“Any news?” Nicholas asked as he sat down next to Brian in the cafeteria. “No,” Brian told him. “So,” Nicholas noticed that Brian’s clothes were different. “You guys went home.” Brian shook his head. “Not really. I went home and grabbed some clothes for me and Justin. We took a shower here.” “Damn,” Nicholas said. “Patrick’s a mess and Justin is not leaving him,” Brian said with concern in his voice for both men. “He’s a good man,” Nicholas smiled. “You’re lucky.” Brian just nodded and kept on drinking the coffee that he thought tasted like shit. “Guys,” Michael said as he arrived there with Emmett. “Brian, I’ve been calling you.” “I turned my phone off,” Brian told him a bit annoyed. He felt that Michael was being way overprotective of him like never before. “Why?” Michael asked as he ignored Nicholas. “I’m not needed by anyone,” Brian said. “Everyone knows I’m here with Justin.” “Is there a change?” Emmett asked with uneasiness. Brian shook his head. “He’s still in a coma.” “God,” Nicholas shook his head. “He’s just a kid.” “I know,” Emmett frowned as he turned around not wanting them to see that he was seconds from crying. “I’m going to go see Patrick.” “Wait,” Brian said. “I’m coming up with you,” he grabbed a brown bag, “hopefully Justin will eat something.” “I doubt it,” Nicholas said following them. Michael walked behind them not saying anything. He hated the way that Brian was acting towards him. As soon as they stepped out of the elevator they knew something was wrong. They could hear Patrick screaming all the way down the hall to where they were. Nicholas and Brian were the first two to run to where they were. Justin was trying to hold Patrick down with the help of two male nurses. “No!” Patrick yelled as he fought everyone off. “No!” “I got him,” Brian said grabbing Patrick by the waist. Justin let go of his friend and started crying. Nicholas helped Brian to take Patrick to a corner where the wall helped them to keep Patrick upright. One of the nurses went back to Alex’s room and the other stayed near in case they needed his help again. Emmett walked in the direction of Alex’s room as well. “No!” Patrick still yelled with so much sorrow in his voice. “I got him,” Nicholas assured Brian. “Go,” he could see it in Brian’s eyes that the man wanted to go to Justin. Brian walked over to his blond. He turned him around and hugged him. He didn’t have to ask what had happened, he knew. “Oh my god,” Emmett said coming out of Alex’s room. “Its okay, Emm,” Michael said putting his arm around his friend. “It can’t be,” Emmett sniffed. “He’s just a baby.” “Stop it,” Patrick said as he opened his eyes to look at Nicholas. What he was really asking was for the pain to stop; it was crushing him. Nicholas heart broke right then as he continued to hold Patrick to prevent him from collapsing. He didn’t know what the boy was asking him but he could feel all his pain. Then he saw Patrick grabbing on to his shirt right where his heart was. “Stop it, please,” Patrick hissed at him. He couldn’t accept what was going on; it couldn’t be true that Alex was gone. “God,” Nicholas just hugged him really tightly. That was all he could do for the breaking man in front of him. “He’s dead,” Justin whispered as he held on tightly to Brian. “He’s gone, Brian.” Brian kissed him on the temple. “Shhh, I got you. I’m sorry, Justin.” “Let’s get them out of here,” Nicholas said. Brian nodded. He saw that Patrick was now in shock. It was easier to handle him that way. Brian put an arm around Justin’s shoulders and made him walk. “Where are we going?” Michael asked still following along. He had watched the whole thing but didn’t intervene not wanting to get hurt in case Patrick got aggressive. “Did he live with Alex?” Emmett asked. He was thinking that at the moment it would be best not getting Patrick anywhere near the things that could remind him of Alex. “No,” Justin said. “They didn’t live together.” “I’m going to stay here,” Emmett told him. “I’ll make sure that everything’s taken care of.” “Stay with him, Mikey,” Brian told him firmly. Michael frowned and stopped walking. He glared at the back of Brian’s head before he turned around to face Emmett. “You don’t have to do this. Why the fuck are you staying? You’re not even family.” “Then who is going to?” Emmett asked as he cried. Michael sighed and just stayed next to his friend but he wished he could have left with everyone else. Nicholas took Patrick’s arm and pulled him into the elevator. “Come on. I got you.” All of them got inside and descendent in silence; the only noise was Justin’s sniffing. *** Justin opened his eyes and saw that Patrick was watching him. “How are you feeling?” Patrick asked in a gruff voice. Justin stared at him a little disoriented. “What are you doing here? And...I should be asking you that.” Patrick shrugged as he looked around. “I don’t know where we are.” Justin sat up in the bed and sighed. He didn’t recognize the place either. The last thing he remembered was being at the hospital. He closed his eyes crying for his friend that had died hours ago. “Justin,” Patrick muttered as his eyes watered. “Fuck,” Justin hugged his friend. “I’m so sorry.” Patrick nodded and held on to Justin. It gave him strength to have the blond there with him holding him back tightly. “Hello boys,” Nicholas said opening the door. Patrick and Justin were startled. “Don’t worry it’s just me,” Nicholas smiled as a lady came inside carrying a tray of food. “We were coming to see how you guys were doing.” “What’s going on?” Justin asked. “Where’s Brian?” “Brian had to go,” Nicholas explained. “So I’m taking care of you two.” “Where’s he?” Justin was worried. He knew that Brian wouldn’t have left him so it had to be something very important. “He had to go to work. He’s starting a new company and that needs a lot of attention. He didn’t want to go. I made him,” Nicholas informed him. “But he will be back in no time. Promise.” Justin nodded. Nicholas sat in the bed and told them, “this is my house guys.” “I shouldn’t be here,” Patrick told them attempting to get up from the bed. “Where are you supposed to be?” Nicholas asked. “Why don’t you guys eat some before you leave?” “I’m not hungry,” Justin said getting out of the bed. “Where’s the shower?” “That door,” Nicholas told him and watched him go before he turned to look at Patrick. Patrick got up and grabbed his things. “I’ll take a shower at home.” “You’re not going anywhere,” Nicholas said firmly. “Emmett called and he said he was on his way.” “I don’t care,” Patrick hissed. “I won’t let you go,” Nicholas got up and closed the door to the room. “Why the fuck do you care?” Patrick asked sniffing. “I barely know you.” “I managed to calm you down in the hospital,” Nicholas told him. “I feel like you still need me.” “Oh,” Patrick vaguely remembered holding on to someone. “I felt safe,” he whispered to himself. “What?” Nicholas asked wanting nothing else but to comfort the man in front of him. “Nothing,” Patrick told him. “Look maybe you should let me go. You probably have things to do.” “I have nowhere to be,” Nicholas said trying to coax Patrick into staying. “Don’t you work?” Patrick asked trying to find an exit. “No,” Nicholas said. “What are you, rich?” Nicholas sighed wanting to get out of there. “Yeah,” Nicholas said. “I have people taking care of my company, so I don’t worry.” “Great,” Patrick hissed as he walked to the door and opened it. “I want to be alone.” “Emmett said not to leave you alone,” Nicholas went after Patrick. “I’m not going to do anything,” Patrick told him harshly. “I’m not going to drink or take drugs to forget about this and I’m definitely not going to cut my wrists over him!” Patrick’s eyes watered and his feet stopped him on the spot. Nicholas stayed behind the man. “How are you feeling?” he knew Patrick must have been feeling like hell but it was best to talk about it and let it all out before the pain consumed you. “Do you want anything?” he asked when Patrick didn’t answer. “You want to know how I feel?! You want to know how I fucking feel?!!!” Patrick asked turning around his voice echoing with pain throughout the place. “I feel like shit! My throat and my chest are burning up with fire yet I feel like I’m drowning. It’s all so fucking raw! And my heart’s gone and it hurts so fucking much! I want to run away from here where no one knows me or him, a place where I don’t remember Alex; where I can’t remember us,” Patrick nodded as he thought of that and how easy it would make things. “And I want to see Alex and tell him what a fucking idiot he’s for drinking and driving! And I hate him. I hate him for leaving me knowing how much I fucking love him and need him and I...I miss him...so much,” Patrick’s shoulders shook as he cried. “I want to be with him. I would have given my life for him to be okay! And...and I want to tell him how much I miss him right now...and I just...can’t because he’s gone and never coming back.” Nicholas looked away frowning not wanting his own tears to escape him. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now or what to say. He looked back at Patrick who was a complete mess. He walked up to him and held him. “I think that’s pretty normal.” “Fuck you!” Patrick said pulling back. “Fuck you!! You’re not supposed to say that. You’re supposed to say that it’s going to be okay and that...that I’ll feel better.” “I can’t say that,” Nicholas said wishing he could do just that. He wished he could take Patrick in his arms and hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay but it was only a wish. “I don’t know that so I won’t lie to you.” Patrick’s tears kept coming but he smiled at the man in front of him. “At least you’re honest.” “I try,” Nicholas whispered as he hugged the fair man once again. Patrick closed his eyes and held on to Nicholas. They stayed hugging each other as one gave comfort and the other one accepted it. *** “I’m not leaving,” Justin protested. “I might go to prison if you don’t leave in this instant!” Patrick hissed. Justin frowned. “I’m trying to help you. I don’t want you to be alone.” “Justin, please go,” Patrick said tired of everyone’s attention. “I don’t want to leave you,” Justin told him honestly. “I’m tired of everyone looking after me like I’m a baby,” Patrick hugged Justin and kissed him on the cheek. “You’ve been with me all this time. And I really need to be alone.” “I know,” Justin told him but still didn’t want to leave. He wanted to be there for Patrick because he knew the man needed him. “Then go,” Patrick said with a smile knowing that Justin loved him and he was grateful for that. “Brian needs you.” Justin sighed. “I’ll come back later thought.” Patrick nodded and let go of the blond. He walked with him to the door and then closed it once Justin had left. “God,” Justin said from the other side of the door. He walked out of the building and decided to walk for a while. He thought about everything that had happened in so little time. He tried not to think about his father but it was hopeless. Justin hurried to the loft when the night sneaked up on him. With all that was going on his mind he didn’t even noticed. He found the brunet sitting at the computer clicking the mouse like crazy. “What are you doing?” Justin asked closing the door. “Buying stuff,” Brian told him as he got up. “How are you doing?” “Okay,” Justin told him rather tired form the weight of all the emotions he had dealt with in the last few days. “Why didn’t you call me? I would have gone to pick you up,” Brian told him. “It’s okay,” Justin told him. He walked to the bedroom to take off his clothes and just climbed in bed. Brian followed him. “How is he?” “Better,” Justin assured him as he got under the covers. Brian walked towards Justin and sat on the bed. “How are you?” Justin shrugged. “Okay.” Brian ran his hand over Justin’s hair again and again. “Do you want to check it out?” he asked the blond to be sure that it was okay with his man. “How?” Justin asked as he smiled at Brian knowing the man didn’t think he was completely nuts. “I don’t know,” Brian leaned forth and kissed Justin on the mouth. “I’ll look into it.” “I was probably wrong,” Justin muttered deciding it was the logical explanation. “You were right. He’s just some guy that looks like my father.” Brian kissed him on the lips and then got up. He walked back to his computer and sat down. He had a bad vibe about the whole thing. He grabbed the phone and decided to make a few calls. He was going to find out how right Justin had been. *** Patrick opened the door and arched a brow. He had thought it was Justin who had come back but he was wrong. “What are you doing here?” “I wanted to see how you were doing,” Nicholas told him and pushed his way inside. “Hey,” Patrick said narrowing his eyes at the man. “I didn’t tell you to come in.” “That’s okay,” Nicholas smirked. “I know I’m welcome.” Patrick crossed his arms amazed at the man’s brazen attitude. “You’re so fucking cocky.” Nicholas grinned at the man. “Aren’t you going to offer me something to drink?” Patrick rolled his eyes and threw the door shut. “No, I’m not.” “So rude,” Nicholas looked around. “This place is nice.” “Nothing like your place,” Patrick spat out. He just wanted to be left alone. He looked at Nicholas not knowing why he was being so rude to the man. But Nicholas could get under his skin in seconds even when he was trying his hardest to ignore him. “Are you kidding,” Nicholas said looking out the window. “My house it’s fucking fantastic.” “Thanks,” Patrick sneered as he shook his head. He couldn’t believe what an ego Nicholas had. Nicholas turned around. “What?” he asked innocently. Patrick laughed shocked with the man’s attitude. “Do you know what the word humble means?” Nicholas arched a brow. “Do you want that to be a rhetorical question?” “Jesus,” Patrick sighed. “Why don’t you just go?” he pointed to the door. He was tired of talking with the man. “I really care if you’re okay or not,” Nicholas told him sincerely. “I’m trying to help out.” Patrick lowered his hand slowly seeing that the man meant it. The man in front of him could take anyone by surprise. He was a complete mystery and the most complex, frustrating and egocentric man Patrick had ever met, he even surpassed Alex’s overconfidence. “I’m okay,” he answered hoping it would satisfy the man and he would leave. Nicholas walked over to the sofa and sat down. “Come here,” he gently coaxed. Patrick frowned but still went over to Nicholas and sat down next to him. “You need to get out of here,” Nicholas told him wanting Patrick to forget about all that happened at least for a while. “Where am I going to go?” Patrick asked. “I don’t know,” Nicholas said. “The movies, the park, school. Just get your mind to think of something else for a while.” Patrick frowned as he shook his head. “It’s not easy to just keep on walking to do something else.” “I know,” Nicholas said in an understanding voice. “You don’t know,” Patrick told him harshly. “Michael left me,” Nicholas said. “And that’s as hard as what you’re going through.” Patrick shook his head at the audacity of Nicholas words. Nicholas was definitely an ass in his book. He couldn’t believe what the man was saying; comparing what happened to each other as if it was the same thing. Michael was alive and his lover was dead; it wasn’t even remotely the same in any stratosphere. “Because you might not be able to be with Alex because he died,” Nicholas said as he bare his soul to the man next to him. “But I’m not with Michael just because he doesn’t want me.” Patrick swallowed seeing how that might cause a lot of pain. He looked into the man’s eyes and could tell that he had been talking about the pain they were going through and that he had thought something else. “We all deal with broken hearts one way or another,” Nicholas said. “We just have to try to put the pieces back and keep on going no matter how hard it is. I know that Alex would have wanted you to keep on going.” “I’m sorry,” Patrick said seeing how Nicholas would need to be sarcastic all the time to hide his pain. “It’s not your fault,” Nicholas sighed. “Is that why you’re always so...sarcastic?” Patrick asked. “You mean arrogant?” Nicholas asked arching a brow. “Nah, that’s just my personality. I’m supposed to be that way.” Patrick rolled his eyes but a smile surfaced. “So, do you want to go out?” Nicholas asked. “Where to?” Patrick asked. “I don’t know,” Nicholas said. “Not really,” Patrick got up. “I just want to be left alone.” Nicholas got up feeling that Patrick could be left alone. “Okay, I’ll leave.” “Thanks for coming by,” Patrick said. Nicholas smiled and kissed the blond on the cheek. They started into each other’s eyes and then kissed again, this time on the mouth. Nicholas picked him up and Patrick wrapped his legs around him. He walked with him to the table and laid him there. Their mouths never parted. Patrick’s hands reached for the older man’s cock. He unzipped Nicholas’ pants and let the hard member out. Nicholas helped Patrick to push down his pants but only managed to free one of Patrick’s legs; that was more than enough. “God,” Patrick hissed when their cocks came into contact. Nicholas attacked the blond’s neck while he pulled a condom out of his pocket. He ripped it open and put it on. He took off his shirt and pushed Patrick back. Patrick closed his eyes when he felt the nimble fingers entering. “Mmm,” Patrick moaned. Nicholas couldn’t wait to be inside the young man. He pulled out his fingers and placed his cock at the hole’s entrance. “Oh god!” Patrick gasped as his upper body lifted up. Nicholas grabbed the man’s legs and pushed them up to his shoulders. His hips had a life of their own and he pushed and pulled out of the man under him. “Ah,” Patrick held on to the table. He opened his eyes briefly and reached for the man. He brought him closer and kissed him hard. All the while pretending that it was Alex but knowing it wasn’t really him. The two of them fucked hard and fast. There were no caresses of any kind. Just two bodies moving riotously against each other both trying to reach the heights of pleasure and forget the past. Patrick and Nicholas came both at the same time growling and moaning. “Fuck,” Nicholas said as he pulled out. His body too unsteady to move so he kept it a top Patrick. They were both covered in sweat and smelling of nothing but sex. Patrick bit his lower lip and his body involuntarily started to shake. “Patrick,” Nicholas muttered with worry as he straightened up. “What’s wrong?” Patrick was crying and inconsolable. He quickly put on his pants again and walked away, all the while ignoring Nicholas. “Patrick,” Nicholas went after him. “Leave me alone,” Patrick told him with a mix of anger and regret in his voice. Patrick ran out of the room and locked himself in the bathroom. “Patrick,” Nicholas called, “let me in.” “Can you leave me alone?” Patrick asked crying. Nicholas closed his eyes berating himself for hurting Patrick. It was the last thing he wanted. “I’m not going to.” “Leave my apartment!” Patrick shouted. “I don’t want you there when I come out.” Nicholas reached in his back pocket and took his cigarettes out. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed some napkins to clean himself. He got rid of the condom and then lighted his cigarette. He walked to the front door and opened it. Patrick sighed as he heard the door closing. He washed his face and then decided to take a shower. He showered with hot water, so hot it made his skin turned red from head to toe. When he came out he didn’t bother to take his towel, he just unlocked the door and came out. He stopped when he found Nicholas sitting on the bed. Nicholas got up and walked over to Patrick. He kissed him on the cheek, “I’ll see you later. I’m sorry.” Patrick sighed and closed his eyes, his inside was in turmoil. When he heard the door closing he opened them again. He crawled into the bed and pulled a pillow into his arms. He closed his eyes and remembered the many times that he had been with Alex up until the very last one. Alex had been the last man inside of him and he had tainted that memory now by being with Nicholas.