This is my first attempt at a crackfic :P tell me how I did. I was reading a book of old fairy tales from when I was younger and got an odd inspairation.  

There once was a sweet young boy by the name of Justin, also known as Little Blue Riding Hood. He was loved by everybody except for his father, whom had left a year prior to be with a young maiden. His mother had gained a taste for wine afterwards and although she said she was okay, she never quite got over her ex-husbands infidelity. He wore a blue velvet riding hood which was made by his uncl- er Auntie Emmett and he never wore anything else. So that is why people started to call him… Little Blue Riding Hood.  

One day Justin was watching the stable boys carry hay back and forth around the small village from the window when his mother called him, “Come, Little Blue Riding Hood. Here are some cookies and rum to talk to your Father; he is growing week with illness and they will numb his pain.” Her voice carried out to him and he sighed.  

“Mother, Father hates me… and I hate him for that matter. Why should I care if he grows weak with illness or dies a horribly painful death? He called my hood fruity!” he replied with a stomp of his foot.  

“That’s because it IS fruity, sweetheart, and you will not talk of your father that way.” she said sadly while pouring herself another glass of wine.  

Justin pouted. He hated when he didn’t get his way. Not only that but now he would be forced to see his hated father and his village whore. He didn’t understand why his mother cared whether or not his father died; he also didn’t understand why HE had to take the rum to him. However, if he did not do it he would not hear the end of it from his mother. He did get his nagging skills from her and he didn’t feel up to being on the receiving end of them.  

He sighed dramatically and nodded to his mother.  

“I will take them Mother, but I will not like it, and I will not be courteous to him either.” Justin said while picking up the basket his mother had prepared for his father.  

His mother nodded as well knowing that would be the farthest she could get with her stubborn son.  

Little Blue Riding Hood wrapped his hood around him tighter and left the small house. He made his way through the village waving at various people he knew, and even ones he didn’t. He waved at the stable boys he had been watching and received several winks and cat-calls in return.  

As he entered the woods and started on the path that would lead him to his father’s house, Justin would stop and pick flowers to put in the basket knowing his father was highly allergic.  

Now, the father lived away in the woods, half an hour’s walk from the village, and when Little Blue Riding Hood ventured deeper into the wood he met The Wolf.  

The Wolf was tall and very handsome. He had dark auburn hair, hazel green eyes, and he was very slim.  

The Wolf smirked at the young boy and caught a whiff of his sent. 'Ah, this one is a virgin.' his smirk turned into a grin.  

“Good day, Little Blue Riding Hood.” said the wolf and Justin gasped.  

“How do you know my name?!” he asked, frightened.  

“Well, I didn’t.” The Wolf said, “I guessed.”  

Little Blue Riding Hood looked suspicious as first but then saw how handsome and charming The Wolf was and knew that nothing bad could be that beautiful. Justin smiled.  

“Then thank you…uh”  

“Brian,” The Wolf said, “But you may call me ‘The Wolf,’ it is what everyone calls me.”  

“The Wolf?” Blue Riding hood asked. “You are no wolf.”  

“But of course I am.” Brian argued. “Can you not tell?”  

Justin shook his head. He could not tell.  

“You have no fur and you stand on your hind legs… how can you be wolf?” Justin asked.  

“I shave and I feel more comfortable on my hind legs.” he explained.  

“Well then, what of your snout?” Little Blue asked.  

“Plastic surgery.”  

“Oh.” Justin said and an awkward silence ensued.  

“Where are you going to so late, Little Blue Riding Hood?” The Wolf asked breaking the silence.  

“To my father’s.” Justin said obviously disheartened by that truth.  

“What are you carrying in that basket?” he asked.  

“Cookies and rum. My father is very weak and ill, so they’ll drown his pain.” Little Blue explained.  

“Where does your father live, Blue Riding Hood?” The Wolf asked.  

“A quarter of an hour’s walk from here; his house stands beneath the three oak trees, and you may know it by the hazel bushes.” said young Riding Hood.  

The Wolf thought to himself, ‘that tender young thing would be a delicious morsel, and he is untouched making him all the tastier. I will devour the father, and then have my way with the son.’  

So The Wolf walked with Little Blue Riding hood for awhile and said, “Little Blue Riding Hood, just look at the pretty flowers that are growing all round you, and I don’t think you are listening to the song of the birds. You are posting along as if you are going to school, and it is so delightful out here in the woods.”  

Little Blue Riding Hood glanced around him and frowned at the dead area of the woods. Fallen trees and upturned bushes were littered all around him. He looked up at the wolf.  

“What are you talking about Brian? This area is completely dead. I don’t think there are any birds around for miles except for maybe crows, and their song is not lovely at all!” Justin exclaimed.  

The Wolf looked around and saw that the boy was right. Damn.  

“Well… you should rest.” said The Wolf.  

“Here?” asked Little Blue. “This place is vile.”  

Brian groaned, this boy was stubborn.  

“Well, what is your hurry?” Brian asked remembering the sorrows on Little Blue’s face when he mentioned were he was headed.  

“If your father is in pain, you should make him wait and suffer a little bit.” Brian finished and Justin smiled.  

“You are right, I will wait.” Little Blue Riding Hood said as he sat on a fallen log.  

“Good. I, however, have to go. I hope to see you again, Little Blue Riding Hood.” The Wolf said and left.  

Justin was sad to see him go but he quickly forgot about it as he laid on the log, basking in the moonlight.  

~~~~~  

The Wolf went straight to the father’s house and knocked on the door.  

“Who is there?!” barked the father.  

“It is Little Blue Riding Hood!” The Wolf answered, “I have brought cookies and rum for you! Please open the door.”  

“You don’t sound like my son!” the man barked again, “I bet you’re that pesky wolf who has been roaming these parts as of late! I will not open the door!”  

‘Am I that transparent?’ thought the wolf as he knocked on the door again.  

“Please open the door, father, I worry greatly for your health!” he tried again.  

“Ha! That PROVES you are not my son! My son cares nothing of my health!” the father yelled and Brian ground his teeth in frustration.  

“Father, please! Let me in, I promise-” Brian stopped. ‘What am I doing?” he thought to himself as he stood back and kicked the door open. He wasted no time in gobbling up the ill man. He took off his shirt and pants, and crawled into the bed drawing the curtains. Patiently, he waited for Little Blue Riding Hood to show up so he could ravish the boy.  

~~~~~  

When Justin thought his father had suffered enough he walked to the small house under three oak threes and was surprised to find the door open. He walked in slowly and saw that the curtains were drawn around the bed.  

“Good evening, father.” he said, but received no answer.  

He walked over to the bed and pulled the curtains to see The Wolf laying in the bed. He gasped.  

“Hello son.” The Wolf said, “It is I, your ill father.”  

Justin raised an eyebrow at this claim.  

“No..” the boy disagreed. “You are not my father, you are the wolf. I talked to you about an hour ago.” the boy said, confused.  

Just then a largely built man with sandy hair and an axe burst into the room. Little Blue Riding Hood and the wolf both looked at him.  

“At last I found you, you old sinner!” the man pointed at Brian.  

“I have been looking for you for a long time!” said the strange man with the axe.  

“Old?!” The Wolf asked, offended and Little Blue laughed.  

“This is no laughing matter, Little Blue Riding Hood!” the man yelled.  

“How does everyone know my name?” Justin asked to himself, but he was ignored.  

“I have gathered that your father has been eaten whole by this vile beast!” the axe man said and Justin gasped.  

“Is this true Brian? Did you eat my father whole?” Little blue asked in a small voice, and before The Wolf could come up with a lie the boy spoke again.  

“Oh thank you!” Justin called and jumped into The Wolf’s arms.  

The axe man looked confused and wanted to say something, but he was ignored.  

“O Brian, what strong arms you have!” Justin said swooning.  

“Better to hold you with!” The Wolf said.  

“O Brian, what large hands you have!” Justin said gasping.  

“The better to ravish you with!” The Wolf said.  

Justin gasped.  

“O Brian, what a large-”  

“Hold it!” the axe man yelled. “This is NOT how the story is supposed to go!”  

They ignored him.  

“The better to FUCK you with!” the wolf said and Little Blue gasped as he was laid onto the bed.  

“Excuse me!” the axe man yelled, getting their attention.  

“This isn’t right!” he yelled again. “You, Justin, were supposed to come in and think that The Wolf was your dad, The Wolf was supposed to eat you and then I would come in and save you and your father! Then you would be so grateful to me that you’d…” the man went on and Brian looked at the blonde beauty below him.  

“Give me a second, gorgeous.” said the wolf.  

He got up off of Little Blue and walked over to the axe man. He ate him up in one bite and then turned back to Justin.  

“Wow, you really are a wolf!” he said excitedly and the wolf smirked wickedly.  

Brian climbed back onto Justin and licked his neck.  

“You have no idea, Little Blue Riding Hood.” said The Wolf.  

The two made passionate love all night long.  

The end.