THIRTY SEVEN “Feel free to sit and make yourself comfortable,” Melpomaen said when they entered the talan. “Can I get you some wine? Lord Celeborn has very generously given me a flask from his private stock.” “No, thank you,” Siddhir replied, choosing the chair by the window; putting some distance between them. Melpomaen frowned. “Oh, come now Siddhir. I have known you to partake of wine every now and then. Surely one will not hurt.” “Very well then,” Siddhir relented. “Good.” Melpomaen cheerfully poured each of them a full goblet. He handed one to Siddhir and sat on the end of the bed, eyeing him curiously. Siddhir took a sip and looked out of the window, lost in thought. “I would have thought we could talk for a time,” Melpomaen remarked. Siddhir took another sip of wine. “What would you care to talk about?” “Mayhap we could start with why you are avoiding Haldir.” Siddhir looked at him. “That is my business, and something I would not like to discuss.” Melpomaen raised an eyebrow. “Very well. Are you comfortable? That chair is not very accommodating. The bed is, however. You are welcome to come and sit over here beside me.” “The chair is fine,” Siddhir replied dully, aware of what he was insinuating. “Suit yourself,” Melpomaen answered, taking a large swallow of wine. Siddhir smirked, sat back and crossed an ankle over his knee. “If there is something you wish to say to me Melpomaen, why do you not just *say* it?” Melpomaen chuckled. “All right then, I was just thinking how very comely you are, Siddhir.” Siddhir smiled. “I see. And why is it that you find me comely now? You never thought me so before- even in Rivendell.” “Oh, but that’s not true. I have *always* found you to be strikingly attractive- but you for some reason always seem to be attracted to older Elves. In Rivendell, you found Gil-Galad more to your liking. Here, it is… excuse me, *was*-Haldir. I stood not a chance.” Siddhir laughed. “Pardon me, but I find that rather… *interesting* in light that you seek after Haldir yourself.” Melpomaen frowned. “I am *not* seeking him.” “Since when?” Siddhir countered. Melpomaen sighed. “Haldir is with you. Everyone knows that. I know not what you have been told, but why would I seek out someone I could not have?” “Mayhap it is only for the experience. I know not, but tell me… why are you trying to hurt him?” Siddhir asked. Melpomaen blinked, but recovered quickly. “Why are *you* trying to hurt him?” Siddhir’s brow furrowed. “Whatever I do, I do because of my *love* for him, not because I am intentionally seeking to hurt him- unlike yourself. So, speak no more to me of something you know nothing about.” He stood and placed his goblet on the table beside him. “It was a mistake to come here.” Melpomanen rose and moved quickly to stop him. “Please don’t leave. I did not mean to offend you. I really do enjoy your company. Please, finish your wine. We can talk of other things.” He picked up Siddhir’s goblet and handed it back to him. As Siddhir gazed into Melpomaen’s indigo eyes, it came to him. The one thing he could be *sure* would make Haldir sufficiently angry was infidelity. He did not know why he had not thought of it before. Anyone would suffice, but Melpomaen would certainly be a good choice in terms of the *level* of anger he wished to invoke in him. Lothranil would be the *best* choice, but he simply could not stomach that thought. Melpomaen would have to do. He had to make Haldir angry enough to cast him aside and out of his heart. He took the goblet. “Very well.” Melpomaen smiled. *“Doila lle.* [thank you] I know you have long lived in Lorien, but your demeanor is still very much of Rivendell. It is nice to be able to speak with your own kin in a foreign land. The people here are very different.” “The people of Lorien are friendly enough,” Siddhir remarked, gazing into his indigo eyes and noting that he was quite comely despite his surreptitious nature. Melpomaen chuckled. “They are pleasant, yes- but not *friendly.* I went to breakfast with one called Elviondel this morn. He was pleasant enough, but I think those of Lorien have overly suspicious natures. He was not very giving.’ Siddhir forced a laugh. “What would you expect him to give? No matter, Elviondel is not the best Elf to make that assessment by. He is loyal to his Captains- and apprehensive of you.” “Is that so? Why is that, pray tell?” Melpomaen queried, moving to the bed to sit and beckoning Siddhir to join him. Siddhir sat beside him. “Because he believes you have temporarily cast Haldir from your sight and instead leveled it on me.” Melpomaen blinked in surprise. “Tell me, is there anyone else in Lorien besides Galadriel and yourself that has the gift?” Somewhat lightheaded from the wine, Siddhir laughed. “I must remember to apologize to Elviondel for my doubt. It seems his intuition is far greater than my gift after all.” Melpomaen finished his wine and set the goblet aside. “He is swift, I must admit. No wonder he was eyeing me so curiously.” “That is just his way,” Siddhir replied, resting his empty goblet on the floor. “Um, so…how did his revelation make you feel?” Melpomaen asked. Siddhir looked into his eyes. “There was a time when I would have violently shunned your attentions, *meldir,* [friend] but now I am not so certain.” Melpomaen returned his gaze. “I am no fool, Siddhir. I am well aware that whatever you are feeling at this moment will not last. But, it has been long since I have been close with anyone half as lovely as yourself, so I will not presume to question that of which I am about to receive.” Siddhir looked long into his eyes, and then covered Melpomaen’s lips with his own. ************************************ Celeborn looked up from his desk when Galadriel entered the room. “Have you found him?” “I have,” Galadriel sighed. “They are not fighting again are they?” Celeborn asked. “No, Haldir has not located him…yet.” “But he will?” Galadriel nodded. “I presume it will not be pleasant,” Celeborn surmised rising and slipping over to her side. “It will only make matters worse,” Galadriel replied. “I have to do something.” Celeborn held her hand. “Did we not agree to stay out of their personal matters?” Galadriel turned to him, her eyes brimming with tears. “He has enough suffering *ahead* of him. What may happen now *can* be prevented.” Celeborn sighed. “Tell me what you would like me to do.” ************************************* “I cannot do this!” Siddhir exclaimed, pulling away from Melpomaen and sitting on the side of the bed. “But I thought you wanted-” “I know. I started it, and I regret it. I really do not wish to hurt you Melpomaen, but I cannot go any further. Forgive me. I was wrong to lead you to believe otherwise.” Melpomaen sighed and pulled himself upright. “And I was wrong to believe you could be anything other than the loyal Elf I have always known you to be- no matter what your difficulty. I saw it with Gil Galad so very many years ago, and the same is true now… with Haldir. How I envy them both.” “I am sorry, Melpomaen. I really must be going now. It will soon be dusk and I have much to contemplate,” Siddhir murmured. “Very well.” Siddhir pulled back on his discarded tunic and slowly walked to the door. Melpomaen followed. He took a last look at the golden haired Elf before pulling open the door. Siddhir stepped outside. …Just as Haldir and Orophin were passing by. Siddhir’s eyes focused first on Orophin’s shocked expression and then locked with Haldir’s vacant grey eyes that moved slowly from Melpomaen to himself, and then darkened as if the light had just went out in them. His heart fell. He knew how his being where he was looked to them. He opened his mouth to speak, but Haldir suddenly spun around and stalked away, leaving Orophin staring wide-eyed at him. “Siddhir! It cannot be! How could you do this?” Orophin yelled, outraged. Then he focused on Melpomaen and came fast at them. “It was you! You planned this all along!” Siddhir grabbed him before he could get to the dark Elf. “Oro! It is *not* what it seems! He did nothing! Calm yourself! Please! I need you to look after Haldir.” Orophin stopped struggling in his grasp and Siddhir released him. He shivered inside when Orophin’s bright blue eyes gazed upon him with a mixture of both anger and hurt. “You are right, I must go and look after him- but you should come with me.” “Nay, Oro. It would not be wise right now. But I give you my word, I *will* go to him and explain. Perhaps tomorrow,” Siddhir answered. “All right, I will go alone,” Orophin replied, turning to face Melpomaen. “Be warned, if I find that you were the cause of my brother’s distress- you *will* see me again.” He turned abruptly and ran off in the direction that Haldir had taken. Siddhir groaned. “It seems you may have accomplished what you set out to do without actually doing it,” Melpomaen remarked quietly. Siddhir turned to face him. “Forgive me, I have to go.” *“U’ moe edhored, meldir,”* [there is nothing to forgive, my friend] Melpomaen replied. Siddhir nodded and sprinted off into the wood. ************************************** Orophin caught up with Haldir just as he was climbing the ladder to his talan. He followed him up and stepped inside behind him. “Brother, I am certain it is not what it seemed.” “Are you? Then you are better than I, for I am not,” Haldir replied falling hard into a chair at the table. Orophin joined him. “I refuse to believe that Siddhir would betray you, disagreement or no. It simply is not who he is. I do *not* believe it- nor should you.” Haldir gazed out of the window. Dusk was falling over Lothlorien making the leaves on the Mallorns outside appear luminescent. “I do not wish to believe it.” “Then don’t,” Orophin replied adamantly. Haldir forced a wry smile. “Next time I have a feeling, I will heed it. That is certain.” “It will be all right, and of that I too am certain. Do you wish for me to fetch Rumil and return? We could stay with you tonight.” “No, Oro. I will be fine. I am quite weary as it is and will most likely sleep through the night. Go now and look after Ru, and tell anyone you may meet that Siddhir has been found,” Haldir replied. Orophin nodded and left the talan. Haldir rose, poured himself a cup of wine, and took his place again at the table. *************************************** “Captain,” Elviondel greeted when he opened the door. “Come in.” *“Hannon lle,”* [thank you] Siddhir replied. “Will you be staying? You have not your belongings,” Elviondel noted. Siddhir sat on the bed he would be sleeping in. “I will retrieve them tomorrow. Tonight I just need to rest.” “Yes, Captain.” “Elviondel, call me Siddhir. You are not on duty.” “Yes… Siddhir. Can I get you some wine?” Siddhir waved his hand. “Nay. I think I have had quite enough wine this eve. I just need to sleep now. Do not let me bother you if you wish to indulge.” “Very well. The bed linen is fresh. Make yourself comfortable. I have to go out for a bit. I will return in a few hours.” *“Hannon lle.” * The honey-haired Elf nodded and left the talan. Siddhir pulled off his boots, tunic and leggings and with a heavy sigh, slipped between the crisp white sheets. Half and hour later, there came a soft knock on the door. Not yet in a deep sleep, Siddhir opened his eyes and looked around. Elviondel was not in the talan. He had a flashback of the night Haldir had come in this manner so very long ago to claim him, but quickly dismissed that as a mere wish. It had to be someone else- most likely someone who was seeking clandestine company with Elviondel. He slipped out of the bed, pulled on his tunic and leggings and went for the door. Opening it, he was shocked to see Celeborn on the other side. “My Lord,” Siddhir uttered, bowing low before him. “Rise, sentinel.” “My Lord, Elviondel has left and will not return for several hours. I can go and find him if you wish,” Siddhir offered. “That is not necessary, for I have seen him. It is you I seek.” Siddhir stepped away from the door to let Celeborn pass. “Is there something amiss, my Lord?” Celeborn seated himself in a chair by the closest bed. “Yes, there is. There are events transpiring that have upset my wife, and as I cannot stand to see her in such distress, I am out to do whatever I can to alleviate the source. Do you understand me, sentinel?” Siddhir blinked. “Am I the source, my Lord?” “In a word. Sit down, Siddhir,” Celeborn beckoned, patting the bed beside him. Siddhir did as he was told. “Begging your pardon my Lord, but I cannot change my fate. It is what it is,” Siddhir reasoned. “That we know…unfortunately. What I speak of is the way you are going about trying to relieve Haldir of *his* impending distress.” Siddhir bowed his head. “I do not wish him to mourn me, my Lord. I wish him to seek another. I have *seen* his fate, and he *will* have happiness one day. But that day will be long in coming if all he does is mourn his loss of me.” “So, you think that if you anger him he will mourn you less?” Celeborn asked. “Yes, my Lord. I truly believe he will recover much quicker if our relationship ends badly,” Siddhir explained. Celeborn sighed and shook his head. “It will not work Siddhir, and I will tell you why. Love is not something that just goes away, and when it ends suddenly, such as in a case like this… it will not matter whether you were in bliss- or constant turmoil at the time. It is *not* something you can just turn off with a word or an action. Haldir loves you, and he *will* mourn you. You *cannot* prevent that no matter *what* you do. Surely you must know this. Have you forgotten about Amroth?” Siddhir bit his lip. “Nay, my Lord. But I do not want that pain for Haldir. Lord Amroth’s love for Nimrodel drove him to his death. I do not want Haldir to suffer so. That is why I will not bind with him, because I would surely take him with me. Oro and Ru need him and Lorien needs him. I must at least *try* to do everything in my power to prevent that from happening.” Celeborn sighed. “I strongly disagree, but I do understand what you are saying. I respect your conviction as well, so I will not press you- but before I depart, I must offer you something to ponder.” “Yes, my Lord?” Siddhir questioned, interested. Celeborn met his eyes. “If I were in your position… if I were the one who knew my fate and knew that my time was short… I would spend *every* waking moment that I possibly *could* with my wife. I would not want to leave this good earth without feeling her touch, seeing her smile or hearing her sweet laughter that one last time. Having that, I could die content. Please consider this.” Siddhir nodded. “Ah, well. I have done what I came to do,” Celeborn said, rising. “I will leave you now. *Quel du.”* [good night] Siddhir rose with him and saw him to the door. *“Quel du, Heruamin. Hannon lle.”* [Good night, my Lord. Thank you] *“Lle creoso,”* [you’re welcome] Celeborn replied, stepping out into the night. Siddhir stood in the open doorway, watching Celeborn thoughtfully as he sauntered off into the darkness and out of sight. More weary now than before, he closed the door and walked back to the bed and sat down with his thoughts. Several minutes later, he pulled on his boots and left Elviondel’s talan. ********************************** Haldir was nursing his third goblet of wine when the knock came on his door. Still fully dressed, not having left his chair since Orophin departed, he was certain Orophin had now returned with Rumil in tow despite having been told not to do so. As he rose and went for the door, he decided not to be angry with him because he knew Oro would only disobey him out of concern for his well being. He pulled open the door, ready to pull them both into his arms. Siddhir’s ebony eyes met his instead. They stood there gazing at each other for several minutes before Haldir finally stepped aside to let him enter. Siddhir stepped inside, and Haldir turned to face him as he closed the door. “You look weary, *lirimaer,”* [lovely one] Haldir whispered. “I *am* weary,” Siddhir admitted. Haldir nodded. “As am I. It has been a very long day, and the wine I’ve consumed has not helped matters. So I think it best we both just retire.” He walked past him and stopped, turned and offered his hand. Siddhir took it and followed him into their bedroom. They undressed in silence and crawled in together beneath the cool sheets. Siddhir opened his mouth to speak, but Haldir silenced him with a finger to his lips. “We are both weary. Sleep now.” Siddhir took Haldir’s hand in his. “I did not lie with him.” Haldir squeezed his hand, kissed him softly on the lips and smiled. Then he pulled him close. “I know. Now go to sleep.”