Brian was sitting on a booth with Michael trying to put some sense into Michael’s head. He wanted Michael to understand that Justin meant a lot to him. Brian wanted Michael to back off so he was just trying to break it to Michael slowly. “So you mean you actually care about him?” Michael asked. Brian took a sip of coffee and was about to answer when he started coughing and the cup fell to the floor. He had seen Justin coming into the diner with someone else. “Brian, are you okay?” Justin asked alarmed. Justin hit Brian in the back a couple of times and then caressed the spot he hit. “Breathe,” Brian nodded. “Thank you.” Brian gasped out. “Fuck,” “Are you okay?” Michael asked. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Brian asked pointing at the guy that was next to Justin. “Get the fuck out and don’t come back here.” “You guys know each other?” Justin asked shock written all over his face. “No,” “I know what you want and you are not going to get it.” Brian screamed. “So just fucking leave Justin and me alone. Don’t come near us, don’t call, don’t write, just fucking drop dead.” “Okay,” The guy whispered. “Out,” Brian yelled. “Brian what the fuck is wrong with you?” Justin asked. “Hi, I’m Michael and this is my crazy best friend Brian. Don’t let him get to you. A while ago he lost his fucking mind.” Justin smirked. “Yeah, he acted as crazy as he is acting now when he met me.” Justin told him snickering. “I’m Ethan.” Brian glared. “So, can we sit here?” Justin asked. “No,” “No?” Justin asked. “You can sit. He can’t.” "Suddenly I'm having flash backs to when we were thirteen." Michael said. "Fuck you too, Mikey." Brian shouted. “Wow, and here me thinking we were over these personality crisis episodes.” Justin teased. “Look Brian I don’t know what’s wrong with you today but you are not going to treat my friend like this.” Justin turned to leave. “Wait,” Brian yelled while getting up. “Don’t go with him please.” Justin frowned and heard the fear in Brian’s voice. “Brian, we just came to have lunch.” “It’s just that…well it’s…you wouldn’t understand…I…I…he…this one time…well.” Brian said and then closed his mouth and counted to ten in his mind. “Forget it, come on.” Brian pulled Justin with him and sat down. “You can sit down Ian.” “It’s Ethan,” “Whatever,” “You are being rude, Brian.” Justin told him using a harsh tone. “Brian is rude.” Michael said. “No, I think he just has multiple personalities.” Justin said kissing Brian in the cheek. "Today he is being an asshole." Brian smiled and pulled Justin to him so he could kiss him on the mouth. “So, what do you do?” Michael asked Ethan. Ethan looked at Michael and smiled. “I’m a musician,” “He’s great,” Justin commented enthusiastically. “Stop it,” Ethan said smiling. “So ask him?” “Oh, Ethan is going to be playing at the GLC and he invited us. Do you want to come?” Justin asked. “I’m not sure I can make it.” Brian spit out. There was no way that he was going to get caught listening to violin music. Brian knew that he would first jump out of a thirteen story building before listening to Ethan play. “Well, I’ll save you a seat in case you do make it.” Justin said. “You are going to go without me?” Brian asked throwing his arms in the air. “Brian, shut the fuck up. Dead people can hear you.” Michael said. “What do you mean?” Justin asked. “Ethan’s my friend and I want to support him.” Brian pushed Justin out of the booth and then got out. He pulled Justin by the hand and almost half dragged him outside the diner. “Brian!” Justin yelled. “Is it that time of the month again?” “I don’t want you to be friends with him.” Brian growled. “Well, fuck you Brian. You don’t own my fucking life. I can be friends with whoever the fuck I want.” Justin screamed back. Brian looked away. He was losing his patience fast. “Fuck, Justin, all he wants is to fucking get in your pants.” “So, what if he does?” Brian glared. “What do you mean what if he does?” Brian asked throwing his arms in the air like a mad man. “Brian, calm down.” “I don’t want to calm down.” Brian roared. “Fuck you,” Brian stopped and looked at Justin. “I can’t believe you, Brian. You go out there and you fuck whoever the hell you want and I have to put up with it. But I have a friend that might want to fuck me and it’s fucking wrong.” “You..” “Shut the fuck up! I’m talking.” Justin screeched. “I can’t believe you don’t fucking trust me, Brian. I am barely starting a relationship with you that I’m not so sure about. Why the fuck would I want another guy?” Brian closed his eyes and started to rub his temples. (“He is looking kind of pale,”) Brian frowned. “Brian, are you okay?” “Yeah,” (“Maybe he is having a nightmare.”) “Fuck,” Brian said. “Justin, is everything okay?” Ethan asked. “Let's go, Ethan." Justin hissed. "Brian, I’ll call you.” “Justin, I don’t want you with him.” Brian whispered. “Fuck,” Justin yelled frantically. “Weren’t you just listening to me?” Brian looked away. “Does he ever listen to anyone?” Michael asked coming out of the diner. “Michael, stop trying to help me, really. I know what I am doing.” Brian informed him calmly. Justin looked at Michael and then at Brian. “Justin,” “No,” Justin said. “Just…” Justin turned around and left. Brian had the odd feeling that things had taken the wrong path. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Justin was trying to draw something but nothing came to mind. He looked around at his classmates that were packing up to leave. He was tired but he was going to stay. He didn’t want to see anyone. Justin just wanted to be alone. “Hey,” “Brian, what the fuck are you doing here?” Justin asked glaring at the older man. “I came to talk to you.” Brian said. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.” Justin murmured. “Well, you are going to.” Justin glared at him. “I know that I acted like an asshole, Justin.” Brian said. “I didn’t want to hear it over the phone and I don’t want to hear it now.” Justin informed him getting up. “Just leave me the fuck alone.” “Justin,” “No, Brian. You hurt me. To know that you don’t trust me, hurt me.” Brian closed his eyes. “It’s just that if I told you the truth, you wouldn’t believe me.” Brian said. Justin just arched a brow and stood there. (“I’m sorry for everything.”) Brian heard Justin’s words and looked up to smile at Justin. “Why are you smiling at me like that?” Justin asked. “Get the fuck out.” Brian frowned. He was really losing his mind. Brian needed to get his head examined. He was starting to hear the voices more often. Brian looked back at Justin. First, he was going to have his head checked and then he was going to get Justin back. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian took a deep breath and tried to relax. Ever since the little argument about Ethan things had just gone down hill. “This is stupid,” Brian yelled. “Guys, can you please calm down?” Daphne asked. “Justin, your parents are just outside.” “Brian, please go.” Justin shouted. "The last thing I need if for my parents to find you here. After I have dinner with my parents I'll call you." "You always say you are going to call, Justin." Brain hissed. "Victoria and Mathew wouldn't like you being here, Brian." Daphne said. "I couldn't even begin to explain your presence." "I don't fucking care." Brian grunted. "Then you call me later but just fucking leave." Justin said angry. “Fine, I just wanted to tell you that I know what you have been doing. You are a fucking coward. You are scared shitless of actually trying being in a relationship.” “Yeah, I’m the one that always screws up.” Justin mocked. “No but someday you might and I would still be there for you.” Brian told him. “You just care too much what other people think of you to actually want this relationship to work.” “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Justin told him. Brian laughed and shook his head. “You are scared shitless of what other people think of you. I have seen it when I try to grab your hand or kiss you in public. You are so into making yourself the perfect son so your family is happy that you are giving your own happiness away.” Daphne bit her lower lip and looked at Brian and then at Justin. Justin looked away. “You almost had me going too. At first I though you really didn’t like me. Thank god I listened to my heart. I knew something was wrong. All this time you haven’t been anything but a fucking hypocrite.” “You don’t know anything.” Justin yelled and put his hand on his mouth when someone knocked on the door. “Is everything alright, Justin?” “Yes, Mrs. Gillard.” Daphne yelled. “We are just talking about something.” “Okay,” “You know what I think of someone that hides who he is. I think that they are not worth my time.” “Brian,” Daphne said shocked. Brian looked away and then back at Justin. “Don’t worry Daphne, he is different. Justin, for you I would wait forever if that’s what it would take for you to show the world who you are. I would love you secretly everyday of my life. I would be there for you when you need me. As long as I have you in my arms, nothing else would fucking matter to me.” Brian moved forward to kiss Justin but stopped and managed to get out a smile. “I forgot you don’t like me kissing you in public. Daphne is here. I’ll leave the two of you alone now. But so you know. It’s far from over.” Brian said. Brian moved to the window to climb out the way he had gotten in. He looked back one more time to see that Justin was staring at the floor not moving at all. Brian shook his head and kept on going. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian sat next to Justin and gave him a weak smile. Justin frowned but didn’t say anything. It had been like that for over two weeks. Brian would come and see Justin. Just sit next to him or stand or follow him or call him but he wouldn’t say anything. Every time he left he would kiss Justin on the cheek and smile sadly. “Brian, umm remember when I used to say that you were scaring me and all that?” Brian just nodded. “Well, this is not helping.” Justin said. “I think I liked you better when you were this mad man on a mission. I liked it when we were together. We are fucking killing each other here. Brian, we both have strong personalities. I don’t think we are going to work.” “I’m just going to wait.” “For what,” Justin asked. “For when you are ready, Justin,” Brian said. “I’ll be here. I already told you.” “I can’t believe you.” Justin said. “You need professional help.” “And you need your fucking heart examine.” Brian said angrily. “Just make sure is not made out of fucking pieces of wood and rock.” Justin glared at him. “Fuck you, Brian. I never asked you to fall for me. I never wanted you in the first place.” Brian just laughed. “Funny you should say that. If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me a story about this little blonde who used to stalk me all the time.” “Don’t tell me, you learned everything you know from him?” Brian smirked and looked at Justin who was looking at the painting he just hung up. “You are so beautiful, Justin.” “Thanks,” Justin said. “You smell like alcohol. Have you been drinking again?” “I drank a little.” Justin closed his eyes. Brian looked drained. “Brian, this is not healthy for either of us.” “Why? Why can’t you be with me?” Brian asked crying. “God damn it Brian,” Justin shrieked. Justin quickly looked around the gallery making sure no one was looking at them. “I know you like me, Justin. I just can’t fucking understand why would you want to push me away.” Brian said. “I don’t stink do I?” Justin half laughed. “I’m sorry. Brian but I just don’t want you.” Brian closed his eyes and swallowed Justin’s words like poison. “That’s bullshit and you know it!” “It’s the truth.” Justin said calmly. “At first I thought I did. It was exciting but this isn’t for me.” Brian just stared at him in shock. “Look I have to go, okay.” Justin said walking away. Brian frowned and racked his brain over and over again. He couldn’t believe that he had lost the battle. He didn’t have anything else left in him. He just couldn’t take seeing Justin anymore and not being able to love him, to just hold him until he fell asleep. Brian closed his eyes and got up and started walking. He had no place to go. He was just empty.