-- Brian and Justin stood together with John, Hunter and Ben as Drew Boyd spoke at the candlelight vigil. Brian was impressed with the man's forthright admission that he no hero just because he played football or for deciding to come out after hiding for as long as he had. ". . .I guess they forgot that American belongs to all of us." Boyd said finishing up his speech with a call for a moment of silence for those lost. Brian wasn't too terribly surprised to see Debbie approach the microphone. Although she was much more subdued. "My name is Debbie Novotny." She began. "Although most of you probably know me." She smiled at the scattering of applause. "My son Michael Novotny-Bruckner was injured in the bombing. It was touch and go for a while, but I'm here to say that he's going to be all right." People clapped loudly as she continued. "But, others were so lucky." "Your son should have died." An angry shout exclaimed from the right side of the stage. "What did you say?" Ben asked angrily already moving toward the crowd of people near the man who'd spoken. "Your son will burn in hell." The man said as others around him nodded in agreement. "Fuck you!" Ben said throwing a punch that knocked the man to the ground. "Shit!" Brian said pushing through the crowd. Before Brian could get there, Ben had lost all control punching the man until blood was running from his nose and mouth. Brian grabbed Ben and attempted to pull him back, but the professor wouldn't be stopped. Finally Carl and Drew Boyd moved to help Brian. "You don't even know what it's like to be human much less Christian." Ben said as they pulled him back. He surged forward once more and landed a foot on the man's side. "Get the hell out of here." Carl called as a patrol car pulled up to the scene. Brian manhandled Ben away from the scene the other man still trying desperately to get at the now unconscious man on the ground. "Fuck." Ben said after Brian forced him into his SUV and headed away from the vigil. "What did I do?" "You nearly beat someone to death." Brian said sounding both amazed and impressed. "Oh, God." Ben said looking at the blood on his hands. "Do you have something -?" Brian produced a towel from back seat and handed it to Ben. "It's my cum towel." Brian explained as Ben gave him a disgusted look. "For when you're on the go." "Thank God, I'm not bleeding." Ben said. "I don't know how I managed not to cut my hands." He was breathing hard as if he'd just run 5 miles. "I can't believe what I did. I was completely out of control. I am never completely out of control." "You should try it more often." Brian countered. "I might like you better." "No, you don't understand." Ben said sharply. "What I just did goes against everything I believe; everything I tell my students." "Does this mean I can't call you Zen Ben anymore?" Brian quipped. "You call me Zen Ben?" Ben asked astonished. Brian nodded then lit a cigarette and handed it to Ben. Ben refused at first, but then took it when Brian insisted. "You're a terrible influence." "I try my best." They remained silent for a moment or two. "Look, I don't know what the Buddha would say, we haven't talked in a while, but I know your husband would be very proud of you." "Well, if anyone knows Michael, you do." Ben said resignedly. "Did." Brian corrected. "In case you haven't been paying attention, the 'Brian & Mikey' show is over." "But, you still love one another." "Always have." Brian said sadly. "Always will. It's just different now." They fell silent as Brian turned the car in the direction of the hospital. He knew that Ben would want to be with Michael. He only hoped that there would be no reprisals due to Ben's actions. As Brian left the hospital, he called Justin's cell phone. The phone rang several times and Brian was about to say 'fuck it' and give up when Justin finally answered. "Where are you?" Brian asked. "The diner." "I'll be there in 10 minutes." "Okay." "You all right?" "We're fine." "I love you." "I love you, too." Brian disconnected pressing down on the accelerator of the SUV wanting to get to Justin as soon as possible. -- "How's Ben?" Justin asked when Brian entered the diner. "Repentant." Brian said. "I dropped him off at the hospital." "He didn't kill that guy, did he?" John asked. "No, just beat the shit out of him." Brian said. "If he hadn't, I would have. What did Carl say?" "As little as possible." Justin said. "This is all Ben needs right now." "Maybe nothing will come of it." Brian smirked. "I mean what straight guy is going to want to own up to having his ass handed to him by a fag?" "This isn't funny." "I didn't say it was." Brian countered. "You ready to go home." Justin nodded. "Definitely." John said frowning. "This shit is tiring." "You got that right." -- Brian heard something but didn't know what it was at first. He roused up a bit and realized that Justin was muttering in his sleep. "Justin." Brian said softly not wanting to startle him. "Wake up, Baby. You're having a bad dream." Justin snapped awake and looked all around dazed. "What the -?" "It's okay." Brian said placing his hand on Justin's arm. "You were dreaming." "I haven't had a nightmare is so long." Justin said sleepily nestling his head on Brian's shoulder. "I know." Brian said lightly caressing Justin's shoulder. "Go back to sleep, Baby. If you remember your dream, you can tell me about it in the morning." Justin nodded already slipping back into sleep. Brian lay there staring at his young lover for several minutes before allowing himself to drift back to sleep. He hated that Justin's nightmares had returned. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done to see the younger man in pain. Pain that normal pain management couldn't solve. He didn't want to go through it again, but knew he probably would have to. -- John and Hunter were both quieter than usual at the breakfast table the following morning. John stared at his Cheerios as if the meaning of life was written on them and Hunter mindlessly munched on Cap'n Crunch. "John." Justin began. "If you don't feel up to school today, we'll understand if you want to stay home." "No, that's okay, Justin." John said. "I'll be okay. I'm just not very hungry for breakfast." "What about you, Hunter?" Brian asked over his cup of coffee. "I'm okay." Hunter said too quickly. "The tutoring only lasts for a couple hours anyway." He pressed his lips together the way Brian often did when he was thinking or about to say something he's afraid will either hurt or piss someone off. "If it's okay, I'd like to go the hospital to see Michael when I'm done. Spend some time with him and Ben." "I don't see a problem in that." Brian said. "Would probably be a good time to broach the idea of you moving home." "Yeah, that's kinda why I wanted to go." Hunter said sheepishly. "I figured." Brian said nodding. "You aren't going to be pissed if I move home, are you?" Hunter asked stressed. "No." Brian said shaking his head and setting his cup down on the table. "It's your call. If you want to move home, and Ben and Michael want you there, then that is exactly what you should do." "Cool." Hunter said sounding extremely relieved. "Go get dressed." Brian said. "Your tutor will be here shortly." Much to both Brian and Justin's surprise Hunter didn't make a smart-assed remark. He just headed up the stairs to do as he was told. "I'd better get my backpack and stuff." John said. "Rudy's mom'll be here soon, too." "Do you remember it?" Brian asked once John was up stairs. "Remember what?" "The nightmare you were having last night when I woke you up." Brian clarified. "Not really." Justin said, but Brian knew the younger man always remembered his nightmares. "It was a lot of things all melded together. The bashing, the explosion, hell, Ethan was in it, too. I'm glad you woke me up, though." "Why?" "Because I was about to do the stupidest thing in the world again in my dream." Brian looked at his confused. "I was about to walk away from you - again." Brian pulled Justin into his arms. "I was so scared." Justin said his voice belying the emotions that he had been denying since the night of the bombing. "I was so afraid that I might never see you again. That I might lose you. That everything we have would be lost forever." "I wasn't even there, Justin." Brian said softly pulling way from Justin so that the other man could look him in the eye. "I would have lost you not the other way around. And, my life as we know it, would be over. The only reason I have to get up everyday would be gone." Brian sniffed. "I just kept thinking about that the whole time I was running. And, I just seemed to be going so fucking slow. Like I was in quicksand. Like a nightmare." "Tell me you love me." "I love you." "Tell me that everyday for the rest of our lives." "Deal." -- Cynthia met Brian at the door to Kinnetik. A look passed between them that anyone else would have missed. They both knew just how close they had come to being hurt. If they had been there. If the wrong fucking layout hadn't been sent out. If, if, if. "Everybody present and accounted for?" Brian asked. "All except Phil from the art department." Cynthia explained. "He got trampled on by people trying to get out. Broken hip. He'll be laid for a month." "I'll give him a call later." Brian said. "Send over some food and porn." "Basic essentials." Cynthia said with a laugh. She touched his arm before turning and heading to her desk. "Brian?" Ted said surprised. "Theodore." Brian greeted. "Didn't expect to see you today." Ted continued as he followed Brian into his office. "Thought you might want to stay home and -." "And, do what, Theodore?" Brian asked. "Sleep? Tried that. Didn't work." He shook his head. "I called the insurance company and filed a claim already." Ted said then looked at a note pad he was carrying. "The building inspector is going to meet me at the club in a couple of hours. I've already talked to three contractors who'll be submitting bids for the repairs by the end of the week." "When to hell did you do all this?" Brian asked stunned. "I started last night." Ted said. "I noticed you weren't at the vigil." "I had stuff to do." Ted said in his own defense. "And, my boss can be a bit of an ogre when I don't get things done as quickly as possible." Brian arched his eyebrow but said nothing. "How's Michael?" "He got through surgery okay." Brian began. "His doctor said he should make a full recovery." "Thank God." Ted said relieved. "I'll have to get over to see him later." "See that you do." Ted nodded making a hasty exit. Brian blew out a breath looking at the pile of work in his desk then simply plowed into it. At least he could forget about all the bullshit for a little while. For now, that was enough. -- When Brian got home, he found Justin in his studio. The younger man was painting furiously. The canvass for the most part was black with shades of dark blue and dark purple. Justin was deep into his zone and didn't notice Brian. Brian watched as Justin's brush flew across the canvass. The younger man winced then brought his hand down. He muttered something under his breath then setting the brush down on a nearby table, he began to massage the cramping muscles in his hand. "Let me see." Brian said startling Justin. "When did you get here?" Justin said as Brian took his hand and began to massage it as he'd been taught as part of Justin's physical therapy exercises after the bashing. "A couple minutes ago." Brian smirked. "You were way too into it to notice." "What time is it?" "Almost five thirty." "Shit." Justin said. "I was going to cook tonight." He shook his head and started to clean up. "You don't have to." Brian said. "John is staying the night over at Alex's house so they can finish their History project. Hunter left a message with me at work saying that he's going to stay over at Ben and Michael's tonight. Guess, they want to get everything ready for when Michael comes home." "When's he getting out of the hospital?" "Couple days." "That's good." Brian nodded. "Yeah." "It's still hard to wrap my head around all this." "Tell me about it." Brian pulled the younger man to him. "Brian, you're going to paint all over you." "I don't care." He leaned in pressing his lips to Justin's. "How about we shower, order Chinese, then eat it in bed?" "Sounds like a plan." -- Justin was on the computer finishing panels of the latest issue of 'Rage' when Brian got home the following day. Brian had been forced to work late. Justin smiled brightly when Brian slid in behind him wrapping his arms around the younger man. Brian kissed the side of Justin's neck the pointed at the screen. "That looks hot." Brian said pointing the to graphic detail of the latest sexcapade of Rage and J.T. "Rage and J.T. are always hot." Justin smirked. "I happen to have the inside scoop on these two, you know." He smiled and Brian chuckled. "Do tell." Justin waggled his eyebrows and smiled. "Anything to eat in the house?" "You're hungry?" "It happens." Brian said defensively. "We had meatloaf." Justin explained. "There some left if you want." "That sounds pretty good actually." "It's in the fridge." Justin called as Brian headed into the kitchen. Brian fussed around in the refrigerator for a few minutes then Justin heard the microwave ding. Brian returned shortly thereafter sitting down beside Justin. Although the older man claimed to be hungry, he'd placed only bird-like portions on the plate from which he ate. Justin shook his head and went back to 'Rage'. "So, what is our 'Gay Crusader' up to this time?" Brian asked. "Still fighting off 'Razorback'? 'Juice Pig'? 'Ice Tina'?" "Better." Justin said. Brian looked at him expectantly. "The Interplanetary Council has started promoting a change in their by-laws. It would take away all of 'Rage's' rights as a superhero. It would take all his powers away from him. Make a slave of him." "Really." "Yeah, but what 'Rage' and 'J.T.' don't know is that they are being controlled by a mind control beam from deep space." Justin continued. "Dr. Kirshner thinks that he's found its source somewhere near -." "Uranus?" Brian interrupted. "No." Justin said chuckling as he nudged Brian in the ribs. "It's coming from an as yet unexplored area of the cosmos." "So, our hero must suss out where it's coming from and save all of 'Gayopolis' yet again." Brian said grandly. "But, it won't be easy." Justin said. "It never is." Brian countered. Justin nodded. "You finished for the night?" "Maybe." Justin said stretching. "What'd you have in mind?" "Deep exploration of Uranus?" Brian said raising his eyebrows. "Ever the romantic." Justin said laughing. Brian smirked around a bite of food. "Meet me in the shower?" Justin added shutting down the computer and heading for the stairs. "As soon as I'm done." Brian nodded already heading toward the kitchen to clean up. - "Brian." Cynthia called over the intercom. "Lindsay is here to see you." "Send her in." "Daddy!" Gus squealed as he ran to Brian throwing his arms around Brian's legs. "Sonny-Boy." Brian said somewhat surprised. "What are you doing here?" He asked Gus as he lifted the boy into his arms. "We bringed lunch." Gus said pointing to the bag Lindsay had sitting on the top of JR's stroller. "Did you bring something good?" Brian asked. Gus nodded vigorously. "We bringed samiches." Gus said smiling. Brian set him on the floor and Gus ran to grab the bag handing it to Brian. "Careful, Gus, mommy's soup is in there." Lindsay warned. Gus set the bag very carefully on the table in front of the couch in Brian's office. He then pulled himself up into a chair on the opposite side of the couch. Lindsay pushed JR over to the other side of the table and sat down next to Brian on the couch. Gus was already unwrapping sandwiches. "My-by." JR called as soon as Brian came into site. "Hey, Baby Girl." Brian said waving to JR then taking the turkey sandwich Gus handed to him. "Munchkin duty, huh?" "Yeah." Lindsay nodded removing the lid from her soup and taking a tuna sandwich from Gus. "I decided to take the day off today." "Really." Brian asked around a bit of sandwich. "Why?" "Can I ask you for huge favor?" Lindsay said sipping her hot soup. "Sure, I'll do it." "You don't even know what I'm going to ask yet." "I'll bet it has something to with that smile on your face." Brian said taking a drink of the ice tea Lindsay had also brought. "Melanie and I, well, we're back together." Lindsay said a goofy grin spreading across her face. "Really?" Brian asked surprised. Lindsay nodded. "Is that a good thing?" "Of course it is." Lindsay scoffed. "I just couldn't make it work without her." Lindsay said softly. "And, Melanie seems to feel the same way." Brian nodded. "And, after the bombing all of our problems seem so trivial. I mean we almost lost Michael. Our petty bullshit arguments just don't matter anymore. All that matters is waking up next to one another for the rest of our lives, you know." "Yeah, actually I do." Brian said wistfully. Lindsay smiled. "About that favor." She said wrinkling her nose. "We were wondering if you could take Gus for the weekend. Michael is going to take JR, too, so that Mel and I can have some alone time." "To rekindle the blaze?" "Stop." Lindsay said. "We're happy. I missed her so much. I never even knew how much." "I'm glad." Brian said smiling slightly. "For both of you." He reached over to wipe a smudge of mayonnaise from Gus' chin. "And, you know, Gus is welcome any time." Gus moved in for another bite of his bologna and cheese smearing even more mayonnaise on his face. Brian rolled his eyes wiping the new smear as well. "You're sure?" Lindsay asked. "With everything that has happened I thought -." "Thought what?" Brian pursed his lips. "That Justin and I would withdraw from the world? We can't exactly do that with John and Hunter in the house, now can we?" "How are the boys doing?" "Good." Brian said. "Hunter wants to move back in with Michael and Ben. And, John is, well, he's having a hard time understanding why shit like this happens in the first place." "Poor guy." "Yeah." "So, Hunter wants to move home?" "Yeah, he's been dragging his feet somewhat, though, I think he's afraid that I'll be mad at him even though I've told him I wouldn't be." Brian shrugged. "So, can you pick Gus up Friday night around six?" Brian nodded. "Great." She kissed him on the cheek then started to collect the empty wrappers and drink cups. "Grab the bag for Mommy, Gus." Gus picked the paper bag up from the floor holding it open so that Lindsay could stuff all the trash into it. "Give Daddy bye-byes." Lindsay took the bag so that Gus could climb onto the couch then into Brian's lap giving a hug with a sloppy mayonnaise kiss on the cheek. "Love you, Daddy." Gus said before scrambling down to the floor. "Love you, too, Sonny-Boy." Brian said helping Gus into his jacket and zipped it up for him. "Gonna have a boys only weekend, huh?" Gus nodded. "See you Friday." Lindsay called as she pushed the stroller out of the office holding Gus' hand. -- Justin was sitting at the counter in the kitchen drawing when Brian got home Friday afternoon. Brian moved in behind him wrapping his arms around the younger man. "Hey." Justin said moving his hand up to touch Brian's hair. "Hey, yourself." Brian said then kissed Justin on the neck. "What's this?" He asked pointing at the drawing. "Roughing out my next project." Justin said. "I'm doing a large scale canvas abstract." "Of two guys fucking?" "No," Justin countered, "of us fucking." "You never get tired of drawing my dick." Brian chuckled. "I could think of better things to do with your dick." Justin said seductively. "Yeah, but even with the teens gone, we have to pick up Gus in a half an hour." Brian countered. "Forgot about that." Justin said rolling his eyes. "So, what do we have planned for the weekend?" "Nemo." Brian said solemnly. "For the thirteen hundredth time." "You so like that movie, Brian." Justin said. "Don't even trying to deny it." Brian shrugged looking bored. "I just hope Gus doesn't think we're swimming." Brian said. "Well, he does love the pool." Justin said looking back to his drawing. "He just doesn't understand the concept of seasons." "Yeah," Brian agreed, "like how winter is not a good time to swim in an outdoor pool." "What about the hot tub?" Justin asked smiling knowingly. "He's too young for the hot tub." Brian said smiling. "Speaking of which, you wanna fool around in the hot tub 'til Sonny-Boy gets here?" "I thought we didn't have time?" Justin said smiling. "I'll set the alarm." Brian said arching his eyebrow. Justin smiled and followed Brian toward the back door shaking his head the whole way. End chapter five.