"Every angel is terrifying." Rainer Maria Rilke Part Three Brian knew it was only a temporary time of respite from all the aggravation and upheaval, and that it was already over the same evening – knew the minute he spotted Daphne heading in his direction at Woody's. The news that Justin had run away as far as New York City didn't disturb Brian in the least; disturbing and irritating was the fact that it wasn't news to him, not even the cute little detail about how Justin had funded the trip. Throughout the entire day, Brian found himself distracted again and again, a corner of his mind preoccupied with an awareness of Justin's whereabouts and actions. Brian discovered when he focused on that awareness, his mind was suddenly flooded with images and sounds, so clear he could virtually watch the kid. It was irritating and disturbing, all the more so because it was uninvited and unintentional. Brian knew he had a vast amount of knowledge about, and experience with, these sorts of things. He'd spent centuries discovering and sophisticating a number of supernatural abilities, but all that hadn't prepared him for this. It was an unaccustomed invasion and one he didn't really want to examine in depth. When Debbie confronted him later and practically ordered him to find Justin and bring him back, Brian wasn't surprised. He'd figured it would come to that eventually. Still, he made a show of protesting and refusing at first, after all there was no rush and no reason to worry; right at the moment he knew the kid was safe and sound, holed away in a ritzy hotel suite, ordering everything that struck his fancy from the menu and then some. Watching television. Pacing up and down. Thinking about Brian and then jerking off. Waiting for him and wondering how long it'd take for him to get there, fretting about just how furious he'd be when he did. Brian couldn't help but grin when the image of Justin's worried little face resurfaced in his conciousness, blue eyes fixed to the ceiling while he mentally rehearsed what he'd say and all the possible scenarios that might take place. It was almost funny, and Brian was tempted to stall a couple of days and just let the kid stew for a while. At the same time he was forced to admit that the whole episode was the most recent in a whole series of events where Justin had unwittingly impressed him, even fascinated him, by how he seemed to plow ahead undaunted, more than intelligent enough to anticipate the obstacles in his path but never even slowing down or faltering, more fearless and stronger than Brian would ever have given him credit for. Things Justin did that seemed rash were actually creatively and intelligently planned out, taking every detail of the situation into consideration in a matter of seconds. Brian realized that when he found out Justin had taken his credit card knowing it would virtually be a homing device and the most efficient way to find out if he'd come after him. Not that Brian needed the calls he'd made to find out where the card was being used, but he'd made them anyway, actually glad the kid was covering his ass in a way; he could find him just as quickly but without having to explain how he'd done so. You almost had to admire the little shit, Brian thought as he pounded on the door of the hotel suite. But as for explanations, he was determined to get some today, determined to put a stop to this circus before the little fucker ended up running his life. The door finally swung open. Brian glowered at Justin as he leaned against the door frame, taking stock of the scene he'd so far only visualized and was now actually seeing: Justin, dressed in one of the hotel's fluffy white robes, clean and rested, happily munching a mouthful of food, not even looking surprised to see him. Brian tried to remember the last time he'd felt this worn out, grimy and hungry. Motherfucking little bothersome piece of shit, he thought to himself, just wait. The door crashed into the wall and Justin was shoved aside as Brian stalked into the suite. The impertinent little fucker barely blinked. "You wanna come in?"
*******
Later... "I'm putting an end to this, Justin," Brian growled. Justin's legs slipped from his shoulders as he shoved forward roughly. "Guh! Oh fuck...oh fuck..." "Justin!" "What? What?" Huffing. Brian drew back and pushed forward again. And pushed. "This is stopping." "Not *now*. You're hurting me, Brian. Christ –" Brian let go of Justin's legs and let them slide to the mattress on either side of him. He grabbed Justin's wrists, pinning his hands flat on the pillow above his head, stopped moving and lowered his face so that it was inches over Justin's. "That's not what I mean and you know it. I want an explanation. I want you to cut this shit out that you're doing." "Brian—" "Cut it out, Justin." Brian withdrew and pushed into him again until he was gasping, and stopped. "I want an explanation. I'm sick of all this shit." "Jesus, Brian – fuck me." Justin was struggling but Brian's hands gripped his wrists like a vise, and he flattened himself against Justin's heaving chest. His lips brushed Justin's face. "No. No more of this bullshit. Or I'll stop right now." "Bastard," Justin hissed. Brian bit back a smile and whispered in his ear. "You'll explain yourself. Or I really will stop." "I fucking hate you." "Oh yeah? I know. I fucking don't care." Brian raised up and stared into the narrowed blue eyes watching his face. He slowly pulled back, almost withdrawing, and let go of Justin's hands. He reached down and grasped Justin's cock, thumb lightly brushing over the slit and to the sensitive spot on the underside, spreading the slick moisture collecting there. He watched Justin's eyes lose their intent focus and blink shut, but he kept stroking him, the touch much too light to do anything more than frustrate. Justin breathed in harsh gasps, trying to twist against the weight of Brian's motionless body. "Justin..." "Okay – damn it, okay, Brian. Fuck me, I'll tell you, I promise, just—" Brian grabbed Justin's hands again, pinning them back down as he pushed into him again and again. "I promise," Justin whispered in his ear, "fuck me, Brian." It was good enough; Brian fucked the shit out of him.
*******
"You have ten minutes," Brian said, pulling his jeans back on. No response. He stared at Justin, who lay motionless, tangled in the sheets. "Well?" Justin blinked slowly, avoiding Brian's gaze. "What do you want to know?" "For one thing, why the fuck you're sticking to me like glue. Why you keep insisting I feed off you, for another. Don't fucking look at me like that, you know exactly what it is I mean." "Because I love you." "Wrong answer. Not good enough. Give it another go." "Why isn't that good enough? It's true! Just because you—" "I said ten minutes, and I'm not wasting that time arguing, Justin." Justin sighed, seeming to deflate a little. "Okay. Okay, fine. I do love you, I really do. I also want to be like you. That's the main reason I always wanted you to...feed off me, like you called it. Because I was hoping—" "Wait a sec, hold on. What does 'be like you' mean? Specify. What do you think I am?" "Well, a vampire. I guess. Aren't you?" Brian stared at him for a moment, then shook his head with a snorting laugh. He sat down on the bed and rubbed a hand over his face. "A vampire. Justin, there's no such thing. What'd you do, fall asleep watching television last night?" "You drink blood, you live off it, I know you do. I've watched you, I've heard stuff, from you and from everyone else. Enough stuff to piece it all together. And I know there is such a thing. If you're not a vampire, what are you?" "Shit, I don't know," Brian said. "Call it what you want, it doesn't matter anyway. So you figured what, if you let me feed off you and live off you, sooner or later you'd be like me? Is that it? Why the fuck would you want to be like me?" "Because I love you," Justin repeated. "I keep saying that, it's true. I want to be with you, you know? Not like now, I mean really be with you. Be just like you. Aren't you, like, totally different? I mean you live forever for one thing, right? You can do stuff other people can't do, and I know you can make me just like you. Right?" "Justin..." Brian rubbed his eyes, taking a moment to think. "Are you really gonna make me say that hokey old line 'you don't know what you're asking for'? Because you don't. You have no fucking clue. Let me set the record straight – I don't believe in love. I don't live forever. I have lived and will live a very, very long time. But I won't live forever. I wouldn't want to. I didn't even want to have to live this long. As for me making you a...vampire, I won't. Shut up," he said when Justin opened his mouth to protest. "I can't do it, and I wouldn't if I could. Okay? So you can stop this bullshit right now, we don't even have to discuss it. You will stop." "You do love me. You do." "Fuck you." "You do. I know you do. And you'd just let me fucking die? You'd just watch me get old and sick and let me die?" "Yeah. Yeah I would, Justin. We're not a couple now, what makes you think we'd be one then? Or that I'd want to be one then? Look, people don't stay together for life even in a normal lifespan. So how can you conclude they'd be able to stay together any longer if they lived ten times or a thousand times as long? Love is bullshit, Justin. All you'd end up with is a hell of a lot more time alone, realizing I was right all along. And that's just the easy stuff for someone like me. You want that? So, yeah, I'd fucking rather watch you grow old, and die." Justin flopped back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling. "I don't believe this. No, I don't. You wouldn't do that. Listen, do you know there are people who wish I'd die right now, just because? You understand that, right? Like this kid at school – he'd kill me if he could, and there are lots of people like him, and you'd just let him? I don't believe it." "I know assholes like that. They're not even worth thinking about. Fuck them." Justin was silent, leaning up to study Brian's face. "I don't want to fuck them, Brian. I'd kill them if I could. We could. We could do that; wouldn't the world be a better place?" Brian laughed so hard he fell back on the mattress. "Like a couple of gay vampire vigilantes? Are you out of your fucking mind? You sound worse than one of Mikey's comic books. And I mean, what the fuck? What gives you the right to decide who gets to live or die, or let me rephrase that: Who died and made you God?" Justin smiled sweetly, then he pushed the sheets back and crawled to where Brian was half-sitting, half-lying. He stared down at him for a moment then leaned down, puncutating his words with soft kisses to Brian's face and neck. "But doesn't it get boring? And what about sex, isn't that even better? How would that be if I were like you?" He leaned down to whisper in Brian's ear. "We could even do it bareback." Brian grimaced and got to his feet, shoving Justin aside. "Fuck you. That's crazy – it's all crazy. You're as out of your mind as a bug-chaser – you *are* a bug-chaser. Now you're going to pack up your shit, and we're going home. And that's all that's gonna happen." Justin smiled again, seeming completely unimpressed by Brian's protests. He scrambled off the bed and pulled Brian into a hug, planted a kiss on his chest and beamed up at him. "I want to be with you. And I want to be like you. And I will be. You'll see."