FORTY SIX Laments for Lorien’s fallen echoed throughout the Golden Wood not long after the call of the birds the following morning as Orophin climbed out of bed. He stood gazing at his sleeping brothers thoughtfully for a few moments before quietly dressing and slipping out of the talan. When he returned forty minutes later with breakfast, they were still sleeping. He set the table and then went about tidying up the talan, picking up several pieces of clothing that Rumil had strewn around and gathering up loose parchments which had found their way from the desk onto the floor. He slipped quietly into the other room and did the same, then began sweeping from the bedroom to the outer room. When he finished sweeping, he left the talan again to dispose of the debree. When he returned, he came upon Tinion, who stood at the base of the ladder waiting. He smiled as he joined him. *“Quel amrun, mellonamin.”* [good morning, my friend] *“Quel amrun,”* Tinion replied softly. “You are up and about early,” Orophin noted. “Who can sleep? I think nearly the whole of the wood has awakened with the birds this morn.” Orophin sighed. “I could not sleep either.” “How are you faring, Oro?” Tinion asked, concerned. “I am well enough. I am more worried for my brothers.” “How are they?” “Ru was practically inconsolable last night. If Hal had not stayed with us, I don’t think we would have slept at all,” Orophin replied. “Haldir is *here?* Good. I thought about him sleeping in that talan alone without Siddhir. I was on my way over there after I left you. How is he faring?” “Better than we are, it seems.” “What do you mean?” Tinion inquired. Orophin sighed. “He is so in control he has not allowed himself to feel. It is not a good thing, and I am worried for him.” “Your brother is a strong sort, but I am certain he will grieve. I do not think you have to worry so about that,” Tinion replied. “I hope so,” Orophin murmurmed. “Are they awake?” “They were not when I left. Come; I was about to wake them because I have brought in breakfast. There is plenty, so please join us.” “I will. *Hannon lle,”* [thank you] Tinion returned. They ascended the ladder and went inside the talan. Rumil was up and sitting at the table eating. “Ru, is Haldir still sleeping?” Tinion questioned. Rumil nodded with a smile. “Very well. I will wait for him,” Tinion announced, taking a seat beside him. As Orophin began to sit, a soft knock came upon the door. Orophin turned and went to answer it. Fereveldir stepped inside, a worried expression spread across his fair face. “Oro, have you seen Haldir? I went by his talan and he is not there.” “He is here with us. Rumil asked him to stay,” Orophin answered. Fereveldir exhaled, looking around. “Elbereth! Where is he?” “He is still sleeping,” Tinion answered. “I am waiting for him as well. Come; join us.” Fereveldir moved to the table along with Orophin. They started to eat and talk quietly amongst themselves. An hour passed. Finally, Tinion nudged Fereveldir’s arm. “I think perhaps you should wake him, Fereveldir.” Surprised, Fereveldir turned to look at Tinion. “He is most likely exhausted.” Tinion’s large blue eyes bored into his. “He will not be upset if you wake him, and besides… he has always been an early riser. He has slept long *enough*- do you not think?” Fereveldir blinked, and then suddenly what Tinion was obscurely trying to convey exploded in his mind. He stood abruptly. “You are right. He should be up sharing this wonderful breakfast with us. I will see to him.” Fereveldir slipped away from the table and into the bedroom. Haldir lay quiet and still on his back. If it were not for the very slight rise and fall of his chest he would have assumed the worst. He quickly moved to the bedside to study him more closely. ********************************* In the other room, Tinion kept Orophin and Rumil occupied by telling tales he had recently heard around the cooking fires. Even in their sorrow, the brothers managed to smile throughout the telling. Even as elflings, Tinion always could keep them well entertained. ********************************* Haldir did not respond to his voice or touch. Slowly Fereveldir lifted the lids of his eyes and his fears were confirmed. Haldir was slipping away. Panicking, he began rapidly slapping his friend’s face and calling into his ear so that the others would not hear. “Haldir! Wake up, do you hear? Don’t you dare leave us!” He began shaking him now, and slapping him in between. “Haldir! Come back! ‘Tis not your time. Wake up!” No response. Haldir’s breathing became even more shallow. Frantic now, Fereveldir rose and looked wildly about the room, searching for something he could use. He sped quickly over to a large chest that sat in a corner and threw it open. Orophin and Rumil’s weapons lay inside. He grabbed a dagger and returned to the bed. Taking a deep breath, he took the dagger and began drawing it firmly across Haldir’s forearm. Suddenly, Haldir’s eyes snapped open and his other hand grabbed him in a deathgrip. *“Ed’ I’ ear ar’ elenea! Mankoi lle uma Tanya!* [by the sea and stars- why did you do that] Haldir shouted, pulling his arm away. *“Sedho. Aro bedo. Telin le thaed. Tanya farnuva. Lle rangwa amin?”* [be still. do not speak. I have come to help you. That will suffice. Do you understand me ] Fereveldir replied in a quiet but firm voice. *“Mani marte?”* [what happened] Rumil asked from the doorway. Behind him, Orophin and Tinion peered inside. Fereveldir shot a warning glance at Haldir and then turned to them with a smile. *“Uuma dela.* [don’t worry] I was just having fun with him. Is that not right, *meldir?”* [friend] Haldir nodded. *“Dolle naa lost.”* [your head is empty] Rumil smiled. “That’s the brother I know.” “We were speaking, so we will join you shortly,” Fereveldir informed them. “Very well,” Tinion replied. “But you had better hurry before all the food is gone.” “We will,” Fereveldir responded. Tinion led the brothers back to the outer room and the table. He sat them down and resumed his tales. Fereveldir turned back to Haldir, the smile gone from his face. “What were you thinking?” Haldir held up his arm. *“Tanya owra.”* [that hurt] “As well it should. Be grateful I did not bring it across your face,” Fereveldir responded curtly. Haldir sighed. “Forgive me.” “I will always forgive you, but never- ever do that to us again. *Heniach nin?* [do you understand] Fereveldir scolded. “Your brothers need you, Lorien needs you, and I need you.” Haldir nodded. “Good. Now let’s get this arm wrapped so we can go and enjoy breakfast.” ************************************** Elviondel sat with Nilfalath on morning watch in a Mallorn nearest the great divide. He sighed heavily as they listened to the laments that seemed to eminate from every corner of the golden wood. He peeled off a golden leaf from the huge tree and sat back to admire it. “I cannot believe Captain Siddhir is gone.” “Nor can I. It is like a bad dream. I was hoping to awake and find it all a nightmare,” Nilfalath replied. Elviondel turned to him. “Do you not tire of it all? The wars and the deaths?” “Of course I do, but we are of the Galadhrim, and we have sworn an oath to protect Lorien at all costs. Until we sail, that is what we must do. Unfortunately, death sometimes is a part of it,” Nilfalath explained. “You are young yet, *mellonamin.* [my friend] When you get to be of my advanced years you will understand this somewhat better.” “But we are firstborn. Are our lives not meant to be full of joy and peace?” “Yes. But before we can attain that, there are sometimes sacrifices that must be made. Surely you know this.” Elviondel sighed. “Knowing does not mean I have to agree.” Nilfalath smiled. “Far be it from me to argue that, *pen-neth.”* [young one] ************************************* “Thank you for bringing breakfast, Oro. It is much appreciated,” Haldir said. “’Tis my pleasure. It is nice having you with us again,” Orophin replied. “What happened to your arm brother? I did not notice that wrapping when first you arrived,” Rumil questioned. Haldir looked briefly at Fereveldir. “”Tis nothing. Just a scratch. Worry not.” Rumil looked closely at Haldir. “I am better now brother, and I am here for you. Oro and I both are.” Haldir smiled and placed an arm across Rumil’s shoulders. “I know.” Tinion stood with a smile. “Well, I just wanted to see how you all were faring, and perhaps secure a free meal. Now that I have, I shall be going. Many thanks for breakfast, Oro.” Haldir rose. “I should check on the watch. I will walk with you.” Tinion put his hand on Haldir’s shoulder. “I can do that. In fact, I intended to. Why do you not visit with your brothers a little longer? I am certain they would like that, and I am glad to help.” Haldir glanced at Rumil and Orophin, taking note of the hopeful look in their eyes and turned back to Tinion. “Many thanks.” “I will join you Tinion,” Fereveldir announced, rising. Haldir turned to his brothers. “I will see them out and return shortly.” He left the talan with Tinion and Fereveldir. When they reached the ground, Fereveldir turned to him. “I trust I can leave you now?” “I am fine. You need not worry further,” Haldir replied. “But I am curious. How did you know?” “Tinion,” Fereveldir answered. Haldir turned to Tinion. “How did *you* know?” “Because I know you far better than you think. I also know you are blaming yourself for what happened. As proud as you are, it made sense to me that it could be something you would do- although I don’t agree with it,” Tinion replied. Haldir’s eyebrows furrowed. “How can it not be my fault? I sent my lover to his death. I wanted him to stay in Lorien, but I went against my feelings and let him talk me out of it.” “You did no such thing, Haldir. Siddhir was a warrior of the Galadhrim. He knew what that entailed and accepted it, as do we all. Besides, you know as well as I when Siddhir made up his mind about something, there was no swaying him,” Tinion answered. “Be that as it may, perhaps he would have been spared had he stayed,” Haldir countered. “Haldir, who is to say what might have been?” Fereveldir asked. “Only the Valar knows these things.” “I agree,” Tinion interjected. “I also believe he called upon Siddhir, and Siddhir had to answer. It all makes sense.” Haldir’s eyes widened as he turned to him. “What say you?” “I say again that it is *not* your fault. I believe Siddhir knew his fate- and accepted it,” Tinion replied. “Are you *mad?* Siddhir could not see his own fate. Everyone knows that,” Haldir argued. “Someone *did.* I know not who or how, but he *knew.* I am convinced of it. Think of everything that has happened the last few months. *Think* about it, Haldir.” Haldir looked from Tinion to Fereveldir, who was quiet and staring at the ground. “Do you agree with him?” Fereveldir looked at his friend. “I think it is possible, yes.” “Then you have *both* gone mad!” Haldir exclaimed. “Siddhir would have told me.” “No, he *wouldn’t* have,” Tinion countered. Haldir stepped closer to him, angry now. “And what would make *you* an authority on Siddhir’s thoughts?” Tinion held his ground. “I am not, but I *do* know how he felt about you, and I believe that is what drove him to make some of the decisions he did.” *“What* decisions?” Haldir shouted. “What would *you* have done in that battle had you known, Haldir? I’ll tell you what you would have done. You would have tried to prevent it, that’s what- and one of two things would have resulted from your interference. The Valar would have called upon you instead, or perhaps another of those you love- like Ru or Oro in Siddhir’s stead! Do you *really* think Siddhir would have allowed that to happen?” Tinion shouted back. “I think not!” “What goes on here?” Orophin called down from above. Rumil stood nervously by his side. Fereveldir looked up. “Oh, it is nothing, Oro. Worry not. We were just leaving. Is that not right, Tinion?” Tinion broke his gaze from Haldir’s blazing eyes. “Yes, we are.” Tinion turned sharply and walked away. Fereveldir slipped up beside Haldir and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder before hurrying off to catch up with Tinion. ***************************************** Orolonn stepped forward and bowed to the arriving guests, as several other Elves took charge of the visitor’s horses. “Welcome again to Lorien. He nodded to the Elf standing at his side. “This is Taurnil. He will see you to your quarters and then on to Caras Galadon.” Golradir bowed low along with Erestor, Melpomaen and Anarin. “Many thanks,” Erestor replied. “However, I alone shall go first to Caras Galadon. No escort is needed, for I know the way. Your Lord and Lady are expecting me.” ****************************************** On post at the harbour, Anyriand and Peldor stood alert as a large ship slowly pulled into the dock. Soon after, Galdor appeared and escorted a beautiful female Elf from the boat. The Lorien Elves bowed low as they strolled up the path. “May I escort you both to Caras Galadon?” Anyriand asked. Galdor smiled. “No need. I well know the way, and my guest would like to see Lorien. She is Siddhir’s mother.” Both Elves bowed again. The she-elf smiled. “Please rise.” “Is there anything we can do for you my Lady?” Peldor asked. “I am quite well, thank you.” The sentinels watched thoughtfully as Galdor led her off through the wood. ************************************ “Do not gawk at me like that, Fereveldir. You know I am right,” Tinion remarked as they strode together along the path. “I was right about Haldir earlier, and I am right about this as well.” Fereveldir sighed. “I did not say you weren’t- but perhaps you could have been more thoughtful in the way you informed him. I did after all just bring him back from the brink of fading away.” Tinion stopped in mid stride and met his eyes. “I am who I am, Fereveldir. You know it and Haldir knows it too. I will not apologize for it.” “Tinion, I did not mean…are you all right?” Tinion gazed up at the sky. “Elbereth! Am I all right? Of *course* not! Are you? Are *any* of us all right? We will be putting Siddhir and the others to rest today! Just because I know in my heart that he knew his fate and I understand the reasons he did what he did, does *not* mean I am happy to see him go. Elbereth! It is all so pointless!” Fereveldir’s eyes widened. “Tinion, I never said that you were. If you think I was implying…” Tinion held up his hand. “Forgive me. I am not myself. I would not want to have you angry at me as well. Come; let us check the watch as promised.” ********************************** Two hours before dusk, the people of Lorien gathered slowly into the vast grassy meadow just beyond the common. The services for the fallen had begun. Those who could not attend at that point continued the laments that had been heard throughout the forest the entire day. Celeborn and Galadriel, accompanied by Siddhir’s mother, Galdor, and Erestor were the first to view each of the five fallen soldiers who were laid out side by side, dressed in uniform at the center of the rapidly forming circle of Elves. They considered each of them for several moments before passing on to the next. Siddhir’s mother lingered at the body of her son after the others had moved on. With a faint smile, she reached out and caressed one cheek, then kneeled down to kiss him on the other. *“Vanimle sila tiri, nin ion. Cormamin niuve tenna’ tae lea lle au’,”* [your beauty shines bright, my son. My heart shall weep until it sees thee again] she whispered. Then she rose and strode back to Celeborn and Galadriel’s side, bowing as all there bowed before her. “Where is Hal?” Rumil questioned. “He should be here by now.” “He will be here. He just needs time,” Orophin whispered. “We should have not let him go back to his talan alone. We should have gone with him. It is almost time for us to go up there,” Rumil complained. Orophin placed an arm across his shoulders. “He needed to get dressed, Ru. He will be here. Worry not.” Celeborn looked at Galadriel. “Haldir has not yet arrived. Shall we proceed?” Galadriel nodded. Celeborn gestured for the services to resume. The families of the fallen moved forward in a line, Orophin and Rumil amongst them. They passed by all of the soldiers, and then went back to regard their own kin for several moments. Orophin stood with Thrandronen’s kin for a time before moving on with Rumil over to Siddhir. He choked back his own tears in an effort to comfort Rumil, whose trembling body confirmed his younger brother’s loss of composure yet again. As they turned to go back to their places in the circle, Galadriel gestured to them and they went to join her instead. Siddhir’s mother embraced them both. The already tranquil services drew quieter still when Haldir appeared through a break in the line. Dressed in full uniform he moved slowly but purposely in the direction of the fallen. He first stopped at the body of Helas, then Thelmir, Andril and Thrandronen. Finally, he moved to stand over Siddhir. *“A’maelamin, malthen mathor, mankoi naa lle sinome?”* [my beloved, golden warrior, why are you here] he whispered, caressing Siddhir’s face with the tips of his fingers. He gazed down upon him with loving eyes for several moments before kneeling on one knee to kiss him softly on the lips. *“Namarie, A’maelamin.”* [farewell, my beloved] He rose to his feet and nodded to those who were waiting. Then he walked over to Siddhir’s mother and took her hand. Led by Fereveldir and Tinion, the soldiers of the Galadhrim were next to view the bodies of the fallen. The common folk of Lorien followed them. After the viewing they passed one by one, nodding to Haldir and Siddhir’s mother with respect, and also to the families of the other dead. Lillael came to stand by Orophin’s side as Legandir paused to speak with Rumil. “Walk with me, will you?” Siddhir’s mother asked Haldir. “Certainly.” When they were a few feet away, she turned to face him. “Siddhir would be very angry with you for what you tried to do earlier.” Haldir blinked, and then realization dawned on him. She was Siddhir’s mother after all. “I know.” She smiled. “Fortunately for you, you were surrounded by those who love you and stopped you from making such a tragic mistake. You would not want him angry at you for all eternity, would you?” “No, I would not,” Haldir replied. “Good. Now, you have questions. Feel free to ask them.” Haldir exhaled. “Did he… did he know of his fate?” “Yes, he did. Apparently for quite some time.” Haldir bit his lip. “Why did he not tell me?” “Surely you know the answer to that question,” she prompted. Haldir sighed. “I do. Did he tell you?” “Of course not, but he said his farewells in his own way. I did not see it myself, but I knew. In his own way, he was preparing me. Besides, I have been through this once before with his father.” “Of course,” Haldir responded quietly. “I am certain he did something to let you know how he felt. He loved you far too much to leave you without any word at all. Perhaps you just have not become aware of it yet.” “Perhaps.” She raised her hand to his face. “Never doubt that you made him happy. Even though I have only had the pleasure of seeing you the one time you visited the Grey Havens with him so long ago, throughout the years I could plainly *feel* the happiness he felt being with you. He needed not to speak of it.” “He made me equally as happy,” Haldir remarked. The woman smiled. “This too I know. We should be getting back.” They turned and started walking back towards the others. Haldir looked at her once more. “Is it not dangerous for you to be here? I have been told even Lord Elrond could not attend. Those who possess the gift are sought after by the evil ones.” “That is true, but I am no warrior, nor do I rule over others. I am of no assistance nor a threat to them,” she explained. Haldir nodded. “I must ask something of you now.” “Yes?” “I am Siddhir’s mother, but you were very much a crucial part of his life. Therefore, I will hear your decision. Siddhir wanted his ashes to be spread in four corners. In Rivendell, Lorien, the Grey Havens and in Valinor. Do you object?” “Not at all,” Haldir replied. “Very well. Galdor will see it done in the Havens and in Valinor. Would you care to see it done in Lorien and Rivendell?” Haldir bit his lip. “My Lady… I cannot. Forgive me.” She smiled and embraced him. There is nothing to forgive. Although I did not quite understand it all then, I believe Siddhir knew you would not be able to- so he asked it of me.” *“Hannon lle,”* [thank you] Haldir responded. She released him and squeezed his hand. *“Uuma dela.”* [don’t worry] Haldir nodded. “I will leave for Rivendell to visit with Elrond on the morrow, and then I will return. We will speak again before I depart.” Haldir nodded again. She released his hand and he looked into Galadriel’s eyes. She spoke to him in his mind. **“You may go.”** Haldir bowed to them all and then turned walked briskly away. Several pairs of eyes followed his departure. All of them understanding. ************************************* With blurred vision, Haldir made his way through the darkened forest and dimly lit paths until he reached his talan. Once inside, he collapsed to his knees with a cry of anguish and finally allowed all of his pent up sorrow to escape. His body wracked with sobs, his pain fell like rain from his swollen eyes. *********************************** Twenty minutes later, Orophin and Rumil stepped up to Haldir’s door. Their brother’s sobs could be heard from beyond it. Orophin gently pushed at the door, but it would not budge. Not to be outdone, Rumil grabbed Orophin’s hand, leading him around to the back of the talan. Through the window they could see Haldir. His sorrow brought forth fresh tears from them both. They climbed in the window and went to him, taking places on the floor at his sides. Haldir looked from one to the other with crimson eyes. “We loved him too,” Rumil said quietly. Haldir did not reply. Instead, he pulled them both into a tight and loving embrace.