Michael stood near the bar at Babylon watching the throngs of bodies move to the pulsating beat.  In the middle of the dance floor he could see his best friend, Brian.  Brian was dancing with some hot little twink who already had his hand down the front of Brian’s jeans.  Most people would have dismissed this as Brian just being Brian, but Michael knew better.  Since Justin had walked out of Babylon the night of the ‘Rage’ party, Brian had been on a slippery road to self-destruction.

Brian had pretended at the time that he didn’t care about Justin leaving him.  Michael guessed that anyone who didn’t know him very well might have actually believed him.  Michael, however, did not.

When it came to tricking, Brian was on definitive seek and destroy mode.  Fucking anything and everything he happened to come across.  He had begun staying at Babylon until it closed.  Then he’d crash only to be up in a few hours later to go to work.  Brian looked like hell and Michael knew his friend was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically.  He had no idea how long Brian would be able to keep up this pace before he would eventually collapse.

Deciding he’d seen enough from the sidelines, Michael worked his way though the crowd to where Brian stood.  He hoped he could lure Brian out of Babylon and back to his loft.

“Brian.”  Michael called.  Brian looked up and smiled not even bothering to dislodge Nameless Trick’s hand from his pants.

“Mikey.”  Brian exclaimed grabbing his best friend and pulling him into a sloppy, drunken hug.

Nameless Trick continued his ‘work’ even as his hand was crushed between Brian and Michael’s bodies.  Michael looked down startled by the feel of the trick’s hand sliding over the front of his pants through Brian’s jeans.  Michael grabbed Nameless Trick by the arm near the elbow and pulled him free.

“That’ll be all, thank you.”  Michael said dismissively.  Nameless Trick had the nerve to not only look surprised, but to open his mouth to say something before thinking better of it and disappearing into the crowd.

“Hey?”  Brian protested.  “He was supposed to be my entertainment for the evening.  Fuck!”

“You need to go home.”

“Fuck that.”  Brian slurred.  “Too early.”

“Jesus Brian.”  Michael countered.  “You’re dead on your feet.”  Brian arched his eyebrow and slid his tongue into his cheek.  “You need to go home, get into bed and get some fucking rest before you fall flat on you God damned face.”  Brian tried to pull away but was far to drunk.  “You’re going to fucking kill yourself.”

Brian rolled his eyes at Michael pulling the shorter man closer to him.  “That wouldn’t be the worst that could happen, is it?”  Brian whispered.

Michael’s mouth fell open remembering the last time Brian had uttered those words to him.  At Brian’s private thirtieth birthday party.  The scarf, the booze and drugs.  Walking in on Brian as he hung from the rafters of his loft with that stupid fucking white scarf around his neck had scared Michael to no end.  He still shuddered every time he thought about it.  The image was seared into Michael’s memory forever.

Finding a strength he didn’t know he had, Michael grabbed Brian by the arm and walked him to the exit of the club.  He got him out into the street even as Brian protested.  But, Brian’s exhaustion that neared all out lethargy kept him from actually pulling away.  He finally wriggled out of Michael’s grasp when they got to the front of Brian’s Jeep.

“What the fuck?”  Brian demanded.  “Get the fuck off of me.”  He made a gesture of pulling away from Michael only to stumble backward.  Michael managed to grab Brian’s belt to keep him on his feet.

“You’re going home.”  Michael insisted.  “You’re going home right fucking now.”

Brian protested loudly as Michael deposited him in the passenger side of the Jeep.  He yelled at Michael that he was perfectly capable of driving himself home as Michael started the Jeep’s engine and drove toward Brian’s building.

At the loft, Michael lugged an almost unconscious Brian into the building and onto the elevator.  He propped Brian up next to the door in order to unlock it.  As Michael slid the door open, Bran pitched toward the door causing Michael to scramble in order to keep him from toppling them both.

The distance between the door and the bedroom seemed to have doubled as Michael manhandled Brian toward the bed.  Michael let out a sigh of relief when he was finally able to lay Brian down onto the bed.  Michael undressed a very uncooperative Brian leaving on his t-shirt and underwear.  After tucking his friend in Michael headed back to shut the loft door.  He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge as he went.  Brian had turned onto his right side facing away from the door.  Michael sat down on the step watching his best friend.

“Mikey?”  Brian called startling Michael.

“Yeah, Bri.”

“Come lay with me.”

“Brian. . .”

“No funny stuff, Mikey, I promise.  I just need. . .”

Michael knew what Brian wanted.  He needed to be held.  Michael also knew what it took for him to ask for such a thing.  Brian saw need as a weakness and when he needed something, he found it nearly impossible to voice it.

“Let me call Ben first.”  Michael said.  “I don’t want him to worry.”

“‘Kay.” 

After a brief conversation with his lover, Michael set the alarm and headed back to Brian.  He stayed dressed and lay on top of the covers.  Brian turned toward Michael and laid his head on Michael chest.

“Go to sleep now, Brian.”

“I really fucked things up this time, didn’t I?”  Brian asked his voice muffled against Michael’s shirt.

“You’re okay, Brian.” Michael said ignoring Brian’s comment.  “Now, go to sleep.”

When Brian didn’t say anything for a long time, Michael assumed he’d fallen asleep.  He looked down at the top of Brian’s head and kissed Brian’s hair.  Michael had known Brian half his life.  He had seen Brian at his best and all time screaming worst, but this. . . this was different.  Brian was falling apart.  He’d lost Justin and it was slowly killing him.

Michael knew he could blame it all on Justin, but he also knew that Brian had played his part in the break up.  Brian had played as much a part in the break up as Justin.  More so probably.  All due to reasons beyond Brian’s control.  Deep seated neuroses that had developed during the early years of Brian’s life.  Michael had seen the walls around Brian’s life being built.  Had watched the groundbreaking ceremonies.  

Justin had broken through those walls, but couldn’t seem to break through the fortress around Brian’s emotions.  Poor kid.  Justin had just run out of steam.  He’d become too tired and too frustrated to fight anymore.  When Justin had left, he’d left the rubble of the walls he’d broken down.  Brian was open, vulnerable, and unable to rebuild his defenses quickly enough he had shattered.

Brian shifted in his sleep startling Michael out of his thoughts.  He began to rub light circles on Brian’s back to calm him.  Brian sighed and snuggled in closer.

“Love you, Justin.”  Brian mumbled.

Michael’s hand faltered for a second or two and he starred down at his friend in utter disbelief.  Now it all made perfect sense.  Brian had done to Justin the very thing he’d done on Michael’s 30th birthday.  He’d pushed Justin off the same proverbial cliff that Michael had been shoved off of to get him back with David.  Fuck me, Michael thought.  Brian had pushed Justin away for what Brian believed was Justin’s own good.

You stupid fuck.  Michael thought.  

Sometime later Michael finally fell asleep.  But, not before realizing that he knew what he had to do.  Since he himself had been instrumental in Brian and Justin’s break up, who better to try and get them back together.  He knew the risk.  He knew if his plan backfired, he might just lose his best friend, but it was a risk he knew he had to take.  It was his turn to shove Brian off that fucking cliff and he prayed that Justin would be there to catch him.  

End chapter one.