A Captivating Coupling Chapter 12 AN: Whew! Okay so, I had been sitting on this chapter for what has to be months. Most everything I wrote was written and I just lost my way. I lost all inspiration in how to get from this chapter to the next chapter I am writing for ACC. Because of this, in the wee hours of the morning I made a phone call half way around the world and I asked my beta and friend, Helen for help. I said *this* is what I need to happen in the end...but I don't know how to write the filler before that. Helen, seeing how frustrated I was wrote that filler, flawlessly. I am eternally grateful and so should all you readers be grateful to her, because had she not, I may not have ever gotten past it to the point. Now I can write the next chapter. I think Helen did a wonderful job, so when you review remember that you are reviewing her story as well. She has become as much a part of this as I. I love you Helen, thank you. Oh, and to Sid, *looks around worried* the next chapter is finally going to begin what we talked about nearly a year ago! Love to my readers and to Helen of course. Captured Angel By Aspen Found your heart, And lost your lover Lick your wounds, And run for cover Take your time, There'll be another And don't make the same mistake twice Unless you can pay the price All the years you spent in growing End up one more line you're towing Don't look now, Your age is showing And its much too late to turn back You better pull in the slack Sold your dreams, For sweet salvation Left with righteous indignation, Now it seems that you face starvation And nourishment doesn't come cheap, You better go back to sleep Captured angel, Aching to make your break Your freedom's at stake You better fly now.. Fly now, fly now While your wings are still young Your cage door's been flung wide open.. And I'm hoping you see That there's a place beside me If you ever need it CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC “Brian.” Justin mumbled out in his sleep. “Brian…the baby! I killed our baby Brian!” His hands clenched his empty stomach. “Don’t…don’t let me go!” Brian awoke startled at the sound of Justin’s cries. He immediately disengaged himself from Justin and grabbed for his lover. “Justin! Wake up.” Brian cried out and softly shook Justin’s shoulder. Justin’s eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in the bed. “Shit! Brian.” He flung himself into the brunette’s arms as his body shook and his eyes wept with tears of intense pain and longing. Brian hugged Justin to him in a death grip. “Shhhh.. I’m right here. I’m right here.” He assured the boy; not sure of what else he could do but hold onto Justin. Justin cried loudly into Brian’s chest. His tears soaked into the expensive material of Brian’s now, wrinkled shirt. “I’m sorry.” He whispered once he’d gotten himself under control. “I’m so fucking sorry.” “Justin.” Brian mumbled his lover’s name into the blonde hair before tilting the flawless face up. He started to rain kisses over his lover’s eyes and nose, and wiped at the wetness he encountered with his hands. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Justin opened his eyes. “They told me what happened. I know what I did.” He said, a shiver coursing through his body. His eyes darted around Brian’s face, not confident enough to look the older man in the eyes. “What did they tell you?” Brian asked, frightened for Justin’s well being. “They…they told me that I got drunk and that it made me go into labour and I killed the baby!” Justin admitted quickly, still not looking Brian in the eyes. “Justin!” Brian gasped. “You didn’t fucking kill him!” Justin looked into Brian’s eyes now. “I did Brian. I remember being mad at you. I remember drinking that stuff that you told me not too!” “You thought it was wine!” Brian nearly shouted. “You didn’t know.” “I’m fucking ignorant Brian, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I drank and drank and didn’t stop with the one glass that fucking book recommended. I was so mad at you for no reason at all. And I killed the baby.” Justin said adamantly. Brian shook his head. He found Justin’s hands with his own. “Look at me okay?” Justin didn’t want to. He was too afraid of what he would see in Brian’s hazels, he expected it to be hatred. But when he looked up, he only saw pain. “You didn’t kill our son Justin. If a child could die from a few shots of whiskey, that your baby hadn’t even had time to consume, I would not be standing here, and there certainly would not be such a thing as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome if every pregnant person who drank suddenly went into labour.” “I…I read about that Brian. I know what it is. And I still drank didn’t I?” Justin felt tears in his eyes on the verge of spilling, he let go of Brian’s hands and wiped at them. “My mother was a complete drunk. She didn’t ever give a shit about me and got wasted every day she was pregnant with me.” Brian told him. “She was over-due almost three weeks before the doctor finally told her that all the alcohol she was consuming was actually stopping the labour.” Brian gave a gravely laugh. “Bitch was pissed when she realized she actually had to sober up to give birth to me. But she listened because her brother was actually told to drink a few glasses of whiskey when he went into early labour with my cousin. Shit was different then, and they didn’t realize the affects that alcohol could have on a child’s development. I defied the odds and came out alright, but… shit Justin, do you understand what I’m saying.” Justin did. He really wanted to blame someone and he finds it easy to blame himself, since he was the one carrying the baby. He still couldn’t forget about it; he couldn’t stop thinking that if he had done something differently or if he hadn’t done… what? If he hadn’t done what? He wanted Brian to tell him what had happened. He needed to hear it; to hear Brian saying it. ”What happened Brian?” the blond touched Brian’s cheek with cold shaking fingers. “Please tell me what happened?” ”Justin, I told you; you did not kill our baby,” Brian said and took Justin’s face in his hands kissing him lightly on the temple. “It wasn’t your fault, please try to understand that.” ”Just tell me… ” the blond insisted; “Please,” he whispered and took his eyes away from Brian’s stare. Brian got up and walked out of the room and into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water and just stood there… staring at the unopened bottle. Justin had followed Brian to the kitchen and could see how much this pained him; how his shoulder blades were shaking while he was reliving that night. ”I don’t really know what happened,” he finally said after a minute or two. “We had just made love and you had some cramps afterwards; I got worry and asked if you were alright and you just gone mad.” ”I remember that,” the blond said. “I remember getting mad cause you’re always treating me as a child…” ”I was worried about you,” the older man interrupted him. “I am worrying about you; I can’t see you in pain and sit back doing nothing!” There was a pause then; neither of them knew what to say. The truth was, Brian knew that worrying all the time made Justin feel like a child but he couldn’t help the way he felt. He loved him and wanted him safe. ”I’m sorry,” Justin whimpered, “please forgive me Brian… please.” The blond sounded so desperate that pained Brian even more. He turned to face him and took him in his arms again. ”It wasn’t your fault Justin,” he tried to reassure his young lover once again. “Stop saying that; it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” ”What happened next, when you found me.” Justin asked wanting to hear everything. ”I… I fell asleep and woke up to the sound of you moaning loudly,” Brian smiled then. “I thought that you were laying on the couch masturbating and probably thinking of me.” He then stopped and looked into Justin’s eye. “When I came into the room, I saw you laying on your stomach and rubbing on the carpet. After that everything went by quickly; I asked you to stop, you got mad and walked to the kitchen. You felt some pain and then… ” Brian started to shake again and so Justin hugged him closer to his body. ”I asked for their help… I begged for Peter to come, to help us but none came… not until it was too late.” Brian walked to the living room and sat on the couch. Justin following him. ”Afterwards… they came and took both of you away and that’s the last time I saw you both.” And with that, Brian just stopped…. Stopped talking, stopped shaking, stopped staring down. “It wasn’t your fault Justin,” he said after a while. He hugged Justin tight as if the blond will disappear, will vanish. He started kissing him all over his tearstain face. Small, gentle kisses that felt featherlike to Justin, all the while whispering that it wasn’t his fault. ”Tell me Justin,” the older man asked after a while. “Tell me what happened to the hospital.” Justin knew this moment would come; he knew that Brian would want to know about his time in the hospital. The boy took a big breath. “Before I tell you anything about what happened to me there. I need to tell you what they told me before I left.” Seeing him like that Brian cautiously asked, “What Justin? You're scaring me… what is it?” ”We have until the end of the week to start trying for another baby. And two months after that to conceive. Otherwise they’ll take you from me.” Betas note: Wow!!! Have you ever guys saw a beta’s note? I think I’m the first one he he he. Anyway, I just wanted to say that it’s the very first time I write something and that if it wasn’t for Rory, I wouldn’t even dream of doing it. It’s just something that I find extremely difficult and that’s why I respect all of the authors so much. I hope you enjoyed our little collaboration and stay tuned for the next chapter. It will really rock your world. Oh and Rory, I love you too beautiful –you know that– but when you receive your phone bill, which I’m sure I’ll hear your screams here in Greece, you’re gonna hate me!