Chapter 22 - Talk to me softly It was 9:42 a.m. and Justin didn’t want to draw blue flowers because his paper was so beautifully white, exactly like the Christmas snow in front of the tower window. "Justin? What’s the matter?!" Lindsay went over to her young patient’s table and put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t you want to draw with us today? “ Justin turned his head away and looked at the wall. Lindsay watched the blonde for a moment and then took the blue wax crayon to draw a pretty flower in the middle of Justin's paper. “See? We want to paint the spring today. Aren’t you looking forward to springtime, Justin? With all the nice flowers and singing birds, hmm?" She smiled and gave the flower curved leaves and a long stalk with the green pen. Blindly, Justin knocked the little pen basket from the table, got up from his chair with a loud screeching sound, and walked a couple of awkward steps through the room. Next to a big easel he stopped and pressed his forehead against the cold wall. He hated stinking flowers and horrible fluttering birds and every word Miss Eterson said. ------------------------ At lunchtime Mister Kinney left his luxurious office on the executive floor to take care of a couple of personal things. He buttoned his coat and stopped briefly at Cynthia's desk. “This thing Gus wanted for Christmas…what’s it called?” "Nintendogs." She answered without looking up from the files and handed him a pink slip of paper. “This is the pick-up number. Toys R’ Us, Century III Mall.” Brian blinked at the small paper. “Golden Retriever?" Cynthia rolled with her chair from left to the right and stopped in front of her computer to type in a few things. “Yes, it’s a bundle with the blue NDS." She took a sip of her lychee-tea without looking up. “I mean there was also the basset, but who would want something like that." "Hh." With his eyes on the pick-up number Brian went in the direction of the lift. As if he had nothing better to do on his lunch break than to deal with a stupid wiener dog... -------------------- Justin breathed against the window in his room and drew kong pao chicken with his finger on the fogged pane. But male nurse Gold brought a tray with tortellini and cheese sauce for lunch anyway. Justin found it tasted like liver sausage and spat it back onto the plate. After that, he drank a large gulp of puddle water from the red cup, kept it in his mouth for a moment and then watched with fascination as it ran through his lips and into the liver sausage- noodle mud. Hmm. It tasted even worse than coffee. “What’s your problem, dumbass?!" Male nurse Gold came at half past twelve to collect the tray and slapped his hand on the back of Justin's head. “Are you too dense to eat now? Fucking idiot." He slammed the thick wall door behind him as he left the room again. "Yes." Justin blinked briefly at the loud bang and didn’t like the pang in his head. Then he padded back to the window, put his hands and forehead to the cold pane and counted the snowflakes that fell on the beautiful wall in front of the castle. “Certainly toast…toast from Prian.” ------------------ After many years in a strictly Roman Catholic parental home, Brian knew one thing for sure: Whatever lay behind the gates of hell was nicer than the local Toys R Us store. Everything here was Barbie pink and Blues Clues blue and full of huge balloons and fuzzy teddy bears and earlier, in the department for girls toys, one of the fucking dolls had talked to him. Inside of its damned box! It had fluttered with its way too big plastic eyes and twittered, "Let’s have a tea party! You are my very best friend!" He’d almost puked in front of the shelf with the pink unicorns… And now, he stood for like an eternity (or almost thirty minutes) in the media-department, to wait for 'Gwendolin' to look through every item in stock for his fucking poodle. "So, here it is, Mister Kinney." In the thirty-fourth minute, she came back with a bright smile and a box that was easily big enough to gather her cut-off egghead in, Brian mused. “The blue NDS bundle with the Golden Retriever. It’s a good thing you ordered it in advance. This late during the Christmas season, we only have the basset in stock.“ "Hh." Brian took the box from her sweaty fingers and turned it around mistrustfully. “And how does this thing work?!" He surely had better things to do than to read a seventy page instruction manual under the damned Christmas tree. In Afrikaans or Mandarin. "If you want, I can explain a couple of things to you on our test console!" Her braces blinked as brilliantly as her amorous eyes at this suggestion. "Hh." Mister Kinney grumbled and followed her a couple of steps to be initiated into the wonders of the latest Videogame technology. ----------------- "And you have to use the touchpen on this screen?" Twenty minutes later, the handsome man in the Armani suit was deeply concentrating on a game named, ' Animal Crossing'. He was a green elephant called Rocco and lived in a little, yellow house near the river. It was fascinating. "Yep." Gwendolin moved a little closer to be able to enjoy the extremely stimulating aftershave of her hot customer to the fullest. “And all these games are compatible." She gestured proudly toward a six feet large shelf. “The Age of Kings, Kim Possible, New Super Mario Brothers, Pokemon’s Mystery Dungeon team, Crash Boom Ba-" “What’s this?" Brian pointed to one of the flat boxes, took it from the shelf and read the imprint on the back. "Oh, this is Brain Age. You have to do a number of games. Math, crossword puzzles, writing, reading. It trains the brain and you can test how fit you are intellectually.” "Hu." Brian wrinkled his forehead as he quickly read over the summary. Then he took a stack of the games he’d already selected, a couple of other accessories and one discreetly white light version of the handheld game console and piled everything in a big mountain in Gwendolin’s scrawny arms. “I’ll take this and a pack of Marlboros.” Gwendolin blinked through her stained lenses. “But this is a toyshop, sir, we don’t sell cigarettes.” "Yeah well…you really should ..." Brian turned up his nose as a man in a brightly colored Clown costume passed by, trying to hand him a yellow Spongebob balloon, and disgusted he looked around for the nearest register. He really couldn’t stand one more minute in this horror show. --------------------- Mummy had always said, if it gets cold outside, the sun will set earlier. And Mummy was right. Because although the man in the radio announced 'Lady’s and Gentleman, its 5 p.m. welcome to the news.' it was already as dark outside as if it were midnight. Justin liked it. The castle looked pretty in the light of the streetlamps and the white snow glittered and sparkled and he breathed warm breath on his window until it became fogged and non-transparent and then wrote the most beautiful word on the cold glass with his finger. With a wonderful big P. He smiled and turned around as he heard the tinkling silver key and the thick wall door opened. "Just let me know when you would like to leave, Mister Kinney." Nurse Sherman smiled and disappeared. And then the beautiful prince stood in the middle of his tower room. Just like that. Without a sword and crown but with a long coat and a big bag in his hand. "Hello." Justin looked over to the wall. Brian put the bag down on the bed, "God, it stinks." and opened three buttons on his coat before he pressed a kiss on Justin’s forehead. “Hello." He put an arm around thin shoulders and buried his nose in the warm point behind Justin's ear. “And how come you always smell so good when you sit in this terrible stench the whole day…" He said it quietly, kissed the boy’s neck and turned around to remove his coat completely. "Yeah." Justin’s belly felt warm and light and he didn’t think that his room stank. Not anymore. It smelled like almonds and prince and dark red velvet and he breathed in deeply through his nose. The prince wet two paper towels and wiped the little table with it. Then he threw them into the trash can and sat down on the table’s edge with folded arms. "And? Did you have a nice day? Honey?" He sent a fake smile in Justin's direction. "Yes. Of course not." Justin looked blank up to the ceiling. "Of course not? What have you done today?” "Yes. Certainly…certainly paint no blue…blue flower.” "Hh. Blue flower.” "Yeah." Justin made an angry face. “Miss ...Miss Eterson says." "Miss…" Brian frowned. “Miss Peterson? She said you have to paint blue flowers?” "Yes." The boy changed into an emphatically bored intonation and looked uninterested to the wall. “Miss Eterson." He really didn’t like Miss Eterson. Brian grinned. “You don’t like her?” "Yeah." Of course Justin didn’t like people with a... "…thick chest.” "Yeah." Brian shook his head. “I know what you mean.” "Yes. Certainly stinks like...stinks like flowers.” Mister Kinney wrinkled his nose. Yes, most women smelled rather strange. But nevertheless... “Hey, it’s not nice to insult other people. Lindsay is the mother of my child, you know?” "Yes." Justin wrapped a hair strand around his finger. “Of course like...like Falcon Crest.” "No." Brian looked at the younger one with a horrified expression. “Surely not like fucking Falcon Crest!” "Yeah." Justin sighed. “Certainly Denver...Denver Clan.” Brian tipped his head to the left. “You know an awful lot about eighties soap operas for a boy your age.“ "Yes. Episode...episode two hundred and sixty…sixty-eight. The mother...mother of my child.” Brian blinked. “What ever. The damned mother of my child doesn’t stink like flowers." He thought this over for a moment. “Well, no more than other women at least.” "Yes.” "Hmm. What have you eaten today?” Justin's eyes flickered and he rubbed the back of his head, but didn’t answer. Brian got up and went over to look at the plan above Justin's bed. “Tortellini with cheese sauce. Was it good?” Justin stared out of the window and rocked softly back and forth. “One...forty-one." Quite a lot snowflakes lay on the castle wall. "Justin." Brian walked to him and put his arms around a slender body. “You don’t like tortellini, huh?" He spoke softly and close to Justin’s ear. "Yeah." Blue eyes wandered restlessly from left to right. “Toast from...toast from Prian." He liked the prince and rubbed his hair against Prian’s temple. "Hmm. You can ask the nurses here to give you toast.” "Yes.” Brian closed his eyes and stroked a hand over Justin's stomach. “I’m bored. What do you want to do?” "Yes. Kiss... kiss Prian.” Brian smiled and drew his arms a little tighter. “Actually I thought of playing cards or something like that.” "Yes. Certainly lick...lick Prian’s belly.” "Scrabble.” "Yes." Justin smiled. He liked Prian’s tongue. “Prian licks…licks Justin Taylor’s butt." It was emphasized wrongly and he nodded and turned his head to look at the prince. “Like a cat.” Brian stared in Justin's face. For a long time. Then he kissed dark pink lips and whispered against them. “It’s called rimming.” Justin said nothing. But he poked out his tongue and licked over the prince’s soft mouth. Brian combed his fingers through blond hair, turned around a little and found that playing Scrabble was overvalued anyway. With a small sigh he opened his lips and let Justin lead the kiss. Uncoordinated and accentuated by soft, mewling sounds. Justin pushed up on his toes and dug his fingertips into broad prince shoulders and brown soft hair. He loved the taste of Prian’s mouth and the warmth and the wetness and Prian’s breath on his face and Prian’s hands on his neck. He wanted to kiss the prince forever and really would have preferred for the prince to not wear all these clothes. A little awkwardly he pulled at Prian’s shirt. "Sssh." Brian kissed the boy gently on the lips and put his hand broadly over a glowing cheek. “No undressing.” Uncomprehending blue eyes looked up at him. “Without pants?” Brian smiled and raised his eyebrows. “It’s almost six o’clock. You want to eat dinner without your pants on?” "Yes." Justin seemed relieved about this suggestion and stood on the tips of his toes again to continue the kissing. Brian held him by the shoulders and pushed him back in amusement. “Think again, twat.” "Yes." Justin looked at the prince pleadingly. He wanted to see Prian’s ... "…bellybutton?” Brian drew his lips inside and put his forehead against the boys. “No.” "Yes." Justin tried to look into the near face, while he tried to reach down with his hand. “Of course Prian…Prian’s penis?" Brian captured the five fingers at his crotch and purred darkly. “What is this with you, were you an Arabic carpet seller in your earlier life?" He kissed Justin's lips. “You are good with the haggling.” "Yes." Justin giggled. He liked the tale with the ... "…magic carpet!” Brian grinned and caressed the soft hair on Justin's neck. “I like this story. Read it when I was younger.” "Yes." Justin liked Prian’s voice. It was warm and soft and dark. "My parents weren’t too fond of books and stuff. So I often went to the library after school. And there I saw this guy…Aladdin,” Brian closed his eyes and took Justin's face into both hands. “He was on the cover of one book and he looked really hot.” "Yes." Aladdin had black hair and very dark eyes. And Justin liked the magic ... “…bottle." "Hmm." The older one massaged the warm points behind Justin’s earlobes with both thumbs. “Who lived inside the bottle? The genie?” "Yes." Justin smiled and nestled his forehead to Prian’s. "Hmm. So, you want to know what I have done today?” "Yes. Certainly buys...buys new gloves for Justin Taylor.” "You think so?” "Yes. Of course on Monday after…after work. Prian says.” "I said that?” "Yes.” "Hmm." Brian placed a kiss on Justin’s nose, released him and pointed to the bed. “They’re in the bag.” "What is in the bag?" Male nurse Schmidt entered the room with a tray on his arm. "A couple of porn magazines and a cake with file. I baked it myself." Brian grinned at the nurse artificially. "Yes. Certainly gloves." Justin plodded to his bed. The bag looked really pretty. "Oh. That’s good, with all this beastly weather lately." Ted put the food on the table and theatrically shivering, rubbed his hands with a quick look out of the window. “I hate ice and snow. I am more the summer, sun, Miami type of guy." He said the last words with a slightly lascivious undertone in Mister Kinney’s direction. "Yeah." Brian examined the meal on the tray. “And I am a member of the 'A happy life without salmonellae poisoning' organisation." He pronged a grey, spongy something on the fork and held it up. “Theodore. What the fuck is this?” Mister Schmidt scratched his head. “According to the meal plan it’s pickled herring salad. Very exquisite.” Brian moved the fork in front of Ted's lips. “Bon appétit!” “Oh well…” The male nurse held his hands up with red cheeks and laughed nervously. "I’m afraid I’m really allergic to fish of any kind. Too much ah…protein.” "Yeah. What ever." Brian threw the cutlery clattering back on the plate. “Take this shit away and bring something eatable for Mister Taylor. You know, something you would actually take into your own mouth.” Mister Schmidt squared his shoulders, “Of course, sir.” and quickly left the room. "Yes. Certainly sleeps." Justin didn’t take his eyes off the bag and tugged a little frustrated at the zip-fastener. "He doesn’t go to sleep, he brings something to eat for you." Brian opened the bag. "Ooooh." Justin watched as the prince unpacked three big bottles of Evian and put it on the bedside table. Then he reached into the bag again and got a couple of black gloves out. They were smooth and soft and ... "…like Prian’s jacket!” "Leather. Keeps your hands warm." Brian put the first on Justin's fingers and pulled and picked at it until it fit correctly. “Comfortable?” "Yes." Justin looked up to the ceiling and kept his fingers absolutely still. Of course it was rather tight and he wasn’t sure how his hand should ever ... "…get out of there again?” "No. You must leave them on forever.” "Hh!" Justin looked at the prince alarmed, then at his black-dressed hand, and finally back to the ceiling, before he began to rock nervously back and forth. Brian shook his head. “Justin. It was a joke.” "Yeah." Justin's eyes flickered unfocussed but he didn’t dare to move his hand. "Here." Brian took the thin fingers, led them to his mouth and smiled slightly. “Look at me." He took the thin leather at the tip of Justin's middle finger between his teeth and pulled. "Yeah." It took a moment until the boy had focussed his gaze. And then he felt the warm prince mouth through the glove and the heat went straight to his belly. Brian took his time to loosen every single finger and grinned briefly before he removed the complete glove in a smooth movement. “Better?" He said it quietly and kissed Justin's warm palm. "Yeah." Justin looked aside. But he smiled and touched his forefinger to Prian’s mouth. "So! It wasn’t easy but I could persuade the new cook to heat up the leftovers from lunch." Male nurse Schmidt entered the room again with a new tray on his arm and immediately the smell of cheese sauce filled the room. “Here, please. Tortellini." Smiling brightly, he put the food down on the table. “I even managed to get you a green bean salad.” "Yes." Justin rubbed the back of his head and made a couple of clumsy steps before he stopped with his face to the wall. “Of course dumb…dumbass. What is...what is your problem.” "Justin come here." Brian spoke in a calm voice. "Yes, certainly too dense.” The boy beat his forehead against the wall. “Dense to eat. Of course toast from Prian." He didn’t like the sharp pain in his head and went with small steps towards the window to see the castle in the snow. "Who says you are dense?" Brian frowned. "Oh, surely no one." Mister Schmidt laughed. “Our patients tend to talk a little confused from time to time, Mister Kinney. It means nothing at all.” "Hmm. And the staff here tends to talk disrespectfully towards their patients. Mister Schmidt." He shot the male nurse an icy look. “I appreciate your efforts, but Mister Taylor doesn’t like tortellini. Please, bring a buttered toast and cheese. Or at least some fruit.” "With pleasure, sir." Male nurse Schmidt cleared his throat, gathered his tray and disappeared without further comment or looking back. "Yes, certainly sleeps." Justin was close by the window and followed a passing car with his eyes. Brian stood behind him and stroked fair hair from a pale neck. “He doesn’t go to sleep. He brings toast for you.” "Yes. Toast from Prian.” Brian kissed the crook of Justin's neck. “Hmm. Who said you were dense?” "Yeah." Justin blinked lethargic out into the darkness. “Of course not...not Plake.” "Hmm. You like Blake?” "Yes. Plake.” "Do you like the other nurses here, too?” Did he? Justin wasn’t sure and felt sad as he saw the beautiful castle in front of the window. It was very far away from his tower. Brian remained quiet for a while and then put an arm around Justin's belly, before he spoke softly but clearly into a warm ear. “If somebody says you are dense or somebody touches you and you don’t like it ...” "Yes.” "Then simply say ´fuck off´, okay?” "Yes.” Brian closed his eyes and drew his arm tighter. “Say it for me.” "Yes.” "What do you say?” "Yes. Fuck…fuck off. Prian says.” "Exactly." Brian smiled thinly and kissed a pink earlobe. “Good boy.” "Yes." Justin rubbed his ear against Prian’s cheek. “Justin.” "Hmm." Brian put his chin on Justin's shoulder and pointed to the damp window. “What’s this? My name?” "Yeah." Justin smiled. “Prian.” "Hmm. Have you thought of me?” Did he? Yes, he always thought of Prian. He was his prince and beautiful and very brave. Brian didn’t need words to know it and extended a finger to write his answer directly underneath. On a cold, fogged tower window on the fifth floor. "Yeah." Justin read it and bobbed up and down nervously in Prian’s arms and noticed as his belly became all hot and his throat a bit tight. “Justin.” "Yes.” "Yes." Justin looked aside and nestled his head to a broad, strong prince chest. “Of course think of.…think of Justin.” "Way too often.…little twat.” ---------------- Justin had eaten four buttered toast slices although it was Monday evening and not breakfast-time on Tuesday. He also had read all about good minerals that stood on the Evian bottle label and then drank two brimful cups. Afterwards, he had to go to the toilet and Prian had pushed the ugly alarm button next to the door for him. It was the best Monday evening Justin could imagine. And it got even better, because when he returned from the toilet, the prince stood in front of the bed and unpacked wonderful coloured boxes from the black bag. "Justin." Brian called the younger one over and held the empty bag out for him. “Put it into your wardrobe.” "Yes." Justin looked up to the ceiling. “Of course not mine.” Brian raised his eyebrow. “Of course it’s your damn bag. I’ve bought it for you, so I won’t have to carry your embarrassing underwear across the whole fucking town if you decide that you have to sleep in my castle again. Brat.” "Yes.” "Hmm." Brian shoved the $280 piece of luggage roughly in Justin’s hands. “Into the wardrobe.” "Yes. Prian says.” "Damn fucking right he says so." Mister Kinney felt the urgent need for a cigarette. "Yeah." Justin needed almost six minutes until the bag was tucked into his wardrobe, then he drank a large sip from his red cup and finally stopped after four aimless steps in the middle of the room. "Justin." Brian sat down on the white clinic bed and began to open one of the boxes. “Come here, I want to show you something.” "Yes." Justin walked in the direction of the door, scratched his forehead and then went straight to his bed. A little awkwardly he crawled on the mattress and knelt between Prian’s legs. The prince got beautiful things out of the colored box. Cords, paper, plastic bags and "Ha!" a tiny white television set! Brian removed the packing material of the little handheld console, pressed a few buttons, opened it, snapped it shut and finally plugged the cable in. There was a beeping noise and the screen brightened. “Give me the game over there." He pointed to a flat box. "Yes." Justin reached for the terrific television set. He wanted to see whether the good night greeting came on it. Brian held his arm stretched out for a bit, before he finally reached past the boy and fetched the game himself. “The bitch with the braces said you can see how old your brain is if you play this." He fiddled with the way too big packing, only to get a tiny game out after a minute. “Which way do you have to put this in?!" He wrinkled his forehead and turned the little plastic chip around five times before he stuffed it brutally in the scheduled opening. “Motherfuckingpieceofshit ..." Nothing happened, so he opened up the screen, snapped it shut and in the end switched off the whole console and then on again. “It costs a damn fortune and then not even the fucking light go-- " It made a 'bing', the screen became bright and coloured and a little, funny melody could be heard. “Hh." Brian grumbled and longed for his Marlboros. "Yes. Certainly broken." Justin curled a blond hair strand around his finger and looked up to the ceiling. “Of course no...no good night greeting.” "Hmm." The older man swept a couple of bags and boxes on the floor, moved to the head of the bed and spread his legs. “Come here.” "Yes." Justin rocked on his heels. “Kiss...kiss Prian.” Brian didn’t look up from his game and feverishly pressed around on the little buttons. “Well then come here.” "Yes.” It took nearly forty seconds for Justin to crawl closer, a whole minute until he leant a little stiffly across the little screen, and after another long moment, Brian received a damp, warm kiss. Directly on the lips. Brian smiled and returned the kiss without comment. And he forgot his game and put a hand on the back of Justin's head to slide his tongue slowly deeper. And he closed his eyes and was enraptured by the five cool fingers on his neck and sweet butter toast taste. "Hmm .." He ended the kiss slowly and had to lick his lips at the end. “What was that?” "Yes. Kiss... kiss Prian." Justin looked to the wall and had red cheeks. Brian wrapped his fingers in the blond hair strands on Justin's neck and whispered into a warm ear. “You’re very good at that.” "Yes. Justin.” "Yes. Come here." Brian turned him around until the boy leant against his chest, and then held the little white handheld console in front of his face. “Here. Can you read this?” Justin liked to sit so close to Prian. He could feel Prian’s breath next to his ear and the strong arms were everywhere around him. It was very comfortable in his white bed today. "Justin." Brian spoke louder and reached for Justin's hand to place it over the little buttons. “Read this.” "Yes." Blue eyes flickered around unfocussed for a moment, before they finally landed on the little screen. “How many...how many numbers in the left field are ...are divisible by three.” "Hm. Do you know what divide means?” "Yeah." Justin looked to the ceiling. “Twelve, six, fifteen, thirty, nine, two...forty-two.” Brian blinked and stared confused at the bunch of mixed numbers on the screen. “Hh. Well don’t be too smug. This was simple.” "Yes.” "What’s with this?" He pointed to the screen with the touchpen. “How many vowels are in this sentence?” "Yes. Five.” "Five?” "Yes. Certainly five." Justin looked to the window. "Hmm." Brian counted three u’s, one i, one a, and moved over to the next task. “Do you know what a crossword puzzle is? What word could fit in this squar—“ "Yes. Administration.” Mister Kinney raised his eyebrows in silence, stared at the screen and then looked at the kid from the side. “You know all this, but you don’t know when you can cross the street?” "Yeah." Justin's gaze wandered up to the ceiling again and a long blond strand was curled around his forefinger, before he answered after 36 seconds. “Only if…only if Prian says.” And Brian remained quiet and closed his eyes and rubbed his nose against a pale cheek, because he really didn’t know what to say. -------------------- At 8 pm, Brian Kinney left room 4.11 with his hands in the coat pockets and the urgent desire for half a packet of nicotine. "Brian?" Dr. Bruckner stuck some files under his arm and stopped. Brian looked up and changed immediately from ´lost in thought´ into fake kindness. “The good Professor.” "Brian." Ben smiled obviously surprised. “What are you doing here? Have you-" He looked around. “Did you want to see Lindsay? I’m sure she isn’t here anymore.” "Hmm." Brian slid his hands deeper into the coat pockets and shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve visited someone. Tell Michael to call me." He nodded in Ben's direction and walked away without looking back. "Okay …" Ben frowned as he looked after the other man, shook his head and concentrated on his files again, while he entered room 4.11 with a polite knock on the door. “Justin, hello.” Justin sat on the edge of his bed with a straight back and pressed twice on the left and once on the upper button of the little console. Doctor Bruckner smiled and got closer. “It’s eight o'clock. I thought maybe we could go into the community room together.” Justin knew 213 + 88 were ... "…three hundred and one.” He pushed the button and the little man said the result was right. The little man was really clever. "Justin?" Ben put a hand on his patients shoulder. “The good night greeting will start in a few minutes. Don’t you want to-" He furrowed his eyebrows. “Where did you get this game from?" He smiled and grabbed for the little device. “May I?” Justin didn’t look up from his screen and his answer sounded monotonously and wrongly emphatic. But the responsible doctor understood every syllable quite exactly. "Yeah. Fuck off.” ----------------------