I’m lying on my back with Justin’s blond head on my chest; his arm winding around my body.  I look down at his blissful sleeping face.  

What have I done to deserve this wonderful man in my life?  And, why do I constantly try to toss him off of Mt. Kinney?

The plain truth is fear.  I’m afraid he’ll leave me again.  Because of my imperfection.  Finding someone younger.  

He’s told me that one ball or two, he’d still love me and stick by my side.

I guess subconsciously that’s why Justin was the first person I thought of after my dick began to rise to the occasion.  Was it a sign from god?  Or just exorcising my demons after the confrontation with my ‘dear’ mother.

I’m certainly appreciative to whomever or whatever the reason.  I sat down in my chair, alone in my office, and just enjoyed the process of engorgement.  Didn’t even need to stroke myself to hardness.  I guess time since the surgery, and then my outburst allowed my brain to let things progress on a more natural timeframe which happened rather quickly.

In any case, I’m fully functional again.

And exhausted.

*****

After jerking off in my office, Justin’s face appeared in my mind’s eye.  He tried so hard, pun intended, to help alleviate the sad state of my dick.  He knew that I’d gone to the baths for inspiration.  Unfortunately, the sights and sounds there had no definitive healing powers.  Not for lack of trying on the part of several potential tricks.

You want to talk about being sexually frustrated.  I hadn’t gone without some form of release since I was in my teens.  

Then I think about Justin’s little excursion to the Chinese herbalist with Mikey.  Fuck! That shit he brewed was fucking nasty.  I think there was actually yak shit in it.  I shudder at the memories of that concoction.  Fuck.  That shit left a nasty taste that even brushing my teeth and subsequent mouthwash swishing couldn’t take away.  And, it caused the worst case of indigestion.  Kept burping it up.   Nasty.

So after my hands-on experience in the privacy of my office, I called the twat and arranged to meet him at Babylon later in the evening.  He seemed surprised at my request but agreed to the rendezvous, no make that a fuck date.  Don’t get too mushy here.

Anticipation.  Don’t sound like a commercial for ketchup now.  Jerked off again in the shower.  As I was dressing for said fuck date, the anticipation damned near killed me.  Hard was an understatement.  I finally had to resort to deep breathing and thinking about lesbian or hetero sex to take off the edge.  

Didn’t work.

I was just so excited that my cock was back in working order.  That Justin would get to suck me off, take it up his beautiful bubble butt.

I was as nervous as a giggly girl on prom night.

I finally arrived at Babylon and scanned the place for that particular blond head.  My Sunshine was dancing or more like bouncing around down in the middle of a crowd of other twinks.  All the while my dick was hardening in my jeans.

As I made my way towards my intended target, I heard “Sanctuary” playing.  Thinking about the words I was hearing.  

     There is a place within all of us, 
     it is sacred, so free of judgment. 
     and this is yours to share with who you wish 

     This is your sanctuary.... sanctuary 

Was Justin my sanctuary?  He had been on to me from the beginning.  Free of judgment.  Sharing all that he and I were.  Even if it included that dreaded ‘r’ word – relationship. 

     There is no boundary, no rule to adhere 
     there is love, there is hate 
     there is want, there is need 
     there is greed .... 

There never were boundaries on our relationship.  We certainly threw out the rules when Justin came back after “Ian.”

     you can laugh, you can cry 
     for you are free on the inside 

Laughter and emotions have run rampant lately.  Justin’s frustration at being tossed out on his fine ass.  After tossing him out the door, I heard him cursing me and pounding on the heavy loft door.  When he finally left my door, I crumpled to the floor.  I hated what I’d done to him.  I knew he was doing things to help me along, without letting on about his knowledge of the cancer.  That’s his way of ‘killing me with kindness’ as he so aptly put it so long ago when I contemplated giving my parental rights to Mel.  

Of course Mikey couldn’t keep his trap shut about things.  He meant well, of course, but after that little revelation, I was ready to kill something.  Certainly break Justin’s neck for even mentioning anything to Michael.

     This is your sanctuary.... sanctuary 

But I wanted Justin around.  I just didn’t want him staying with me out of pity.  Stay with the imperfect man I now was.

     Take this light, hold it high, feel it shine. 
     I know now that here inside ... this is mine. 

The day I came home to the loft after a radiation treatment, I found him in the kitchen making fucking chicken soup.  Does everyone think that fucking chicken soup cures all ailments?  I don’t fucking think so.  Then, as weak as I was, Justin started yelling at me.  Calling me a ‘sorry son of a bitch’ for behaving the way I had.  Telling me to get in bed and eat some chicken soup.

So I got in bed and ate the fucking chicken soup.  After I was done eating, I could see the start of a smile forming on his face.  Didn’t think I’d see that smile quite so soon.

*****

Back to Babylon.  That Sunshine smile was in full wattage.  He took one look at me and gazed down towards my dick and asked whence the woody.  And truly it was a joy to behold.  And he truly did behold it.  Well, once we moved on to a less public area of the backroom.  But maybe I wanted everyone to witness my return.

     .... this is yours. 

So after the stellar blowjob that only my Sunshine can give, we left Babylon and returned to the loft.  Before the door was even closed, he attacked my mouth with kisses.  He has the best mouth for kissing.  Clothes disappeared as we moved up to the bedroom.  Finally naked, that feeling of skin on skin.  Deep passionate kisses.  Moans that came from deep from within my psyche.  Relief that I was finally able to fuck Justin like I did before all this cancer shit started.  Before Vic’s death, even.

And so started an all-night fuck fest.  After all, I had to make up for lost time.  To lose my self in Justin’s love.  For he truly loved me enough to put up with all this shit. 

So yes, I’m exhausted.  Physically and emotionally.  But ready to move on with Justin, my safe haven, my sanctuary.

He slowly opens his lust-filled blue eyes.  “Ready for the next round.”  Even though we’re sweaty, stink and stuck together.  And I smile back at my lover, boyfriend, partner.  The cycle begins again and again and again….

This is your sanctuary....

~fin~


Sanctuary – Origene

There is a place within all of us, 
it is sacred, so free of judgment. 
and this is yours to share with who you wish 

This is your sanctuary.... sanctuary 

There is no boundary , no rule to adhere 
There is love, there is hate 
there is want, there is need 
there is greed .... 

you can laugh, you can cry 
for you are free on the inside 

This is your sanctuary.... sanctuary 


Take this light, hold it high, feel it shine. 
 I know now that here inside ... this is mine. 
.... this is yours. 
 
This is your sanctuary....