Sometimes i wonder why i feel this bad. Like right now… I’m having tears in my eyes. But I shouldn’t, my father says real men don’t cry. I have this feeling inside me that no one likes who I am. I may be alive and here but the more a second passes by the more I’m starting to hate everyone. Why? Because they hate me. It’s my way of revenge. You watch these American movies where everyone lives a perfect life. Even the outcasts are happy. But they don’t know shit. They don’t know how it is to life with a father that hates you because he suspects you are gay. He is right you know. But i couldn’t ever tell it to his face. People out there don’t know how it is to go to school where everyone has their own click and i don’t fit in anywhere. All alone and people make fun of me. I don’t even know why. I am born to live this life. And that’s what I will do. Sometimes I wonder why I feel this good. Like right now… I’m smiling so hard my mouth is going to rip. I think. That’s why Brian calls me Sunshine. When I am with Brian I feel loved. He makes me feel proud of who I am. What I choose to be. Life is starting to look brighter. Why? Because finally I’m here with Brian, forever. It’s my way of happiness. You could say Brian changed my life. Cause he did. He took me in when no one else cared for me. He protected me from people who wanted to hurt me. I’m not talking about Chris Hobbes. No I’m talking about my own family. He showed me my father’s real face. People don’t know how it is to be gay. How to live in the open and being scared of being bashed, killed or raped. All alone and people make fun of me. Just because I’m out and proud. But I’m going to live my own life, with Brian as my equal. And that’s what I will do for the rest of my life. Being happy with the man I love.