Just before you wake up you feel that sudden loss. You have loved the boy that became a man from the first night you saw him. So many things have happened in those years 4 years… 4 years where you kept lying to yourself about your love something you thought you could never feel but then again there it was. And you couldn’t stop it. It kept growing and you wanted to stop it. Oh God how much you wanted to stop it. But you couldn’t your heart wouldn’t let you. You didn’t even think you had one. A heart that is. That’s what everybody keeps telling you. You are the man with no heart. After a while you started to believe it. But of course you knew you had a heart. It was bleeding that was the problem with it. Your past, your childhood had broken that heart. When he came along your heart was healing. He did everything to put the pieces back together and heal it with his love. But you couldn’t feel it or understand cause you didn’t know how it felt like. It was annoying, you were angry. It hurt and it made you want to cry. You didn’t. You are a man and you have your pride. Bullshit! You cried when he was bashed now you cry because he left. But you pushed him you know. You are smart enough to know that. You and your ways: your Kinney ways. As long as you live, the older you get…You will change. But your wicked ways never do.