One of my guilty pleasures is watching Justin sleep. He looks quite angelic at rest. And, if I try, I can almost convince myself that nothing has changed. That he is the same as he was. That we are the same as we were. Almost, but not quite. Last night was the start of something. Something new. He freaked out at Gus' party and we left early. Everyone seemed to understand. He took a nap at my insistence. I sat at the bar and watched him sleep then as well. Every time he would make a noise, I'd watch him more closely. He'd settle down and then so would I, but I felt like I was watching a preemie instead of a grown man. Afraid that if I didn't pay attention to him he'd somehow fade away. Like a dream or a mirage. He awoke while I was closing up the loft for the night. As beautiful as Justin is when he's sleeping, he's down right breath taking when he first wakes up. I had to look away for a moment to regain my ability to form coherent sentences. "Better now?" I asked. "Uh-huh." I was almost afraid to approach him, but that's what this was all about. His mother wanting me to 'help him be touched'. I'm usually very forward in life. I see what or who I want and I go for it. I usually don't give a fuck what my prey thinks or feels. But, Justin. Justin has always been different. I always think about how he feels and what he thinks. Most of my tricks are here because I want to be serviced. I want to be pleasured. I don't care about their needs. Again, Justin is different. When he leaned in to kiss me, I caught fire. I have wanted him so much since that night at Woody's, but he seemed so frightened. I was afraid he'd run away like a spooked rabbit. He started to unbutton my shirt. I had forgotten all about that fucking scarf. He looked at me and I knew I was busted. I figured he'd make a big deal about it, but he didn't. He just set it aside and then surprised the hell out of me by moving even closer. I held my breath. "I want you inside me." He breathed. I wasn't sure I had heard him right. I thought that perhaps my own needs were making my mind play tricks on me, but he continued to unbutton my shirt. "Are you sure?" I could hear how apprehensive my voice sounded and hated myself for it. "Yeah." He said in confirmation. "Just take it easy." My mind reeled. I flashed back to our first night together and his words about going slow replayed themselves in my mind. It was then that I realized what day it was. Gus' birthday was also the day I met Justin. I had all but forgotten about that. Even Lindsay had mentioned how Michael and Justin and I had come tearing into the hospital room and I still hadn't managed to put two and two together. "Like the first time." I finally managed. I saw the ghost of a smile play on his lips and wanted to taste them so badly it almost hurt. We undressed slowly. We kissed almost non-stop. I realized just how much I wanted to *be* inside him. We moved slowly. I worshiped his body with my hands and mouth. I wanted this to be so good for him. I wanted to take all his pain away, or at least as much of it as I possibly could. We made love for hours. I couldn't think of it as just fucking. Like I said, something changed. Now, as I lay here watching him sleep and waiting for him to awakened so I can do it all over again, I'm more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life. Then, his eyes flutter open and look up into mine. "Good Morning, Beautiful." I whisper. The End.