Authors Note: This is my first attempt at a fic — so expect it to suck. *grin* This is told completely in Brian’s POV - it is meant to be mostly his stream of conciousness — provided my beta and I can keep that in order. Thanks Wethie for being my Beta on this. He swung the bat and it made a horrific noise as it connected with Justin’s head. Another swing of the bat and a thunderous cry of pain could be heard throughout the parking garage. I’m kneeling over Justin screaming “No, no, no, god!” At least I think I am. It’s possible that no sound is coming out of my mouth at all. His head is in my lap and there is so much blood coming from the gash near his temple. Part of me knows I shouldn’t have moved his head and neck….but I don’t care. “Why? Why couldn’t I have been faster? Just a little faster?” I hear someone’s voice tell me it’s not my fault. Was I talking out loud? Someone is still trying to talk to me — why are they trying to talk to me? “Brian you need to let go. You need to let the paramedics help him. Brian. Brian!” I turn to see Daphne staring at me expectantly. “What?” I ask her wondering what she could possibly want right now. Doesn’t she know Justin needs me? “Brian the paramedics are here now. Let them help.” Paramedics? Who called the paramedics? Why is my cell phone in my hand? How long have Justin and I been lying on the pavement? I thought it was only seconds. I watch as the paramedics begin to work on Justin. He still hasn’t moved. Oh god he looks paler than normal. Oh god. Justin is on a stretcher now and is being put in the ambulance. I move to join him and one of the paramedics stops me. “Who are you to this boy?” he asks. “Who am I? I’m the one with Justin’s blood all over him! That’s who I am! I’m getting in this ambulance with him.” I push the paramedic aside and climb in the ambulance. He is not going to fight me on this. The ambulance ride seems to be taking forever. First time sped up in the parking garage and now it has slowed down — are the gods fighting me, us? Justin please wake up. Wake up. Please wake up. I need to tell you why I came tonight. I need to tell you what “later” would have meant. I know you thought it meant we would fuck. And we would have — but there is so much more I want now. I want you. I want it all with you. Please wake up. “mmmmm….Brian?” Oh my god! “Justin! Justin can you hear me? Justin?!?” Shit! He was awake. For a second he was awake. He said my name, oh my god he was awake and asking for me. Suddenly I find myself on my knees in the back of the ambulance so I can kiss his forehead and smooth the blood encrusted hair off his forehead. My beautiful blond has turned into a redhead. Jesus Kinney that isn’t funny, don’t think like that! Justin please come back to me. Who else could put up with a mind like mine? Was that his hand? Did his hand just move? I’m squeezing his hand so tight it could have just been a reflex, but no I think he squeezed back. That’s it Justin just keep squeezing back. Keep squeezing. After we arrived at the hospital those damn nurses wouldn’t let me back with Justin. So now I find myself sitting on the most uncomfortable plastic chairs on the face of the planet. Seriously, this is a hospital — shouldn’t they provide seating that doesn’t cause bodily injury? Daphne is sitting next to me shaking; she stopped actively crying a few minutes ago, I think her tear ducts were empty. She apparently coerced one of the limo drivers waiting for the prom to end to drive her to the hospital, she arrived just minutes after Justin and I did. I feel moisture on my face and hands, but I am not sure if its blood or tears. I don’t really care. More people are trying to talk to me. Why are they doing that? Plus this asshole is standing in my line of sight to the doors they took Justin through. Doesn’t he know that is the most dangerous place on earth to stand? Why is Daphne’s hand on my thigh? She knows I am gay. Okay she is trying to get my attention. Don’t these idiot cops realize the man I love could be dying right now and I am not with him. I can’t talk to them right now. Oh god they are going to insist. “Mr. Kinney. Can you tell us what happened in your own words please?” In my own words? Who talks like that? “Chris Hobbs fucking hit Justin in the head with a fucking baseball bat!” “How do you know Mr. Hobbs?” Jackass. “He came down to Liberty Avenue once. He almost hit Justin but I got in the way.” “Was Mr. Hobbs gay?” Yeah right, Jackass. “How should I know? I never fucked him.” “Did you or Mr. Taylor provoke Mr. Hobbs in any way tonight?” Yeah we were breathing. Big Jackass. “No.” “Do you know why Mr. Hobbs would have done this?” Because he, like you, is a big jackass! “No “Do you have a number where we can reach you if we should have any further questions?” Yeah 1-800-Fuck-You. I give him my business card, writing my home number on the back first. The jackass then starts to question Daphne. That’s when I first start to take in my surroundings. Daphne looks horrible so I take her hand and hold on to it. She smiles a little at me then turns back to talk to Mr. Jackass-with-a-badge. I’m once again staring at those doors. They seem impenetrable…but I think if I get a running start and hit them with enough force….. Oh no. I see a blond head that hadn’t even entered my mind until this moment. Jennifer. I haven’t seen her since that day Justin and I walked out of his childhood home for the last time. I hear her asking for information on Justin. She hasn’t seen me yet. I wonder if I can avoid this for just a few more minutes. Suddenly I hear a voice in my head. “She needs you.” Justin? Damn you Justin. I might be willing to fall in love with you, but I am not willing to let you become the voice in my head! Get back in your own head! I feel myself moving towards her. It’s against my will. Stop moving feet. Damn you Justin. “Jennifer.” Did I say that? Shit. “Brian. Oh god Brian what happened?” Suddenly my arms are full of middle-aged blonde woman. This is new. How can I tell her? I can’t say it out loud, not to her. I will let the doctors take care of that. “Chicken!” Damn it Justin! I swear if you don’t get out of my head….. “Jennifer, lets sit down. The chairs are uncomfortable, but they are still chairs. Daphne is here too.” I lead her over to where I was sitting before and help her into my chair. She grabs my hand and hangs on tight. So that’s where he got it from. I find myself kneeling in front of her, in between her legs, this is really new! We are holding onto each other. I give in once again to my urge to cry. Fuck it, the guys aren’t around. I wonder how long we have been like this when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. Jennifer looks behind me as I turn my head to look in the same direction. The doctor asks Jennifer to follow him to a private room. I whip my head around and look at her stricken. She looks at me and senses my fear. I don’t want to be left out. I need to know. I need to know if he is going to die. If he is already dead. I need to know. Jennifer tells the doctor that she wants me there too, and we follow him to a private room. A private room? Isn’t that what they do when they have bad news? Oh shit I can’t handle this. I want to turn and run but Jennifer is holding onto me too tightly. Damn these Taylor’s have strong grips. “Mrs. Taylor. Justin as I’m sure you know was attacked at this prom. The head wound was quite serious when he was brought in.” “Attacked! I was told he was injured I assumed it was an accident. What do you mean attacked?” She is screaming in this feral growl that must be something only mothers can do. Suddenly I realize they are both looking at me. Shit! He is going to make me tell it. Is this like a Band-Aid? Quick is better? Justin I need your strength. Oh god. I take her hand in mind. “Jennifer. Chris Hobbs came up to Justin and me after he walked me to my jeep and hit him in the head with a baseball bat.” Oh shit her hand went limp — until now it has been practically cutting off my circulation. She is staring into my eyes, searching, for what I don’t know. If she is looking for answers. I don’t have them. If she is looking for reassurance. I don’t have it. Once again I can not give someone what they need. Suddenly she gives me a knowing half smile and squeezes my hand. I wonder what that is all about. I will have to ask Justin what he thinks. I suddenly realize the doctor hasn’t told us how Justin is. “How is Justin? Is he….is he…” I can’t finish the sentence either way. “Justin is going to be okay. We released the pressure on his brain and stopped the bleeding. The next 24 hours are critical. If he wakes up, then he has a good chance at a full recovery. If he doesn’t wake up in the next 24 hours we will need to talk again. In the meantime I suggest you both go home and get some rest.” “No.” “Mr. Kinney…” “No!” I interrupt him, he is nuts if he thinks I am leaving Justin. Jennifer looks at me then at the doctor. I almost fall out of my chair at what she says. “I will be staying here in the family room and Brian will be spending the night with Justin in his recovery room. It will help them both.” “Mrs. Taylor I don’t think that is a good idea” “You may not think it, but he is my son and I know it. He needs Brian with him. And I can see Brian needs him as well.” Shit! She can see that. Why can’t I hide from anyone anymore? What happened under that fucking streetlight? “Mrs. Taylor. It is against hospital policy to” He will never get to finish that sentence. I interrupt “Doc, point me in the direction of Justin’s room now and save us all the minutes spent arguing over it. And have someone bring Jennifer some pillows and blankets.” Jennifer and I both stand, dismissing the doctor completely. “Come with me. Say goodnight to him. He will need his mother too.” She smiles at me and we walk towards the door together. Thankfully Jennifer didn’t stay long. I didn’t want to get into bed with Justin while she was here, but I was finding it very hard to resist. Now I have settled down onto the hospital bed beside him. I wrap my arms around him as best I can with out disturbing all the wires and IV’s. He looks so peaceful. Except for the bandage. Now if only he would wake up. Wake up Justin. Please come back to me. Your mother is right. I do need you, you little shit. Now wake up and open those beautiful blue eyes. Sleep does not come easily. But once it does I dream about a slow dance under a bluish spotlight, it matches his eyes. There is light, laughter, and love. Yes there is love.