THANKS SO MUCH to Sheila without whom this chapter would be a mess. I'm anxious to see what everyone has to say about this, so I had to get this out rather quickly. Here it is. _______________________________ Faintest Spark, V Justin is in awe of Michael’s store. He might have lost his memory of Rage but he still can tell that he drew it. The shapes and lines are his style and the storyline appeals to him. “We were pretty successful, right?” “You could say that,” Michael agrees. “Hollywood kept calling you for a while.” “A while?” “They blew it off eventually. The movie was never made. But you spent a good couple of months over there. In the end, the movie was too overt.” “Oh.” “But you enjoyed your time there, or so you said.” Justin’s mouth hangs open. “I lived there?” “Yeah. You went there, leaving Pittsburgh behind. Brian was doing a lot better, after…” Michael trails off because Justin seems puzzled as to what he’s referring to. “Another episode of my humble life I don’t remember,” he mutters. Michael swallows noisily. “So Brian never told you?” “Told him what?” The door opens and Brian breezes in, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbow, tie probably discarded in the car. He goes over to Michael and kisses him in their old, familiar way and then turns to look at Justin. “Hey,” Justin says. “We were talking about the time I spent in LA and you were sick.” Justin says, hoping he guessed right about whatever Michael was going to say. “Mikey,” Brian singsongs and shoots him a glare before throwing his arm over Justin’s shoulder and steering him out of the store. The drive is long and silent after Brian tells Justin “I’ve had cancer. But I’m fine. Now.” Brian seems to be in a strange mood that day, so Justin refrains from saying anymore that might upset Brian. “What did Kevin have to say about your little trip with me?” Brian asks when they leave the main road and pull up to an impressively large house. “I didn’t really tell him.” “Oh?” Brian half states, half asks. “He didn’t come back last night. He had to stay in New York for some contract signing or something.” Justin says. And he doesn’t really care. He thinks that if he remembered he might be offended by Kevin’s absence from the show but right now, he is not. “You always knew where I was and what I did,” Brian observes, “even when you were in New York.” Justin shrugs. “I don’t even really know him, why should I care? By the way, what is this?” Brian gets out of the car, stretches out his arms and announces: “This, young friend, is Britin as you named it so gracefully.” “You bought this?” Brian notices the irony of the situation, the sentences having long been spoken before. He lets Justin into the house and talks about how they never really got around to making it ‘a home’. Brian flinches at that expression. After their break-up, he explains, he turned the house into a weekend getaway for his special clients who preferred not to stay at Pittsburgh’s hotels. A few rooms in the house are open to the guests, leaving them plenty of space to relax. But some of the upstairs chambers are only accessible to the family. “This place is amazing!” “Well, you did agree to marry me once you saw it.” Justin sighs. “You know that wasn’t the reason.” As Brian walks Justin around, it becomes more and more unbearable to be close to him. They stand in front of the master bedroom, a place Brian never lets anyone else in to, and Brian tells Justin that he’ll go out for a smoke, leaving Justin to decide whether he wants to stay there instead of going back to New York. Brian is outside on the patio, smoking slowly when Justin follows him out only a few minutes later. He takes Brian’s cigarette from his hand and takes a long drag himself. Brian shoots him an amused look because Justin seems still somewhat undecided. “There are still, what I assume to be my clothes, in the closet?” Brian shrugs it off. “You’ve made your decision?” “No! Brian, do you want me here?” Brian snorts. It’s a ridiculous question and both Justin and he know it. But Justin asks it anyway, teasing Brian and wanting to find out if there’s more to Brian’s offer than he has realised yet. “We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t mean it. So, yes, I guess I want you here. I probably wanted you here from the first time I took you out here.” It’s more than Brian wants to share but it slips out anyway and if it helps Justin to make his decision, then Brian doesn’t care. Justin walks down the stairs to the garden, goes over to the pool and looks around. The place is perfect. When they walk back to the front door, across the hall, Justin suddenly stops. “Brian, show me,” he says and adds, “where you asked me.” Brian merely rolls his eyes and pulls the front door open. “Re-enacting scenes from your past hasn’t helped so far and – “ “What? Are you afraid?” “Afraid?” Justin smiles at Brian’s hurt look. “Afraid of the hurt? That it’ll sting. Burn.” Challenging Brian has always been a way to get what he wants. Within seconds, Brian stalks over into the other room, motioning for Justin to stand in a certain spot. And then Brian moves to his position and pulls off the entire speech about princes and taking a chance on love again. Justin looks utterly impressed, touched, and if Brian meant every word of it now, which he secretly does, Justin would say ‘yes’ again. Seconds later, Justin is in Brian arms and Brian doesn’t push him away this time. On the contrary – he pulls Justin closer, hands gripping at thighs, ass, and shoulders. It would be easy to go through with it, not thinking about the aftermath of sleeping with Justin now because he’ll go back to Kevin in the end anyway. But Brian’s cell phone rings and they break apart. It’s Cynthia letting Brian know about a change in his schedule for the day ahead and could he please come into the office half an hour earlier. ……………… Two weeks later, Justin has moved into Britin and spends most of the day painting in what was his studio. Kevin didn’t protest – if it helps Justin to get better, why not? – but he calls every night to check on him. Sometimes, Justin goes downstairs and keeps the elderly maid Brian hired company when she prepares lunch or dinner. And sometimes, Brian comes by in the evenings and they get high and drunk and Brian tells him all, fills Justin’s head with memories he thought he’d lost forever. It’s those times Brian talks freely, not worrying about disguising his emotions because Justin and he behave goofily anyway. “You know,” Justin says, “I’m glad I remember you. I don’t care if I forgot about Stockwell or Ethan. I’m glad you’re still here.” Brian snorts, something he seems to be doing around Justin an awful lot lately. He thinks Justin would care if he actually did remember. “What?” Justin asks and drops the fork and knife onto his empty plate which he pushes as far away from him as the coffee table allows. They’ve taken to eating in the living room where Brian sometimes spreads out some of the latest boards to hear Justin’s opinion. And Justin helps gladly. Whatever happened to his head, he hasn’t lost any of his professional knowledge. “If it wasn’t the truth, I wouldn’t have taken you up on your offer.” “I feel flattered.” Justin swats Brian’s stomach and laughs. “You should.” Their company is easy and the banter light-heartedly. Justin never covers up just how much Brian means to him and Brian doesn’t flinch away from the blatant declaration of love. They must have come a long way. Both are surprised when someone rings the bell at the front door at that time of the night. “Did you expect someone?” Brian asks as he pulls himself up from the couch. Justin shakes his head no. “Oh”, he hears Brian say, “how nice of you to grace us with your presence. Come on in.” Moments later, Kevin walks into the living room. Justin scrambles to his feet. Kevin’s presence irritates him. He’s not supposed to be there, no supposed to know Justin spends his time with Brian. “What are you doing here?” he says, voice shaking from irritation. Kevin sighs. “I thought I’d keep you company before I leave for Europe. But I see you managed to find a way to pass time just fine.” Justin tries to defend himself but Kevin doesn’t let him speak. “I’m no stupid, Justin.” He says, “But I have no idea how to handle the situation anymore.” Justin asks Brian to leave them alone for a minute. Although he feels exactly the same way as Kevin, Justin doesn’t want to completely break off with him. He knows that the way he has been handling things are not fair to either of them. He can’t continue spending time with Brian and keeping Kevin around ‘just in case things change’. “I never pictured myself to be the one to back out of our commitment, Justin. I always thought you’d leave me to be with Brian for good. I should have known that I can never have you to myself. It was stupid of me to go after you.” “No! It wasn’t. It’s probably stupid of me to let you go.” Justin tries to mend the pain Kevin must be feeling with words. Kevin shrugs and leaves - no hug, no kiss, not even a simple goodbye. Justin finds Brian on the phone in the kitchen, presumably talking to Gus because with whom else would Brian talk about dinosaurs? Justin’s curious about this new Brian, who openly shows emotions as Justin previously experienced and who maintains a life between being a successful business man and loving father. Brian flashes a smile at him and waves Justin over. “Sonnyboy, there’s someone here who’d like to talk to you.” Brian announces and then hands the cordless phone over to Justin who stares at the receiver wordlessly for a second. “Hey, Gus.” he says, unsure of how to talk to a six-year old, but Gus’ squeal of ‘Justin’ makes him relax and the words bubble out of the little boy anyway. Justin smiles at Brian and sits down at the dinner table from where he watches Brian retrieve two bottles of beer from the fridge. Five minutes later, Justin hangs up and sighs. “Shit, he has grown up so much.” Brian agrees. “He has.” “And you love him more than you ever imagined.” Justin muses and Brian thinks it can be easily applied to Justin as well. A long awkward silence occurs in which Justin busily examines his hands and Brian rummages through the kitchen drawers in search of matches. It’s an odd Friday night and Justin comes to think that back then he’d have given anything for Brian to stay in and spend the night at home. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Babylon, prowling the dance floor?” he asks with an insecure laugh. “You know that I do nothing I don’t want to do. Besides, Ted will survive without me for a night.” “Ted?” Justin looks at Brian suspiciously. “Has no one told you yet that Babylon is mine? Ted is my accountant at Kinnetik, so he naturally watches over the club’s finances as well.” Of course, it makes sense. One day or another Brian was bound to own Babylon, Justin thinks. “I want to go there.” That earns him an incredulous stare from Brian. “Now?” “Yes, now.” Brian gives in easily. They make causal conversation about the account they’d discussed over dinner and the drive seems to fly by. With no word, Justin mentions what Kevin told him because he suspects that Brian has secretly been eavesdropping anyway. And then they’re outside Babylon and Justin tries to remember the last time he’s been there but Brian’s arm drapes around his shoulders and they walk in together and Justin suddenly thinks it doesn’t matter that much anyway. Heads turn as they walk through the crowd, just as they did back then. They pass on drinks at the bar because they’ve had enough at home already and one of them will have to drive them back at the end of the night. Justin moves onto the dance floor while Brian excuses himself to the office. But all Brian does is stand on the catwalk and watch Justin, who seems to lose himself in the beat pounding out of the speakers. His blond hair stands out in the yellow light and Brian can see Justin’s every move, how he’s writhing between the masses of sweaty bodies. And fuck, it makes him hard. Justin passes up blatant offers and Brian knows Justin’s saving himself, for Brian. But Brian will never – can’t ever ravish Justin and then move on again. He wants, needs, Justin so much that he doesn’t dare touching him. “Brian!” Ted closes the door to the office behind him and comes to stand beside Brian. “I didn’t expect you here.” Ted spots Justin on the dance floor and figures that there’s nothing he needs to say. With a squeeze of Brian’s shoulder, he turns and goes. When Brian’s fed up with watching Justin, he joins him down there, and Justin promptly throws himself at Brian. “Brian,” Justin drawls and laughs, “how about we take him home?” Justin motions for the guy behind him to step a little closer and Brian freezes. History seems to repeat itself and he’s not going to be a part of it. No threesomes, not anymore as long as Justin is part of them, he tells himself and wraps his arm just a little tighter around Justin’s waist, drawing him in possessively. When all Brian seems to be doing is not dancing, but simply turning down invites to the backroom, he takes Justin’s hand and leads him out of Babylon and back to the car. Two hours of dancing will have to do for now. Brian is annoyed with himself because he doesn’t do jealously, yet he’s keeping an eye on everyone who’s trying to approach Justin. Justin falls asleep in the passenger seat beside him on their journey back to West Virginia. Brian considers going to the loft but seeing as all his paperwork for the office the next day is at the mansion, there is no other choice but to go back to Britin. When Justin’s head hits his pillow, he’s suddenly wide awake again. His nap in the car suddenly serves him with newfound energy, as the clock on his bedside table reads 3:45. He watches time tick by until two minutes past four. Then he slides out of bed and opens the door to the hallway silently. The bedroom Brian resides in, the master bedroom that Justin claimed he couldn’t sleep in if it had been ‘their room’, is three doors down across the hall. The wooden floor boards squeak under his naked feet but Justin manages to slip into Brian’s room without waking him. Brian sleeps curled up on one side of the bed, legs tangled in the sheets. Hesitantly, Justin approaches him. His bare knees brush against the bed linen and when his hands connect with the silken bed cover, he thinks he remembers white silk stained with red. Goosebumps crawls up his legs and arms and he wonders whether he should ask Brian about it but he doesn’t quite finish the thought. Suddenly, Brian stares at him out of the dark, his facial features barely lit by the light seeping in through the window. Brian doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything which tells Justin how to react. It’s up to him where to take things now, and it probably always was. Tentatively, Justin reaches for the cover though reaching for that last leap of faith. The sheets feel so cool against his naked skin as he lies next to Brian, keeping some distance between them. Brian’s breath hitches once as if he’s going to say something but instead of speaking up and using the words he was never good with anyway, his hand comes to rest over Justin’s waist. Instinctively, Justin moves closer, leaning into Brian’s touch, breathing in the smell of warm skin and sleep. A hand slips beyond the waistband of Justin’s shorts, tugging the fabric down his legs and away from his body. Another hand – or maybe it’s the same, Justin doesn’t know anymore because he revels in being so incredibly close to Brian – comes around to cup his ass, pulling him closer still until Justin can only rest his head in the crook of Brian’s neck. Their bodies seem to connect in every possibly place. Justin can feel Brian grow hard against his abdomen and fuck, if he himself isn’t hard already. He tries to suppress a desperate whimper but it escapes his lips and makes Brian chuckle softly. Justin tries to reach between them but Brian catches his wrist. He mouths a soundless ‘Don’t’ against the shell of Justin’s ear. When Brian lets go of the wrist, his hand goes on its own journey further down. Warm fingers wrap around Justin’s cock. He gasps and his fingers dig into Brian’s arm. It’s all he can do not to come in that instant. Just to know it’s Brian is enough to make him writhe under the gentle touch of Brian’s hand, mouth, his entire body. Brian lazily tugs on Justin’s prick, wanting to draw this out for both of them, his thumbs sweeps over the head where pre-come oozes out of the tip and he smears it down Justin’s length. Justin gasps, his forehead pressing hard against Brian’s shoulder. He’s going to come, now, in that very second, but Brian lets go of him. Justin’s lungs gulp for air and he moans in dismay. But then Brian rolls on top of him, his lean body covering Justin, protectively, possessively and Justin knows this isn’t over yet. They kiss for what seems like an eternity and its sticky and messy and just them. When Brian pulls away and draws in a deep breath, he looks down at Justin, who cannot help but think that there’s affection, care, and love shining from Brian’s eyes. He has to avert his eyes as not to be overwhelmed by emotions. Neither of them speaks a word as Brian reaches for the lube. Justin makes to turn over but Brian presses him back into place. As he plants a firm kiss on Justin’s forehead, he lets one lube-covered finger slip into Justin, who winces visibly. Brian’s touch feels familiar but his body revolts. Justin isn’t sure but takes his pain as a sign that he hasn’t bottomed in a while, maybe didn’t even bottom for Kevin at all. They never talked about those matters in the weeks after his accident. Justin thinks it’s highly possible because this is for Brian, for Brian only. A second finger slips in more easily but Justin doesn’t want to wait any longer; hasn’t he waited for far too long? Brian hovers above him, ripping the condom open, watching Justin’s face. The second before Brian pushes in, Justin locks his legs around Brian’s waist, drawing him close to his body. He isn’t used to the initial pain anymore, and Brian stops pushing when Justin whimpers. Brian’s eyes never leave Justin’s face, looking for further signs of discomfort until Justin nods and Brian begins movement again. He goes slow, so very slow that Justin almost tells him ‘faster, harder’ in desperation but this, this silent unison, feels too good to change anything about it. How long their tentative dance lasts neither of them can tell and it doesn’t matter. When Justin comes, panting for breath, he takes Brian with him, sweaty palms sliding over tanned skin. Brian falls on top of Justin, spent, blissed out, and Justin whispers ‘stay’ before Brian can pull out. It’s in vain though because when Justin wakes up in the morning, Brian’s side of the bed is cold and his belongings are gone.