Justin laughed as Brian caressed his thighs.  He pushed the brunet away.  “I’m eating,” he told him.

Brian looked at the blond for a few seconds before he started his attack again.  He was smiling as he buried his face on the blond’s crotch. 

“That’s not fair…that’s…cheating and…so fucking great,” Justin said putting his food on the floor and tangling his fingers on Brian’s hair.  “God yes.”

“Wait,” Brian said as he pulled back.

“What?” Justin asked.  He was already a bit dazed.  

“I forgot you were eating,” Brian told him like a little kid and looked away.  “I’ll contain myself.”

“Oh you!” Justin yelled and pulled the brunet on top of him.  “You’re mean.”

“No,” Brian said shaking his head.  “I’m a very good boy.”

Justin’s cock jumped with Brian’s words. 

“I am,” Brian said as he started to lick the blond’s neck.  “I think I was when I was sucking your cock.”

“Yeah,” Justin agreed.

“Then when I rode you into oblivion,” Brian whispered.  “I was a very good boy then.”

The blond wrapped his legs around the brunet.  “You sure were.”

“Do you want to be a good boy too?” Brian asked before he started sucking Justin’s earlobe. 

Justin laughed.  He was so happy.  “Yes,” he replied.  “I want to be a very good boy.”

“I am going to fuck you so hard,” Brian drawled close to Justin’s ear.  

Then they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

“No,” Justin said shaking his head.  “Fuck me, Brian.”

“Who the fuck is that?” Brian asked.

Justin shrugged.  “They’ll go away.”

Whoever was out there knocked again, more insistent this time.

Justin wrapped his legs tightly around Brian.  “Be very quiet,” he whispered.

Brian smirked.

“Guys,” Emmett’s muffled voice was heard.  “Are you there?!”

Brian groaned.  “I’ll go see what he wants.”

“Brian,” Justin complained but got off the sofa as well.  “Brian Kinney!” Justin shouted as Brian unlocked the door.  He didn’t want Brian hanging naked around anyone.

“It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before,” Brian told him as he slid the door open.

Emmett shook his head as he stepped inside.  “I have to talk to you,” he said.  He’d gone first to Brian’s loft but after a while had come to Justin’s door.  He was glad that he had found the brunet.

“What is it?” Brian asked.

Justin came back with a robe on and threw one to Brian.  “Get dressed.”

Brian was finding Justin’s jealous side amusing.  

“Do you want anything to drink?” Justin asked.

“No,” Emmett told them.  “I’m okay.”

“What’s with you?” Brian asked as he tied up the robe. 

“What happened?” Justin asked noticing that Emmett looked very sad. 

Emmett bit his lower lip.  “I don’t know how to say this.”

“Just fucking say it then,” Brian told him.

“It’s about Michael,” Emmett whispered.

“Is he okay?” Justin asked swallowing. 

“Michael tried to…” but he couldn’t say it.  “I found him…he’s…god…I don’t know.”

It didn’t take long for Brian and Justin to realize what he was trying to say.

“Fuck!” Brian yelled as he punched the door.

Justin closed his eyes and shook his head as he wrapped his arms around himself.  He knew it was their fault.

“He drank a lot of pills,” Emmett told them and then broke down.

Justin quickly went to him and hugged him.  He walked the man to the kitchen and sat him down in one of the stools.  Then he went to get a glass of water for the taller man.  

“Em,” Brian said sitting next to him.  “Is he going to be okay?”

Emmett nodded.  “The ambulance got there in time.  I went with them.”

“Does Debbie know?” Brian asked.

“Yeah,” Emmett answered.  “I called her and the girls.  I just didn’t know what else to do.”

Brian put his hand on Emmett’s shoulder and left it there.  

“I tried calling you but your cell phone was off,” Emmett said.  “Then Ted said he would come here and get you and I told him I would do it.  He offered to drive me and I accepted. He’s waiting on the car.”

“You should go, Brian,” Justin told him.  “See how he’s doing.”

Brian didn’t say anything.  

“I should go,” Emmett said.  “I have to go see him,” he said and started crying again. “I had lunch with him,” he said.  “And I left for work but I came back because I wanted to get some clothes so I could take a shower at work and go to Bill’s party that way Ted wouldn’t have to go to my work and back to the apartment,” he stopped talking when he realized he was babbling.

Justin put the glass of water in front of Emmett.

Emmett took it but didn’t drink.  “What if I hadn’t come back?  He would have died!”

“Relax,” Brian told him.  

“I saw him!” Emmett said.  “How didn’t I see what he was going to do?”

“It’s not your fault,” Brian told him.

“My god,” Emmett whispered as he put the glass back down.  He cleaned his tears and looked at Brian.  “I’m going to go.  I really have to be there.”

Brian nodded and walked with him to the door.  Then he turned to Justin who was still in the kitchen.  He walked over to him and they stared at one another.

“Brian, this is not right,” Justin told him.

The brunet took a deep breath.  “Let’s get a shower.  Then we can go see how he’s doing.”

“No,” Justin said shaking his head. “I can’t go there.”

“Why not?” Brian asked.

“I feel like this is my fault,” Justin whispered.

“Don’t say that,” Brian told him.  He pulled the blond to him.  “It’s going to be okay.”

Justin nodded slowly.  “I still don’t want to go, Brian, please.  Don’t make me go.”

Brian sighed.  “I have to go.  You understand, right.”

“Of course, Brian,” Justin told him.  “I’ll be here when you come back.”

Brian kissed him hard before he pulled back and went to get a shower.  He couldn’t believe that Michael would do something so stupid.  When he finished he looked at Justin sitting on the sofa.  He was torn between staying and going.  He went over to his man and hugged him.  He gave him a peck on the lips before he left.

***

“Brian,” Ted said when Brian appeared at the door of Michael’s room.  “He’s sleeping,” he whispered.

Brian nodded and went inside.  The whole gang was there.

“They say he’s going to be okay,” Debbie said.  She looked shaken beyond belief.  “This is all your fault,” she hissed.

Brian stood there shocked out of his mind.

“My baby almost died because of you,” she hissed at him.

“Debbie calm down,” Lindsay said wrapping her arms around the woman.  

Brian sighed and left right away.

“Brian, wait,” Emmett said.

“What?” Brian asked turning around.  “I didn’t come here to be attacked.”

Emmett sighed.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Brian muttered.  He shoved his hands into his pockets.  

“Brian,” Lindsay said coming out of the room.  “Michael woke up and he’s asking for you.”

“Figure that,” Brian muttered.

“Don’t be an ass,” Lindsay told him.  “He needs you now.”

Brian didn’t say anything and turned back to go into the room.  Everyone was looking at him as he neared the bed.  

“Hi,” Michael said smiling.

“Are you feeling okay?” Brian asked and swallowed.

“Yeah,” Michael said in a groggy voice.  He looked around at everyone and started crying.  “I’m sorry.”

Brian sat on the bed and leaned closer to Michael so he could hug him.  “It’s okay.  Don’t worry about it.  It’s going to be fine.”

“I’m really sorry, Brian,” Michael cried.  “I don’t know what was going through my mind.”

Brian pulled back a bit.  “Don’t think about that now.  It’s going to be okay.  We’re here to help you get through this.”

Michael nodded.  “Can you stay here with me?”

Brian bit the inside of his cheek.  “Of course,” he told him.

“I think we should go,” Ted told everyone.  “Let Michael, rest.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Debbie told them.

“Ma, it’s okay,” he told her.  “Brian will stay with me.”

Debbie shook her head.

Brian saw an out and took it.  “I guess Debbie can stay,” he told Michael.  “I’ll come back and see you.”

Michael frowned. 

“Don’t worry,” Debbie said walking up to her son.  “I’ll make sure you get better.”

Brian hugged Michael again before he left.  He didn’t stop to talk to anyone.  He just got in his car and drove home.  When he got to the loft he knocked on the door and waited for the blond to open the door but that never happened.  He used the key that Justin had given him and went inside.  He had a bad feeling as he entered the loft. 

“Justin,” he called out.  “Justin.”

He sighed wondering where the blond was.  He checked the bedroom and the bathroom and Justin’s study just in case.  He pulled out his cell phone and started calling the blond. 

“Hello,” Justin answered quickly.

Brian sighed with relief.  “Where are you?”

“I needed to take a walk,” Justin told him.

Brian walked to the door.  “Where are you?”

“I’m at Woody’s,” Justin told him.

“That’s a long walk,” Brian pointed out.

“I guess,” Justin replied.

“I’ll meet you there,” Brian said.  “Later.”

“Later,” Justin whispered and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later Brian arrived at the bar.  He spotted the blond right away and went and sat next to him.  

“How is he?” Justin asked.

“He’s going to be okay,” Brian informed him.

“Good,” Justin whispered.

“I don’t want you to think this is your fault,” Brian told him.  “If anyone is to blame is me.”

Justin let out a tear.  “What if he had died, Brian?” the blond asked.  “I couldn’t have lived with myself knowing that it’s because of us.”

“That’s not true,” Brian told him.

“It is,” Justin hissed.  “We don’t deserve to be happy.”

“Don’t say that,” Brian told him getting angry.  “Is that how you really feel?”

Justin shrugged.  He didn’t know what he was thinking. 

Brian frowned.  “What do you want me to do?  I can’t change things.  I can’t turn back time and even if I could I wouldn’t change a thing, Justin.  Except maybe I wouldn’t have been with him and I would have waited for you,” Brian informed him.

Justin looked at Brian and for the first time since they found out about Michael, he smiled.  “Jeez, Brian.”

“We can’t change this,” Brian told him.

“What if he tries again?” Justin asked.

“I really hope he doesn’t,” Brian told him.  “I hope he gets the help he needs.”

Justin nodded.

Brian interlaced his fingers with Justin.  “Are we okay?”

Justin smiled at Brian.  “Of course.”

“Good,” Brian said happily.  Nothing else mattered to him but to know that he and Justin were okay.

***

Michael was happy that Brian had come to see him again.  

“How are you doing today?” Brian asked.

“I’m okay,” Michael told him.

“Where’s Debbie?” Brian asked.

“She went to take a shower and bring me food,” Michael explained.  “She said that what they give here was an imitation.”

“I’m glad you’re doing better,” Brian told him. 

Michael smiled.  “I was stupid.”

Brian didn’t have to tell him that was true.  Michael already said it.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Michael muttered.  “If Emmett hadn’t come…”

“Don’t think about that,” Brian told him.  

“Right,” Michael said and sighed.

Brian didn’t know what to say.  

“Brian,” Michael said.  

“What?” The brunet asked.

“I think you and I have to talk,” Michael said.  “I think I want us to try to be together.”

Brian wanted to choke Michael for bringing that up.  How he was going to say no to his friend now, he asked himself.  He was scared that if he told Michael they were never getting back together he would do something stupid again.  The taller man looked away and stared outside the window.  

“Guys,” Lindsay said coming into the hospital room.  

“Hey, Linds,” Michael said smiling.

“Look who I brought with me,” she said as she put her daughter on Michael’s lap.

Michael kissed her and wondered what the hell had been going through his mind when he decided to kill himself.  He would have screwed up so many things.  He loved his daughter to death and he would have miss watching her grow up.  “I’m glad you brought her.”

Lindsay nodded with a big smile.

“They are letting me go today,” Michael said.

“That’s so good to hear,” Lindsay exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Brian muttered.

“Hey little girl,” Michael said to his daughter.  He caressed her face and she smiled.

“Daddy!” Jenny shouted and giggled.

Lindsay smiled.

“I have to go,” Brian told them.  “I have to go back to work.”

“Can’t you stay a bit longer?” Michael asked.

“I really can’t,” Brian informed him. 

Once Brian was outside he sighed.  He started walking when Lindsay turned him around by the arm and glared at him.

“What’s your problem?” Lindsay asked.

“What’s yours?” he asked annoyed and pulled his arm away.

“You could stay a bit longer,” Lindsay pointed out.  “After all you’re your own boss.  You have people that can take care of the company for you for a few hours.”

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.  “I don’t need this shit.”

“How can you be so selfish?” Lindsay asked angry.

“I’m the selfish one,” Brian spat out.  “Don’t make me laugh.”

“You know he did this because of you,” Lindsay informed him.  

“Thanks, that’s just what I need,” Brian grunted.

“That’s not what I mean,” Lindsay told him.  She took a deep breath and moved closer to Brian.  “Look, he loves you so much and…”

“Goddamn it,” Brian hissed.  “I’m tired of everyone telling me that he loves me so much.  Have any of you stop to think if I love him back the same way?”

Lindsay frowned as she backed away.  “What?”

“I broke up with him because…because it wasn’t working, Linds,” Brian told her.  “Michael and I aren’t going to get back together.  This is not going to change things.”

Lindsay sighed.  “Jesus Brian.”

“You guys can’t push me to be with him,” Brian told her.  “It doesn’t work that way.”

“But,” Lindsay tried.

“No,” Brian told her.  “I can’t.  I don’t love him like that, Linds.  Please understand that.”

Lindsay stared at him for a few seconds and knew it was true.  She knew Brian really well to know that it wasn’t because Brian was afraid of commitment.  There was something else there but she wasn’t sure what it was.  “I just thought…I don’t know.  That you were being an…”

“An asshole?” Brian asked and smirked.  “I know this could have been stopped a long time ago.  Michael and I should have never happen.”

Lindsay gave Brian a dull grin.  “I’m sorry to hear that, Brian.”

“Yeah,” Brian whispered.  “I really have to go,” he told her.

“Okay,” she said and pointed back to the room.  “I have to go and…”

“I’ll call you later,” Brian told her.  “I want to spend some time with Gus.”

Lindsay nodded.  “Take care, Brian.”

Brian nodded and left.  Finally he thought Lindsay was going to stop coming after him about Michael.  He smirked knowing she would find some other reason to nag him to death.  It was just in her.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Michael seemed to be hung up in the idea of them getting back together.  That was something he was going to have to work with later.

***
 
“Yes,” Justin shouted as he exploded.  His cum landed on his chest and chin.  “More,” he grunted as Brian kept pushing in and out of him.  

Brian grunted and leaned closer to his man.  He kissed Justin on the forehead and then the cheek.  He moved his head down and kissed the blond’s neck before he licked it.  It was salty and it was simply Justin.  It was his man.  He knew he wasn’t going to last any longer.  He pushed all the way inside and groaned as he shot his cum.  

“Love you,” Justin said so softly that Brian almost missed it.  

The brunet pulled his head up and stared at Justin.  He could feel all that love that Justin claimed.  It made his heartbeat go faster than normal and his stomach fill with butterflies.  He laughed a bit because he felt so happy.  He couldn’t believe it sometimes.  He didn’t know what love felt like until Justin.  He never wanted to let go of the feeling or the blond.

“Am I crushing you?” Brian asked.

“You feel good,” Justin told him as he caressed Brian’s chest.  

“God, Justin,” Brian groaned.  “I want you so much.”

Justin smiled from ear to ear.  He still couldn’t believe that he had Brian all to himself. 

“Don’t pick it up,” Brian said when the phone started ringing.

“It could be important,” Justin replied.

Brian sighed as he pulled out of Justin.  Justin picked the phone and held the receiver close to Brian’s ear.

“Yeah,” he said as he took off the condom.  “What?”

“Brian,” Debbie said.  “I need you to come over here.  I can’t talk to Michael.”

Brian sighed.  “Jesus.  I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, Brian,” Debbie said before she hung up.  

Brian pulled his head away from the receiver. Justin hung up and lay back in bed.  Brian stayed sitting knowing that Justin wasn’t happy about the situation.  It had been like the fourth time in less than a week that Debbie had called him.  There had been times when he and Justin had been making love and had to stop.

“At least we got to finish this time.” Brian quipped.

Justin glared at the back of Brian’s head.  “Yeah, how great,” he snapped.

“Justin,” Brian said turning around.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I want to be able to spend time with you, Brian,” Justin told him and sighed. “God, I hate this.”

“I know,” Brian muttered as he pulled the blond into his arms.

Justin wrapped his arms around the man’s neck.  He sighed wanting nothing else but to be able to make Brian stay.  “I just wish that we could stay here with no one bothering us.”

“I feel the same way,” Brian whispered. 

“Can’t someone else go?” Justin asked as he caressed Brian’s face.  Then he started to kiss the man’s neck.

“I think that’s why they’re calling me,” Brian pointed out as his eyes close as Justin stuck his tongue inside of his ear.  “God, fuck it.”

Justin laughed as Brian pushed them back on the bed.  The brunet got on top of him and kissed him hard.  The blond moaned as he felt the older man’s cock pushing against him.

“Hold on,” Brian said. 

“What?” Justin asked.

“Let me call Debbie real quick and tell her that I can’t go,” Brian explained.

Justin sighed and bit his lower lip.  “Um, maybe you should go.”

“What?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know, Brian,” Justin said taking a deep breath.  “I don’t know.”

Brian looked at him for a few minutes before he got up.  He grabbed the phone and took him with him.  After a while he came back to the bedroom.   

“Brian?” Justin asked not sure what had happened.  He had heard the brunet arguing with Debbie.

“Apparently I’m an uncaring asshole,” Brian said.  “What’s new?” he asked as he put the phone back where it had been.

Justin felt so bad.  It was his fault.  “I’m sorry.  This is my fault.”

“How do you figure that?” Brian asked as he got in the bed with the blond.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Justin answered. 

“I’m glad you did,” Brian told him.  He smiled as he straddled the blond.  “Michael needs help and he has to learn that I can’t be there for him all the time.  He needs therapy and I can’t help him with that.”

Justin didn’t say a thing. He just looked away.

“You think I’m horrible, don’t you?” Brian asked frowning.

“I think I’m selfish,” Justin said. “Because I want you here and I know he needs you.”

Brian kissed Justin and pulled back.  “It’s not true.”

They spend the rest of the day together.  Brian cooked for them but the food burnt because he was making out with Justin.  The blond laughed so hard that he had tears in his eyes.  They ended up ordering food from Brian’s favorite Thai place.  When they finished they ended once again in bed.  The day went by them pretty fast mostly because they were having so much fun.

“Jesus,” Justin said.  “It’s two in the morning.”

Brian smirked.  “So?”

“I thought it was earlier,” Justin answered.  

Brian chuckled and pushed the blond back in the bed.  He got on top of him and kissed him hard until he couldn’t breathe anymore.  They made love slowly touching each other and whispering nonsense to one another. 

“I’m too tired to move,” Justin muttered.

“Then don’t,” Brian told him and he held the younger man’s flushed body to his.

“You’re going to go to sleep with our bodies all sweaty and sticky like this?” Justin asked but he could care less.

“I must love you that much,” Brian muttered as if it was a secret.

The smaller man giggled and slowly sleep claimed him.  Brian watched him for a while until he got comfortable and closed his eyes.  Then the phone rang.  He picked it up wondering who was calling so late.  He hoped everything was okay with his kid. He didn’t even bother to check the I.D. caller.

“Brian,” Debbie said.  “I don’t know what to do.  He’s crying and throwing stuff and…I really need your help.”

“Debbie,” Brian whispered.

“Please,” Debbie told him.  She sniffed and the tears fell. 

“God,” Brian muttered.  “I’ll be there,” he told her before he hung up the phone.

The man got up and showered.  He came out and dried himself before he got dressed.  When he was ready to go he went and kissed Justin. 

“Brian,” the blond whispered as he opened his eyes.

“Hey,” Brian said.  “Go back to sleep.”

“What’s happening?  Where are you going?” Justin asked.

“I have to go see Michael,” Brian whispered.  “Debbie was in some kind of frenzy.”

Justin nodded and watched the brunet go. He tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  He already had gotten used to having Brian sleep next to him.  He got up and walked to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea.  He walked to the living room and started watching TV.  He didn’t go to sleep waiting for Brian to come home.  The brunet came back about five hours later.

“Justin,” Brian said and walked over to the blond.  “Jesus, you look like hell.”

Justin sighed.  “Yeah,” he said, his voice was husky.  “What took you so long?”

“Michael didn’t want to go to sleep,” Brian whispered.

“Oh,” was all that Justin said.

Brian picked the blond up and carried him to the bed.  He undressed and got in with Justin.  He kissed the blond on the temple and in seconds Justin was snuggling close to him and snoring slightly.  Brian smiled and closed his eyes happy to finally be home.

***

As Brian entered the loft he felt like he was carrying a big ass rock on his back.  He was tired of everything that was happening in his life.  Lindsay had backed away but he still had Debbie, Ted, Mel and Michael to deal with.  It had been only a month since Michael attempted suicide but it felt like forever.  Each time one of them called him telling him that Michael was having an episode he had to leave everything and run to his ex.  It was getting the best of him and because of it Justin was pulling away.

“Justin,” he called to the blond.

The loft was silent.  Brian shrugged and went to take a shower.  When he came out he went to the closet to put something on.  He smiled thinking that in a few more months he was going to have everything that belonged to him at Justin’s loft.  

The brunet went to work on his laptop, which he had brought from his apartment as well.  After a few hours he started to get worried about Justin.  He called him but there was no answer.  That only made him start to freak out.  He didn’t know how many times he had tried reaching the blond but after midnight he knew something wasn’t right.

“Hello?” Emmett asked a bit startled.

“It’s me,” Brian said.  

“What’s wrong?” Emmett asked as he reached for the alarm clock to see what time it was.  “Jesus, are you okay?”

Brian sniffed.  “God, Emmett.”

Emmett quickly sat up in the bed.  “Brain, what’s wrong?  Where are you?”

“I’m at Justin’s loft,” Brian murmured.  “And he’s gone.”

The man didn’t know what Brian was talking about.  “Who is gone?”

“Justin,” Brian told him.

Emmett rubbed his face.  “Give me a few minutes,” he said.  “I will be there.”

“Okay,” Brian whispered and hung up.

True to his word Emmett got there.  When Brian finally let him in he saw how drunk the brunet was.

“Brian, what happened?” Emmett asked.  “Did you guys have a fight?”

Brian shook his head.  “I was calling him so many times but he wouldn’t answer.”

Emmett grabbed Brian and walked with him to the sofa.  The two of them sat down.

“I was going out of my mind,” Brian told him. 

“Where is he?” Emmett asked.

“I found this in his studio,” Brian said shoving the letter into Emmett’s hand.

Emmett looked at the crumpled piece of paper.  He opened slowly and flattened it with his hands.  Then he started reading.  It basically said that Justin thought that he and Brian weren’t going to work.  He was saying that maybe it was a sign and that Brian was supposed to be with Michael after all.  It said that Justin was going to be staying with his sisters for a few days before he came to get his things.  He was moving away from the loft because it was best for everyone. 

“Wow,” Emmett whispered. 

“This is not happening,” Brian said.  “God!”

“Relax,” Emmett told him.

“How can I?” Brian asked.  “Justin is gone!”

“You make it sound so final,” Emmett pointed out.  “Come on,” he said getting up.

“Where are we going?” Brian asked.

“You’re going to sleep,” Emmett said.  “You have to relax, really.  Let Justin cool down, give him a few days.  Then talk to him, I’ll even go with you if you want.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Brian spat out.

“I know,” Emmett replied and helped Brian take off his shirt and jeans.  He frowned when he realized that the man wasn’t wearing any underwear.

“Are you going to take advantage of me?” Brian asked arching a brow.

Emmett shook his head.  “No, get in the bed.”

Brian did as ordered.  “Emmett,” he said like a little kid.

“What?” Emmett asked.

“Don’t leave yet,” Brian told him.

Emmett smiled.  “How about if I stay?”

Brian nodded.

Emmett took of his jacket and his shirt.  Then he toed off his shoes and dropped his jeans.  He stayed in his underwear and got in the bed.  At first each of them stayed away on their side of the bed, but then when Brian started crying Emmett hugged the brunet.  He kept telling Brian it was going to be okay, over and over again until the older man fell asleep.  He really hoped he was right and Brian and Justin could work things out.  He knew things were really fucked up.  Something had to be done soon and it killed him that he couldn’t do shit about what was going on.  All he could do was be there for his friend.