Picture by Susan ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Chapter 4: For a few moments, Justin couldn’t understand what anyone was saying. He was conscious of being spoken to, but he couldn’t make out the words, such was the effect of being in the same room as Ethan Gold. At Tony Marshall’s introduction, Ethan had offered his hand, prompting a response from Justin that was more automatic than anything else. “Hello, Justin” said Ethan, smiling and looking straight at him. “It’s great to see you … you’re looking good” and he held Justin’s hand in a firm grip. “Ethan …” managed Justin in reply and he removed his hand as soon as politeness would allow; not wanting Tony to realise the men shared any significant history. Tony gestured to a chair next to the one Justin had got up from to Ethan and all three of them sat down. “You two know each other?” asked Tony and Justin smiled weakly and the man continued. “Well, it’s a small world, or so they say … but that should make life a lot easier for you both … not having to get to know each other from scratch. Hopefully, Justin, you’ll get some idea of what Ethan here’s got in mind fairly quickly … save us all a lot of time and money” and Justin nodded and smiled, but his stomach was churning, sitting in such close proximity to his former lover. Tony Marshall outlined the company’s plans for Ethan’s forthcoming album release and concert tour; all the while Justin wishing he could remove himself from the proceedings. “Well, I think I’m done,” stated Tony eventually. “Why don’t I leave you two guys now to decide how you’re going to work things out? We’re totally committed to Ethan … we realise how lucky we’ve been … getting him away from his previous label and we want a high quality product to promote his first album with us” and Tony stood and held out his hand to Justin. “I’ll draw up the contract and get it to you … but we’d like you to start working on this straight away. We’ve brought forward the concert tour, as we were able to fit in another date, so it will be a bit of a rush job I’m afraid … but from what I’ve been hearing you’re more than capable of delivering the goods. I’ll catch up with you in a few days … see how things are going …” and Tony smiled at Justin and shook hands with Ethan and left and now a heavy silence hung in the room between the two men. “Ethan …” said Justin after a long pause, but the other man held up his hand to stop him from proceeding any further. “Look, Justin … before you say anything, just hear me out … okay?” and Justin nodded, but he wasn’t sure he really wanted to hear what the other man had to say. Ethan got up from his chair and sat on the edge of the desk: looking down at Justin and he folded his arms. “I know I treated you badly …” he started, but it was Justin’s turn to interrupt him. “The last time I saw you … you hit me … right after I caught you fucking that kid … if you remember” said Justin, his voice low and Ethan thought he heard just the remotest hint of sadness in his tone. “I know and I should never have done that … like I should never have let you get away from me …” but Justin didn’t want to hear that and got up from his chair and headed for the door. “This isn’t going to work, Ethan … I’m going to find Tony … tell him I can’t work for him …” Ethan hastily stood up and took a couple of steps forward. “Justin … wait. Can’t we be adults about this? Okay … so we had something once, but are you telling me the work is flooding in so fast you can afford to turn this down?” “You sign up to an organisation like East Coast and you’ll have more work than you can handle. I’m willing to put our past behind us … can’t you do the same? Aren’t we’re both professional enough to do that …” Justin stopped and listened to what the man was saying and he sighed. Ethan was right; their relationship had ended a long time ago, why should he be afraid of spending a little time with him in a purely professional capacity and this could be just the opening he needed. A few commissions like this and the banks would be throwing their money at him. Slowly, Justin turned around to face him and for the first time in many years he was able to take a really good look at him. Ethan Gold; charismatic with smouldering dark looks and talent abundant and Justin had once been in love with him and had thought that Ethan loved him in return. But that was all behind him now that he was with Brian. What did he have to fear? “Okay … you’re right … this shouldn’t be a problem … as long as we both know where we stand …” “Good”, replied Ethan. “I’m glad we’re agreed”. They sat down and Justin began to feel a little more relaxed and able to converse more freely with the man he’d known so intimately. “So,” asked Justin. “What brought you back to the Pitts? It’s hardly Paris or Rome …” “No, it isn’t,” answered Ethan, “but I was getting tired of living overseas and when East Coast came looking for me I couldn’t believe my luck. I was just coming to the end of my contract and my label assumed I was just going to sign up with them again. But they wanted me to commit my time in Europe and I wanted to come home … which is why I’m here … now … and with a very good deal … E.C. practically let me name my own price.” “That and I realised I was getting stale and becoming more known outside my own country and I wanted to get back to my roots. I have a comfortable following in Europe, but I want to concentrate on the American market now and I think I need to … to reinvent myself” and Ethan was leaning forward in his chair as he spoke; ever closer to Justin. Justin recognised the enthusiasm that Ethan had always possessed, whether he was talking about his music or suggesting a movie they should go and see; and whether he realised it or not, Justin was already beginning to be carried along on the tide of fervour that was Ethan Gold. They agreed to meet the following day at E.C.’s studio. Justin wanted to get a feel for the music pieces that had been agreed would be included in the new album and which would also feature during the concert tour. That way, he could visualise the theme for the CD cover and promotional material and exploit them to their full potential. They shook hands and Justin looked into dark, liquid eyes; eyes that had once drawn him into a world of passion and intensity and that now steadily held his gaze. And, as their hands touched, an almost electrically charged surge of energy appeared to pass between them; something that didn’t go unnoticed by either of them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Driving home, Justin considered what he was going to tell Brian and in the end, elected to say nothing. Once he and Ethan had decided on the theme that Justin would pursue, he hoped not to have much contact with him, so why concern Brian? Why worry him needlessly over something that had happened in the past: something that had no bearing on their future. Justin managed to side-step any enquiry from Brian as to the outcome of his meeting with the recording company, other than to say it went well and that he was expecting to take up some work fairly soon. If Brian had been concerned at Justin’s fairly noncommittal attitude, he definitely didn’t portray it and Justin breathed a huge sigh of relief that there was no further questioning. But he felt guilty at not coming clean: even though he had nothing really to feel guilty about, other than his omission. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As arranged, Justin met with Ethan, who had brought his very precious violin with him. The aim of the album was to reach out to people who may not necessarily consider listening to classical music: appealing to a whole new market with a mix of both standard and lighter compositions and Justin listened as Ethan spoke enthusiastically about every piece to be included; describing the history and the emotions it evoked: infinitely describing each piece’s beauty and then he began to play. The man was a genius; the instrument coming alive in his hands and whilst Ethan played, Justin took some photographs; walking around the room; capturing him from various angles. Then, sitting down, he took out his sketch pad and rested it on his knee and started to draw him; trying to capture the emotion on the face of this man so lost in his music; emotion that photographs didn’t always portray well enough; unable to reach down into the soul to see what lay there. Familiar pieces; pieces that he hadn’t heard for years, evoking vivid memories, came flooding back to Justin and made his stomach flip. Beautiful compositions including Scherzo-Tarantella, when Justin had met Ethan for the very first time. Lindsay and Melanie had taken Justin to a concert to celebrate his birthday. A birthday mostly ignored by Brian who at that time considered such dates unworthy of celebration; saying anyone could get born and that the only thing worth celebrating were achievements. But this was coming from a man whose Father hadn’t wanted him born in the first place and who’d considered he might as well be dead when he hit his thirtieth and thought hiring a hustler for his young lover, rather than spend any quality time with him, was the perfect birthday gift. And after the concert, Justin had struck up a conversation with this remarkable young man who told him he’d seen Justin staring at him and Justin showed him the sketches he’d made of him whilst he was playing. Then a few days later, whilst taking a short cut, Justin had immediately recognised the technique of the violin player and was drawn into the rehearsal room by Paganini’s Cantible and Ethan told Justin how disappointed he was to discover the young man had a boyfriend and that he would have given him a birthday he’d never forget; one where he would play for him. Justin tried to concentrate on the present instead of the past and keep his mind on what he was doing, but his thoughts kept wandering back to that time in their lives; where he helped Ethan rescue a sofa from the trash to take back to his top-floor apartment and where instead of spending the week away with Justin, Brian had gone on a business trip at a time when the young man didn’t appreciate how important it was to Brian’s career. But why would he? Back then Brian never talked to him; not about the things that really mattered. And when Ethan came to an art fayre, Justin gave him one of his paintings in exchange for a song. A song when collected; Messanet’s so romantic Meditation from Thais, that Justin found himself falling for this man and they’d made love on a mattress laid on boards. Justin’s head was spinning, remembering all they’d meant to each other and all the experiences they’d shared. Picnics on the floor sharing secrets, Ethan telling him he wanted to be with someone who wanted him only and that he wished for the two of them to wake up together and watch the sunrise. And that he knew Brian would never love Justin the way the young man wanted him to; the way Ethan would. Then after being with Ethan, Justin had gone home to Brian and found the man waiting for him in bed; saying nothing and pulling back the covers for Justin to climb in beside him and the blond had turned away from him. Brian had put his arm around him; knowing who he’d been with and what they’d been doing; knowing also that Justin was slipping away from him. Finally, when Justin told Brian about Ethan and apologised for falling in love with someone who could love him in a way that Brian couldn’t; in a way that Brian said he wouldn’t, Brian gave him the choice: to stay or go. Unable to tell the younger man just how much he cared, Brian would never ask him to stay or try and influence him. It had to be Justin’s decision alone; a decision that was made at the Rage party. Brian had organised and paid for the whole event to launch the comic book created by Justin and Michael and the blond had found Brian fucking Rage; his superhero counterpart, in Babylon’s backroom and at that time thought he would never change. And then Ethan came and told Justin he couldn’t stop thinking about him and they left together and Brian saw him go, but didn’t try to stop him and it was many years later that Justin realised just how much the man’s heart was breaking as he’d watched him leave. But that was the time when Brian was still lying to himself about his feelings; telling himself he had none; that he was incapable of loving or accepting love; feelings that thankfully, had been turned upside down and inside out when Justin re-entered his life at Christmas and re-claimed Brian’s heart. Ethan watched Justin as he played; seeing how beautiful he was after all this time; his blond hair, pale skin and incredible blue eyes and how Ethan wanted him still. But he knew Justin’s heart belonged to another; he’d seen them together quite by chance and remembered how, even during their time together he felt Justin was still in love with Brian; never committing himself fully. How then did Justin expect him not to play around when Ethan knew the man in his bed wasn’t truly his? Justin was to blame for his fucking all those other guys. If he’d given himself totally, proving to Ethan how committed he was, then they would still be together. Instead, he’d gone running back to Brian. How could they make such a fool of him as that? He couldn’t allow that to continue. Justin stopped sketching and now just listened to him and he recognised what had made him fall in love with the man in the first place and that was Ethan’s apparent willingness to commit himself totally to what he held most dear. A commitment that in the end he couldn’t fulfil, but at the outset of their relationship one that promised to be deep and abiding and would last forever. But all too late, Justin realised that Ethan’s commitment to him had been an illusion and all he had were empty words and empty gestures. That Ethan’s true passion, his true love; was his music and no man could ever match up to that. And now Justin knew for sure that Ethan would never be the man he would love. That could only ever be Brian and now that Justin was secure in Brian’s love for him, he allowed himself to relax; he felt safe; untouched by Ethan’s influence; he couldn’t reach him any more. Ethan stopped playing and took a deep breath and lent back his head, bringing himself down from the heights his music took him. He looked at Justin and smiled. “Do you have everything you need?” he asked him. “I think so,” answered Justin, getting up from his chair. “How long before I can see anything?” “Well, you’ll have to give me a few days to see what I can come up with.” “Okay, but can I call you if I have any ideas?” Justin hesitated, but then took out his notepad and wrote down his business number and tore out the page, which he gave to Ethan. “I’ll be in touch,” said the blond and he left. Once outside the room, Justin sighed with relief. He knew he’d done exactly the right thing in leaving Ethan all those years ago and that his pursuit of Brian; when Brian could at last admit how he felt and let Justin inside those barriers; had brought him a deeper love than he ever could have hoped for. Going back down to his car, Justin took out his cell phone and called Brian, who had just been about to go into a meeting and, looking at the caller ID, he smiled. “Hi” said Brian, quietly moving away from his potential customers and he indicated to them that he’d be just a minute. “Hi” answered Justin and he inwardly sighed. He wasn’t sure why he’d called Brian, other than at that minute, he just wanted to hear his voice. “Everything okay?” asked the older man, a little confused by the call and there was a pause before Justin continued. “I … I just wanted to tell you I love you …” “Brian … I think we’re ready to go” and Becky called him over; the group were getting impatient. Brian smiled. “I love you too,” he answered quietly and they both rung off. Ethan watched from the window as Justin went back to his car; this wasn’t the end for him. By the time he finished, Brian would want nothing to do with the blond-haired beauty now driving away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Are you coming into the office today?” asked Brian as Justin emerged from the bathroom. Justin was spending more of his time away from Kinnetik and working in the studio at home and Brian missed having the blond just down the hall where he could stop by and talk about a particular campaign or maybe manage a quick coffee together. “Sure” replied the younger man; towel-drying his hair. “But we’ll have to take both cars … I need to go out later”. It had been almost a week since Justin had seen Ethan and now he had some preliminary poster designs and sample CD covers for both Ethan and Tony to look over and he’d made arrangements to meet them. Brian frowned; these days, they didn’t even have the luxury of spending time together on their journey into the office and Justin was taking on more work himself; not wanting to turn anything down; trying to establish himself. Brian could remember what it was like, trying to start up your own business, but was still a little disappointed that Justin seemed so determined to go it alone and not let him contribute in any way. But isn’t that what he’d always encouraged him to do; be his own man and not be swayed by what someone else wanted him to be? When he’d said those words all those years ago, he never thought they’d come back to haunt him, but looking at Justin whilst he dressed, Brian couldn’t help but feel more than just a little proud, considering everything he’d been through and Justin seemed to sense that Brian was unhappy at how little time they spent together these days. “I’ll catch up with you at dinner …” said the blond and he went over to Brian and kissed him before grabbing his jacket and heading downstairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ethan loved the designs and so did Tony and they agreed which ones they wanted to go with for both the CD cover and the publicity posters, with just one or two minor alterations. Justin was glad Tony was present at their meeting, as although he no longer had feelings for Ethan and despite the man’s words about putting their past behind them, the way he seemed to be looking at him made Justin feel a little uncomfortable. At the studio, Ethan had made a point of keeping a distance between them, but today he was acting totally different. Whether it was studying the artwork Justin had produced, looking at it closely, leaning over his shoulder, or their hands touching briefly as the samples were passed around and brushing against him to take up a seat beside him, he could see he was having an unsettling effect on the blond; just the reaction he wanted. He wanted Justin confused; unsure of his own feelings towards Ethan as well as Ethan’s feelings for him and despite what Justin said, he knew Justin too well. When the man loved, he loved completely. There was no way he could just turn off his feelings for Ethan just like that. And Ethan was convinced that some remnant of affection must still remain and was determined to play him to the limit. After Tony had left them to go to yet another meeting, the conversation turned to their shared past as Ethan reminded Justin of another CD cover using Justin’s designs; one that Ethan had produced himself whilst still a struggling student, with the acknowledgement: For Justin. “My God … I’d forgotten that” confessed Justin and indeed he had, but obviously, Ethan hadn’t. “Do you remember Rome?” Ethan asked him, from across the table where Justin was packing away the artwork he’d brought with him and Justin nodded. “Rome was incredible … the art … breathtaking” “… and we had our coffee every day at that little place on … on…” said Ethan, struggling to remember. “Via Vittoria” Justin reminded him. “Yes … that’s it,” agreed Ethan and they laughed and Justin suddenly felt a little guilty about a fond shared memory. “I … I keep meaning to say to you …” “What?” asked Justin, looking up from what he was doing. “I couldn’t help noticing the wedding band. He’s a lucky guy …” said Ethan, even though it was one of the first things he’d noticed at their initial meeting and Justin glanced down at his hand and smiled. “Who is he? What’s he like?” continued Ethan, eager to hear Justin’s reply and there was a brief pause before the other man answered him. “You already know him,” said Justin and Ethan frowned. “I Do? But I’ve not been back for years …” “It’s Brian,” answered Justin. “Brian? You don’t mean … Kinney?” asked Ethan, although he knew fully well the answer and Justin nodded. “Yes … I’m back with Brian” and Ethan walked around the table, now standing just a little too close for comfort. “Does he know what you’re doing?” asked Ethan and he indicated the portfolio that Justin had now picked up and put under his arm and Justin looked down and Ethan smiled to himself. From Justin’s look, Brian obviously had no idea what the blond was doing and the fact that Justin hadn’t told him, indicated to Ethan, the level of trust between them. “Oh” said Ethan, knowingly and Justin looked back at him. “It’s nothing like that … it’s just … this is my business … it has nothing to do with Brian” but he couldn’t hold Ethan’s gaze and he turned to leave. “Justin … I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to pry and make things awkward. Who you’re with now has nothing to do with me, but can’t we still be friends? I know I treated you badly, but we did have some great times too … didn’t we?” Justin closed his eyes briefly and sighed; he turned around. “Yes … you’re right … we did. But I’m with Brian now … I love him and he loves me …” “Does he?” asked Ethan, moving towards him again. “Yes … he does. Ethan … we can’t keep doing this … reminding ourselves of the past. I’ve moved on and I thought you had too …” “You’re right, Justin … I’m sorry … I won’t mention it again … but I really would like us to be friends … can’t we try at least?” asked Ethan and Justin studied the floor for a moment before looking up. “Sure” he answered, but he had no real intention of keeping in touch once this piece of work was completed. “Look,” said Ethan and he moved back to his chair and sat down, giving the man some space. “I’m staying at the Holiday Inn until the tour … then I’ll decide where I’m going to live. Have lunch with me when you’ve got everything ready … please Justin? I’d really like that” and Justin smiled. “Okay … yeah, I’d like that too” and what could be the harm in that and Justin would make sure that was the last time he saw him. Ethan, however, had other plans. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Between putting in hours at Kinnetik and his own projects, Justin was working flat out and Brian was getting a little worried about all the extra hours he was putting in. “Are you sure you’re not taking on too much?” Brian had asked him, as he stopped by Justin’s studio where the younger man had been working since finishing dinner. “We’ll find someone to help you out more … “ but Justin had refused. “No, it’s okay … I can handle it and I don’t want to let you down …” “You’re not letting me down” he assured him. “And besides, if you want your business to work out, I’m gonna have to purchase your services the same way I would from any other agency” said Brian, moving towards the door. “Purchase my services huh?” said Justin, turning off the desk lamp and he moved towards him. Brian’s form was silhouetted in the light coming from downstairs and Justin slipped his hands around Brian’s waist and up under his sweater; roaming his back. “I like the sound of that. Why don’t we go to the bedroom and negotiate terms …” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Justin … you are coming to the game … aren’t you?” asked Gus, and he seemed anxious for Justin not to turn him down. Justin was coming into the kitchen from the hallway as Gus picked up the holdall containing his soccer gear from the floor; Brian was waiting by the door. “Sure, of course I’m coming … I wouldn’t miss it for anything” and he saw both Father and son smile at his reply. “I’ll just go fetch my coat”. Gus’s school was doing extremely well in the soccer tournament and the boy had played a large part in how well they were doing, but Brian thought he’d noticed a subtle change in him over the last couple of weeks and wondered if he were imagining it. “How does Gus seem to you?” he asked Justin, as they stood on the touchline, cheering on the young boy’s team. “How do you mean?” asked Justin and he couldn’t help feeling a pang of guilt. He’d been working hard at finishing off the artwork for East Coast Recordings as he wanted it completed and out of the way as soon as possible, but he was conscious of the fact that he was spending less time with Gus; time that both of them had missed and now it seemed that something was troubling the boy and he hadn’t even been around enough to notice. “Well,” continued Brian, “he hasn’t actually said anything, but he’s been a bit quiet at dinner the last couple of nights” and Brian looked over at Justin. “It’s his Moms’ anniversary in a few weeks … it’s not going to be an easy time for him”. “Or you” said Justin. “Don’t forget yourself in all this Brian … it’s not been easy for you either this passed year”. “No,” agreed Brian, “all in all, it’s been a pretty eventful year … that’s for sure …” and he smiled at the younger man and Justin rubbed Brian’s arm. “Only … I was thinking …” continued Brian. “I promised Gus we’d plant a tree in their memory and with the first anniversary coming up and now we’re settled in the house … I think this would be the time to do it”. “You really think you’ll wanna stay there forever?” asked Justin and Brian nodded. “Sure … it really feels like home and I can’t think of any reason to leave … can you?” and Justin shook his head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A few days later, Justin rang E.C.R. and left a message for Tony Marshall to say that he’d completed the alterations to the artwork as requested and just needed final approval before everything could be mass-produced. Daphne had rung to say she and John were making a brief visit back to the Pitts to see her folks and to start talking about wedding arrangements and wanted Brian and Justin to have an early dinner with them before they started their drive back home. But in the end, Brian had to alter an appointment to fit in with a client and rang to say he wasn’t going to make it in time and Justin went on his own. Not now going out to dinner, Brian was able to let the sitter go once he got home. Gus had already gone up to do his homework and Brian looked in on him on the way to Justin’s studio. Some supplies had been delivered for Justin at the office and Brian had brought them home with him and he took them in and placed the box on Justin’s desk. As he turned to leave, Brian caught sight of the drawing Justin had done of him. It had been placed on the wall right where Justin would see it immediately he looked up from his desk and a smile crept across Brian’s face. As he started to pull the door closed behind him, Justin’s business number rang. Brian wouldn’t bother to answer it and it would go straight onto the answer phone where Justin would pick it up later and usually, Brian wouldn’t take any notice of the messages left there. But this time was different; this time it was a name and a voice he recognised from the past. “Justin … Hi, it’s Ethan. I got your message … I can’t wait to see everything now it’s finished. Call me … I owe you lunch … remember?” Brian’s grip on the door handle tightened as he heard the man’s voice and slowly, he re-entered the studio as he listened to the message. He swallowed hard and remained rooted to the spot even after the message had ended. Brian knew he shouldn’t be snooping into Justin’s affairs, but he couldn’t help it; the very fact that the two former lovers were in contact and that Justin hadn’t bothered to mention it to him, brought an acid taste into Brian’s mouth and he moved behind Justin’s desk and opened one of the drawers. Slowly, Brian took out the files he found there and, in the second, found what he’d been dreading. Recent photographs of Ethan; there was no mistaking him, together with the pencil drawing that Justin had done of him at the studio. Brian fought to keep the bile from rising up into his throat and told himself to calm down; that this didn’t necessarily mean anything. After all, Ethan was a musician and Justin had been meeting with East Coast Recordings; it all fitted together. But why hadn’t the blond told him? Why did he think he had to keep it from him? Brian took a large glass of beam with him to bed and tried to keep awake for when Justin returned from dinner with Daphne and John. But after continually turning everything over in his mind, Brian had eventually fallen asleep exhausted before Justin had got home. In the morning, as they rushed breakfast, Brian’s mind was still a little foggy from the night before. He wondered if he’d dreamed the call and again asked Justin about working for E.C.R. Justin had seemed a little flustered and again gave non-committal answers, other than to say it was going well. “ And I’m not going to be around much today” said Justin, putting the bread away and the milk back into the refrigerator. “Oh?” asked Brian, casually and trying to gauge the younger man’s expression for deceit. He was still sitting at the breakfast table, watching the younger man move about the kitchen. “I’ve got a few calls to make and I may have to see that guy from E.C.R. about the designs I’ve been working on” continued Justin and he smiled at him. “I’ll catch you later … Oh and a publishing company have been on to me about working on a kid’s book, so I could end up getting back late… ” and he walked over to Brian and lent down and gave him a peck on the cheek. He was going to ring Ethan and see if he could get their lunch date over and done with and then in response to the publishers, he’d made arrangements to see them about some artwork for a children’s book. Brian swallowed the last of his coffee and watched Justin walk out of the room. Maybe he wasn’t lying about his work for E.C.R., but he wasn’t telling the whole truth either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had picked up his messages the previous night before going to bed and he was relieved to think this ordeal was nearly over. And now this morning, he rang the hotel and spoke to Ethan and, much to Justin’s relief had learned that Tony would also be present at the hotel to receive the completed artwork and have lunch. With any luck it would mean he and Ethan wouldn’t be alone. When he arrived at the hotel, expecting to meet them in the restaurant, Justin was a little surprised to be asked to meet up with them in Ethan’s room and, when he arrived, lunch had been set up there; Champagne, smoked salmon and caviar. “Why not?” said Ethan, smiling, “after all, the recording company’s paying”, but Justin couldn’t help but notice that only too places had been set. “Oh yeah”, said Ethan, over his shoulder, as he poured out the Champagne. “Tony’s going to be a little late … he said not to wait for him” and he passed Justin a glass and the blond took just a sip; he wanted to keep a clear head and he was a little concerned that Tony hadn’t yet arrived. He didn’t want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. “Come on, Justin … drink up … don’t let me drink on my own” and Ethan touched Justin’s glass with his own. “Here’s to both our success,” said Ethan and he swallowed down his glass of Champagne. Not wanting to seem impolite, Justin did the same and wondered why Ethan kept on talking instead of sitting down to eat; maybe he was waiting until Tony joined them after all. Justin tried to refuse a re-fill, but Ethan had topped up his glass before he had a chance to object. “Ethan … I’m driving and it won’t look good to Tony if he finds us both canned when he arrives …” Ethan took no notice of his protestations and continued to speak and slowly, Justin was starting to find it difficult to concentrate on what he was saying and the room began to sway; obviously the effects of the alcohol on an empty stomach were starting to take effect. Justin felt himself wobble and Ethan reached out a hand to steady him. “Whoa …” said the man, holding him up. “Looks like I’m gonna have to take care of you”. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had no idea how long he’d been asleep, but slowly, he started to wake; his head was thumping and he fought to keep from throwing up. He opened his eyes and tried to sit up; the drapes were closed, the room only partially lit and everything was still spinning and he closed his eyes and lay back down on the pillows; hoping it would slow down. Surely, he hadn’t had that much to drink? After a few minutes, Justin opened his eyes again. Gradually, he began to be more aware and realised he was naked and in bed, but he couldn’t remember going home. “I wondered when you were going to wake up,” said the voice beside him and slowly, Justin rolled over. “Ethan?” and the man lying next to him lent across and kissed him on the shoulder. “I knew you still cared …”, whispered Ethan, “and I still love you …” and the full horror of what they’d done started to dawn on Justin. Justin fought to regain his senses. He had to get out of that room and away from Ethan, but Christ, what had he done? How could he betray Brian, after everything they’d been through, getting back together? Justin threw back the covers and stumbled to the bathroom: locking the door behind him. He stepped in the shower, wanting to remove every trace of Ethan that remained on his body and he turned on the water as hot as he could stand it. Going back into the other room; a clean towel wrapped around his waist, he found Ethan still in bed and drinking Champagne; he was smiling. “What are you going to tell Brian?” he asked him, but Justin grabbed his clothes off the floor and started to dress. “Justin … you can’t leave it like this … not after what we’ve just done …” but Justin shook his head. “This should NEVER have happened,” said Justin, raising his voice, but his head just started thumping louder and he thought he might pass out again. He steadied himself on the dresser and then grabbed his jacket and headed for the door: leaving a smiling Ethan in bed behind him as he falteringly made his way down to the hotel reception. It wasn’t quite as late as Justin expected, but it was nearly midnight and he knew he was in no fit state to drive. He would have to take a cab and come back for his car in daylight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Although Justin had said he wasn’t going to be around during the day, Brian had expected him to be home long before now or at least call to say he would be this late. He’d tried his cell, but it had been switched off and Brian was now pacing the floor, debating what to do next. He’d started to think Justin might have had an accident and had already called the hospitals nearest to the office and to home, but no one answering the blond’s description had been admitted and the Police wouldn’t be interested until he’d been missing for at least 24 hours, so Brian would just have to sit and wait it out. Just when he thought he’d go out of his mind with worry, Brian heard the car draw up outside and went to the window and saw Justin get out of the cab. On the journey home, Justin had fought to clear his head, but he still had little recollection of what had happened. However, waking up naked next to Ethan didn’t leave much to the imagination. Quickly, Brian took off his robe and got into bed. The last thing he wanted to do was make a big deal out of Justin being out late and not letting him know. After all, it wasn’t like he was a kid who couldn’t be out on his own at this time of night and they were supposed to be able to trust one another and he watched as Justin quietly closed the bedroom door behind him and made his way across the floor. The drapes were still partly open and moonlight softly illuminated the room as Justin undressed quickly and it was only when Brian pulled back the covers that Justin realised the man was still awake and had been watching him. Smiling weakly and not inviting any conversation, he sank into the mattress and slowly, Brian pulled the covers up over them and Justin turned on his side facing away from Brian, who rolled towards him. Brian closed his eyes and swallowed. He could smell the soap on Justin’s skin and he reached out to touch the blond hair in such a way that Justin was completely unaware, but Brian could feel it was still damp. Why the fuck had he taken a shower if it wasn’t so that Brian couldn’t detect another man on him? Thankfully, sleep overtook Justin quickly, but the look on Brian’s face as he watched him get into bed brought the tears to Justin’s eyes. Could Brian possibly know where he’d been and who he’d been with? He’d fucked up; again. Brian closed his eyes, trying to force the lump in his throat to go down and he wondered why it was things just seemed to come full circle. To be continued.