FORTY SEVEN How do I live without you I want to know How do I breathe without you If you ever go How do I ever, ever survive... LeAnn Rimes Haldir opened his eyes, wincing at the pain in his leg. He looked down and found Rumil stretched out across it and gently lifted him to pull his leg free. His movements caused Orophin to stir beside him. “It seems we have slept on the floor the entire night.” “To which I am certain we will all regret,” Haldir answered. “I already do,” Orophin replied, rubbing his lower back as he stood. “It makes sense that Ru would still be sleeping. He can sleep anywhere.” “I think he would rest better in bed. Grab hold of him. I will help you,” Haldir replied as he pulled himself to his feet. Orophin kneeled down and grabbed Rumil under the arms, while Haldir lifted his legs. They carried him into Haldir’s bedroom and placed him on the bed. Rumil immediately shifted and settled in. “Look, he hasn’t missed a wink of sleep,” Orophin grumbled, as they stood over him. “He certainly has grown. I am ashamed to admit that when I look at you both I sometimes see you still as elflings.” “Well, he is one heavy elfling,” Orophin chuckled. Haldir smiled. “He is at that.” “It is good to see you smile.” Haldir threw an arm across Orophin’s shoulders and led him into the other room. “I am grateful to have you both. Thank you for coming to me last night.” “We could not be anywhere else. We will always be by your side brother, no matter what happens,” Orophin replied. “I know.” “Are you hungry? I could go and get something,” Orophin offered. “Oro, you have spent enough time with me. Why don’t you visit with Lillael? I am sure she would like your company. I could stay here with Rumil.” “I am not seeing Lillael anymore.” Haldir blinked. “No? I saw her with you at the service.” “We are still friends, but that is all.” “What happened between you?” Haldir asked. “I discovered something about myself awhile ago, and it was not fair to continue to be with her,” Orophin answered. “What have you discovered? That is if you do not mind my asking.” Orophin looked at him. “I have discovered that I am more attracted to males.” Haldir raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? And how do you know?” “Because I have been with one.” “I see.” Orophin smiled. “You are not going to ask who?” “Not unless you wish to tell me,” Haldir responded. “I try not to meddle in the personal affairs of others unless I find it absolutely necessary.” “I do, but I would not want to upset you.” “Why would it upset me?” “Because… it might remind you of Siddhir.” Orophin answered. Haldir sighed. “Oro, there isn’t a thing in all of Arda that wouldn’t remind me of Siddhir. It is all right. I you wish to tell me, please do so.” “It was Thrandronen.” Haldir blinked. “Oh, Oro. I am sorry. I had no idea.” “I know, and it is all right. Of course I am saddened- he was a kind soul, but our relationship was new. My depth of sorrow is not the same as yours, but I will miss him nonetheless.” “As will I. He truly was a kind soul and an excellent warrior,” Haldir replied. “Yes, he was.” “I think perhaps we should go together to breakfast and then bring something back for Rumil. He most likely will still be sleeping anyhow. What say you?” Orophin smiled. “I’d say it’s a wonderful idea.” ********************************** The common was half full as breakfast was being served. Many there were engaged in pleasant conversation, and the smell of prepared food hung heavy in the morning air. As Haldir and Orophin entered, many who saw them bowed with respect. Haldir bowed in return and they chose a small table in a corner off to the side. “Are you comfortable here, brother? We could just as well take our food back to the talan,” Orophin suggested. “I am fine, Oro. The concern of our people does not disturb me,” Haldir replied. Several fresh platters were being delivered in the common. Upon seeing them, one of the servers quickly approached their table, and set before them one of two large platters he carried that contained hen’s eggs, sliced pheasant, fresh bread and fruit. “Would you or Orophin require anything else, Marchwarden?” “No, thank you. This is more than enough. Perhaps you could lend us a small plate to carry something back for Rumil?” “Of course. I will return shortly.” *“Hannon lle,”* Haldir replied with a nod. The servant turned and placed the other platter on a table neighbouring them and quickly left the common. Erestor and Anarin entered then. Upon seeing Haldir, they strolled up to him, nodding first to Orophin. Haldir forced a smile when he looked into Anarin’s sad indigo eyes and rose to accept his embrace. “Haldir, I am so very sorry,” Anarin whispered. “I could not believe it when I heard.” “I know,” Haldir replied, patting him on the back. “My deepest reguards as well,” Erestor added. Haldir nodded. “Thank you.” “Lord Elrond asked me to inform you of his sincere regret that he could not attend. He asked me to convey to you as well his wish for you to come to Imladris for a time.” “Thank you, Erestor. Please tell him that I understand, and I will certainly consider a visit when I am able,” Haldir replied. “Would you care to join us?” “No, we would not disturb you. We will wait for Gloradir and Melpomaen to join us,” Erestor answered. “Very well.” “Perhaps we could spend some time before we depart?” Anarin asked. Haldir smiled. “Certainly.” “Good. Return now to your meals and forgive our intrusion,” Anarin remarked. They turned then and moved to sit at a table near the entrance. Haldir and Orophin ate and talked with each other without further interference and upon finishing, the servant came to them with a wrapped plate and placed it on the table. “For Rumil, Captain.” *“Hannon lle,”* Haldir replied. “Would either of you care for anything else?” the servant asked. “No, thank you. We are quite full and will be leaving soon,” Orophin replied. The servant bowed and left them alone. “Oro, would you be so kind to take Ru his food? I will return shortly. I would like to check upon the watch.” “Of course, brother.” Haldir smiled. “Perhaps we will play that game you and Ru enjoy so much when I return. Long has it been since we were all off duty together.” Orophin grinned. “I would like that. We have to make sure Ru doesn’t cheat though.” Haldir chuckled as they left the common. ************************************* “Enter,” Fereveldir grumbled from beyond the door. Haldir opened the door and stepped inside. Fereveldir pulled himself upright in bed. “I am surprised to see you up and about so early. Is anything amiss?” Fereveldir asked. “Yes, there is,” Haldir answered. “I have come to apologize for my unthinking deed and harsh words yesterday.” Fereveldir waved his hand. “There is no need. Your reaction was perfectly understandable. Please forget it. I already have.” “You are a good friend, Fereveldir.” “And I always will be, so dare not forget it.” Fereveldir remarked. Haldir smiled and placed a caring hand on his friends shoulder. “I will leave you now to your rest. I must seek out Tinion.” “He was very upset, Haldir. He and Siddhir were close.” “I know. I intend to deliver to him an apology as well,” Haldir replied. *“Quel esta, mellonamin.”* [rest well, my friend] ********************************* “Farambar, you need not wait any longer. I am certain Legandir will arrive shortly. See to it that the horses are watered, and then you are relieved.” Tinion remarked. “Yes, Captain,” the oval eyed Elf replied. He nodded to Tinion and descended the Mallorn. Tinion dropped to the ground after him. He gazed out into the surrounding wood with a frown. Suddenly, Legandir could be seen sprinting towards him. His large blue eyes regarded the young sentinel with disapproval when at last he stood before him. “You are *late,* sentinel. I trust you have a valid excuse?” Legandir’s dark blue eyes met Tinion’s reluctantly. “No, Captain.” “Why *are* you late then, Legandir? Tell me,” Tinion demanded. “I- I overslept, Captain,” Legandir admitted. Tinion exhaled. “Overslept? You are of the Galadhrim, sentinel, and more is expected of you than that. You will do double duty this day for compensation. See that it does *not* happen again.” Legandir bowed. “Yes, Captain.” He turned and quickly made his way up to his post. Tinion sighed, shook his head and was about to climb himself when he sensed movement behind him. He turned quickly to look into Haldir’s intense grey eyes. *“Mae Govannen, Mellonamin,”* [well met, my friend] Haldir greeted softly. *“Mae Govannen,”* Tinion returned. “Might I have a word?” “Of course.” The walked a few yards away, and then Haldir turned to him. “Tinion, I have come to offer you my apology. I was distraught and I reacted badly. You did not deserve my wrath, and I was wrong to have let it loose upon you. Forgive me.” “If I am to accept yours, you must accept mine as well,” Tinion answered solemnly. “I could have… *should* have been more sensitive of your sorrow.” Haldir grasped his shoulder. “And I of yours. My senses are not so dulled to have made me completely oblivious that you grieve for him as well. How could I be angry at you for being forthright? It is the one thing I have always admired most about you. There is no lying in you, Tinion- and that has always endeared you to me.” “I shared not the great love you both possessed, but we were close. We shared many a watch and patrol, and exchanged many tales and quiet moments. I will miss him, Haldir.” “As will I. If you would, I would like you to share with me one day some of those tales.” “I would be honoured to,” Tinion replied. “Well, I will not keep you. I promised Oro I would spend more time with him and Rumil. It might be long indeed before we are all off duty at the same time again,” Haldir commented. Tinion looked deep into Haldir’s eyes. “How are you, Haldir? Honestly?” Haldir offered a smile. “I am better.” “I was puzzled for a time when Siddhir asked something of me several months ago, but when Fereveldir revealed to me that he had asked the same thing of him, I knew I was right in my assumptions,” Tinion stated. “He asked the same thing of each of us for two very different reasons, and I am sure you will realize just as I did why.” “What did he ask of you?” “He asked me to look after *you.* Not that I wouldn’t have done so anyway, but him asking it of me somehow makes it even more important. So, I say to you here and now… there is *nothing* you could not ask of me…whether it be now or a year from now. All you need do is knock upon my door. Do you understand?” Haldir looked at him for several moments before responding. “Siddhir never ceases to amaze me. Yes, I understand.” “Good. Enjoy your time now with Ru and Oro,” Tinion replied, turning and quickly walking away. Haldir stood and watched him thoughtfully until he scaled the Mallorn and disappeared within its leaf laden branches. Then he headed for home.