Notes: I saw my neighbor’s very dirty jeep parked next to my car and wondered what might Brian say about it. Brian and I are driving down the street in the ‘vette when he spies a very, very dirty jeep. “How can anyone let their car get like that? It looks like it was in a mud fight.” “Brian, it’s a jeep and from what I saw of the occupants, it looks like they went for a ride out in the country. Yelling YEE HAW as they bounced around.” “But why ride around with caked-on mud?” “Brian, when you bought your jeep, didn’t you take it out for a joy ride? Just for the hell of it.” “No, I didn’t. I have more respect for things that I’ve worked so hard to buy.” “You are so anal.” “I thought you like me being anal. Aren’t all fags anal about things?” “Yes, I do like your anal qualities. But being a neat freak is a little much.” “I like things in their place, Justin.” “Yeah, I know. You’re always bitching about my stuff being all over the loft.” “My point exactly. That means there’s less for me to bitch about.” “Brian, can we stop at MickeyD’s for a burger?” “Only if you agree to stand outside of the car to eat it or wait until we get home to eat. “But then it’ll be cold.” “When has that ever stopped you from eating anything? I’m surprised you don’t have indigestion from eating cold greasy food.” “Ok. I’ll eat it outside of the car. Can you get me some fries and a Coke?” “Justin!” “If you park over there, I’ll get out of your precious car and eat my greasy burger and fries.” “Damn right you will. Did you see this car when Mikey brought it back to me after his adventure with the littlest hustler? Empty burger boxes and drink cups, empty soda cans, candy wrappers. Mud splattered up to the middle of the doors. I thought I would kill Mikey when I saw it. I just had enough time to get the car washed before I had to meet with a client. It was NOT a pretty sight. Not to mention that it cost me a pretty penny to get it detailed.” “See. You’re even anal about your penis on wheels.” “It is not a dick on wheels. It’s a classic car.” “It’s used and older than you are.” “I told you it’s a classic car. And it will remain a CLEAN classic car. Even if I am anal about it.” “Michael told me you got it as part of your boyfriend replacement therapy.” “Mikey talks out of his ass. I’ve always wanted a car like this. Dreamed about it when I was your age.” “OK. Back to the jeep. You mean to tell me that you didn’t at least once take it for a joy ride out in the outskirts of town and bounce around in the mud?” “No. And don’t you even go asking Mikey about it.” “Why did you make Michael swear not to rat you out?” “No. “ “I know. He wasn’t with you, was he?” “Justin, let’s not go there.” “I knew it. You did it all by yourself, didn’t you.” Brian looks at me with one of those snarky tongue-in-cheek looks he often sports. Sheepishly he says, “Yes. I did it once. “I knew it, Brian. I just knew it.” “Well it was a bitch washing the jeep afterwards. Shit, there was mud every where. Even on the inside of the jeep. I swore that I’d never go mud-riding again. It took me nearly four hours to clean that damn jeep. And I still found spots of dried mud inside for months afterward.” “Is that why you’re so anal about your car?” “I thought you liked getting anal in the car, Justin?” “I do, Brian, but this car is just too small to get anal and do dirty things in.” “Well, Sonny boy, I guess we’ll have to get back to the loft as fast as we can so we can be anal and dirty, minded that is.” “Deal.” And so he presses down on the gas and grabs hold of my hand and places it on his crotch. I lean over and put my head on his shoulder and he whispers dirty thoughts in my ear. My my my. What my man plans to do to me. Just downright dirty! April 17, 2005