Hugo Strikes Again ~o~ “Fuck! Fuckity Fuck Fuckass Fuck!” Justin bellowed. *squeak* “Don’t you dare squeak at me, Mr. I’m A Cute Little Duck!” Justin admonished the little animal currently staring up at him. “I’ve got your number! You come in, pitter pattering, squeaking and being all sweet… but the minute Brian turns around, you poop on me! Or around me! And now – Now my new socks are ruined!” *SQUEAK!* The door to the loft slid open, and Brian walked in with an extremely worried look on his face. “Hugo? Are you ok?” he asked, crouching down. The duck immediately walked towards him, squeaking with happiness. Justin seethed. “What happened? Why did he squeak like that? What did you do?” Brian enquired, looking up at Justin. “Has it ever occurred to you that *I* may be the victim here?” Justin asked indignantly, waving his hand dramatically. Brian stared at him. “Justin… he’s a fucking duck.” Justin huffed, shot a glare at Brian and walked off to the bathroom. He tried to slam it… but sliding doors aren’t all that effective for dramatic door slamming. Damn it. *squeak… squeak... squeak* Brian turned to look at Hugo, who was pattering expectantly towards the refrigerator door and looking up at him adoringly. “Well, at least someone here appreciates me,” he muttered. “So, what do you feel like this evening, Hugo? Corn? Lettuce? Mushrooms?” *squeak* “Fine, fine, I’ll get you all three.” ~o~ “Justin?” Brian addressed the vaguely human shaped lump in the bed. “Justin?” “Hpmh.” Justin burrowed deeper into the covers. Brian sighed. “C’me on, don’t be like that… he’s a little duck, he doesn’t do it on purpose” Blond hair and a pair of glowering blue eyes peered over the edge of the duvet. “A little duck?! Please!” indignation made Justin sit up. “He’s evil, Brian! And…” he looked around and lowered his voice to a whisper, “I’m certain he’s out to get me. He doesn’t like me!” Brian struggled mightily to keep himself from laughing his ass off. He attempted to look at Justin seriously and understandingly… like a good, serious, understanding partner and all that shit. “Why do you think he doesn’t like you?” Justin’s eyes narrowed, attempting to discern whether Brian was being serious or just making fun of him. But he looked sincerely interested, so he decided to be honest. “Well… ‘cause he’s jealous of me.” No matter how good, understanding and whateverthefuck Brian was trying to be, he couldn’t keep the sheer disbelief and amusement from his face. “He’s… jealous… of you,” he repeated slowly. “Make all the fun you want, but it’s true!” “But… he’s… a fucking duck,” Brian repeated, dumbfounded. “So?! He’s probably gay! With you as a role model…” he looked at Brian accusingly. “He probably has a huge crush on you! And he’s jealous of me!” “Justin… do you realize how ridiculous you sound?” Justin returned to full queen out mode. “You don’t see all he does, Brian! He… he poops on me, and on my clothes...” “I’ve told you not to leave them lying around…” “You left your new Armani tie on the floor the other day and Hugo didn’t poo on it!” “Well, you can’t blame him for having good taste,” Brian smirked. Justin stuck his tongue out at him. “And yesterday he bit the remote control off me when I was watching ‘Super Sweet Sixteen’!” he continued to complain. Brian looked at him with horror. “Fuck, *I* would have bit the control off you for watching that shit!” Justin looked hurt and terribly offended. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Finally, after a few false starts, he managed to speak. “I can’t believe you’d be so insensitive!” he sniffed. “I’ll have you know I watch that show because I… because I…” “Enjoy watching unbelievably snob kids throw parties with elephants and rappers in them?” Brian asked, confusion evident in his voice. “No! Because I didn’t get a sweet sixteen party!” “Ah.” Silence reigned for a few moments, while Justin pondered the sadness of not having had a sweet sixteen party and possible damaging effects this had on his phsyche and Brian wondered if Justin had taken any bad drugs from Anita. Finally, Justin steeled himself to speak. It was time he put his foot down. “Brian… I think it’s time you send Hugo to Britin,” he declared. It was Brian’s turn to look hurt and offended. “What? No fucking way! His feathers are just starting to come out, he’s still small and yellow and… and… No fucking way!” “We just can’t do this anymore. This loft isn’t big enough for you, me and Hugo. One of us has to go.” Justin looked at Brian expectantly. Brian didn’t look at him. A frown clouded Justin’s features. “You’re fucking kidding me. You’re choosing the duck over me?!” “I’m not choosing anyone!” Brian finally met his eyes. “I… I refuse to take an ultimatum!” “Well, you know what? I’m gonna go and… and… go!” Justin jumped out of the bed. “And you think long and hard about what you’re doing, mister.” With that, Justin turned and grabbed his pants and shirt from where he’d thrown them and put them back on. He grabbed his sneakers and before Brian could utter a word of warning, he put the left one forcefully on. A squelching sound resounded in the silence of the loft. Brian cringed. Justin cringed. Hugo sneaked behind the couch. “He pooped inside my sneaker, right?” Justin asked in a dangerously calm voice. Brian nodded apprehensively. “And I just put my foot in the sneaker. Where he pooped.” Brian nodded again. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!” Justin’s roar sent any birds within a five mile radius flying off in fear for their lives. It made the neighbors wonder what new kink that Kinney man was into now. It made Brian cover his ears and dive under the covers. And it made Hugo… *squeak* “I can’t take this anymore!” And so, with only one sneaker on - with duck poop inside it - Justin ran from the loft and towards Liberty Avenue. After a few moments of blissful silence and ears not ringing anymore, Brian dared to venture outside the covers. He took in the abandoned sneaker, the wide open door… “Oh, fuck.” *squeak squeak* “Yeah… we should worry, Hugo.” With a grim face, Brian grabbed a bunch of mushrooms and the Louis Vuitton pet carrier bag. ~o~ Emmett and Ted were waiting for Ben, Michael and Hunter in their usual booth at the dinner. They’d all agreed to have dinner together and then head to Woody’s or Babylon. “So where’s Blake this evening, Teddy?” “One of the guys he sponsors almost fell off the wagon… so Blake had to go make sure he’s ok,” Ted explained. “It must be hard, having him be so busy sometimes,” Emmett said. Ted shrugged. “Well… I understand, you know? It’d be pretty hypocritical of me to get pissed off.” Emmett smiled and patted his arm. The diner bell rang, and Michael, Ben and Hunter came in. “Hey guys!” Michel greeted them, sliding next to Ted. “Did you call Brian to let him know we’d be here?” Emmett asked him. “Yeah, but Justin’s in town, remember?” Michael rolled his eyes. “They probably won’t surface for three days.” The diner bell rang again, and Justin came inside. Wild-eyed, sweaty, with only one shoe on… and looking capable of murder. He spotted the tall figure of Emmett in the usual booth and walked with dangerous determination towards him. It was Ben who noticed him first, and he nudged Michael. “Justin? What - are you ok?” the professor asked. Emmett turned around only to come up against the deadliest glare he’d ever received. “You.” Justin accused, pointing a finger at him. “Me… what, sweetie?” he asked nervously. “It’s YOUR fault!” Justin told him. Emmett gulped and backed away, squishing Ted. He glanced around the table, but everyone seemed as clueless as him. “My… my fault?” he stammered. “Yes! YES!” Justin seemed to have finally lost all composure. “It was *you* who asked him to take care of the damn thing! *You* who let him have it! Because of you I haven’t had a decent fuck since I got here!” he clutched his hair in despair. “You know he squeaks whenever we start fucking? Yeah, that’s right! He squeaks!” Justin broke off, breathing heavily. “Um… uh… I’m sorry?” Emmett asked warily. “Sorry? You’re sorry?!” Justin exclaimed manically. “Because of you all my favorite t-shirts have shit on them! And finally… it’s because of you that I’m standing here, with only one sneaker on… a sneaker with *poop* in it!” Justin advanced on Emmett, looking even more perilous. “Justin! Stop!” Everyone turned to look at Brian, who was breathing heavily and clutching a Louis Vuitton bag in his left hand. He walked towards the booth slowly, eyeing Justin worriedly. “Hey, Brian!” Hunter greeted him enthusiastically. He’d stood up and tried to look cool the moment Brian had come inside. “Hey, Hunter.,” Brian answered distractedly. “Hold this for me, won’t you?” he asked, handing Hunter the pet carrier. Hunter nodded eagerly and peered curiously inside. “Brian… what the fuck is wrong with Justin?” Michael asked. “Eh - it’s Hugo.” Everyone looked hopelessly confused. “Hugo… your duck?” Ben ventured. “Yeah,” Brian grimaced. “He and Justin… aren’t getting along.” “Well, would you mind doing something?” Emmett hissed. “He’s about to kill me!” Brian approached Justin carefully. He slowly put his arms around him, whispering soothing things like ‘C’me on, Sunshine… if you kill Emmett you’ll have to go to jail, and you don’t want that, do you?’. Finally, the wildness left Justin’s eyes and he slowly relaxed into Brian’s hold. A collective sigh of relief went around the Liberty Diner. Brian turned Justin around to face him and gave him a kiss of absolute tenderness. He caressed his face, used one arm to bring him closer. They parted but remained forehead to forehead. “You ok?” Brian asked quietly. “Yeah,” Justin breathed. “I just…” “I know,” Brian said, and kissed him again. When they parted, Justin turned to face Emmett, looking ashamed and regretful. “Em… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean… I was just…” Emmett waved the apology away. “Don’t worry about it, sweetie. I know what lack of sex can do to someone…” Justin smiled in relief and Brian kissed him again, just because he wanted to. “See, Brian, you’d be better off with me. Looks like blondie here’s gone mental… HOLY FUCK!” *SQUEAK!* Brian and Justin parted in alarm. They couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Hunter was covered in duck poop. In very smelly, runny, duck poop. “What the fuck?” Hunter looked at the innocent yellow duck, now being picked up by Brian. “Hugo doesn’t like it when people come on to Brian,” Justin explained, matter-of-factly. “He gets jealous.” *squeak* Justin looked at Hugo, now nestled between Brian’s arms. The duck looked back at him, and a flash of understanding seemed to pass between them. They now had someone else to hate. “You know…” Justin started. Brian looked at him, eyebrows raised. “I think Hugo’s still too small for Britin. He’s better off staying in the loft with us." Brian grinned and gave Justin a kiss. Everyone else still looked bewildered. “Leave it to Brian Kinney to make even *ducks* gay,” Emmett said. Ted, Michael and Ben nodded in amazement, while Hunter headed to the bathroom scowling. *squeak* The End. Author’s note: yeah… um… again, just blame my duck. And Dominique for the encouragement, LOL. Feedback is heaven