Gone but not Forgotten
By Bryant MacLagan 

Part Eight

Brian was a combination of pissed off that this good looking blond was in his loft and pleased. He was horny as hell. For some reason the blond was making it worse. “I don’t know why you’re here, but since you are you might as well suck my dick.” Brian slammed the loft door shut and programmed the alarm. He strode into the living area and stopped dead. “What the fuck?” his voice was low with a hint of fear in it.

The area was changed completely from when he’d seen it last night. Gone were the fine pieces of white Italian leather, the chrome and glass and stainless steel. In their place was comfortable looking burgundy leather, pale marble, honey oak and rich hand tied woolen carpets in jewel tones. Vibrant paintings hung on his walls, obviously done by the same artist. Brian turned around not sure of what he was seeing. His office space now had a staircase in it going down to what he assumed was the floor below him.

The kitchen counters had been replaced with the same soft shade of marble and where his bedroom had been was now what looked to be an office. The blood drained from Brian’s face. He stared at Justin and slowly his knees gave out and he sank to the ground in a dead faint.

“Well fuck, this is at least familiar” Justin said as he made a grab for Brian hoping to break the taller man’s fall to the floor.

With considerable effort, Justin half dragged and half carried Brian to the sofa. He managed to get him on it and relatively comfortable and then sat patiently on the coffee table staring at his husband and waiting for him to wake up.

Brian blinked a few times and then turned his head toward Justin. “What happened?” he asked.

“You fainted.”

“I’ve never fainted before in my life.”

“Well actually you have.” Justin said. “Look Brian, I need to get you to a doctor. This isn’t good.”

“I’m not going to any god damned doctor. What the fuck is going on? Where is my stuff? Why are you here? Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m your husband.” Justin began.

“LIKE FUCK YOU ARE.” Brian tried to sit up but quickly lay back down his head was dizzy. “That Anita has given me some bad shit again and I’m hallucinating.” He shut his eyes. “I’ll just sleep now and when I wake up everything will be normal.” He was talking as if Justin wasn’t in the room, as if he wasn’t real.

Justin shook his head. If it wasn’t so damn sad he’d be hysterical with laughter. He stood up and walked over to the picture between their favorite chairs and brought it back to Brian. “Wake up Stud and look at this.” He held out the picture.

Brian opened one hazel eye carefully closing it again when he saw two blue ones staring at him. “Go away.” He muttered. “Fucking Anita”

“Brian, oh strange husband of mine will you cut the crap and look at this picture.” Justin let his one hand caress the side of Brian’s face. He needed the connection.

Brian started to sit up again. “Help me up.” He demanded. He couldn’t believe he needed to ask for help to sit up. Justin took his arm and expertly helped him sit up before taking a seat close beside him the way they usually sat on the sofa. 

Brian took the picture from Justin and stared at it without saying anything for a long time. His finger reached out and he traced Gus who was standing there smiling. “When ….. he started and then his throat constricted and he couldn’t speak.

“It was taken on our wedding day at the top of Grouse Mountain. Gus was our best man. He was so proud of himself that day.”

“Where?”

“Grouse Mountain in British Columbia Canada.” 

Brian turned to Justin. “You’d better start at the beginning with your name and don’t leave out any of the details.”

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“Sorry kid but that story is just too damn far fetched. I don’t do boyfriends. Fuck I don’t even trick with the same guy twice and you expect me to believe this shit?”

Justin stood up and found the morning paper. He held it out to Brian. “What date is on here?” asked.

Brian read the date, his face blanched. “Okay, so maybe I was in some kind of an accident and I’ve lost my memory. I still don’t believe that you and I are married.” He almost hated admitted this when he saw Justin’s eyes fill with tears. But he had to give the blond his due. Justin blinked rapidly a couple of times and looked straight ahead. 

“Okay Brian, this is the way things are going to be. I’m going to explain it to you very slowly and carefully so you can’t say that you didn’t hear me. I am married to you. I love you with all of my heart. You love me the same way even if you can’t remember right now. We exchanged promises between each other that I will not go back on no matter what the circumstances. “ he took a deep breath. “I would like you to see a doctor and so will the DA, because like it or not, you are involved heavily into this mess and the court date is only four weeks away.”

“Justin, you have to give me some time to take all of this in.” Brian began. He stood up and moved automatically to his bedroom which wasn’t there any longer. “I do still have a bedroom somewhere don’t I?” his voice was tinged with bitterness.

“Of course WE have a bedroom. WE also have a room for Gus because he spends a lot of nights over here. In fact we took him to Canada for two weeks when we got married.”

“You can stay in Gus’ room.” Brian said dismissively.

“Sorry Stud, but my marriage vows, which by the way were the same as yours, said for better or worse. This fucking has to be the worst and there is no way I’m moving out of OUR bed and bedroom. It’s a big god damned bed. You’ll sleep with me and fucking well like it.”

Brian glared at him.

“It’s down here Stud.” Justin started down the stairs. “We have the bedrooms down here, your exercise room and my studio. We kept our office upstairs. I guess you noticed that the old bedroom has been transformed.” Justin continued on down. Brian had no choice and began to follow.

“Not bad blondie.” Brian said when he reached the next level. He looked around the fully equipped gym and then peeked into Justin’s studio. He noticed several painting where he was the nude and obviously happy model. There may be more to Justin’s story than he first realized.

He walked into the bedroom and surveyed the bed. He sat on it, testing the firmness and then reached over to the side table. There wasn’t any condoms in a bowl. He opened the drawer, only lube, no condoms. “Where are the condoms?” he asked.

“There aren’t any, we’ve been having sex raw for months.” Justin stated.

“No fucking way.” Brian said before he fainted once again.

“Shit, well at least you’re in bed this time.” Justin said. He began to remove Brian’s clothes. “You might as well go to sleep. Apparently you need it.”

Sometime in the night, Brian turned and wrapped himself around Justin in the old familiar way. Justin, who was lying awake, his heart breaking, relaxed into Brian’s embrace. He knew it was foolish, but he allowed himself the guilty pleasure of pretending that everything was the same as it had been only a short week before. Enfolded in his husband’s arms, Justin too began to sleep.

Morning came all too soon a far as Justin was concerned. With the lightening of the sky, came the crashing thud of reality. He woke to find Brian sitting up in bed staring at him.

Justin shut his eyes quickly, he couldn’t bear to see something other than love in Brian’s eyes. 

“You can’t hide by shutting your eyes Sunshine.” Brian commented.

“You called me Sunshine.” Justin looked up at him, hope showing in his face.

“It seemed right.” Brian shrugged. “I don’t know why I called you that. I can’t find my smokes.”

“You don’t smoke any longer.”

“Is there anything I do that’s the same as before?” Brian asked. “I don’t smoke; I don’t take precautions when I fuck and I’m married, which I still find hard to believe.” He looked down at the ring that was on his finger and the matching one on Justin’s. “I won’t take it off yet. I need to know if it’s really true or not. If I made a promise to you, then I’ll keep that promise. Brian Kinney has never broken his word yet. I’m not about to start now. The Kinney name may be shit, but the Kinney word is always honored.” 

“I know you keep your word.” Justin’s voice was low. “And I’ll thank you not to say anything derogatory about the Kinney name; it’s mine now as well. And the Brian Kinney I know is a brave and honorable man. He’s kind and gentle and loving. He’s my lover, my husband and my best friend.” He looked down at his hands. “And I love him very much.” The words were broken, because now of all times, Justin was having difficulty in controlling his emotions. “Excuse me, my allergies are bothering me.” He whispered as he got out of bed. He walked to the bathroom naked as he usually was in the privacy of their bedroom.

Brian sat back and watched the man who supposedly was his husband. He admired the shape and form as well as the pale skin. Justin wasn’t his ‘type’ but he wasn’t bad. There was something about him that kind of got to you.

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Justin paced around his studio he had set up on the lower level, trying to get his bearings. Brian had left the apartment when Justin had been in the shower. He had no idea where his husband was going. He was angry… no he was fucking pissed off. He knew who was behind this, he knew who was to blame, but the damn DA said that according to the records from the small device on Bellwether’s ankle, the man never left his house, as per the judge’s orders. Justin knew that Bellwether was the mastermind at the very least, and he was determined to get the proof he needed. No matter the personal cost to him. That man had just taken everything away from him that meant anything. Justin had nothing else to lose.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, Justin once again wished that he had some friends. It had never before been more apparent to him as it did then that his only friend in that town did not even remember him. Brian was the only one he spent any time with, the only one that he had ever opened up to. Now his Brian was gone, and Justin never felt more alone.

“So much for being a loner. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Justin cursed himself. Picking up a jar of brushes, Justin threw them against the wall, glass spraying the floor. He had no one, no one who he could talk to, who he could bounce ideas off of.

Brushing away the angry tears that had started to fall down his face, Justin took a deep breath. He had told Brian that the man wasn’t going to kick him out of their home that the loft was theirs and he wasn’t leaving. Brian could try but Justin had the paperwork showing that he was half owner, and the marriage certificate. Brian would just have to deal with him being around all the time. Justin would try his best, and beyond to get HIS Brian back. He needed that more than anything.

“Where to go, where to go?” He asked as he began to pace the small room. “Christ, I need some friends.” A small strangled laugh came pouring out of him, and Justin wondered if he was losing it. 

“Michael.” He cursed, as he felt the anger toward the man. For some reason, he knew that the moment that Michael found out that Brian was the same he was a year ago, he would jump. Justin hoped he wouldn’t, that the man had enough sense to realize that Brian wasn’t that man anymore… well he hadn’t been anyway. But Justin feared what the ‘friends and family’ who had betrayed Brian so badly would do with the information. What they would do to hinder HIS Brian from returning. Would they help Justin, or would they not care, and leave things the way they were. Would they let Brian stay lost?

Picking up the phone, Justin began to dial a number he never thought he would have to use. “Jamison, I need your help, and I don’t care how much it costs…. No, same deal as you always gave my father…. Yes… his name is Bellwether…. I want any information you can dig up on him. I want to know who he talks to, who he see, what he has done… EVERYTHING. Hell I want to know what brand of underwear he wears…. Any means necessary, and cost is of no issue… I agree… Whatever you can find out… oh see what you can find out on his ‘mind-swipe’ bullshit. See if there is any way to reverse it… Yes, that’s what I said….no… You’ll have your first payment by the end of the day… understood, you know how to reach me.” 

Hanging up the phone, Justin had a small smile on his face. The Taylor’s didn’t always play things by the book; they had some connections that no one had ever found out about. Connections with the ‘wrong crowd’ some would say. All Justin knew was if they could get him what he needed, he didn’t care. No matter how many times he had sworn to himself he would never use them, that he would never sink that low, Justin knew that it was time to let go. He had no other option. Bellwether wanted a fight, he would get one. 

The man had already cost him his family, even if there was no proof that the police could find to connect to the man. Justin knew. He had received the same anonymous ‘tip’ after their death that he had the night before. “Is someone missing? Did you lose something important to you? Watch your back, who knows whose next.” Yes, Bellwether would pay one way or another. The war was on, and Justin didn’t plan on losing.

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While Justin was in the shower, Brian used the opportunity to escape out of the loft. It was funny, he felt like he had to escape and yet it was his loft. He’d bought and paid for it and worked damn hard doing so. 

All the things that Justin had shown him, all the proof of pictures and documents and fucking rings on fingers, none of it really made sense. He needed time to clear his head and to think about what the handsome blond, who was his husband had told him.

The first place he headed was to the Library. Maybe there he could research any newspaper articles that may have been published about his disappearance and yes, about Justin’s disappearance. The research assistant was very helpful. “Someone was asking about these very files the other day.” She said as she got everything out for Brian. “Such a nice polite young man.” 

Brian looked at her retreating back. Who the fuck was reading up on him and Justin he wondered before wading into the material before him. Two hours later Brian leaned back and stretched. 

“Hey Brian, I wasn’t expecting to see you in here?” it was Emmett and he hadn’t changed at all from when Brian had last seen him. “Oh honey, do you really think you should look at all of this stuff again? I mean it’s going to be bad enough when you and that handsome husband of yours have to face these assholes in court. I don’t think you should be reading about it now.”

Emmett didn’t seem to be aware of all the drama around the last week. “Where’ve you been all week?” Brian asked.

“Oh I just got back from two weeks in Hazelhurst. I thought I’d come in and find something yummy to read. A girl can’t always be the belle of the ball at Babylon you know. There are occasions when a good book, a box of chocolates and a teddy bear are a girl’s best friends.”

“Tell me Emmett, when Justin and I disappeared, was it Michael who raised the alarm first?”

“Oh heavens no. I thought you knew it was Cynthia and my Teddy who not only raised the alarm, but investigated and helped to catch that dastardly devil Bellwether. No I’m afraid that Michael was among all the rest who just figured you’d disappeared into the netherworld of drugs and drinking while attempting to restore your life force after that teeny tiny little cancer thing. In fact Cynthia even had to change your locks on the loft or you may have found all of your things at Michael’s house. You know how he is, he likes to borrow your stuff and you have a heck of a time getting it back. Well let me tell you the fur flew when Cynthia got wind of it.” Emmett giggled.

“I was sure that you knew all of this gossip. I mean you haven’t actually been very friendly to Michael and the rest of us since you and your hubby returned to Pittsburgh.” Emmett looked at Brian closely. “Brian, you are alright aren’t you?” he asked.

Brian nodded, not trusting himself to speak. It seems his little ray of sunshine back at the loft neglected some of the highlights of this little tale of woe.

“Do you think that Justin and I are happy as a married couple?” Brian asked.

“Happy?” Emmett looked at Brian curiously. “Well since we rarely see the two of you and when we do Justin is like a pit bull protecting you from any harm, I’d say you were happy, yes.”

“What harm does Justin need to protect me from?” Brian wondered out loud. 

“I think he is just so afraid that you will have your feelings hurt like they were when you found out about the gang…..” Emmett trailed off. “Justin can’t bear to see you hurt. It happens you know when you love someone.” He giggled nervously. There was something kind of off about Brian. It was almost like the Brian of before. “Well honey, I must run. Give that husband of yours a great big old kiss for me.”

Brian didn’t hear him. He stared off into space, his mind clouded with memories that wouldn’t quite come to the surface.

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Brian strolled down Liberty Avenue, trying to get his thoughts in order. Trying to come up with anything that made sense. The last thing he remembered was his damn birthday, and next thing he knew he was walking into the loft – which was completely different – married and missing a year of his life. The information he had found at the library hadn’t done much to make him feel better either. Finding out that he had been kidnapped, held against his will with this blond who was now his husband. Brian couldn’t figure it all out. 

Finding out from Emmett that no one had even bothered to come look for him, that they all had believed he had just hightailed it out of dodge confused Brian. He had thought that Michael would have been knocking down doors trying to find him, but from what he had heard that never happened. His childhood friend didn’t go looking for him, only tried to take what he could get out of Brian’s loft. All Brian knew was that he had to try and get some answers. He had to find out what the hell was really going on. Should he believe Emmett, Cynthia, and Ted? Should be believe Justin? Who should he believe, and who can he trust? All Brian knew was that he had to get more answers. He had to hear every side of the story and try and figure it out for himself.

Walking into Red Cape Comics, Brian immediately spotted Michael behind the counter. The other man smiled at Brian and came around to greet him. “Brian? I didn’t think I would ever see you here again? Justin finally let you out of the loft?”

Brian decided to pretend he knew what the hell Michael was talking about. The last thing he wanted until he knew what was really going on was everyone knowing he had no memory of the past year. “No one controls me, Mikey. No one tells me where I can go and what I can do.”

Michael wondered what was going on, and shrugged. “I know that, but that damn Justin is always around. We never get to have time to ourselves anymore. You never come and see me, we never talk. Or you never want to talk, cause you’re always off with him. I know that if we can just have a chance to sit and catch-up then we can get all these lies out in the open. He’s been lying to you Brian, and I hate to see you get screwed over by that little shit. He’s playing you, playing on what happened.”

“Somehow I am beginning to think that he’s not the one who’s playing me.” Brian quietly stated. Seeing Michael’s confused look, Brian shook his head, and let out a deep breath. “Well I’m here, so talk. I don’t have much time, I still have to go to work.” ‘And figure out what the fuck happened,’ Brian thought. 

Michael smiled at Brian and went into the back to grab his coat. “Why don’t we go grab a bite to eat and we can catch up.”

“What? What about the business?”

“Fuck, Brian. I know that shit stole the mortgage, but taking some time off isn’t going to break me. I’m going to get it back from him. So let’s go.”

Brian didn’t want to leave the place with Michael, he wanted answers, but he wanted them on his terms. Moving over to one of the chairs, Brian sat down letting Michael know where he stood. They sat there for 30 minutes before Brian felt a headache coming on. Leaving the store, Brian didn’t have any answers he only had more questions. Michael had seemed happy that Brian wanted to pay attention to him, acting like Brian had been held hostage by Justin, and Justin was using him for whatever reason. 

Brian didn’t know what to think, he wished he could remember things, remember what had happened to him during the past year. Realizing he wasn’t going to get any straight answers from his ‘friend’, Brian headed back to the loft. Maybe if he went through his papers at home he could find some thing out that the newspapers didn’t tell him.

Once reaching the loft, Brian immediately spotted Justin sitting at one of the small desks, looking over some documents. He walked over to the small fridge in the corner and pulled out a beer. “Did you get any answers?” Brian heard from the corner. In a way he was grateful that the blond wasn’t wanting to know what Brian had found out, only if he was getting what he needed. Brian shrugged, and moved to his desk. 

Justin nodded and went back over the paperwork in front of him. “We have to figure out what to tell Daniels. The trial is coming up, and with the way things are now, there’s no way in hell you can testify. Fuck, that asshole got his wish.”

Brian looked over at Justin seeing the lines of tension in the younger man’s body. “Who’s Daniels?”

Justin ran his hand through his hair, trying to ease the pain that had settled in his body since Brian had returned from who knows where. “He’s the DA on the case against Bellwether and Saperstein. I have a meeting with him in the morning, I guess I’ll come up with something by then. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure between Ethan’s testimony, Ted’s and mine we can put him away.” Justin stood from his chair and closed the folder he had been working on. “I’m heading out, do you need anything?”

Brian shook his head as he watched Justin reach for his briefcase. “Where you going?”

Justin shrugged and finally looked at Brian. “I figured you would want some time to think. Go through whatever you wanted to look through here, try and get the information you need.” Justin closed his eyes, he hated seeing the blank look in his lover’s eyes, the look that told him that he had no idea who Justin was, or who to trust. “I’m not going to push you, Brian. I love you more than that. It’s up to you to decide what you want to believe, who you want to believe. I can’t force you to believe me. Either you trust me or you don’t, the choice is yours. God knows neither one of us had been given the chance to make choices in the past couple of years. I’m not like them, I’m not going to force things.”

“So you are just giving up?” Brian asked somehow frightened at that idea. He didn’t know Justin, but just the thought that the young man was giving up on him… on them scared him to the core.

Justin shook his head. “I’m never giving up on us, on you. I love you and I want our fucking life back! I’m pissed as hell that everything seems to be getting fucked up in our lives, just when we finally got the closeness back, but I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I won’t do that. If you don’t want to be with me… I guess I’ll just have to deal. I won’t fucking like it, and I will fight for you cause I know what I mean to you, and what we mean to each other. But I won’t make you be somewhere you don’t want to be. I’m not Bellwether, nor Saperstein. I’m not fucking Michael. I know who you are, and I can wait until you come back to me.” 

Brian watched as Justin left the loft, and realized that he had to at the very least figure out if he could trust Justin or not. So far it seemed like Justin wanted Brian to figure things out on his own, that he was willing to give Brian what he needed. Brian just have to figure out if the man was sincere or not. As Justin said, that was up to Brian to figure out.

Getting a bottle of water from the refrigerator Brian sat down at the desk in the office he apparently shared with Justin. For some reason he’d been avoiding the office and what he might find inside. Sure he’d looked at a few papers his husband had shown him. But this time he was alone and free to look through anything he wanted. He almost didn’t know where to start.

Opening the large file drawer in the desk where he sat and that he’d always thought of as Justin’s, Brian pulled out the first file that he came across. It was labeled ‘Legal’ as he paged through the file at page after page of notarized forms changing the legal ownership of everything from real estate, to bank accounts and stocks and bonds, from Justin’s name to their name joint ownership, Brian began to realize just what he meant to Justin Kinney, formerly Taylor. The man had given him ownership of millions of dollar worth of his holdings. He found a copy of Justin’s will. In it all the mortgages that they held, he forgave his portion of and willed everything else he owned to Brian with only a few other bequests to people that Brian realized must have been in his employ.

The words ‘to my beloved husband’ leapt off of the page at Brian and he suddenly had a flash of sunlit clouds and a sky as far as the eye could see. Brian shook his head, uncertain of what he’d seen in the back of his mind. 

Another file, labeled Comic Store – contained the mortgage they both held on Michael’s store along with a comprehensive business plan that Justin had developed to help his friend make a success of his venture. Michael’s word echoed in Brian’s head and he realized that Michael had been true to form in trying to put the blame on someone else. While Justin had quietly sat back and let Brian make his own decisions and yet he still tried to help the man who obviously resented him. Probably because Michael had been Brian’s friend for so many years. Justin’s unselfish behavior brought tears to Brian’s eyes and he brushed them away. He was never emotional and he didn’t want to start now. 

A file labeled ‘Brian, Justin and Gus’ Excellent Adventure’ caught the auburn haired man’s attention next. Inside was a computer disk with a label complete with a picture of the three of them along with the date. Brian took it out and put it into the computer. The next hour disappeared as he slowly made his way through hundreds of pictures that began with them getting on a plane at the Pittsburgh airport and ended with Brian making a funny face and giving Justin a tired finger back in the loft. The love that shone in Brian’s eyes was unmistakable and Brian felt a momentary shame for what Justin must be going through.

That love was obvious in all of the pictures. And Gus looked happy as well. The pictures of Gus playing with a large almost white dog that looked rather wolf like caught his attention. The name Ghost came to mind when he viewed them and he could almost hear Gus’ laughter and that strange half barking sound that the wolf/dog made.

The pictures he lingered over the longest were the wedding photos. In all of them they looked so happy. The one where he was touching Justin’s face, his fingers seemingly tracing the contours as he was saying his vows stuck Brian as the most poignant. He printed off a copy of the picture, cutting it out carefully and tucking it into his wallet. Brian wasn’t sure why he was doing that, but somehow it seemed right. 

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“Brian, what a surprise”, is Justin with you?” Lindsay stood in the doorway of her home.

“No, not today.” Brian replied as he stepped inside the small hallway. “I had a few moments free and I was hoping to see Gus.” 

“He’s out back playing, I’ll get him.” She turned to leave.

“No, I’ll find him.” Brian smiled at her shyly, not sure how to treat her. She’d been his friend for a long time, and yet she hadn’t been concerned about his absence according to Emmett. 

“Brian, Michael told us that you are your old self again.” Lindsay’s voice was hesitant. 

“Michael was wrong.” Brian lied as he looked at her. “I would think that by now you would know that Michael has a different agenda from the rest of the world when it comes to me.” For some reason Brian didn’t want to admit that he was unable to remember what appeared to be the happiest and saddest time of his life. It somehow seemed to be a betrayal of the man whose heart he’d broken and who loved him so much.

“Oh, but Michael said.” Lindsay began but she was talking to an empty room. Brian had gone out the back door. 

“Hey there Sonny Boy “ she could hear him call out.

“Daddy, daddy.” Gus’ beamed his delight as he ran to his father. “Where’s my Jus’n?” he looked around Brian. 

“My Justin.” Brian answered and he realized that this was a familiar argument. He could see the two of them replaying it word by familiar word as they stood by an open field filled with wild blue flowers the color of Justin’s eyes.

Gus giggled after a few moments of ‘play’ argument. “Jus’n brought me a book with pictures of our trip to Canada.” Gus looked up at him. “Want to see?” he asked.

“Of course, I’d love to see your book.” Brian’s heart ached at the words. He’d looked at the pictures, but he could deny his son nothing.

Gus picked up a backpack that was on the picnic table. “Jus’n gave me my very own backpack just like his. Only mine has my name on it. Gus opened the flap and showed Brian where his name had been stitched inside. “He said that’s so I won’t lose it. But I’d never lose it, my Jus’n gave it to me.

Inside was a small scrapbook embossed with familiar words, just slightly rearranged. “Gus, his daddy and Justin’s Excellent Adventure” and the date underneath the words.

“See daddy, this is a picture of you and me sleepin’ on the airplane. Your whiskers were all scratchy and you made Jus’n say ouch when you rubbed your cheek on his.” He giggled “Jus’n said you were a bad boy and he was going to punish you and your face turned really, really red and Jus’in laughed and laughed.”

“And look daddy, you were crying when Jus’n said ‘I do’ I was worried but you said they were happy tears. How come little kids don’t have happy tears? When I cry I’m very, very sad.”

“I’m not sure why that is Gus.” Brian couldn’t stop staring at the picture in question. He could feel Justin’s lips kissing away his tears.

“This is me and Ghost in the waterfall pool. I was swimming bare naked. Mommy says that the day will come when I won’t want to let anyone see this. Mommy is funny. Ghost looks silly when he’s all wet and he smells funny too.” He giggled “You said ‘that damn smelly wolf isn’t sleeping in the house tonight.” Gus’ voice was lowered as he imitated Brian. “You made Ghost cry. You said he sounded like Uncle Mikey.”

Brian smiled at his son. “I did, did I?” he could almost hear the whine in the wolf/dog’s voice.

“But the very, very, very bestest picture in the whole memory book is this one.” Gus flipped the pages until he found the picture he wanted. “Joanne took it and it was a surprise when Jus’n looked at the pictures on the ‘puter.” 

Brian looked at a picture that took up the whole page. It was a picture of the three of them in bed together, all tangled up so that is was hard to see where one person started and the other ended. Ghost was at the foot of the bed sleeping as well and each and every one of them were smiling in peace as they slept. It was a picture Brian hadn’t seen the day before.

“Daddy, are you crying happy tears again?” Gus asked innocently. 
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Justin sat in at the Starbucks right off of Liberty Avenue, and tried to think of what he needed to do next. He had contacted Jamison, and he knew that the man would work his ass off trying to find some leads. He also knew that from that moment on, both he and Brian had people watching them, guarding them. He had failed Brian once but he would not fail him again. Come hell or high water, Justin was going to make sure that nothing happened to Brian again.

Their talk the night that Brian had returned nearly had brought Justin to tears. He had felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest when his lover had completely dismissed everything he had said. . How could he go on like this day after day? Living with a man who didn’t remember him, how didn’t remember them? 

”Is this seat taken?” Hunter asked as he sat down across from Justin in what had become their routine. Since that day after Brian went missing again, Hunter and Justin had met almost every other day, if not every day. It had given something to Justin that he needed, and Hunter was happy to be the one that Justin could come to. “I heard what happened… or some kinda story. What the fuck is going on?”

Justin rubbed his hand over his face, tired of life, tired of everything. “Bellwether is hwat happened. At least, that’s MY belief. It seems that no one else wants to believe me.”

Hunter moved forward in his chair to listen to what his friend had to say. Yes, friend. Hunter knew that there were things that his ‘friends’ at school could never understand, never relate to. There were things in Hunter’s past that he knew would make them turn tail and run, and heaven forbid they found out he was positive and how he got it. But with Justin, Hunter didn’t have to hide who he was. He could be open, and talk about things that he couldn’t talk about with anyone else, not even Ben and Michael. He could talk about girls he liked, or what it felt like for him not sure if he was gay, or bi, or what. Justin always listened and never judged. It was something that Hunter enjoyed. “Tell me, maybe I can help.”

Justin knew that Hunter couldn’t really help, not in any way that would make a big difference, but the young man could help in another way – a way that Justin needed at that moment. Taking a deep breath, Justin began to fill Hunter in on everything. How everything seemed to be falling apart. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling, and he hated that he was being so emotional. He couldn’t afford to be right now. He had to be strong if he was ever going to get Brian back. “And of course no one believes me, no one is willing to help me figure out what happened. Hell, not to be rude toward your caretakers or anything, but fucking Michael is jumping at the bit having ‘HIS’ Brian back.”

“I know. It seems all he’s talked about. How Brian is finally over the brainwashing you did to him, and shit like that.” Hunter had heard it non-stop for the past day since Michael had found out. He had kept his mouth shut, not wanting to get in the middle of things, not wanting to betray either man. “I can do some checking around. I’m sure that this Bellwether guy isn’t completely ‘clean’.”

Justin gave Hunter a small smile and shook his head. “I don’t want to ever put you in the middle of Michael and me. That’s not what I was saying. Don’t think that I’m trying to use you, just being able to TALK to someone is what I need.”

“I know you wouldn’t put me in the middle. I’m doing what’s right. Helping you catch this bastard is something that needs to be done. Who knows what else he’s capable of. I might know some people who heard things, or know things. I want to help.” Hunter was honest, he hated seeing his friend in pain, and if it got him in trouble with Michael over it… well he’d deal. He couldn’t NOT do something if there was any way that he could possibly help Justin. It seemed to Hunter that Brian and Justin had gotten a rotten deal out of life and now with Brian the way he was, it was even worse. 

“Thank-you. Just don’t put yourself in danger for me. I can handle myself, and all this shit. Don’t get yourself into trouble with Michael over me. It’s not worth it.” Justin smiled at Hunter’s shocked face. “Come on, I know you’ll help even if I disagreed, so I might as well tell you up front and just go with it. You’re one stubborn man, from what I can tell. So what the hell? It’s not like I have a lot of people jumping in to help me, any little bit helps. That and I believe in you. I trust you.”

Hunter was thrilled that Justin believed in him, that Justin wanted him to help. He knew he couldn’t let his friend down. This was his chance to do good for once, and Hunter was going to give it his all.


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Justin paced the length of his studio, phone clenched in his hand. He had told Brian that he needed time to think and he did he best thinking in his studio. Luckily Brian decided to give him a break, and left him alone. The last thing he needed was Brian breathing down his neck, when he was doing something he knew the other man would not like. “Jamison, I need you to look deeper. I don’t know… there has to be something, anything.”

“Justin, I’m looking. I promise you, if there is something out there, which I’m a million percent positive there is, I will find it. Don’t you worry.” 

Justin sat down in a chair beside the large picture window and looked out, his hand resting against the glass. “We don’t have much time. The DA wants to end the case. He says he doesn’t have enough evidence. And Jamison, if that happens….”

Jamison heard the desperate plea in his friend and boss’ voice. He had never let the Taylor’s down and he wasn’t going to start now. Not after what this Bellweather did to Justin. “If the DA drops the charges, I swear the man won’t be doing anything ever again. You have a lot of people on your side, and we won’t let him get away with it.”

“I know, I know. A part of me wants him to suffer like Brian and I have, but then… I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that.” Justin knew what Jamison was willing to do. He had the men and the money to make Bellweather pay in the worst possible way. All Justin had to do was say the word and by the end of the day Bellweather’s pain would start. “Do me a favor though, if you can.”

“Anything.”

“I need someone to keep an eye on us, watch our backs, but to be able to keep out of sight. Just make sure that nothing happens. I can’t let Brian get hurt anymore.” He knew who he wanted, and the good thing was that Jamison knew as well. Only the best would be allowed, and Justin could only hope that Brian wouldn’t be too upset if and when he ever found out.

“I’ll have Mouse and Jackal there within the hour.”

”Thanks. I owe you.” Justin hung up the phone, continuing to stare out the window. He wanted – no needed to be strong, but he wasn’t sure how much he could take. How much could one person do and take before they cracked, before life became too much. Justin knew that he was about to find out. He only hoped that he had someone to help catch him when he finally fell. 

It was only an hour later that he saw the black van park across the street and spotted Mouse waving up at him. Giving the man a small smile that he knew he couldn’t see, Justin waved back. Mouse had always been there to watch his back, had always been kind to him. And Jackal knew how to stay in the shadows, knew when to stand back and when to attack. He always let Justin try things his way before interfering. 

Walking out of the loft, Justin went down to the small café on the corner and waited for the men to join him. When he spotted them beside his table, Justin stood to give them both a hug. “I’m glad you guys got here so fast.”

“We wouldn’t have it any other way. When we heard that you came back into town we rushed right over, just waiting for the word.” Jackal sat down across from Justin and gave him a small smile. “What do you want? How can we help?”

“Mouse, watch over Brian. Just make sure that no one hurts him. I want you to be there for him, but… with everything he’s going through; I’m trying to give him some space. I just want you to keep an eye on him. Please.” Justin looked at the big, quiet man and reached for his hand. “I can’t let anything else happen to him.”

Mouse held onto Justin’s hand tightly, his bigger hand completely covering Justin’s smaller ones. “Nothing and no one will get near him. I promise.”

Satisfied that things would work out, Justin decided to try and continue with the rest of his life. He had a show to prepare for, and businesses to help run. Mouse and Jackal would make sure they were safe, while they tried to find the information they needed to nail Bellweather from all sides. Justin had his own ideas on that, ones that only he could try and find out. With someone watching his back, Justin knew that nothing was going to stand in his way. 


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
After stepping out of the shower, Justin walked straight over to the closet and began to pull out a suit. If he was going into that office today, he was going to look the part. He would be strong even though he felt his entire world was collapsing in around him. “Why are you getting all dressed up?” Brian asked from his spot on the bed. He’d found himself holding Justin again last night. It seemed that every night despite going to sleep facing away from the other man, he would somehow find Justin and hold him tightly the rest of the night. Brian wondered if Justin knew that he was only able to sleep soundly when the blond was in his arms. Justin had never said anything. Maybe he didn’t know he was being held all night.

Justin began to pull on his pants, he looked over his shoulder at Brian, sleep rumpled. His favorite look for the man. “A meeting with the DA on the case against Bellwether. He wanted to talk to us about the case, help prep us for the hearing.” Shaking his head, Justin began to button his shirt. “You can stay here if you want. I’ll tell the DA what’s going on. There’s no way you can testify now, not without your memory of the past year.”

Brian looked at Justin, wondering how the young man could do it – how he could be so strong. Justin hadn’t broken down once, hadn’t thrown a fit at all over what happened. Brian didn’t know the man, and yet Justin was doing everything possible to help Brian become whatever he wanted to be… even if that wasn’t the man that Justin had known in the past year. Not once in the past week had Brian heard any complaints. Well except that first day, but Brian knew that Justin had to have been shocked. Hell, Brian was shocked. Getting up from the bed, Brian began to head for the shower. “What time is the meeting?” Brian didn’t care what Justin thought. Seeing the other man bravely facing alone what they had faced together, galvanized him into action. Justin was not facing this alone.

“In forty-five minutes. You don’t have to go, if you don’t want to.”

Brian paused as he began to open the glass door and looked at Justin. “I’m going and that’s final. Why are you so fucking bent on me not going?”

Justin leaned up against the doorjamb and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not hell bent on you not going, I just don’t think that it would be worth it. You don’t remember any of it; you won’t know what’s going on. It will fucking bore you to tears. I know you must have other things you want to try and get re-accustomed to, so why even bother?”

“Justin?” Brian asked firmly as he stepped under the spray. “The real reason.” It had only been a week, but Brian was learning when Justin tried to be evasive. The little shit couldn’t lie, but damn he could twist the truth to suit his purpose if he thought he was protecting Brian.

“That is the real reason. Fine, you want another one? How about the fact that since you don’t remember thanks to Bellwether and whatthefuckever he did. They always say that if someone has amnesia, you don’t push them to remember. It could be worse for the person if they don’t remember it in their own time.” That was one of his biggest fears. If he pushed Brian too hard, and all the memories came rushing back at once, he could completely destroy the man. He would lose all hope of ever getting HIS Brian back. “I know that we’re going to be discussing the case, and what happened. It could jeopardize you remembering on your own… replace my thoughts and feelings onto events that you experienced as well. It could taint anything that you do remember.”

“I’m going.” Brian turned off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. “Somehow I don’t think that it will make a damn bit of difference one way or another if I hear your side or not. You haven’t told me shit! How am I supposed to know what’s going on around here if you don’t fucking tell me?”

“Fine. Come. See if I fucking care. I just want you to know, I think it’s a bad idea.” Justin walked out of the bathroom and grabbed his jacket off of the hanger, as Brian began to dress. 

“Justin, it’s not a big fucking deal. I’m not going to remember either way. Whether or not you tell me or someone else tells me something, it’s not going to matter. Nothing is going to come back to me, that’s not the way this thing works.”

Justin turned to face Brian realizing that Brian had done some research on what happened to them, and the men before them. Brian knew what the mind-swipe, or brainwashing did. He hoped that they were wrong, however and Brian did get his memories back. He hoped and prayed that he hadn’t lost Brian forever, cause he wasn’t sure how much more of ‘this’ Brian he could take. “Let’s just get this over with. I have a ton of shit to do with my attorney today, and a show to prepare for.”

The two men locked up the loft, and headed downtown to the Federal Building. Brian found himself placing his hand in the small of Justin’s back as they walked in the door of the imposing building. It was an unconscious act, but the touch seemed to give both of them strength. Justin led the way toward the Prosecutor’s office and knocked on the door. Once he got the all clear he walked right in and sat down across from Daniels. Quickly he had explained the whole situation to the man, leaving nothing out. He knew that it wasn’t going to be fun, and with Brian in the chair next to him, Justin wished he was anywhere else but there. 

“So what the hell are you going to do then? Just give up?” Justin stood from his seat and began pacing the room. He couldn’t believe that the DA was even considering it. Brian reached out to reassure Justin, but the man was too fast as he paced. The heart ache in the blond’s voice was almost too much for Brian. He wanted to hold him and somehow make it better. 

“Justin, with all due respect, I don’t know what else we can do? Somehow the others found out what happened to Brian and they are now too scared to testify.” Daniels tried to explain to the blond.

”What about Ted, Ethan… me? I thought that Saperstein was going to testify against Bellwether.” Justin stood with his back to the other men, he didn’t want anyone to know how rattled he was, how scared he was. But Brian knew. He could sense the unease in Justin’s body. He ached to hold him and yet he sat there and did nothing like some kind of coward.

“Saperstein has reneged on our deal. He is now refusing to testify against Bellwether. The only ones we have to testify Justin, is you, Ted, and Ethan. No one else is willing to come forward.”

Brian didn’t take his eyes off Justin. He watched the man’s shoulders stiffen. Justin turned to face Daniels, his face calm and told them that he would not take any thing other than what he was saying. “You will continue with the case. Even if I have to spend ever cent I have to find something on that asshole, I will. The case goes on, no matter what. Get me on the stand, and I swear to God that he will get what’s coming to him. If you stop this now, I will have to do things my way.” His face was calm but Brian could see that the blue eyes had turned black with rage. Passion filled blue eyes flashed in his mind, the smell of clean sweat, the sound of heavy breathless cries of delight,….. 

“Brian, Brian?” the DA looked at the other man in concern.

“Sorry, I must have spaced out for a moment.” Brian stood up. “I’ll get back to you if I start to remember anything. This meeting has been helpful.”

With that Justin left the office, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t look back to see if Brian was following him, he didn’t care. He needed a little breather and nothing Brian could say or do would make a bit of difference. This was his show now, and he wasn’t going to let Bellwether get away with what he’s done, with what he had taken away from him. 

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End of Part eight