My Only Critic
Chapter 8 What I Can Never Give
Authour's Note
Here's the scary part boys and girls.  Same warnings as last chapter.  Love to SID AND BRITT.  My fiction mommys who one year ago gave birth the me.  Thanks for everything you have done.  I still love you Britt, though we hardly get a chance to talk, and Sid, I'm talking to you right now, so you know how I feel.  Archive Archive Archive, well here it's a post.  Please review and think like Thumper's Mommy.  Cause I'm just a fuzzy gay bunny! What?

Four months had passed from the morning that Justin lost his virginity.  He'd woken and quickly cleaned himself and Brian.  Brian never asked, and he never told Brian that they hadn't used a condom.  Justin didn't want to scare Brian; he knew how Brian was about cleanliness so he didn't see the point in upsetting the man.  After that they had both been very careful to always use protection.

Justin had learned most of the inner workings of Brian.  Most of Brian's routines were easy to deal with, because though they were committed to each other, they both still lived alone.  Most weeknights were spent at Brian's because he had to go to work early. Because Justin was an artist he could sleep in and go to his home later.

The weekends spent at Justin's house were a growing experience for Brian.  Even though Justin had made some changes in his messy apartment, Brian still had to over look a lot.  The biggest thing was the clutter.  Brian would constantly have to turn away and will his mind not to focus on the piles of canvases strewn around each of the lofts rooms.  Even the bathroom had a sketchpad and pencils on the sinks vanity.

Justin also kept his apartment much warmer than Brian liked and Brian always had to take off his sweaters and sit around in his white undershirt.  This made him feel unkempt even if it was Justin's favourite look on him.  Brian was tempted to think the blond kept the temperature hotter on purpose, but seeing as Justin would still wear socks, a sweater and sometimes a hat, he kept the observation to himself.

Besides a few fights and temper tantrums things between Brian and Justin were wonderful.  

Justin and Brian both enjoyed touring all of Chicago's museum’s, even if they'd seen them before.  There was always some new exhibit and Brian usually had free passes gotten for him through work.  Brian wasn't nearly as afraid to go to these places with large crowds with Justin beside him.  Never in his life did he feel as empowered as he was with the blond beside him.

Brian was Justin's biggest art critic.  He would give the boy his honest opinion, good or bad, whilst still encouraging the blond to continue and strive for better.  He also of course gave howling reviews to him whenever he liked a certain piece.  This made Justin very happy.  To finally have someone treat his art as though it MEANT something was to be savoured.

Brian went back to work at the paper and ended up doing an interview one on one with Justin that was so personal and real he was up to win a prestigious award from the APC.  Cynthia of course couldn't have been happier and loved watching the little changes in Brian.

They didn't keep paper bags in a drawer anymore and Brian even allowed his best friend to use his personal bathroom so she didn't have to walk so far to use the public ladies room.  Cynthia and Justin got along famously and she was so happy to see the confidence Justin had helped Brian achieve.

The article in the paper was written so beautifully that it brought Justin some really great commissions and he was able to pay off his mortgage with one of them.  Life had gone good the first weeks.

Until his mother and Daphne had shown up in his home one Saturday morning unannounced.

"Justin!"  Jennifer Taylor screamed as she walked into her son's room only to find her son sitting astride a familiar looking older man shouting obscenities as they climaxed.  

Justin turned toward his mother with a menacing stare.  "Get out!!!"  He said through panting breaths as he draped the sheet over he and Brian's forms.

Brian started to shake and Justin leaned down to hold them.  The white sheet tented their world.  "Shh.. it's alright.  It's just my mom and Daphne."  Justin started to kiss Brian's cheek and slowly got off of Brian.

Brian lay on the bed under the sheet motionless as Justin got up and shut his bedroom door yelling to his mother that he'd be out in a few minutes.  

When Justin came back he slowly lifted the sheet of from Brian's body and kissed him soundly.  "It's just my mom; you had to meet her sometime."

Brian sat up and took the full condom off his deflating cock.   His face scrunched up and Justin came to the rescue taking it from Brian and setting it in the bedside trash hamper.  "I have to meet her?  She, she just saw me fucking her son!"  Brian said loudly.

Justin laughed nervously and put his hand over Brian's mouth.  "And she probably just heard you talking about it too!"

"Shit Justin!"  Brian put his arms on his knees and buried his face in his hands.  "This is so not good. I do not think I can do this."  He wined.

Justin sat down beside him and pulled his hands away.  "We are going to do this.  What's done is done.  She thinks I'm a disgusting fag anyway, at least now Daphne will see that I'm never going to marry her."

Brian smiled.  "Who are you going to marry?"  He teased.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"  Justin jumped up and kissed Brian's lips before running into the bathroom for a quick shower, Brian slowly coming behind him.

After the shower both boys emerged.  Justin dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt and Brian in a pair of 501's and surprisingly a green t-shirt.  It was one of Justin's and fit his body like a glove, showing off the perfect form of his body.  Justin had to think of girls and violin music to quell his erection.  

Brian wasn't too happy that Justin had used his spare t-shirt to sleep in the night before, but looking in the mirror he realized that he did look fit in the shirt.  It made him smile and so did the erection he saw Justin had when he put it on.  He was still smiling when they joined the two waspy women in the living room.

Both Jennifer and Daphne popped up from the sofa the minute the men walked in the room. Their snooty expressions were filled with embarrassment.  "Mom, Daphne, this is my partner Brian Kinney."  Justin said.

Jennifer gave a polite smile and reached out to shake Brian's hand. Brian started at it a minute to long before Justin saved him and grabbed his mother in a tight awkward hug.  "So why did you stop by unannounced."

Brian went to sit in the recliner across from the couch and Justin followed sitting on the arm of the chair and placing his hand in Brian's.  Brian gave the blonde's hand a squeeze in thanks for the save.  He really didn't like to shake hands.  Usually in meetings he'd make sure his hands were occupied as to not seem rude and give a polite smile and nod.  That really didn't work when you met people personally, but then Brian rarely did that.

"We stopped by to see your new pieces.  Are they finished?"  Daphne piped up.  Her eyes never met Justin's, they only scanned the man whose hand was rubbing small circles on his waist.

Justin smirked.  "No, actually they aren't.  I have awhile before the Gherkin Show so I thought I'd relax and spend some time with Brian, he is very inspiring."  Justin said and leaned back to peck Brian's perfect nose with a kiss.

"Doesn't BRIAN have anything better to do than to spend time with a kid?"  Jennifer said, making a crack at Brian and Justin's age difference.

Brian gripped Justin's waist slightly and leaned forward.  His heart pounded, but he wasn't going to back down.  Justin smiled down at him and he cut his gaze to Jennifer.  "Your son and I have allot in common, we have intelligent conversations and, and I love him very much."  Brian said.

Daphne gasped.  "You love him?"  She said snidely.  "You can't!"

"Why not Daphne?"  Justin questioned.  "Are you the only one that could see past all of poor little Justin's faults?  The only one that can love him, even though all you've done since I started making money is makes me feel like shit."

"Justin that's enough."  Jennifer said.  "There's no way that you and this, this, this Brian could have any future together.  Do you think he'll marry you?  Give you a family?  Stick around?"

"Yes!"  Justin said his voice full of anger.  "Brian has given me so much already.  More than you two ever have!"  He stood up and walked over to the front door and pulled it open.  "Leave now, or you'll see more than me riding his cock!"

Both women stood then and gasped at Justin's words, their noses turned into the air.  "Well, you are on your own then.  Don't come to us when he breaks your heart Justin!"  His mother said as she walked out the door, the girl following like a puppy.

Justin slammed the door shut behind him.  Brian was there hugging Justin to him immediately.  He was a little shaken with what the blond had said.  "Justin?"  Brian stroked the silky locks.

Justin raised his head.  "Hmm?"  He looked up into Brian's hazel eyes.  They were glassy with tears.  "It's okay Brian.  I don't need her.  That needed to be done a long time ago.  Don't listen to her."  He ran his fingers through the back of Brian's hair.

"That's not it Justin.  It's what you said.  You know that I would do anything for you, give you anything I could right?"  Brian asked.

"Of course Brian, the same goes for you."  Justin said and leaned up to give Brian a deep kiss.

"But Justin."  Brian took Justin's hands in his.  "I'd marry you right now; go down to the court house today if you wanted."

Justin smiled at the thought.  "I love you too Brian.  Maybe someday...."

"Yes, Justin."  Brian interrupted.  "Someday you and I will marry.  I have no doubt about that."  He kissed their joined hands.  "And I want to make you happy forever."

"You do Brian."  Justin said.

"But I could never give you a family Justin.  I could never get you pregnant; I could never have a baby with you, shit, if it was going to be with someone, it would be with you.  But I can't ever do it.  It, it could have problems, problems like me."  Brian said.  "It wouldn't be healthy Justin."

Justin didn't know what to say.  In all logic it was true.  But, Justin didn't want to give up on having a family.  "Then we could get a sperm donor."  He tried.

Brian shook his head.  "It's not only that Justin.  I couldn't do it!  I couldn't be a father.  Not after what mine did to me.  I just can't be put in that position ever."  Brian started to cry and so did Justin.

"It's alright Brian.  As long as I have you that's all the family I need."  Justin hugged Brian for a few minutes and then looked at him intently.  "How about we go back to bed and you make love to me."  He smiled.

Brian smiled and followed Justin into Justin's room where they fucked their way into the week.

Three months later and Justin was on his own with Brian.  He hadn't spoken to his mother and his art was coming along beautifully.  He and Brian couldn't be happier but lately Justin had been sick, surprisingly Brian had stuck around and helped him when the worse hit last week.

Today though, Brian was at work.  Justin should have already been back in his apartment but instead he was lying in a sweaty heap in Brian's bed.  It was the sixth morning in a row that he threw up, coincidentally right after Brian left for work.  He hadn't told his lover about it because he would feel better all day after that and didn't want Brian to worry about catching a bug and staying away from him.  They were already going to be apart for the six weeks that Justin taught the student seminar at Gherkin Hall in San Diego.  It was selfish, but Justin also knew that Brian was more than up to date on any preventative shots.  

Justin had his usual appetite for the rest of the day so he didn't understand these bouts of sick.  He knew though that he had to go to the doctor.  He just wasn't feeling normal. He had to leave for California for the Gherkin show tomorrow and he really didn't want to be sick the entire time he was there.

Struggling out of bed Justin searched through the numbers for his cell phone to call his doctor.  Hopefully an anti-biotic would get whatever it was, out of his system.   

Authour's Note:  Due to people saying how terrible my grammar is, I thought I might try real hard with these chapters.  So I spent a long time looking for errors.  I think they are fixed but if not let me know please.  If your comments have anything against the plot or story, I could care less and they will not be taken seriously.  Thanks, Rory