him and Justin scratched behind his ear; an action that Brian found quite endearing and then the young man shrugged.

“I guess there's no real reason why not ...”

“Good ... then you'd be interested in taking on the commission?” and Justin nodded.  “If you think I'm what you want ... the type of artist I mean ...” Justin stuttered and he tried hard not to blush and Brian tried hard not to show he'd noticed by wandering over to the large work area that Justin had set out in the middle of the room to study more of the younger man's art; greatly impressed by the quality of Justin's work.

“Yes ... I think so ...” answered Brian and he glanced up at him and smiled and both men knew exactly what was happening; the subtle flirting that was going on between them and then Brian turned away from the table to face him full on.

“Then you'll come back out to the house ... my son is away for a couple of days ... staying ... staying at his Grandma's ... so if you want to come back then ... I promise to behave this time ...” Brian chuckled; feeling so relaxed in this young man's company: more relaxed then he could remember in a very long time in fact and Justin smiled and nodded: unable to ignore the twinkle in the other man's eyes.

“Good ... then it's a date ... I mean ...” and this time it was Brian who couldn't help smiling in slight embarrassment as he made his way to the door.

“See you in a couple of days ...” stated Brian as Justin leaned passed him to open the door.

“Look forward to it ...” came the younger man's reply and for probably longer than necessary, both men held each other's gaze; hazel eyes meeting blue and neither of them seemingly wanting to be the first to break away and finally it was Brian who looked away and down the hall.

“See you later ...” Brian stated as he made for the stairs.

“Later ...” answered Justin who couldn't help smiling himself as he closed the door.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Grandma Debbie ... why don't you love Dad any more?” asked Gus innocently and from across the table, Carl glanced at her over his reading glasses as he waited for her response.  Debbie blinked as she picked up a piece of toast and started to butter it.  

“What's that honey?” she asked him; trying to give herself some thinking time and Gus put down his spoon.

“I heard Uncle Vic and Dad talking ... it sounded like the two of you had a fight ... but if you're my Grandma ... I thought Dad must be your son ... and Mom's always love their sons ... don't they?  But Dad said you chose Uncle Mikey over him ... that he was your real son ...” Gus stated seriously, for in fact he'd been on his way back out to the kitchen to ask his Dad something when he heard the, at times, slightly heated conversation between his Dad and Uncle.  He hadn't understood that much of it, but enough to know it upset his Dad and now the concern and confusion in his voice was obvious and Carl put down his paper and took off his glasses: this he had to hear. 

Debbie sighed at the boy's words for in most cases of course he would be right about Mother's loving their sons.  She loved Michael and would protect him and fight for him with her last breath if she had to and she'd willingly taken on the role of Mom to Brian, knowing the lack of love there was in that household and now Carl was staring at her; defying her to say she now no longer had feelings for Brian: her second son.

“You shouldn't go worrying yourself over things like that ...” Debbie told Gus gently.  “It's grown up stuff ... nothing you should concern yourself about ... now why don't you go and get washed up ... and we'll go and visit Uncle Mikey at the store ...” and Gus pushed his empty bowl away and left the table to go up to the bathroom.

“Don't go giving me that look ...” instructed Debbie to Carl, once Gus had gone upstairs and she started to clear the table and losing her appetite.

“Well ... you didn't really answer the kid ... did you?” he stated and Debbie practically threw the dishes in the sink. 

“You better be careful with those ... I don't think you can get that pattern any longer ...”

“You saying my stuff's old?” Debbie rounded on him, but they both knew her temper had nothing to do with the age of the crockery.

“When are you going to admit you miss Brian?” Carl asked her as he got up from his chair and went to join her at the sink.  “ ... and that you still love him and that it's only your pride ...” 

“I'll never forgive him for what nearly happened to Michael ...” Debbie cut him off and she turned on the hot water tap.

“That's not what I asked ...” Carl reminded her, but their discussion was cut short as Gus bounded down the stairs having brushed his teeth.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Justin Taylor ... you can't keep me hanging on like this ... you have to tell me ...” pleaded Daphne as she followed Justin inside his apartment.  He'd called her to say he'd had an unexpected visitor and she'd gone straight round there after her shift; dying to hear all about it.

“Oh my god ... what did he say ... what did he look like?” she asked him as soon as she closed the door and eventually, Justin couldn't prevent himself from grinning.

“He looked great ... and he wanted to apologize for mistaking me for ... well ... you know and to introduce himself properly ... and I swear Daphne when we shook hands I thought he was bound to see I was shaking ... and I never thought he was going to let go ...” 

Justin's obvious pleasure at his visit from Brian was hard to disguise, even if he'd wanted to.

“And?”

“And what?”

“The commission ... for the portrait ... are you going to do it?”

“Oh ... yeah ... sure ... I'm going back over there in a couple of days when the kid's back from visiting his Grandma ...”

Daphne grabbed hold of him and hugged him.  “That's wonderful news, Justin ...”

“Whoa ... it's only a picture ...” stated Justin as he pulled back, but Daphne kept on smiling: somehow she had the feeling it would be so much more than that.

“Oh ... can I borrow the car again ... please ... it's gonna be a while before I can get mine back from the shop ...” pleaded Justin and Daphne sighed: how could she refuse.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Suddenly, Brian didn't feel quite so lonely any more; sure, he was alone and the house was still empty with Gus and Vic away, but it gave Brian the opportunity to knuckle down and finish his latest work without any interruption.  Not that he didn't get interrupted, for every so often, Justin's smiling face as he'd agreed to give the portrait a go, kept coming back to him: a wonderful smile which lit up those beautiful blue eyes.

He couldn't believe how comfortable he'd felt in the younger man's company and that he was actually looking forward to him coming back to the house.  But when he had to use the bathroom, Brian looked at himself in the mirror and sighed.

 Who was he trying to fool?  Justin didn't look much more than a kid and a pretty cute one at that.  What the hell was he doing; thinking the blond would be interested in him and that whatever had passed between them at Justin's apartment was probably nothing more than the young man being polite to a potential employer.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Gus came back from his visit to Grandma Debbie with an armful of comic books given to him by Uncle Mikey from his store.  He'd obviously enjoyed his stay and being fussed over and Brian couldn't help feeling the odd pang of jealousy as he picked up one of the comics and he closed his eyes briefly and dropped it back on the kitchen table.  If it hadn't been for that damn comic book convention ....

“Hi Dad ...” Gus came in from the stable where he'd been out to see Buttons and disturbed his Father's train of thought and he gave his Dad a hug.  Brian smiled; it was so good to have him back.

“You were a good boy for Grandma?” Brian asked him as he ruffled the boy's hair and Gus scowled.  “Course I was Dad ... it was fun ... I like Grandma and Grandpa Carl ... but there's always so many people in their house all the time ... it's always busy ...” and he turned to pick up the pile of books.  

“I'll take these up to my room ... then will you come with me so I can have a proper ride on Buttons?” asked Gus.

“Sure ... he's been missing you ...” informed his Dad and trotting happily away, Gus headed for the stairs, meeting Uncle Vic on the way down, after taking the boy's bag up to his room.  

“Don't forget to unpack your laundry and throw it down the chute ...” Vic reminded him.

“I won't ...” came the reply as the boy disappeared upstairs and Vic chuckled as he joined Brian in the kitchen.  “He's such a good kid ...” 

Brian smiled; barely taking notice of Vic's comment.  He'd been deep in thought, for Gus' description of life in the Novotny household reminded him of what it had been like when he'd been a kid, with a constant stream of people in and out; staying for supper or just having a chinwag over a cup of coffee and always made to feel welcome.

There'd always been a lot of food at the Novotny's; an Italian trait, whereas in the Kinney household it had been booze; the downfall of two generations of Kinney male's it would seem and Brian was determined it wouldn't happen to Gus.

Brian was sure alcohol had been a crutch for his Father; an abusive drunk who probably wouldn't have had the guts to lash out at his son all those times if it hadn't been for the courage his drinking had given him.  

Though nowhere near the heavy drinker that his Father had been, for Brian, alcohol was used to block out those times; to help him forget how unloved and unwanted he'd been made to feel during  his childhood and beyond.  But Gus would never feel like that; he would know how much he was loved and Brian would help make damn sure he never needed the alcohol or drugs he'd used in order to make it through the night; making those dark and lonely times just bearable.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Justin couldn't help but catch his breath; just like the first time he'd seen the house and he parked Daphne's car in the drive and taking his materials from the trunk, he'd barely made the front door when it was opened for him.  

“Hi ... I'm Vic Grassi ... I work for Mr. Kinney ... let me help you with that ...” and Vic took one of the boxes Justin was holding from the young man.  Brian had seen the blond approach as he'd been watching from the window and Vic had frowned, confused when he saw Brian retreat to the study as the young man came up the path.  

Brian had told Vic that he and Justin had re-arranged their meeting and Vic hadn't asked how they'd been in contact, but there was obviously something going on there, for Justin was expected and yet Brian had wanted to appear cool; indifferent almost, by withdrawing and not being on hand when he let the young man in.

Vic led Justin into the conservatory at the rear of the house.  There were several plants and with the greenery and the air-conditioning, it was cool and comfortable and the light was excellent and leaving Justin there, he went to find Brian.

“He's here ... but you don't need me to tell you that ...” stated Vic and he raised an eyebrow as Brian hesitated before getting up from behind the desk; Brian smiled but refused to acknowledge the comment and walked straight passed him.  And Vic thought he could detect the scent of extremely expensive cologne on Brian; something he'd not bothered with in years.

Brian had tried to look as if he'd been working all morning, but periodically, Vic had found him looking out the window to the front of the house.  And, when Brian left the room and Vic went to collect a dirty coffee mug from the desk, he caught sight of what was on the screen of Brian's laptop.

Brian had been logged into the archives of the Pittsburgh Art Gallery where, three years before, Justin Taylor had been one of their most promising emerging artists.  Vic grinned: maybe Brian wasn't as disinterested as he made out.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Is this okay?” asked Brian as he entered the room to find Justin setting things out on the table.  Justin glanced up; there'd been no hello or pleasantries: it was straight down to business and he couldn't help sighing.  He was getting so many conflicting vibes from the man: on their first meeting he was rude and arrogant and then next time apologetic and pleasant and, Justin had thought, flirtatious.   But now he seemed to be cool and aloof and Justin wondered what the hell was going on in the man's mind; trying to read his eyes and not for the first time did he feel a little shiver up his spine when those hazel eyes fell on him.

“This is fine ... thanks ... Mr. Kinney ...” answered Justin, smiling and he saw how Brian's eyes flickered and seemed a little harder as he spoke.

“It's Brian ... Mr. Kinney always sounds like my Father ...” the older man informed him coolly and Justin couldn't help notice the edge in the man's voice that matched the coldness in his eyes.

“I'm not sure how far we'll get today ...”Justin continued; hoping the man's mood would lighten.  “But I thought I'd bring my gear with me anyhow ...” and Brian nodded in understanding and the two of them faced each other and Justin put his hands on his waist.

“Where is he?” he asked eventually and Brian blinked; almost forgetting why Justin was actually there and he swallowed.  “I'll ... I'll go give him a call ...” came the reply and Justin couldn't help smiling as Brian left the room and he heard him calling for his son.

Two minutes later, a good looking 8-year old came in with his Dad and Justin couldn't help but notice the likeness.  He also couldn't help notice how Brian changed the moment he was around his son; he seemed to become instantly more relaxed and looked at the boy like he was the only thing in the world that mattered and the affection in his tone was obvious.

“Justin ... this is Gus ... Justin's going to be doing the portrait ...” stated Brian to his son; his hands on Gus' shoulders protectively and the boy held out his hand.  Justin smiled.  “Good to meet you Gus ...” and they shook hands and Justin stepped back to look at him.

“What?” asked Brian at Justin's expression.  “Well ... I was just wondering ... what Gus should be wearing ...”

“Wearing?” queried Brian and Justin nodded as he studied the young man in his plain white tee.  “Sure ... what he's wearing ... the color ... it all contributes to the overall effect ...”

“I've got that nice blue shirt ...” suggested Gus as he looked up at his Father and Brian looked at Justin for confirmation.

“That'll be good ...” acknowledged the younger man and at his Father's agreement, Gus went off to change.

“Kids ...” chuckled Brian.  “8-years old and a fashion fiend ...” and Justin smiled up at him and produced a digital camera from his bag.

“That looks expensive ... but not the sort of gear I would have thought a traditional artist would be carrying around with him ...” observed Brian.

“My Mom bought it for me for my birthday ... I actually find it quite useful ... though I have to admit it's not standard kit ...”

“I just thought that if Gus is like any other 8-year old ... getting him to sit still for any length of time is going to be practically impossible ... at least if I take a few shots with this ... I can do some of the work from them ...”

Brian nodded, but his mind was working overtime.  If Justin took photographs to work from, it meant that maybe he wouldn't need to spend all the time at the house and he was sort of looking forward to having the younger man around.

A few minutes later, Gus came bounding back into the room and Brian reached for him and straightened the boy's collar; an action that didn't go unnoticed by Justin and that only served to reinforce the bond there so obviously was between Father and son.

“That's better ...” stated Justin and he looked around for a chair and the right place to sit the boy.

Brian watched, intrigued, as Justin set about his work: taking everything into account.  Like watching the light by noting the direction of the sun so that it wouldn't be in Gus' face but allowing for the right amount of natural light to shine on him and deciding what, if anything, would be in the background.

After Justin decided on the right place to set the chair and then settling Gus and making sure he was comfortable, he spent the next few minutes taking photographs from various positions.  “I'll have a look at these ... work out the best angle before I start ... and before it all gets too much ...” he smiled at Brian; knowing it was unlikely that Gus would be content to sit here like this for very long.

Having put the camera down, Brian was then much relieved to see Justin take out his sketchbook.   “I like to make a couple of quick preliminary sketches too ... makes me think more like an artist ...” he informed him and Brian smiled.

Trying to keep Gus still and quiet was going to be a nightmare, realized Brian and the boy couldn't stop chatting to Justin while he was trying to draw.  But it wasn't long before there was a very passable likeness on the page and satisfied with the rough sketch, Justin passed the book to Brian.  

“Is that what you have in mind?” asked Justin and Brian nodded; for even in this short time, Justin had got Gus' likeness down exactly.

Twenty minutes; tops.  That's how long before Gus began to squirm in his seat and start to look uncomfortable and a little bored and now Brian understood why Justin wanted to take the photographs.  If he could only work in 20-minute stretches, it would take a month of Sundays to complete the portrait.

Gus looked at his Dad and Brian smiled.  “Okay ... I guess that's enough before you start getting cranky ...”  “I don't get cranky ...” contradicted Gus and Justin smiled at the interaction between the pair.  “Well ... go on up and take the shirt off ... and hang it up ...” called Brian after him as Gus ran upstairs.

“I guess that's all for today ... we can fix another time and I'll take a look at these later ...” said Justin and he picked up the camera from the table.

Brian's stomach lurched; this was over far too quickly.  

“Do you have to leave ... I mean ... if you don't have to rush away ... you could always stay ... use the laptop in the study ...” 

Justin turned the camera over in his hands as he thought.  “Okay ... that'd be good ...” and he chuckled.  “Keep me out of the landlord's clutches for a little longer at least ...”

Brian blinked.  “Is he a problem?” he asked, suddenly anxious.  “No ... I can handle him ...” stated Justin; he'd meant it as a joke, but it looked like Brian had taken it quite seriously by his concern.

“Well ... let me show you where the laptop is ... it's hooked up to a printer if you want hard copies ...” stated Brian and he lead Justin down the hall; Justin hesitated just in side the door to the study.

“So ... is this where it all happens?” he asked Brian.  

“What's that?”

“Where you write your screenplays ...”

“You know about those?” asked Brian, shocked that Justin actually knew who he was.

“Sure ... I saw your latest release with a friend of mine not too long ago ...” Justin was dying to ask Brian why he wrote such sad endings to his stories, but now wasn't the time: maybe later when he got to know him better.  And Justin inwardly smiled; he certainly would like to get to know Brian Kinney better.

“Well ... it's a living ...” stated Brian, almost dismissive about his work and suddenly, Brian quickened his pace to get to the laptop before Justin saw what he was still logged on to and Brian closed down the Pittsburgh Art Gallery site.

Justin had brought with him the complete camera bag, which included the USB connector and he hooked the camera up to the laptop and sat behind the desk. 

Brian went to stand behind him in order to see the screen.  There were a dozen pictures; he hadn't realized Justin had taken so many: all from varying positions to find the right angle.

Brian leaned forward over Justin's shoulder to get a better look and, for the first time, the blond could detect the faint scent of Brian's cologne and he closed his eyes; his head starting to get giddy.  Brian's chin was practically resting on his shoulder; he could almost feel his beard and he could certainly feel the heat emanating from him.  And when Brian reached out to point at the image on the screen, it almost felt as if he had his arms around him and Justin's mouth went dry and when Brian spoke to him, he couldn't reply.

“I like that one ... but then I'm not an artist ...” stated Brian and Justin tried to swallow.

Being so close to Justin, Brian had to fight the temptation to run his fingers through the blond hair: it looked so soft and silky and he could detect the scent of the shampoo that still lingered and looking over the younger man's shoulder, Brian breathed him in and it was all he could do to retain his senses and still sound rational.

Justin tried to concentrate on the images on the screen and he struggled to find the words to acknowledge the one Brian had indicated.  “That ... that one's good ... it's probably the best angle for Gus ... if we can print it off ... it'll help me when it gets too much for him ...” 

Justin turned to look directly at Brian; his face just inches away from the older man's and Brian met his gaze.  He saw Justin's lips part as the young man's heart missed a beat; beautiful lips, just made for kissing and for a moment, neither man moved.

“Dad ... Uncle Vic wants to know if Justin's staying for lunch ...” Gus came bounding into the room and Brian closed his eyes before straightening up, but wondering what might have happened if his son hadn't suddenly appeared like that.

“Dad?” asked Gus again and Brian coughed.  “You're very welcome to stay, Justin ... if you want to carry on with this today that is ...” asked Brian, trying to keep the pleading tone from his voice and Justin smiled.

“I ... I'd like that ... thanks ...” 

“Then I'll leave you to get on ... we'll call you when lunch is ready ...” stated Brian and taking Gus by the shoulder, he guided his son from the room and once out in the hall, he took a deep breath.

“Are you okay Dad?” asked Gus and Brian tried to smile.  “Sure ... let's go see what Vic is up to ...” and thankful to put a little distance between them; at least for a short while, Brian was happy to leave Justin in the study.

Justin had breathed a sigh of relief when Brian walked out the door with Gus; the heady mix of subtle cologne and the nearness of him had sent his senses reeling; the man so confusing with his mood and demeanor swinging one way and then the other.

After the other evening, when he'd mistaken Justin for a trick, Brian was obviously gay, but he had a son.  Was he raising him, Justin wondered or married to the boy's Mother?  Did he live a double life; caught up in the make-believe he wrote about so convincingly?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Thirty minutes later, Gus went to find Justin to tell him lunch was ready and found him back in the conservatory.  He'd printed out a couple of pictures of Gus and had gone back out to the car to collect canvas and easel and the rest of his equipment.  He wasn't sure how far they'd get today, but he'd brought everything with him in the hope he could at least get set up for when he could continue.

Gus led Justin to the kitchen, where a lunch of cold cuts and salad was already laid out on the table.  “Wow ... I don't usually eat much during the day ... actually ... I don't usually eat ...” admitted Justin as Vic put the jug of homemade lemonade on the table.

“Well ... Vic'll get pretty upset if there's anything left ...” stated Brian and he squeezed the older man's shoulder affectionately.  “Too right ... dig in ...” Vic instructed and Justin drew out a chair and sat along side him.

The conversation around the table was light and friendly and Justin quickly felt at ease and able to join in.  He couldn't help notice how well the three males of the household got on together, with Brian's obvious affection and respect for Vic as well as the love he showed for his son.

Gus' ability for chatter had never failed to amaze Brian, but now it seemed his son was equally matched by Justin, who's seemed seemed to fit right in straight away and whose enthusiasm for just about everything made Brian chuckle.

Justin's main passion of course was for his art, which was overwhelming, and Brian couldn't help notice how he occasionally rubbed his hand; sometimes absentmindedly flexing his fingers.

“I guess that's a penalty of being an artist ...” indicated Brian, as he saw Justin ball up his fist and then stretch out his fingers for the third time.

“What?” asked Justin and then he realized what he was doing and he glanced at Gus.  “Something like that ...” he stated, not wanting to go into gory details in front of the boy, but it was pretty obvious to the adults that there was more to that statement than met the eye.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Lunch was a very enjoyable occasion and there wasn't really anything more Justin could do today, but he, Brian and Gus agreed that Justin would come to the house every morning and paint as much as Gus could manage and then do what he could from the photographs.

“It is the school break after all ...” stated Brian.  “I can't expect him to want to stay in the house for much of the time ...” and Justin nodded in understanding and he picked up his camera and sketchbook as these he was taking home with him.

Brian watched as Justin drove away; turning back to wave to Father and son standing on the doorstep.

“He's nice ...” stated Gus and he pulled away from his Dad and trotted back inside.

“Yeah ... he is ...” agreed Brian, quietly and to no one but himself and he closed the door.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Over the next few days, a routine was more or less established: Justin would come out to the house; still using Daphne's car and Gus would sit for him.  Then, when Gus had enough, Justin would continue working from the photographs.

Brian asked if it was okay if he stayed while Justin worked and initially the younger man had thought it was to make sure Gus was okay.  But increasingly he'd glance up and find the man watching him and Justin would have to close his eyes and mentally shake his head to maintain his concentration.

Brian had already made the decision that he wouldn't work on anything during the school break; that he wanted to be around as much as he could to enjoy his son's visit and for them to spend some real quality time together.  But deep down, he knew it was because he also wanted to spend as much time in Justin's company as he could; for as long as it lasted.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Gus beat Vic to the door and let Justin in and then disappeared again, saying he was in the middle of something and would be right back.  Vic chuckled and shook his head as the boy trotted off.  “He's been doing some painting of his own ...” Vic informed Justin.  “I think he wants to get it for you ...”

Gus was getting better at sitting still and quiet and the length of the sessions was gradually increasing, but this morning, Justin had turned up looking pretty tired and already starting to feel at home, asked Vic if there was any chance of a cup of coffee and they went into the kitchen.

“Heavy night?” chuckled Vic as he pulled out two mugs from the cupboard.

“Yes ... but not what you're thinking ...” stated Justin, trying to suppress a yawn and he saw Vic raise an eyebrow.  “I was painting ... I've got a show next week ... I really need to do well ... I'm still using a friend's car ... I can't get my own out of the shop until I can pay the bill ...”

“If you need an advance against the portrait ... I'm sure Brian ...”

Justin waved the older man's suggestion away and shook his head.  “I couldn't take a handout ... I expect to get paid once the portrait is completed ... not before ...” stated Justin; taking the mug of strong coffee he was handed and he looked around him.

“Where's Brian?” he asked; trying not to sound too disappointed that the man wasn't there to greet him as he'd done every morning so far.

“He's had to go to the bank ... one of his insurances got screwed up and they needed his signature ... something I couldn't do for him ...”

“You do a lot of that sort of thing?” asked Justin; taking a sip of his drink and Vic nodded.  “Brian doesn't really go out very much ...” and he saw Justin frown.

“He's just not very good around a lot of people ...” stated Vic, hoping he'd not said too much and he indicated a chair.

“You mean like a phobia?” asked Justin as he took his seat at the kitchen table.

“Not exactly ...” said Vic slowly and Justin put up his hand.  “Sorry ... I'm not prying .. it's just ... I've never seen any photographs of him ... he never appears on any of the publicity for his movies ... so it's not like people would recognize him and hassle him ...” observed Justin.  “Other than ...” and he hesitated.  

“Other than what?” asked Vic, curious and Justin looked a little embarrassed.  “Well ... he is pretty hot ...”

“You think?” Vic asked him, putting down his mug and he saw the younger man start to blush.  In fact, Justin was finding it increasingly difficult to keep just how attracted he was to Brian under wraps, but it was hard to gauge exactly what the man felt for him; if anything.

“Well ... yeah ... sure ... don't you?” Justin stuttered.  It had already been established that Vic was gay and he had wondered what his relationship was to Brian, other than that of housekeeper.

Vic nodded.  “Yeah ... I guess he is pretty hot ... not that I think of him in that way ... to me he's family ... I've known him since he was 14 ... he was best friends with my sister's kid ...” and Vic sat back in his chair and picked up his mug from which he took a sip.  There was something about Justin that made people feel relaxed and open up; maybe it was because the young man seemed so honest and forthright himself, that it just seemed to encourage the same response from everyone else.

Vic chuckled.  “A few years ago and Brian practically had to fight the guys off with a stick ... he wasn't known as the stud of Liberty Avenue for nothing ... he couldn't go anywhere without guys hitting on him and he didn't turn down that many ... but mind you ... it was generally Brian doing the chasing ...”

Justin's eyes opened wide in surprise; not at the fact that guys had found Brian attractive and that it sounded like he'd deserved his reputation, but because this image just didn't seem to fit the one of reserved and dedicated Father that he'd observed in the last few days.  For Justin had seen for himself the genuine displays of love between Father and son and the affectionate banter between them.

There was so much more Justin would have loved to ask, but he heard Brian's car pull up the drive: there were obviously a lot of layers to Mr. Kinney and Justin silently hoped he'd get to peel a few of them away.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The portrait was keeping pretty much to schedule, but now it was Friday and the start date for the art show had come around.  Brian already knew Justin wouldn't be working on the portrait on the weekend and tonight, there was to be an evening reception and then the show would run for three days.  And, at that reception and over the weekend, the artists were expected to be on hand in order to talk about their work to invited guests, any of the art critics covering the show, or with any potential buyers.  And Justin was mentally crossing his fingers, hoping to sell at least one of his pieces, in order to keep his head above water.

And, just after lunch as he was packing up, Justin brought an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Brian.

“What's this ... your bill already?” teased Brian and Justin shook his head.  “No ... it's an invitation to the reception ... for the show ... just in case you get time to come along ...” and Brian nodded, knowing full well just how much free time he actually had at the moment.

“Thanks ... but I'm not sure how pushed I am ...” answered Brian; not wanting Justin to know exactly how empty his life was; for without Gus and his work, there was nothing left.

“Oh sure ... no pressure ... it was just a thought ...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Justin ... I am so proud of you ...” and Jennifer Taylor beamed at him and then hugged her son; much to his embarrassment.  It was the cocktail reception and Justin's work was already attracting a lot of attention.

Having finally come to terms with Justin's sexuality, Jennifer was now his staunchest supporter.  Not that it had been easy in those early days; learning her teenage son was sleeping with men and tracking him down to gay bars in the early hours of the morning as she tried to ensure her 17 year old  would come to no harm.  When in the end it wasn't the gay community who had hurt him; it had been a seemingly straight class mate who had nearly killed him and almost destroyed his life.  And on top of that, having to deal with her husband's hostility as well as his repeated infidelity, which led to the break-up of their marriage.

But now Jennifer was a qualified Realtor and a PFLAG Mom and proud of it and though Justin had long ago stopped attending any of their BBQ's or other fund-raising events; one of his most proudest days was when he marched with his Mom in the Pride Parade.

“Congratulations, Justin ...” came the voice behind him and Justin turned around to come face to face with his Mother's boyfriend and his smile quickly disappeared as the man passed Jennifer her drink.

“Tucker ...”

“This is all very impressive ... you must be pleased ...”

Justin managed a slight smile; hardly able to hide his obvious dislike for the man and his disapproval at their relationship.

Not that his Mother didn't deserve to be happy or have someone in her life of course, but the fact that he was so many years her junior made Justin uncomfortable.  It would seem that Justin coming to terms with his Mother being seen as attractive to men other than his Father and as a sexual being in her own right, was no different than Jennifer coming to terms with Justin's homosexuality.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The weekends of course were like any other day of the week with Gus there and not working over the summer.  But after having Justin around for most of the last week, Saturday and Sunday seemed strangely empty without him and Brian had found himself often wandering into the conservatory, where Justin's equipment had been left.

The portrait had been carefully covered up to protect it and Brian didn't dare disturb it; promising faithfully that he wouldn't touch it.  But he couldn't help lightly touching the brushes, pots of paint, a palette for mixing the colors and other equipment Justin had left behind.  Brian didn't understand the mechanics of course, though he had asked Justin why he was doing certain things.  Everything seemed so painstaking and Justin obviously had tremendous patience.  But then he'd demonstrated that not only in his work but in his dealings with an 8-year old boy.

He enjoyed watched Justin as he worked; losing himself so entirely in his art and Brian had begun to realize just how important art was to him; how it consumed the young man and here surrounded by everything that was Justin, he didn't seem so far away.

Brian sighed and went out into the kitchen.  It was Sunday morning and Vic had taken Gus out for a drive; he loved spending time with the boy and there was a park Gus liked with a lake and wild fowl and they'd taken a picnic for themselves and loaf of bread with them for the ducks. 

Brian picked up the envelope that he'd left at the back of the counter; the invitation and knew he should really have gone and that Justin hadn't been obliged to invite him, which probably meant he'd actually wanted him to go and he sighed at his foolishness and hated himself for disappointing the young man.

Having poured himself a fresh mug of coffee Brian took it over to the window looking out onto the garden.  He took a swallow from his mug and put it down on the counter; Vic had left a copy of the local paper on the surface and absentmindedly, Brian started to thumb through its pages.  And then an article jumped out at him.

The Pittsburgh annual art show for established as well as emerging artists had attracted a piece in the paper and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth as he read the details giving the times and dates of the show and wondered whether after all, he could summon up the courage to go.  He'd been totally overwhelmed by the young man's work back at the apartment; Justin was obviously incredibly talented and seeing his creations in their proper setting would only serve to enhance them.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“That's the third time you've looked at that article ...” observed Vic as he cleared away the dishes after their evening meal.

“Is it?  I hadn't realized ...” came back Brian from behind the paper and Vic couldn't resist a chuckle.  “You know it is ...” and he threw the dish towel over his shoulder and sat down next to Brian at the kitchen table.  

Meals were only ever taken in the kitchen these days, whereas in the past and especially when entertaining potential clients of Kinnetik, Brian would get in caterers; more than likely Emmett and the large table in the dining room would be laid out beautifully with the best silverware and china.  But it had been a long time since any entertaining had taken place in this house.

Gus had gone upstairs to watch the Disney Channel and Brian had picked up the paper and sat down at the table after their meal and Vic sighed and reached out and pulled the paper down so that he could see Brian's face.

“Why don't you go and see his show ... you know you want to ...”

“Says you ...” answered Brian and Vic smiled.  “I've been watching you these last few days Brian Kinney ... and I don't ever recall seeing you like this around someone before ... so go ... you've got plenty of time ... it doesn't finish until 10:00 ... I'll watch Gus ...” 

On several occasions, Vic had taken refreshments into the conservatory and hadn't failed to catch the look on Brian's face as he watched the young man working or just generally around him.  He was obviously enthralled by the young man's art, but Vic had thought he'd detected more than that: that Brian had feelings for the young man.

“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about ...” came back from Brian and he put the paper down and got up.

“Are you going back into the conservatory again?” called Vic after him and Brian hesitated in the doorway.  That's exactly where he had been heading, but instead, Brian now went upstairs and looked in on Gus.

“Hi Dad ... you wanna watch Rugrats with me?” Brian blinked and chewed his lip and finally shook his head.

“Hmm ... no ... not tonight champ ... there's other stuff I need to do ...”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It was 9:30pm. Sunday and with his fingers entwined, Justin stretched his arms out in front of him and then he put his hands behind his head and arched his back; stretching.  It was proving to be a busy show, as well as the period that had led up to it.

The last few days had started with him going out to West Virginia on the Friday morning to work on Gus' portrait and then in the afternoon supervising getting his work to the gallery and helping to hang it in position.  Then there'd been just enough time to dash back home to shower and change to return in time for the official opening and reception.

But Justin smiled to himself; he'd attracted a lot of very favorable comments and had been interviewed by the art critics who had attended and had received some wonderful feedback from them and guests alike.  But on top of that he'd sold one large and two small pieces of his work already; enough to pay to get his car fixed and to cover the amount of rent owing on his apartment as well as being able to stock up on supplies.  There was only one thing that disappointed him.

After giving Brian an invitation to the reception, he hoped the man might come down himself to take a look.  But in the end it would seem Brian's wariness of being out in crowds had proved to be too much.  He knew Brian was interested in his art; he'd seen that at the apartment and how he asked intelligent questions while he was working on the portrait.  But not interested enough it would seem to come and take a look at a formal show.

And now it was only half-an-hour until the show closed for the night and people were drifting away and after talking to an elderly couple who had been admiring his work and asking him about it, Justin had escorted them to the door and then returned to his section of the gallery and stretched his limbs.  

The gallery had become pretty quiet, now that almost everyone had gone, save for the staff and fellow artists and Justin heard the door open behind him but took no notice, until he felt a presence standing by his side.

“I said it before ... and I'll say it again ... it's exquisite ...”

Justin blinked and turned to face the man standing by his side who was studying his work and he couldn't prevent a huge grin spreading across his face; Brian looked back at him and the grin was returned.

“Then you do like it?” asked Justin, daring to ask for confirmation and hoping he hadn't sounded needy of Brian's approval.  

“It shouldn't really matter what anyone else thinks ...” Brian informed him.  “You're the artist ... its creator ... it's how you feel about it that matters ... and it seems to me you've put your entire self into your work ...” and Brian now moved across the floor to study pieces he didn't see back at the apartment; especially several darker pieces: menacing almost and he frowned.

“What ... what is it?” Justin asked him and Brian chewed his lip.

“It's okay ... you can tell me ... whether you love them or hate them ...”

“Well ... to be honest ...  I think I know what they're saying ... but I'm not sure I understand why ...” Brian informed him and Justin moved to stand beside him.  “Tell me what you see ...” he encouraged him and Brian took a deep breath.

“Pain ... there's a lot of pain and anguish in these ... just these few pictures ... it's like ... it's like the heart and soul has been ripped out ... ” observed Brian and now it was Justin's turn to be amazed and he felt himself go cold; no one saw that element of his work and certainly no one else really understood it.

And then Brian moved onto the next pieces; brighter, with flashes of brilliant reds, oranges and yellows.  “But in these there's hope ... spirit ... something new and reborn ...” and he turned back to look at Justin to find the young man's eyes brimming with tears.

“Justin ...”

“I'm okay ...”

Justin turned away; unwilling for Brian to see him so weak and vulnerable but the man reached out for him.  “Hey ... what did I say ... it's all brilliant ... every piece ...”

Justin shook his head.  “No one ever gets ...” and he stopped; unable to complete his sentence and shaking with emotion.

Brian studied him; he was pale and looked exhausted.  Preparing for the show had obviously taken everything out of him and Brian was only just beginning to understand the pressure the young man had been under lately; trying to get everything ready and then on top, taking on the commission to paint Gus' portrait, not to mention being short on cash.  And Brian kicked himself: he should have offered to help.

“Let's get out of here ... are you hungry?” Brian asked him, but Justin shook his head.  “No ... I managed to grab something earlier ...”.

“Then do you need to stay?” 

“No ...  everything's going to stay as it is for another day ... so ...”

“Then I'm taking you home ...” stated Brian and he stretched out his arm; indicating the door.  Too exhausted to argue, Justin stooped and picked up his bag and allowed Brian to steer him out to the car and ten minutes later, they were climbing the stairs back to the apartment.

Justin felt so very weary; hardly able to put one foot in front of the other and he fumbled for his key in his pocket and then Brian saw a look of pain in the young man's face as his fingers failed to keep a grip on the small metal object and it fell to the floor; Brian stooped to pick it up.  And seeing how Justin was rubbing his hand, Brian opened up the door and then handed Justin back the key, which the young man managed to take.

“That seems to be happening a lot ...” observed Brian at Justin's discomfort and he saw Justin close his eyes.  “If only you knew ...” came the reply and Justin went inside and left the door open; an invitation for Brian to follow.

Going over to the sink, Justin filled the jug and put on some water for fresh coffee.

“Maybe I should go ...” observed Brian.  “You look pretty beat ...” but Justin shook his head.  “Stay ... have coffee and I'll tell you why you saw what you did in my paintings ...”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An hour later and they were sitting on the sofa; coffee going cold in the cups and Justin was still talking and Brian listened in horror as the young man described the bashing and how afterwards, he'd fought to regain use of his drawing hand. 

And, even after he'd recovered a good percentage of use back in his hand, that there was a time when he thought he couldn't go on.  That was when he produced the dark paintings that Brian had described with pain and anguish; the life ripped out of them: the life ripped out of Justin.  For that was how he'd felt; that he might as well be dead if he couldn't paint.

And then when he'd regained his will; his determination to carry on, that was when he'd produced the work where Brian had seen the hope and re-birth.

Justin had put everything he'd been feeling down onto canvas: reliving his hurt through his work in the hope of purging himself; though some of that hurt would always remain.

And Brian had been the first person who had been able to put those feelings into words: something not even his Mother or Daphne had managed to do.

And now the tears were streaming down the young man's face as he re-lived that darkest time for Brian and the older man could feel himself getting more furious and more desperate for the anguish Justin had experienced: was still experiencing and he hadn't even realized he'd moved closer to him until he suddenly found the younger man in his arms.

Brian held him and tried to comfort him; Justin quaking with the huge sobs that coursed through him and Brian closed his eyes and stroked the blond hair.  It was silky soft and in all his years, he'd never felt as close to anyone as he did now; not even to Michael and he could feel himself falling: after all, he was no stranger to hurt and pain himself.  

Justin clung to him and although Brian was glad he could be there for him, he also didn't want to let him go: it felt so good.  Other than Gus, it had been a long time since anyone had really needed him, if indeed anyone else ever really had.  But suddenly, regaining his senses, a feeling of guilt overtook Brian.  How could he have any feelings of pleasure in holding this young man like this, when he was in such obvious distress.

For Justin, moving into Brian’s arms had seemed the most natural thing in the world.  Something told him that Brian had his own demons and would understand his anguish and holding him, Brian made him feel safe and protected.  But just as the sobs were subsiding and when he was beginning to feel relaxed, he felt Brian's body stiffen; as if pushing him away.

Sniffing, Justin turned in Brian's arms and looked up at him and Brian could have melted on the spot; looking into those beautiful blue eyes filled with so much pain and uncertainty as to why he felt the man was rejecting him.

Brian's own eyes showed signs of confusion; but they also shone with concern or, was it affection? This wasn't the first time they'd been close enough to kiss and Brian saw Justin's lips part and the younger man reached up to stroke Brian's face.

Brian drew back, but not before Justin thought he could feel something beneath the man's beard with those sensitive fingers.

Sliding out from under Justin, Brian pushed himself up off the sofa.

“I think I better leave ...”

“I'm sorry ... I didn't mean ... shit ...” Justin rubbed his face; he couldn't believe how he'd come on to Brian like that when all the man was doing was literally offering him a shoulder to cry on: no wonder Brian wanted to run away.

“That's okay ... I can't imagine how intense it’s all been ... getting ready for the show ... you look pretty drained ...” stated Brian and Justin managed a slight smile and nodded.  Brian was right; he felt totally depleted having poured out his heart and soul into his art.  But that was the only way Justin could be: when he gave, he gave completely.

Justin wanted desperately to tell Brian he didn't have to go; that he would give anything for the man to stay, but the uncertainty in Brian's face stopped him and for a moment, they held each other's gaze and then Brian smiled.

“You better get some sleep ... if you don't feel like turning up tomorrow ...”

“No ... that's okay ... I'll be there ...” promised Justin and he started to get up off the sofa.

“It's okay ... I'll see myself out ...” stated Brian, but with every inch of him wanting to stay and knowing what would likely happen if he did, but Brian didn’t dare.  Didn't dare to even begin to think that someone might actually want him and that all Justin was probably feeling was gratitude; for him being there, listening and understanding.


To be continued.

With many thanks to Lois for her wonderful betaing and putting up with my re-writes and to Judy for her ideas and to both of them for their continued friendship.