WARNING: S5 Spoilers!
Justin Justin sat on the floor, staring at his cell phone, which was sitting in front of him. He tapped his fingers against his knees, chewed his lower lip... and for like the millionth time today prayed for it to ring. He just wanted to pick it up and call Brian... tell him that he loved him, and missed him and wanted nothing more than to come home. He swallowed hard, fidgeting some more, before he finally picked up and dialled Brian's number. He let it ring twice, and then hung up quickly. He wouldn't know what to say to him. Oh god. Why did he listen to Lindsey? His art was doing great but... "Brian..." He whispered softly, the only thought that had been in his mind for days... all he could think, draw, paint... was that man. Brian Another night at Babylon, another endless fuck another day without Justin. Millions of guys checking him out. Yes, he was still the hot one that is something that will never change. But as long he was without his prince he felt worthless. He called the bartender for another drink, when he felt his pants vibrate he was startled. Shortly it stopped. He went for his phone as he looked at the screen he saw one missed call. Justin. He debated with himself "Should I call back?" As another faceless trick passed by Brian was thinking, he doesn't need me anymore. The question was did Brian need Justin? Justin Justin left the phone on the floor and ordered take out. When it'd arrived, he paced around his house as he ate it. His mind going to the time he and Brian had eaten Thai on the floor of the loft... feeding each other... A sigh passed through his lips. But Brian was at Babylon, of course. Dancing and Fucking. Life as always without Justin. Because Brian Kinney gets along no matter what... he never really needed Justin... just like Justin never really needed him. Brian had taught him that, years ago... 'You're the only one you need, you're the only one you've got.' Played over and over in Justin head, though, so did 'I love you'... And 'Marry me'... And 'Britin'... got that place was so beautiful... not like New York... crowed and lonely... no one really cared about. Brian Brian had enough. Enough of the fucking and sucking…for tonight. He zipped up his pants and strolled out of Babylon, on the search to his new home. Except it was the loft again, no big house with a pool and stalls, no fireplace, no Justin in his arms when he went to bed. Coming home to an empty house. He did it for so long but when you get attached to the feeling of knowing there is someone waiting for you, you never want to lose it you never want to go back to those lonely nights spend with air next to you. As reality came close he knew it would never be Brian and Justin again. He ached for Justin’s kiss and touch. To see him once again. But it couldn’t be, Brian had to live with the fact that Justin was a big boy now he was on his own. He knew Justin would forget him over the years. You never knew what time could tell. Brian realised now he needed Justin but it was to late he pushed him away into the big walls of New York. Proud overtook him that night from saying " No Justin stay with me, I am the one who wants you" " I am the one who will love you forever..." Justin Justin threw out his food. He wasn't hungry any more. He'd decided... because he couldn't leave things unfinished. He didn't think about it as he grabbed his wallet and went downstairs and outside of his apartment. He hailed a taxi, and told them where to go. His cell phone was left on the floor... everything else was forgotten aside from what was on his mind. They drove past a cafe that had one of his painting up and he stared at it for as long as he could as the Arab man drove, chatting on his cell in another language, which usually made Justin nervous…but not tonight. Brian Brian took of his clothes, he needed to relax, to only feel warm water. He stepped in the shower and thought of the moments he shared with Justin in here. Everything he does and will do will remind him of Justin he couldn’t bare that. He needed to clear his mind and speak. Not to himself anymore but to the man himself… Justin. He needed to clear the thoughts and tell what was on his mind. For once his heart was taking over instead of his brain. The water was cold when he stepped out. He took a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He sat on his bed…finally he took his pants and gently took the cell phone out like it was the only connection they had. He dialled the number he knows by heart. After a minute silence Justin’s voice came over. To bad it was his voicemail. Justin It seemed to take forever and a little more than two hours of sitting in the back seat of a smelly cab. Justin had fallen asleep. He didn't want to wake up when the cabby shook him. But he did finally and paid him the outrageous fee. He now had three dollar and twenty-five cents to his name... but that was okay. He moved to the door he knew so well, got into the elevator and regretted it as it slowly moved up to the top floor. But he was finally there, looking at the heavy metal door, he used to have a key but he'd given it back. Yet again it took another ten minutes to get up the courage to knock... and right away... he wanted to bolt... and after knocking several times... he bit his lip and moved towards the stairs. "This was a bad idea anyway. It's past four in the morning. Even the dead are sleeping now.” Brian Silent tears washed over his face. If the gang could see him now they would laugh with all their powers. He looked pathetic, old, sick…alone. He knew he shouldn’t be crying. It was useless Brian Kinney never cried he was a man with no emotions. After so many calls to Justin he received no answer. Thinking it had no point, at 4 am Justin should be partying somewhere forgetting all about him. When he heard knocking he didn’t respond. Michael would go away sooner or later. The knocking didn’t stop. He got up, his eyes all puffy from the childless crying. As he opened the door he got a glimpse of a blond head taking the stairs. Justin Justin sighed, pausing to wipe his eyes. He was such a pussy. He's gotten all excited about seeing Brian, but Brian was sleeping. He sniffled, needing to clear his vision so he would not dive head long down the stairs. But he only ended up sitting down, dropping his head in his hands, and crying. "God Damn it!" He yelled at himself, mentally beating himself up. Brian ”Justin? SHIT” It took a moment for him to realise that that pretty blond head was Justin, HIS Justin. He nearly jumped of all the stairs. He couldn’t let him slip away again. He just couldn’t. While running of the stairs he let his fingers slip the wall to feel them, to know this was real. Turning the corner he fell, he closed his eyes as he felt the ground coming closer thank god it wasn’t such a hard fall, you could think the speed he took to get to Justin he would be flying outside. He tripped over some body that was sitting on the stairs. Who would park their asses in the middle of the stairs? Justin. Justin Justin winced, as a foot connected with him. "God fucking damn it! Why don't you watch where you're going ass-" He stop as he stared at Brian, eyes wide, that pretty face tear streaked. He couldn't find the words. He just whispered his lover's name, "Brian." He sniffled, and swallowed hard, biting his lower lip, and looking like he was guilty of murder and feeling shitty about it. Brian As he stood up he heard the man cursing at him. He made a small chuckle " Helpful as always" he thought. He turned around and was in a second connected with Justin's piercing blue eyes, the look of his eyes was even more breathtaking because the blue eyes were shiny from all that crying, moist from sadness that could only reflect Brian's feelings. He know he must have looked not that great, to say the least he looked like shit. When he heard Justin breathe his name trough those cherry lips his heart sunk. The way Justin said it was the whole conversation he needed. Just a whisper but it held a thousand words. Justin Justin's lips quivered, this was so hard. And suddenly the tears were falling again and he was up and clinging to Brian. Face buried into the other's chest, as he tried not to sob. He finally looked up at Brian, as the tears rolled down his cheeks. "How do you tell the only man you've ever loved, that you made the biggest mistake in your life?" He asked... but in truth he was saying sorry. Sorry for leaving, for being so fucking stupid. Brian Brian hold onto Justin for dear life. he never wanted to lose him again, he felt so fragile. Yet also he was strong, strong for his lover. He was proud of Justin to make the first step. To come to him. Brian would only sob and think and not act. “It doesn't matter anymore, I lost you to many times i am not going to lose you again. We can make mistakes as long as we going to be 'one'. Mistakes can be forgotten and we learn. But i will never forget the way I felt when you where gone. I need you Justin i need you forever until i grow old." Brian just let it flow out of his lips. He got a hold on Justin. he was never letting him go again. He placed his hands on Justin cheeks; he brought his face closer and let his lips brush against his lovers face. Justin Justin laughed softly through a sob, and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck and kissing him. Soft, and tender, and passionate. "Never again..." Justin said after a moment, lips still against Brian's. "I'm never leaving again, anywhere we go... we'll go together." He kissed him again, he was shaking, but he couldn't help it. There was this intense mixture of happiness and sadness in the moment... But... he suddenly felt free, felt that this time... everything would be okay.