Finale ;) Thank you all for all your feedback- this has been great --------- Brian. Brian. Brian. That's all my brain reverberates with – his name, over and over. And as I open my eyes, I find myself in the loft, on his bed- to see him across the room, holding his son who is desperately holding him in return. Holding him and asking him if he's going to make 'Dus'- ME- go back to the center. "Brian?" Gus and Brian both look over at me- Gus looks ecstatic I'm awake; Brian looks like he wants to kill me. But he gathers Gus into his arms and strides to the bed, putting Gus next to me- and Gus promptly hugs me and I feel warm all over. I can't pull my gaze from Brian's beautiful, worried face though. I find myself whispering his name again and I reach for him, drawing his lips to mine. Love. Hokey, syrupy, corny, honest, unadulterated love. 'Brian' fills my brain, 'love' fills my heart and fuck-all if I don't feel like anything is possible right now. I mean, I could write for Hallmark and MEAN it. If Brian knew my thoughts and feelings at the moment, he'd be vomiting like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Suddenly I realize Brian's leaned in close to my ear. "Sunshine, I have three things to say that you can think about and we can discuss later," he whispers quickly, like he's been thinking these 'things' for awhile and is only now saying them. "One, I'm taking you to the doctor in one fucking hour specifically to get these seizures dealt with—that's not up for discussion. Two, if you can stomach the idea, I'd appreciate if you could stay here with me for awhile. You know, since it may be that I have Gus more and all," uh-huh. Right. "And finally…" he takes a deep breath and pauses. Frankly, I'm not sure I've breathed at all after he whispered "One,…". He kisses me again softly, then, "Finally, I---" "Ooey gooey kisses!" Gus giggles, having watched our kiss. Brian snickers and pulls away. ARRRRRRRGHHH!! (But, you know? I think I know that 'I'… I've USED that 'I'…) "Ooey gooey and wet, Sonny Boy. Sunshine tends to get wet and frothy at the mouth when he has a seizure…" I swat him- normally, saying something so blunt, so un-PC, so blatant in front of a seizure-sufferer and TO a 3-year-old would be the pinnacle of all-out bad taste-- in ANYone's book. But when Brian Kinney says it, it's beautiful; it's fucking sweet, even. Gus laughs and I quickly join in, first swiping my "gooey and wet" mouth with my sleeve. I'm still a little hazy - today's a bit blurry- but I feel serene. The blood test results are back and were negative; I'm at the loft with Brian and his son- and Brian wants me here. To stay. For awhile at least. Brian looks happy- genuinely. And I feel genuinely happy. So: Wow, *this* is it. Right at this very moment: This is it. An exuberant, overly loud laugh bubbles out of me; Gus and Brian look startled for a second. Instantly, Gus loses it and starts shrieking like a banshee again and Brian's smile doesn't fade but he rolls his eyes. "An' wet!" Gus manages between gulping peals of laughter. "Frot'y! Frot'y, wet seizure-kisses!!" THAT starts Brian laughing- of course. Something I thought the other night comes back to me at this instant: Brian's saved me. *I* saved me. We saved each other.