A/N: *clearsthroat* The readers are reminded that this fic has an Angst-Warning and is rated as NC-17. Not only the ´sex-chapters´, but the whole story, and not because of sexual contents. Especially chapter 15 and the last two parts, meaning this one and chapter 29. Also: Like in most of my stories when a good lawyer is needed I put all my trust in Mister Charles Gunn. I know he’s from another fandom, but hey, the only lawyer in the Qaf-verse is Melanie, and as you know: she’s otherwise occupied in this fic. And: Again, this is NOT the last part. Chapter 29 is the end. 30 is the Epilogue. Dedicated to David. I always loved driving around pointlessly through the night with you *smiles* A Special Thank You to Rena for the wonderful and very quick beta *hugs* Kiss me alright Chapter 28 – Kiss me alright – Part II Brian’s hands were cold when he entered his home. He felt odd. And he wished he hadn’t given his cigarette to the damn snowman. “Hey.” Emmett sat at the kitchen bar, peeling potatoes. “You’re home early.” “Hm.” Brian went to the fridge, opened it, stared blankly inside for a while, and closed the door again. Emmett put a peeled potato into a pot of water and grabbed for another one, peering unobtrusively over at his boss. “So, what do you think?” He smirked a little. “I think they should bring back the old BMW slogan.” Brian slouched down on the opposite side of the counter. “The new one is just stupid.” He took a spare paring knife and scratched the sharp blade over the tip of his thumb. “´A company of ideas´… sounds like a fucking IKEA advertisement.” “Well actually,” Emmett watched sceptically as Brian grabbed for a medium sized potato, turned it around three times in his fingers and finally started to peel the skin off. “I meant my newslet snowman for Justin.” “Hm.” Mister Kinney gritted his teeth when his damn knife scraped stubbornly finger-thick chunks off the fucking potato. “I’ve thrown a snowball at his window.” Emmett finished one, flipped it into the water and looked up. “Did I tell you that I was a member of our little school baseball team in Hazelhurst?” “No.” Brian answered absently and frowned at the asymmetric cubical piece of yellow vegetable he just produced. “Oh, I loved our uniforms.” Emmett mused with a dreamy sigh and tossed Brian’s potato dice away. “And why don’t you go out to Babylon instead of disfiguring innocent food.” Brian stared at the pot of water for a moment, before shaking his head slightly. He got up. “No.” “Well then go and visit him.” Brian stood at the window and looked out into the darkness. Emmett smiled. “You could sneak in, all mysteriously, tip toeing through the dark corridors, with a good bottle of wine and roses and-” “No.” Brian didn’t turn around but it sounded as if he smiled a little, too. “It’s better the way it is.” Emmett tipped his head to the side and didn’t say anything… and then he peeled another 24 potatoes for dinner, although his boss surely wouldn’t eat carbs after seven. ----------------- Male nurse Blake Wyzecki had the late shift on Saturday the 21th, but nonetheless hopped off the bus at the Fuller Street stop, at 9.25 in the morning. He shouldered his bag, zipped up his jacket and made his way over to house number 3, where he entered the huge courtyard and only a few seconds later rang the doorbell. Five times. Then the door was opened by a tall man with a white apron, yellow rubber gloves and pink feather duster. “Well, hello.” Emmett smiled brightly at the unexpected visitor. “What can I do for you, neighbour?” Blake smiled back. “You know, actually I don’t live in the clinic. I just work there.” “Yeah well, I don’t live here either.” The house maiden confessed and then whispered none too quietly. “But when the boss isn’t home I put on one of his suits, waltz around the house and pretend I’m a young Warren Beatty.” Blake smirked and nodded. “He was hot in Bonnie and Clyde.” “I know!” Emmett sighed dramatically. Blake nodded again. “Ah listen, Emmett is it?” “The one and only.” “Okay, uh… I wanted to talk to Brian if that’s possible. And since you’re not Warren Beatty at the moment-” he gestured towards Emmett’s outfit. “I was wondering…is he home?” “He sure is.” Emmett said. “But I’m afraid he’s still asleep.” “Oh. When do you think he will be up? It’s really important.“ Emmett pressed his lips together, watched the young man in front of the door a moment and then stepped aside with a smile. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you come inside and I make you a nice cup of coffee while you wait for him.” Blake looked a little worried. “Are you sure? Maybe he doesn’t want me to-” “Aah.” The employee assured. “He’s a big old grumpy grouch with a heart of pure gold. Believe me, he will be thrilled to see you!” ----------------- “What the fuck is he doing here?!” Brian pointed with a disgusted expression at the young, blond man at his kitchen bar. He fucking hated uninvited visitors. Especially the early ones, who stole his precious coffee. “And why is he drinking my fucking coffee?!” “Aww, now now.” Emmett said conciliatingly, laid a hand in Brian’s back and guided him over to a free chair next to Blake, where a fresh cup of coffee and a truckload of sugar waited. “Enough coffee for everyone. And see? I cut all the little birth announcements out of your newspaper, just how you like it.” “Hh.” Brian sat down and eyed the nervous man beside him suspiciously, while dumping way too much sugar in his coffee cup. “What does he want?!” “Well,” Emmett put quickly a propitiatingly slice of dry toast without anything down in front of his grumpy boss. “Gorgeous Blake here just came over to share a really brilliant idea with you. I’m sure you’ll be thrilled!” Brian only stared blankly at both of the men. He really hated every kind of idea in the morning. Blake showed a slight smile. “I’m sorry to disturb you this early but I thought maybe you’d like to join me on my way to…” He cringed a little. “Delmont?” Brian blinked twice and disappeared behind his newspaper. “No.” “I know you don’t want to have anything to do with it.” Blake tried. “But I looked through Justin’s documents and found his parent’s current address. I thought we could pay them a visit, you know? See what they think.” Brian stayed behind his market-report. “None of our fucking business.” “Maybe. But Justin needs some one. I’m only a nurse, It’s not my place to be his friend. And you … don’t want to be in this place either. So maybe his mother can.” Brian put the newspaper roughly down and looked angrily at Blake. “She was the one who dumped him off in the clinic in the first place! So what makes you think she will play the loving little mother now?!” Blake shrugged. “People change. And he’s her son after all. I think it’s worth a try.” He looked seriously at Brian. “For Justin.” ----------------- When Justin woke up on Saturday the 21th, he felt angry and stubborn. He didn’t want to eat breakfast or brush his teeth or go to the therapy room to draw stupid pictures. He only wanted to sit by his tower window and look at the beautiful white snow ball man. And he screamed and fought with every nurse who wasn’t called Plake and slammed his forehead hard against the white wall. Then Dr. Cameron came, held his arm tight and tight and it bit and after three minutes everything felt numb and light and cold, strong fingers were in his neck and shoved him outside the thick wall door and into the drawing room with all the paper and crayons. “Hello Justin.” Miss Eterson smiled and laid a hand on Justin’s shoulder. He didn’t like it. “Are you feeling better now? Dr. Cameron said you were a little upset this morning and he had to give you a sedative.” Justin stared at her expressionless. He really hated thick chests and flower smell. “Well I’m glad you’re here.” She smiled again and stroked his cheek lightly. “We’re drawing pictures of apples and pears today. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun.” She walked away and Justin looked after her and felt a little dizzy. Then he giggled softly and looked up to the ceiling. He wanted to go to bed and sleep with Prian. ------------------ “I’m really glad you’re doing this.” After 22 minutes on the road in silence, Blake tried to start a conversation with a nervous glance at the man behind the wheel. “It would be really great for Justin to have contact with his family again. I’m sure he still remembers them.” Brian didn’t react for a while, but then he shrugged almost unnoticeably with his left shoulder. “I thought he was only a preschooler when they left him.” “Yes. It was a little before his fifth birthday. But I’m sure he’ll remember something.” Blake looked out of the side window. “I think he was never in kindergarten or preschool though.” “And never in school?” Brian sounded calm and seemed to concentrate on the traffic. “No. Not a regular one.” “But he can read and write.” “They have teachers in psychiatrics for children.” “Hm.” Brian scratched his left eyebrow and placed both hands on the wheel again. After three more minutes of silence, Blake laughed quietly. “Oh you wouldn’t believe what he did a couple of days ago. You know, we have this really terrible nurse. Nurse Zeckendorf. She’s from England and absolutely no one can stand her.“ Blake gestured with his hands and looked amused. “And see, Justin didn’t want to eat his tuna sandwich, even though the whole ward had tried to get him to eat it. And nurse Zeckendorf came and said what incompetent people we were and that she had to do everything by herself and all that.” He turned a bit in his seat to look directly at Brian. “And she took the sandwich and disappeared in his room, and we were all holding our breath outside in the corridor, because everything was quiet. But then-” He grinned from ear to ear. “There was this really loud clattering sound and Justin screamed ´Fuck off!´ and good old nurse Zeckendorf stormed out of the room, her face red and with a half tuna sandwich on her white uniform ” Blake laughed. “Oh man, you should’ve seen it.” A little smile flew over Brian’s lips and then he drew them inwards. “Fuck off, huh?” “Yeah!” Blake confirmed almost proudly. “At the top of his lungs.” Brian nodded, his eyes looking happy. “What was the clattering?” “The plate. He threw it off the table.” “Hm.” Brian pinched his nose and nodded again. “He doesn’t like tuna sandwiches.” “No he doesn’t.” Blake shook his head and looked out of the side window again, smiling. “I brought him some cold chicken and a piece of chocolate cake afterwards, when no one was looking.” And Brian wanted to say ´thank you´. But he didn’t. Instead he took the exit ´Delmont´ and muttered something like ´I hope you know the fucking streets here. I don’t have time to drive pointlessly around the whole day.´ ----------------- The Taylor residence was a common affluent suburb house with a neatly trimmed green space behind a pretty white fence. Brian hated it immediately. “Huh…” Blake unbuckled his seat belt and examined the adjoining premises. “Well this is a nice place.” “Yeah.” Brian put his sun glasses on and got out of the car. “Nice.” On the mailbox next to the gate stood ´Taylor´ in golden letters, same as on the sign right above the doorbell where a small ´welcome´ was written. Brian thought Justin would like to see his name in golden letters and almost heard a soft voice saying an amazed ´Ooohh.´. But he shoved those thoughts away quickly and watched as Blake cleared his throat, extended one finger, and pushed the door bell. Brian thought Justin might’ve liked the sound of the door bell too. “Yes?” A blond haired women opened the door, looking surprised at both men. “May I help you?” Blake cleared his throat again. “Misses Taylor?” “Yes.” “Hello.” He smiled a little and put his hand out. “I’m Blake Wyzecki and this is Mister Kinney. ” “Hello.” She blinked and shook Blake’s hand hesitantly. “I was hoping we could maybe talk for a moment about your son.” Blake said and looked at her. She looked back and frowned slightly. “Well, he is still in school. What did he… did he do something wrong? Are you …” She glanced at Brian and his black sunglasses. “Are you from the police or anything?” She forced a nervous smile. Blake shook his head. “No! No, Misses Taylor, I’m a nurse at St. James´.” She wrinkled her forehead deeply and after a moment pulled her arms around her chest. “Then you didn’t want to talk about Danny.” “No. We’re here because of your son, Justin.” She stared at both of them and turned around when someone called from inside the house. “Who is it, Jen?!” She called back, “No one!” and stepped one step further outside, pulling the door almost shut behind her. “Look, Misses Taylor, I know this may be a little unexpected, but-” She interrupted him. “Is there a problem with the custodianship?” Blake frowned at her. “No. That’s not why we’re here. See, we thought maybe you would like to-” “I’m sorry, but I think you need to discuss any problems regarding Justin with the custodian or the responsible doctors.” She stated brusquely. “Misses Taylor, there are no problems. It’s more that we hoped you might like to see him again sometime. I’m sure he would like to see you again.” Blake tried again with a little smile and Brian gritted his teeth, while looking in the other direction. She reached for the doorknob. “I’m sorry but I really have to go.” “Please.” Blake made a step forward. “Maybe if we could come in for a moment we could talk about this and explain what-” “Mister Wyzecki -” She addressed the younger man sharply. “Blake.” “Yes. What ever.” She shut her eyes for a second and fought for a calm voice when she spoke again. “Please understand that everything regarding Justin has been put behind us for a long time. We’ve done our best for him and moved on afterwards. It was the best for all of us. There is no need to go back and make everything complicated again.” Brian snorted and spoke for the first time. His tone wasn’t very pleasant. “Yeah I’m sure he wouldn’t quite assimilate with your cozy little uncomplicated suburb life here. What would the neighbours think.” He pulled his cigarettes out of his jacket and started to light one when he turned around and walked back to his jeep. “Fuck that shit…” Blake watched him go and looked then at Misses Taylor again. “I’m sorry. He’s a really good friend of Justin. He cares about him.” “Is he a nurse too?” “No.” She watched as Brian climbed behind the wheel and slammed the car door shut. “Well, he doesn’t seem very nice.” “But he is.” Blake changed in a soft voice. “Same as your son. He’s very bright and handsome. You would be very proud of him.” She reached for the door again. “Please contact his custodian if there should ever be a problem. I really have to go now.” Blake nodded and handed her a small white card. “If you ever change your mind, please call me.” She smiled thinly and disappeared behind her door. Blake made his way back to the car. He had almost reached the pretty white fence when he heard her voice and turned around for a last time. She stood in front of the door again, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. “But is he alright?” Blake wasn’t sure what she wanted to hear. But after a moment he said, “Yeah. He’s fine.” ------------------- When it started to get dark outside of the tower window, Justin yawned and turned over to the next page of his book. “Yes.” He looked up to the ceiling and rocked softly back and forth in his kneeling position on the bed. “The ex… external male genitals consist of the penis and the… the scrotum.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Yes. Certainly my… my dick. Prian says.” He looked down on the page that showed a very pretty penis-drawing. Some parts were purple and some parts were yellow. He liked it. It looked almost like Prian’s. Just not as big and warm and tasty. He blinked and leaned forward to poke his tongue against the picture. The heavy wall door opened wide and was latched to the wall so it wouldn’t fall shut again. “Come on, get up Goldielocks. The Doctor told me to bring you to the shower.” Male nurse Gold walked towards the bed and reached for the patient’s arm. Justin stiffened and breathed with an open mouth against his book. “Come on, let’s-” The nurse grabbed for the book and pulled it away. “What’s this?” He looked at the spit shiny penis drawing and then at the book cover. “How my body works? Where did you get this shit? You didn’t try to suck that cock picture, did you? God!” He flung it disgustedly on the nightstand. “I thought you’d perv over your little kids book.” He slapped the back of Justin’s head lightly. “Fucking lunatic…” He took hold of the boy’s upper arm and neck and dragged him off the bed. “No.” Justin said and squeezed his eyes shut. His neck hurt and he wanted the evil man to go and… “…fuck off.” He said it only quietly and repeated it sixteen times. All the way out of the room, through the corridor, till he was pushed into the patient’s bathroom. “Fuck… fuck off.” He rocked slightly on his feet and tried to look up to the ceiling to count the mouldy stains, when the nurse ripped down his wonderful-smelling dark blue pyjama pants to get him ready for the shower. “Yes you can…” He wrapped thick, blond hairs around his finger as two strong, cold hands urged him under the piercing water. “You can shower… shower alone, you know?” He tried to imitate the prince’s beautiful voice but his teeth chattered. There was no foam soap or red wash cloths. He only felt ill and cold and wanted to be an icicle in Prian’s bed very badly. And then he pressed his face against the dirty tiles and his chest and belly and all of his body, but it was a thick wall door and wouldn’t open up for him when the evil big paws touched his butt and stroked and pinched and he started to scream and scream until his throat hurt and all he could hear was Plake’s voice. ------------------ Blake read through three new messages on his cell phone, while he trudged up the stairs. He was a little early for his shift, but it was too cold to pass the time outside. With his eyes still on the phone to read the news about cousin Bobby’s new apartment in Altoona, he reached blindly for the greasy glass-door of his ward and pushed it open. After five steps, subliminal noises penetrated his thoughts and he lifted his head up to absently look around. The noises got clearer immediately and Blake felt his heart speed up, as he franticly put his cell phone into some opening he could find on his jacket and ran with long strides towards the patients bath room. He froze for two seconds in the doorframe and stood in the third half inside a narrow shower stall with both hands on nurse Gold’s slightly damp uniform. “Shit!” He screamed but it sounded not nearly as loud as intended, more breathless and shocked. “Shit, what are you doing!” He pushed the other man into the stained tile-wall and felt his heart drum unregulated in his throat. It was difficult to breathe properly. “Get off me, asshole!” Nurse Gold shouted and pulled on the hands, cramped in his shirt. “I didn’t do anything!” “I’ll report you!” Blake said, his voice shaking with disgust and disbelief. “Shit, how-” With a tight hold on the fabric of Ethan’s uniform, he turned his head around to look at the wet, naked figure, standing under the spray of the shower with chattering teeth, banging the ball of his right hand rhythmically against his temple. “You touched him...” Blake said bewildered and slammed nurse Gold then forceful into the wall, his voice shrieking. “Get out of here!” “He refused to wash himself!” Ethan shouted back defending, straitening his clothes out. “I helped him!” Blake grimaced, shook his head and let go of him. “I’ll report you.” He tried to control his breathing, but panted anyway. “I’ll go to Dr. Marcus. And the police. I swear it.” He took two steps back. “He’s a silly fuck who can’t even clean himself!” Ethan said outraged and then made his way out of the room. “A fucking retard, that’s what he is!” The door slammed shut and Blake could hear the blood pulse in his ears. It was louder than the running from the cold water in the shower. ------------------- Brian slouched on his designer sofa in the dim glow of hundreds of tiny Christmas tree lights. “So…” Emmett gave one of the lights a little jiggle, picked on one of the green twigs, and finally stepped back to examine his work. “What do you think?” Brian didn’t look up from the little golden hazelnut he rolled around in his fingers. “Well it’s a tree.” Emmett put his hands on his hips, with a scandalized tone in his voice. “It’s not just a tree! It’s a 5 ½ meters Nordmann Fir! It’s majestic! It’s perfect!” “Hm.” Mister Kinney grumbled and threw the nut at his servant’s shoe. “I hope you checked this thing for fucking squirrels before you decided to mutilate my living room with it.” He scrunched up his nose. “And it fucking reeks. Do something about it.” Emmett sniffed at the tree. “It’s fir smell and resin. It comes naturally. What could I possibly do about that?” Brian gestured and squinted, highly annoyed with the conversation. “Well use some of these tree-scent-sprays they’re selling at the store.” Emmett blinked reproachfully. “They smell like fir. You use them for plastic trees, to make them seem more real.” “Why would anyone want to do that?! The good thing about plastic trees is the non-smelling thing!” God, sometimes he really felt like an Alien on this fucking planet… Emmett stared at his boss for a moment, thinking this over, before he waved his hands in the air and turned around with a little snappish ´tsk´. “You just hate Christmas…” He ranted and left the room to get another box of Christmas tree decorations from the cellar. “You’re like the Grinch just better shaved. That’s the problem...” Brian moved a bit deeper into the couch cushions in an almost sulking manner. The problem was that he was at home on a Saturday evening to watch his servant decorating a tree, instead of fucking lots of guys at Babylon. But when he looked up at the little clock on his DVD Player, he really couldn’t bring himself to stand up, dress in something hot, and leave his home in the direction of Liberty Avenue. He just didn’t… feel like it. “God…” he slouched even deeper into his sofa. He’d really gotten old. “Hff.” His eyes fell on the cookie bowl on the coffee table and after a moment of hesitation, he leaned forward to grab a few. And he ate them on his white designer sofa, without a plate or napkin and really didn’t care about triple fat chocolate or fucking cookie crumbs... ------------------- “It was good that you screamed like that.” Blake said quietly while rubbing a white towel over wet, blond hair. “You know… earlier in the shower.” “Yes.” Justin kneeled on his bed and stared towards the window. It was dark outside and also in his room. Plake hadn’t turned the lights on. But they could still see everything, because wonderful street-lamp-light fell through the window pane. “It wasn’t right for him to touch you like this.” “Yes.” It wasn’t snowing and Justin could see the round, pointy castle roofs and the moon and two little clouds in front of it. “I will report this at Dr. Marcus’ office.” Blake went to hang the damp towel next to the small washing basin, fetched a hairbrush and walked back to the bed. “First thing Monday morning.” “Yes.” Justin’s eyes wandered up to the ceiling when he felt gentle fingers and a brush in his hair. Blake brushed Justin’s hair for a few minutes in silence, amazed by the boy’s calmness. “Justin?” “Yeah.” “What would you like to do tonight?” It was a softly asked question and he already knew the answer when he saw the blue eyes flicker and eventually turn back to the window. “Yeah.” Justin really would’ve preferred to… “…be with Prian.” Blake drew his lips inwards and put the brush aside, replacing it with his fingers. “You know…” he said and stuck a thick blond strand behind the kid’s ear. “You look pretty tonight.” “Yes.” “Maybe you should ask your Brian for a date.” “Yeah.” Justin liked to hear the prince’s name. “My Prian.” “Hmm.” Blake smiled slightly. “When you have a date with someone… you dress in pretty clothes and go dancing or eat dinner together. It’s really nice.” “Yes.” Justin rocked a little on the mattress and smiled. He liked to dance with Prian and eat dinner over at the castle. He remembered it and felt happy butterflies in his belly. The prince was so beautiful and nice. “Did you ever dance?” “Yeah.” He danced in the rainwater and also… “…in the kitchen.” “Really? In the kitchen?” “Yes. With Prian.” Justin thought about it and sighed. “Of course we’re lousy… lousy dancers.” “Ah, I’m sure you’re still better than me.” Blake grinned and became more serious again. He cleared his throat, stared at the window and saw two names written faintly in the glass. “You think he’s at home?” “Yes.” “You want to give it a try?” It was a question with an uncertain undertone. “Go over there and visit Brian? Ask him for a date?” “Yes.” Justin felt warm all over and turned his head to look over his shoulder at Plake. He really wanted to go and see Prian and eat white beet and sleep in the big prince bed. Forever and hundred years. Blake stared back in silence for a while and then nodded. “Yeah. I think so too.” ------------------- Plake took his hand as they walked across the street, but it felt different from Prian’s. Less strong and smooth and golden. “Are you cold?” Blake looked around somewhat nervously, clutched the stolen rose from patient Elaine’s nightstand to his chest, and hurried to reach the other side of the street. Was he? Justin looked down at his feet. He had his wonderful seven league boots on and the whole ground was white with snow, but as he looked up into the sky, not one single snowflake fell out of the clouds. The big, white snowman stood still on the sidewalk and Justin craned his neck and made smaller steps to see it better, but Plake pulled him along the snowy pavement and only stopped at the castle’s gateposts. “Okay, his car is here.” He said and then looked at the young patient. “Do you still remember what I told you?” He handed him the flower. “Yeah.” Justin rocked slightly back and forth with his eyes on the snow man. “Justin.” Blake touched the boy’s shoulder softly. “Come on, don’t you want to see Brian?” “Yes.” Justin really would’ve preferred to be with Prian, and turned to see the castle. He smiled when he saw the lights in the windows. He liked the beautiful prince castle so much. “Okay.” Blake pointed. “Go over there to his door and push the button.” “Yes.” Justin looked blankly up into the dark sky and then aside when he slowly plodded through the gate and towards the entry door. “Of course my… see my Prian.” The castle smelled like dirt cookies and silver and he stood still for a moment to listen for the frog’s croaking. He couldn’t hear it. “Go on.” Blake called in a hushed voice and waved his hands encouragingly. “Ring the doorbell.” “Yes.” Justin padded the last few steps and stopped with both feet on the doormat. He stood there for 64 seconds, swaying softly back and forth with his slightly swatted rose in hand, before he extended one finger and blindly pressed the button of the doorbell. ------------------- After seven cookies and half an hour pointless staring at a festive decorated Nordmann Fir, Brian Kinney mumbled, “Fuck this.” threw the eighth cookie back into the bowl, got up from the couch and went upstairs, because sitting pathetically brooding at home on a Saturday evening like some lovesick teenager made his dick even softer than the sight of his Christmas-carols whistling servant, putting a blond-haired angel on the top of the tree. So he changed into his most ´I’m the hottest stud in town´ screaming designer club clothes, messed his hair up into an irresistible post-orgasm look and had just arrived in Brighton’s entry hall to collect his wallet and car-keys, when someone rang the doorbell. He stopped in his tracks with his hands in the drawer of a small adornment commode and turned his head to stare at the door. Fucking impolite, uninvited visitors! He really should put a safety lock on his gate or consider the acquisition of a watch-dog. “Fuck.” He slammed the drawer shut, put his car-keys into his jacket-pocket and marched towards the door. He opened it in one sharp move. “What!” His annoyed expression disappeared instantly and changed into a blank face when he saw the unexpected blond man in front of his door. “Yes.” Justin eyes flickered but he held his gaze aside. Brian’s face darkened. “What the fuck are you doing here?!” He made one step backwards. “Yes.” Justin sighed a little and held out his rose for the prince. He still looked aside and now blinked a little upwards to see the moon. “Certainly… certainly it stinks.” Mister Kinney furrowed his brows. “Did you cross the street alone?! I fucking told you not to!” Justin didn’t say anything, just stared upwards and held the flower out. Brian heard footsteps outside, pushed Justin aside and looked into the courtyard. “Hello.” Blake had his hands buried deeply in the pockets of his jacket and didn’t smile. “You don’t look happy to see him.” “That’s probably because I’m not!” Brian said harsher than intended. “I told you I don’t want him to-” “I know.” Blake interrupted him. “I know what you told me. But I had to bring him here tonight. There is nowhere else for him to go. And he needed a… break.” He sounded upset and looked as if he’d cried. “He only wanted to see you.” Brian stared at him. For almost a whole minute. And his gaze was hard and dark when he said something. “You’re risking your job.” Blake’s voice was quiet as he shrugged. “I had to.” The tone made Brian’s stomach clench. “What happened?” And Blake turned his head a little to look at Justin, swaying slightly on the door mat with his crushed flower, and he smiled a little. “Just make him happy tonight. It’s his first date.” He pulled his shoulders up against the cold and turned to leave. “I’ll tell the staff he’s with you till tomorrow.” Brian didn’t watch him leave his property. He just stared into the darkness for a long time and when he spoke again it was directed at Justin. “I don’t do dates.” “Yes.” Brian took the flower and went inside. “And I hate flowers.” “Yes.” Justin followed him over the threshold without closing the door behind him. “Of course it stinks.” “Then why did you bring one?” Brian waved the rose around as he walked through the living room and into the kitchen. “Yes.” Justin plodded after him with small steps and his eyes towards the ceiling. “Of course Plake says.” He stopped next to the prince who stood in front of the sink. “Bring a… bring a nice flower.” Brian looked down at the boy and lifted his brow. “And what did wise man Plake suggest to do with the fucking thing afterwards?” He held it up for Justin to look at. “Yes.” Justin didn’t look at it, but did something similar to a shrug and sighed. “Certainly put it into… into the shower.” Brian stared at the younger man for a few seconds until a little smirk crawled over his lips. “It’s not the shower you little twat,” he said and sounded amused. “You put flowers into water. In a flower vase.” “Yes.” “If you’re a lesbian.” Brian clarified. “Yes.” “Men throw them into the sink.” He demonstrated it with the rose he held in his fingers. “Because they look ugly.” …he would tell his servant to rescue his one and only date-flower later. Maybe to dry it and put it in the cellar… behind the Christmas decorations. “Yes.” Justin turned up his nose. “Of course it stinks.” He really didn’t like flowers. “Hh.” Brian nudged the back of his hand against Justin’s belly. “You look nice tonight.” “Yes.” “Where’d you get the blue sweater?” “Yeah. Certainly from Plake.” Because one had to look very nice for a date. “Hm.” Brian nudged him again and this time wrapped his fingers lightly around the boy’s wrist to pull him closer. “Come here.” “Yes.” Justin did. Slowly, until he could feel the prince’s arm around his waist. “Look at me.” It was a very quiet request. And it took Justin 38 seconds to follow it. But his eyes were clear and attentive when they met Prian’s. Brian smiled. “Hey.” “Hello.” The younger one fidgeted a bit, but didn’t break the visual contact. “So. You want a date?” “Yes. See my… see my prince.” Brian touched his forehead to Justin’s. “And what are we supposed to do on a date?” “Yes.” Justin knew it. They had to dance and eat dinner. But he really would’ve preferred to instead… “… lick Prian’s lips.” Brian’s hand slid to the back of Justin’s neck, to caress the soft hairs there. “What’s it called?” He whispered it. And Justin kind of whispered his answer in return after 12 seconds. “Certainly kissing.” The answer ´Good boy´ lay on Brian’s lips, but they were pressed against Justin’s mouth before even one of the words could come out loud. It was just a light touch of lips at first, once, twice. By the third time a little groan escaped Brian’s throat and he brushed the backs of his fingers over a smooth, pale cheek, when he slipped the tip of his tongue into a sweet, warm mouth. Justin stood on his toes to make himself taller, because he liked the taste of Prian’s lips and tongue so very much. The prince was so warm and smelled so good and was so nice. He wanted to be with Prian forever and ever and hundred years. “Mmmh.” Brian pulled back slowly, came back for another peck on a red mouth, and smiled again. “You taste good, brat.” “Yes.” Justin looked aside and up to the ceiling. “Certainly like ice cream.” He laid his head on Prian’s chest and enjoyed the feel of the prince’s chin resting on his hair. “Hm.” Brian looked at the clock on his microwave. “You know, I actually wanted to go to Babylon tonight.” “Yes.” Justin swayed a little from one foot to the other and wrapped a hair strand around his finger, but didn’t move his head away from the prince’s chest. “With Justin Taylor.” Babylon was very old and had brown houses and much sand. He had seen it in one of his new books. He wondered if Iraq was near Harrisburg. “Hm. It’s a place to dance.” “Yes.” Justin laughed. He would like to dance… “…in the sand!” He looked up happily at Prian. Of course they had to take their shoes off. Brian wrinkled his forehead. “That’s one of our weird conversations again, is it?” “Yes.” Justin looked at the fridge. “Hm.” Brian nodded and buried his nose into blond hair. “Are you hungry or something?” Was he? Yes, he was very hungry and really would’ve preferred to eat lots of prince food… “… in boxes.” “Chinese? Thai?” “Hh.” Justin sighed and swayed some more, rubbing his belly against Prian’s. “Of course with sticks.” Although he would eat the tasty white beet surely not with wood. Only with his fingers. ----------------- A movie with a Cowboy was on TV and seven boxes of food stood on the coffee table, but Justin wasn’t interested in any of it, because the huge glittering tree was so green and shiny and all the little lights were so very beautiful. “And… and thus she stood there… with…with nothing left at all,” He talked quietly to himself as he looked up to the top of the tree, swaying slightly from left to the right and wrapping blond hairs around his index finger. “When sudden…suddenly some stars fell… fell down from heaven,” The little man on top of the tree looked exactly like the poor child from the star talers. “And they were nothing… nothing else but hard shining talers.” He sighed. He was very glad the poor child was rich in the end. Maybe it could buy lots of ice cream now, with sprinkles and black… “…black coffee. Certainly ninety…ninety-five cents.” “Justin.” Brian put his chop sticks into one of the boxes and leaned back on the couch. “Come here and sit down. You can watch the tree from here too.” He could? Justin’s eyes flickered and after a while he padded over to the pretty white sofa, where the prince sat. He went closer and closer until he pushed with his leg against Prian’s knee. But he didn’t sit down. Brian took hold of his wrist, pulled lightly and waited patiently until the boy had crawled stodgily onto the thick couch cushions, shifting around to get comfortable in his kneeling position. “Shoes down.” “Yes.” Justin looked up to the ceiling. “Justin.” Brian nudged the kid’s knee. “Take your feet off the sofa.” “Yes.” Justin looked uninterestedly aside. “Of course not.” Brian lifted his left eyebrow. “Down immediately. Your shoes are dirty.” They were? Justin lifted up and moved his legs clumsily off the sofa, before he bent down to look at them. Yes, they were a little bit stained with … “…dirty… dirty water.” Brian took one of the boxes from the coffee table, opened it and mixed the contents up with a pair of chop sticks. “It’s melted snow. You can wipe it off with a cloth.” “Yes.” Justin thought about it. “Certain… certainly the servant.” Brian cogitated this suggestion and then shrugged in agreement. “Yeah, I suppose he needs to be punished for putting that lesbionic tinsel angel on my fucking tree.” He fished a piece of meat out of the box and held it out in front of Justin’s mouth. “Eat.” “Yes.” Justin turned his head away. “Of course not eat with… eat with wood.” “Chop sticks.” Brian touched the meat to the boy’s lips. “Open up.” Justin squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth after 53 seconds. “That’s better.” Brian pushed the piece of chicken unceremoniously between Justin’s lips and immediately dug for another one in his food container. Justin chewed carefully, swallowed and opened his mouth wide for more. He liked fried bird with brown sauce very much. Brian smiled slightly, loading a piece of meat and a couple of soy bean sprouts off and wiping the corner of the kid’s mouth clean with the tip of his finger. “Look, that’s James Dean.” He glanced at the TV. “Do you know him?” “Yes.” Justin said with his eyes still closed. “You’re not even looking.” Brian tipped his foot against Justin’s shoe. “Open your eyes.” “Yes.” Justin blinked and smiled at the prince. Prian looked very beautiful. An oddly warm feeling gushed through Mister Kinney’s stomach, and it wasn’t caused by the spicy peanut sauce he’d just consumed. He returned the smile briefly, and then busied himself quickly with the chop sticks again, feeding Justin another piece of chicken. “You’re a fucking princess, you know…” He muttered and helped with one of the sticks as the boy’s tongue darted out to catch a falling soy sprout. “Letting yourself be fed like this.” “Yes.” Justin chewed fast three times, swallowed and licked his lips with his eyes on the food container. “Certainly white beet?” He looked hopefully at Prian. Brian shook his head, but found three more soy sprouts anyway. “So,” He fed them to Justin. “Did you have a good week?” Justin didn’t say anything. “Blake said you had a cold.” “Yes. You… you’ll have a major… major cold tomorrow.” Justin looked aside. “Prian says.” “I did, huh…” Brian grimaced unconsciously, while looking down in the greasy box. “Yes.” Justin sighed and wrapped a hair strand around his finger. “Certainly in the… in the well.” “I know.” Brian picked around at his food, before placing it back on the table. He watched the pretty man on his high resolution screen for a moment and then placed his hand on Justin’s thigh. “I could teach you, you know…” He looked at the kid, a hint of uneasiness in his voice. “How to swim, I mean.” “Yes.” Justin rocked gently back and forth while studying the white stuccowork at the ceiling. “Like a merman.” He loved the shimmering fishtail. “No. Like Brian.” Justin didn’t react for almost two minutes. But then he smiled, his gaze still upwards, and one of his fingers stiffly touching the prince’s hand on his thigh. “Yes my… my Prian.” He really would’ve preferred to swim like Prian Kinney in the well. With the green frog and beautiful… “…black bathing… bathing trunks.” Brian grinned a little. “Yeah. I do look pretty hot in my speedos.” “Yes.” Justin’s face felt warm. Brian laid his arm around the boy’s shoulders. “I’ll buy you one too.” “Yes.” Justin liked that. After five minutes of silently watching TV, Brian finally squeezed Justin’s shoulder. “You wanna get out of here? Drive around for a while in the car?” “Yes. Certainly it’s dark.” “Yeah well,” Brian got up and held his hand out for the younger man. “We’re big boys, aren’t we.” ------------------ Justin looked out of the side window to watch all the street lights pass by in the darkness. He liked to drive with the fast car-vehicle. It made his stomach flutter. He could hear a clicking sound, Prian breathing deeply in and out, and then everything smelled like firesticks and almonds and fresh air when the window on the other side of the car was opened and cool wind flew through the narrow slit. He liked that too. It tickled his ear and face and tousled his hair a little. “So.” Brian used the ashtray on his dashboard and put the cigarette between his lips again, for another drag. “Where do you want to drive?” “Yes.” Justin leaned his forehead against the cool pane. “Certainly Harrisburg.” “Harrisburg.” Brian lifted his brows and exhaled his smoke in surprise. “That’s a pretty long way, don’t you think?” “Yes, of course to… of course to Babylon.” The boy poked the tip of his tongue at the slightly damp window. “With Justin Taylor.” Brian huffed a laugh and changed gears. “You can’t go to Babylon.” “Yes. Certainly dances… dances with Prian.” In the sand and without shoes. “Hff.” Mister Kinney furrowed his brows and glanced at the kid in disbelief. “No!” “Yes.” Justin sighed and the window grew even more wet. “We can’t go dancing.” Brian shook his head and flipped his cigarette out of the open pane, before closing it again. “Yes, of course we’re lousy dancers.” Brian stopped at a red light and looked sceptically at his passenger. ”That’s not the reason, brat.” “Yes.” “There are lots of people and it’s loud. You wouldn’t like it, believe me.” “Yeah.” Justin glanced up and tried to find the moon outside in the darkness. “Of course Prian dances… dances with Justin in the shower.” The traffic light changed to green and Brian stepped lightly on the gas. “You want to take a shower later?” Did he? He wasn’t sure and thought of cold water and 26 mouldy stains on the ceiling. He felt ill and softly pushed his forehead against the hard side window. Again and again, in a rhythmically beat. “Justin?” Brian shot a quick glance at Justin, before looking back at the street. “Hey.” He touched the boy’s shoulder. “Don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself.” “No.” Justin really didn’t want to take a shower again. He wanted to sleep with Prian. Like an icicle under thick, nice-smelling blankets, with smoke-rings and blue lights. He hit the window harder and felt dizzy somehow. His head hurt too. “Justin!” Brian spoke louder and pulled up at some gas station. He stopped, pulled the key out and jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He jogged over to the other side of the car and slowly opened the passenger door. His head almost connected with Justin’s slightly red forehead. “Careful, brat.” He didn’t say it loud or sound annoyed and the hand he brushed over the side of the boy’s scrunched up face was gentle. He wanted to say something, but had no idea what. So he just got one step closer, unbuckled Justin’s seatbelt and was silent, while the kid squeezed his blue eyes tightly shut and buried his nose in a soft Armani shirt. “Fuck… fuck off.” The words were almost inaudible and stood in absolute contradiction to the five stiff fingers, clinging to Prian’s upper arm. Brian felt taken aback and didn’t know why. “No,” he said quietly, leaned his head on blond hair, and held this position for what felt much longer than just a few minutes. And then he kissed a warm temple, stepped a little back and slid his hand in Justin’s cool fingers. “Come on. They have good ice cream here.” Justin blinked up at him. Wordlessly. And then he just moved off the seat and it didn’t seem particularly awkwardly or clumsy. At least for Brian Kinney. They walked towards the gas station, hand in hand. Both using small steps. And Brian thought it wasn’t in the least lesbionic to agree on a pot of Ben&Jerry’s Honey, I’m Home- Ice Cream, with two plastic spoons, to share outside in the parking lot, leaning against a black car-vehicle. He thought it was a nice thing to do on a date... After all, wasn’t it just Justin’s first one. ---------------- They drove pointlessly around for almost two hours, once around Pittsburgh. And they talked about apple and pear drawings, the need for drained pools during wintertime, and the little gap between the servant’s front teeth. They laughed about the expression ´Scheister´, and listened to some music, too. Morrissey’s ´First of the Gang to die´ and some club-mix, which was an attempt from Brian to demonstrate the music played at Babylon. Justin didn’t like it very much and sang a song without words for Prian, that he’d just made up. Brian didn’t say anything about it, but nudged Justin’s leg and asked for a lick on the lips. Justin leaned over after 81 seconds and kissed him. When they got home, it was a little after midnight. Justin’s eyes were tired, but he went as fast as he could through the courtyard and into the castle, because the tower felt cold on his back. Prian mustn’t have liked the tower much either, because he closed the door and turned the key three times, to make sure it was safely locked. He did the same with the cellar-, attic-, and terrace door. Then he turned off all the lights, fetched two little Evian-bottles from the fridge and took Justin’s hand to walk upstairs. In the bathroom, Justin avoided the shower stall carefully and tried not to look in its direction. Brian wanted to know what the hell the fucking problem was, but when Justin’s fingers cramped up in blond hair strands, he decided for both of them to go to bed like real men: unwashed and reeking. Justin liked that and compromised by at least pissing into the toilet and brushing his teeth. “Don’t use too much toothpaste.” Brian said as he watched how Justin squeezed half of the tube onto his toothbrush. Justin remained concentrated on his task, prepared his toothbrush, laid it down on the edge of the sink, closed the toothpaste tube, filled a cup of water exactly halfway, and finally began to brush his teeth. Mister Kinney shook his head and did the same. He was finished after a good minute, spit, cleaned his mouth, dried his face and cocked one eyebrow at Justin, who still moved his toothbrush in slow up and down motions over his front teeth. “You know, it’s after midnight. Think you’ll finish this before sunrise?” Justin ignored him. His mouth was all foamy and he knew three minutes weren’t over yet. Brian sighed and used the time to check his face closely in the mirror for wrinkles or other irregularities. Justin spit a mouth full of white foam into the sink two minutes later and needed another one to clean his toothbrush carefully under the running water. Then he placed it into his cup, arranged it exactly two inches away from Prian’s and turned wordlessly around with a wide open mouth. Brian shot him an annoyed look, but hooked his index finger behind the boy’s lower teeth anyway, for inspection. “What do you expect me to find in here?” he grumbled while checking the upper molars. “You brushed them for like five hours.” “Yesh.” Justin mumbled and smacked his lips noisily when the prince released him. Brian eyed him for a moment challengingly, smirked a little and opened his own mouth widely. “Ha!” Justin laughed. Brian too, but didn’t close his mouth for it. With a bright smile and small giggling sounds, Justin extended one finger and reached hesitantly for the prince’s teeth, his eyes flickering kind of nervously back and forth between sharp teeth and brown eyes. As soon as a warm fingertip brushed Brian’s inner mouth, he closed it quickly and captured the thin finger with his teeth, grinning wickedly. “Ah!” Justin shrieked startled, his eyes scanning the prince’s face in alarm. Brian looked at him directly, while touching his tongue to the boy’s fingertip. Then he loosened the hold of his teeth and sucked softly on the whole finger. He released it with a little ´plop´, kissed Justin’s nose and went to turn the bathroom lights off. “Yes.” And Justin stood in the half dark, held his damp finger and looked at it in slight concern. “Certainly eat… eats Justin Taylor’s finger.” --------------- Justin had received fourteen good night kisses, had no pyjama on and lie in his underwear under two heavy blankets, with his nose squished against a naked prince shoulder. His eyes fell shut to the sound of comforting silence three minutes before 1 a.m. Brian’s not. His head was full of thoughts about sterile suburb houses with white fences, dirty seven league boots on designer sofas, syringes, broad leather cuffs around pale ankles and wrists, innocent blue eyes, bright smiles and farfalle noodles. He had an uncomfortable feeling in his chest, like the weight of a ton of stones, and when he turned his head on the pillow to look at the young man right beside him, the feeling got even worse. He hated it and brushed his hand lightly through silky hair strands. And he closed his eyes, then squeezed them tightly together and finally sniffed through his nose and rolled out under the covers and carefully off the mattress. He didn’t think very much, when he walked down the stairs and straight towards his desk, where his address book lay. He lit a cigarette while flipping through the pages and exhaled a long trail of smoke when he reached the letter G. The dull tooting of the telephone at his ear sounded far away when he plopped down on the couch, in the dim glow of hundreds of tiny Christmas tree lights. “Yes.” The voice that answered didn’t sound sleepy, but calm. “Gunn, this is Brian Kinney, sorry for calling this late.” The response took a moment. “Brian, hey. How are things going down in the Pitts?” “Presumably not as good as in L.A., but good enough..” Brian watched the gleaming cigarette between his fingers. “I could use a good lawyer though.” “Well buddy,” Charles said. “You called the right guy then.” “I know. What do you know about custodial care?” ------------------ The present was wrapped in blue paper and heavy in his arms. He didn’t understand why mommy was so sad and really wanted to go with her. Down to the parking lot where the silver car-vehicle stood. They could lean against it to eat ice cream with plastic spoons. “You can’t.” Her lips quivered and her words were quiet and quiet and made Justin’s belly hurt terribly. “You’re not…alright.” “Yeah.” Justin knew it and looked at the prince. He was all blurry. And Prian laid his arm around Mommy’s shoulders and they were gone. Forever and ever and hundred years. “Huuhw…” Justin felt his nose prickle and tried to breathe properly but his throat was tight and tight and he wailed into the pillow and it smelled wonderfully of soft prince hair, but he had to cry anyway. His heart hurt very badly. ------------------ At three a.m. Brain drained the last drops of his beer, put the bottle down and sent the last e-mail addressed at Charles Gunn on it’s way to California. He felt better. Confident. And comfortably tired, when he made his way back upstairs. His calm mood changed however, as soon as he opened his bedroom door and found all the blankets on the floor, Justin curled up in the middle of the mattress, his face buried in the sheets, and desperately crying. Brian didn’t rush into the room or turn on the lights. No, he walked slowly, picked the blankets up, placed them at the end of the bed and then almost reluctantly sat on the edge of the mattress to touch the boy’s bare back. It was smooth and cold. “Cer… certain…” Justin stiffened immediately and stemmed his knees and forehead into the mattress, producing muffled shrieking sounds. “Not alright!” “What?” Brian moved a little closer and bent forward, nearer to Justin’s hidden face. “What is not alright?” “Yes!” “Did you have a bad dream?” Brian tried to turn him around, and failed. “What is not alright?” “Yes!” Justin’s voice shrieked again hysterically. “Certainly Justin!” And a dark, heavy shroud sank down on Brian Kinney’s tired body. Crushing him painfully. It hurt and made him cold from head to toe. And his fingers were imperceptible and trembled on the side of Justin’s face when he leaned over him, “Sssh…” kissed the back of his neck, blond hair, “You are.” and finally turned him around on his back, only to blanket the smaller body fully with his own. “You are alright.” He kissed the boy. His mouth and eyes. “You are alright.” He licked off salty tears, which didn’t belong on pale skin and stifled every sob he didn’t want to hear with soothing kisses. “You are alright.” Inculcated words, hissed against warm lips. “Do you hear me?” He sounded almost angry. “Ye-es.” Justin hiccupped under him, blue eyes wet and wide open in the dark room. “Justin.” “Yes.” Brian closed his own, pressing his nose into a soft neck, searching desperately for comfort. “Justin is alright.” He wrapped his arms around his boy, holding him tightly and kissing him again and again… kissing him alright for the rest of the night. ------------------- On Sunday, December the 22th, Justin had his silver jacket on and walked holding Prian’s hand seven steps over a black street, covered in damp snow. Two hundred forty stairs up through a stinking stairwell. A strange smell hovering over a dismal corridor. Brian rubbed the knuckles of Justin’s fingers the entire way and closed the heavy door 4.11 tightly shut as soon as they entered the room. And he turned to look at Justin’s face, and smiled. “So. You wanna come over to my place for Christmas?” Justin looked up at the ceiling instead of brown prince eyes, but he smiled brightly. Sometimes Prian was really a little bit stupid. Of course he would come to the castle for Christmas! Everyone knew that. “That’s only two more days.” Brian said somewhat quietly and touched his forehead to Justin’s. “Yes.” Justin laughed. He felt so happy. “You want me to come and pick you up?” “Yes.” Justin rubbed his blond hair against Prian’s temple, when he turned his head to look over at his tower window. “Of course through the window.” With a crown and silver sword. Brian smiled and kissed a warm ear. “Later.” He whispered it and was accompanied out of room 4.11 by a beautiful, gentle laughing sound. -------------------