~o~ Brooklyn, New York “I got it.” Silence. Then, “Oh my god! Briaaan! Congratulations!” Justin screamed and ran towards Brian, launching himself into his arms. “Whoa, there, Sunshine… your figure isn’t what it used to be, you’re a bit heavy, you know?” Justin rolled his eyes and kissed him. Eventually, Brian put him down so he could take off his coat and the rest of his work clothes, and Justin trailed behind him doing some sort of weird victory dance. “Are you getting some sort of strange seizure, you twat? Or is this how the cool kids dance these days?” Justin smacked him in the back of the head without missing a beat in his little dance and eventually plopped down on the bed. “So does Ted know yet?” “Of course he does… Cynthia probably had to take him to the ER, I’m pretty sure he was having a heart attack. Or maybe prolonged silence and rapid, irregular breathing is just Theodore’s way of expressing happiness – you’d have to ask Blake,” Brian replied, lying down next to Justin. “You know, this calls for a major celebration,” Justin said, smiling seductively. “It does, huh?” Brian raised an eyebrow. “Well, do with me as you see fit – I’m fucking exhausted. Being absolutely brilliant isn’t an easy job.” Justin took Brian’s word, and after a massage, an amazing blow job and a very hot fucking session, both of them were beyond fucking exhausted. “So Gus gets here tomorrow at five thirty, right?” Justin asked from his place on Brian’s chest. “Yeah – he won’t let us forget, don’t worry. He’s been texting me every two hours.” “Well, he’s impatient. Kinda like his dad,” Justin chuckled. “If you could move I’d show you how impatient I can be. But I’ll let you sleep on it – I know your stamina isn’t what it used to be.” Justin snorted in disbelief. Brian smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Love you,” he breathed out. Justin didn’t reply – he knew Brian hated it when couples said those words as a mandatory formula (Love you, me too). But in the comfortable silence of the night, he relished the quiet words, words he heard a thousand different ways every day. There was something a bit lighter about Brian, something a tiny bit different. He was sure it had something to do with Gus’ impromptu visit to Pittsburgh last weekend, but whatever it was, he was glad of it. Brian looked as if he’d put an old demon to rest. ~o~ “Fuck, I hate fucking JFK,” Brian muttered, looking at the crowds around him disdainfully. He walked purposefully to the arrivals gate, checking up on Gus’ flight on the monitor. Eventually, he saw the gangly and tall figure of his son walking out and he lifted a hand. It wasn’t as if Gus wouldn’t see him, he was pretty fucking tall. Gus’ face broke out in a smile and he hurried to his father’s side. “Dad! I missed you!” he hugged him. “Where’s Justin?” “He wanted to come, but the show starts in like, three hours, and the gallery was having some sort of last minute crisis,” he rolled his eyes. “You know how artists can be.” Gus nodded and followed his dad towards the parking lot. “Hey dad, this show isn’t too fancy right? ‘Cause my clothes aren’t that cool…” “You’ll be fine… we can say you have an artistic temperament, people will understand your poor taste.” “Hey!” Gus elbowed his dad, laughing. A couple of hours later Brian was buttoning up his shirt and giving the last extra hot touch to his hair. Justin was already out in the living room, watching something that sounded suspiciously like The Power Puff Girls. “Justin! Are you watching that fucking cartoon again?” he called out. “It’s an all day marathon! I have to watch it!” Justin answered back. Brian rolled his eyes. With a final look in the mirror – he looked absolutely wonderful, of course, red really was his color – he walked out of the bedroom. Justin was dressed in black, all artsy and shit, and Gus was wearing… “Sonny boy, we really need to go shopping this weekend. I can’t have a son of mine wearing what looks suspiciously like fucking Old Navy,” he said, grimacing. “Hey, I love Old Navy!” Justin exclaimed. Brian lifted an eyebrow. “Exactly. Well, anyway, we’re definitely going shopping, ok? You can get away with Old Navy with all these artists, but it won’t do for anything else.” Justin chuckled and shook his head and Gus smiled. It wasn’t like he was going to complain, duh. ~o~ Justin’s show was a total success and he’d basically sold everything. Brian himself had bought an amazing piece, something that would look like just swirling colors to most people, but he knew it was actually his eyes surrounded by blue. Gus had really loved it, so Brian agreed to let him hang it up in his bedroom in the Pittsburgh loft. They were having a celebration dinner in a tiny Italian bistro Justin had discovered during his time here. It wasn’t flashy or fashionable, but it had the best Italian food in the city and he loved it – when he’d felt really homesick he’d often come in here and eaten, the food reminding him of Debbie’s dinners. So Brian, knowing it was his favorite place, had placed reservations and now Justin, Gus and himself were enjoying copious amounts of pasta, lasagna, salad and wine. Brian was really trying to just eat salad, but Gus and Justin kept sneaking pasta onto his fucking plate, and he couldn’t not eat it. He was going to have to work this off in the gym all week… and in Justin. Eventually, they made their way back to Brooklyn. Brian had hired a limousine, something that Justin had pretended to be a bit embarrassed about but had totally loved. Gus felt like an absolute celebrity, he was convinced someone might ask for his autograph. But they arrived to the loft on Montague Street in Brooklyn Heights without any paparazzi falling upon them and went inside. Gus called out a sleepy good night and headed to his room, while Brian and Justin practically ran to their bedroom. This loft was smaller than the one in Pittsburgh, it only had one floor, for one thing, and it wasn’t quite as open. Which was a good thing this once, since they could fuck without fear of scarring Gus for life. Too much. ~o~ “I can’t believe we’re on a fucking bus.” “Come on dad, it’s not so bad. It’s totally impractical to take a limo for shopping.” “No it isn’t! We’re going to have to take a fucking train after this!” Brian exclaimed. “Well yeah, but the view is nice. I love riding around Brooklyn, it’s awesome.” Brian grunted but said nothing else. Justin was so going to pay for his little tip. “Oh, just take the b41 at Cadman Plaza to Atlantic Avenue and you can catch the Q train there…” A fucking bus. And a fucking train. Who knew how many people had sat here? His jeans were probably being infected just by being in contact with the fucking seat. And there were goddam people selling stuff on the bus! It was disgusting. After what seemed like an eternity to him, the bus came to a stop at Atlantic Avenue and he and Gus got off. The street was filled with shoppers making their way in and out of the Atlantic Av. Mall. “Why don’t we just go in here, dad?” Gus asked, gesturing at the main doors. Brian turned and stared at him with horror. “Sonny boy we don’t shop in malls,” he said, his lip curling up in distaste at the word. “You’ve spent far too long with your mothers. I’m going to make sure you come and stay with us more often, this is worse than I thought.” Gus rolled his eyes at Brian’s exaggeration, but he couldn’t keep from smiling at his dad’s insistence he spend more time with him and Justin. Together they walked to the station and caught the Q train to Manhattan. “So Mark’s finally speaking to you again, right?” Brian asked. “Yeah… I guess he was waiting to see if I meant my apology, like you said. But that’s not why I stood up to Joe Bateman,” Gus reflected. “I stood up to him because the truth is he was attacking people I loved. And I just couldn’t let that happen again. Acting like he was, saying those things – he wasn’t just going after Mark or Steve. He was going after my moms, my uncles, Justin… and you,” he looked up at Brian. Brian said nothing, just smiled and put his arm around his son’s shoulder. The train made a stop in 34th street and Brian and Gus walked out, heading towards 5th Avenue. “Dad?” Gus asked tentatively. “Do you think we could go to Abercrombie?” Brian lifted and eyebrow. “They have cool clothes! Come on dad, I can’t exactly go to school in Armani, can I? And you can check out the hot, shirtless models!” Gus pleaded. “Sonny boy, models check *me* out,” Brian said arrogantly. But the boy did have a point… and those shirtless models were always good to look at… “Fine. We can go to Abercrombie after I’ve bought something decent for you to wear in Armani. You need some formal clothes.” Gus nodded, happy in his victory, and followed his dad to his favorite store. They left Armani with a few more bags than planned, Brian couldn’t resist a black shirt he’d seen and he really did need a new jacket to go with those jeans he bought last week. They walked down 5th Avenue towards A&F and Gus loved the simple fact of walking around New York with his dad. He’d been kinda scared he and Justin wouldn’t like him around after what he’d done, but he really did believe what his dad had told him. He was loved no matter what. They finally arrived to the Abercrombie store, and Gus didn’t miss how the shirtless model by the door did indeed check his dad out. He snorted and started looking for some jeans. ~o~ “I love this place!” Gus exclaimed. He and Justin were walking around Prospect Park. Justin nodded. He really loved Brooklyn. He loved New York in general, but there was something intimate and real about Brooklyn that Manhattan didn’t have. Brian had been somewhat reluctant to buy a loft there until he’d seen the place Justin wanted. It was really fucking perfect, and as Ted loved to point out, a bit cheaper than buying a place in Chelsea or Tribeca in Manhattan. They eventually reached the lake and sat down on one of the benches. Justin had a sudden need to sketch Gus, so much like his father, looking in wonder at the lake before them. He wondered if that’s how Brian had looked when he was fourteen, or if living with Jack and Joan had made him lose his wonder all too soon. “Hey Justin?” Gus suddenly asked. “What’s up, Gus man?” “Um… dad told you, right? About – about last weekend?” he asked hesitantly. “Yeah, he did,” Justin nodded. Gus frowned slightly and looked down. “And I wanted to talk to you about that, actually. Gus – I know you felt guilty and angry with yourself. But, trust me, I understand about doing things you wouldn’t normally do in a crazy moment of wanting to belong.” Gus looked up, surprised. “Now, I’m sure your dad never told you this, but a few years ago, I did something pretty stupid myself. I joined a group of gay vigilantes, to ‘fight the homophobes’. It was ridiculous, trying to answer violence with violence – it made us no better than them. But at the time, I felt like it was what I needed to do… and to tell you the truth, one of the main reasons I did it was because I finally felt like I belonged, you know? Like I wasn’t one of the freaks, one of the weirdos. It can be pretty tiring to be different. Sometimes we just find it easier to join in – even when we know it’s wrong” Gus nodded, gratefully taking in Justin’s words, his silent forgiveness. Knowing what he’d been through had made him feel ashamed… realizing for a moment he’d been no better than Chris Hobbs’ friends. But Justin understood, and forgave. “What were they called?” he asked out of the blue. “Who?” “The group of gay vigilantes…” Gus explained. “Oh. The Pink Posse.” Gus stared at him incredulously. Then he started laughing his ass off. Justin tried to look offended, but after a second he joined in, their combined laughter carrying across the park. It really was a ridiculous name. ~o~ Pittsburgh Brian slid the loft door open and Justin went inside ahead of him. He locked the door and set the alarm, happy to be home. It was a bit funny that after all those years desperate to leave Pittsburgh, now he was glad to return. Justin was getting a snack from the kitchen downstairs, so Brian took their bags to the bedroom and started unpacking. He frowned when he found a paper package inside Justin’s bag, so he opened it and a few photographs fell out. Pictures Justin had taken this weekend and developed. Pictures of him and Gus. He stared at one in particular. It was black and white, and he and Gus were sitting on the couch, laughing together about something. Probably Justin’s obsession with the Power Puff Girls. He smiled slightly. He knew he wasn’t a perfect father. Fuck, nobody was. They were human beings after all – bound to fuck up, sometimes spectacularly, every now and again. But looking at his son’s laughing face, he thought that maybe he wasn’t half bad after all. He’d been so fucking terrified that night, when Gus was born. He’d never wanted to be a father, convinced he would never pass on the Kinney legacy. But Lindsay had managed to convince him. And even though he’d sworn to only be a sperm donor, to keep away… one look at that face was all it took. Brian was a dad. See, Jack – the difference is I really do love him. “Hey, Brian, do you want – oh… do you like them?” Brian turned to look at Justin and simply nodded. Then he walked towards him and kissed him. The End. Author’s note: Title was taken from the poem by e.e. cummings, which I’ve added below ‘cause it’s absolutely fantastic and everyone should read it. Anyway, please let me know what you think of this, feedback is the air I breathe :) ~o~ I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) - e.e. cummings