There's no escaping love Once a gentle breeze (once a gentle breeze) Sweeps its spell upon your heart And no matter what you think It won't be to long 'Till you’re in my arms Underneath the starlight starlight We'll be lost in the rhythm so right It will steal your heart tonight You can try to resist Try to hide from my kiss But you know, but you know That you can't fight the moonlight Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart But you know, but you know That you can't fight the moonlight, Can't Fight the Moonlight by LeAnn Rhymes Notes: Must read the previous parts in order to understand this fic. During the couple of weeks since their reunion at New Years, Brian and Justin had both been busy. Work had picked up for both of them, and they had been thrown into reality. Their week alone together had brought them closer, and both wanted nothing more than to stay where they were for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, real life wasn’t going to wait for the two of them. Brian knew that since they had the chance to get one of the largest, if not the largest account, that Vanguard had ever had, they both would be working long hours. Their time together would be cut, but Brian was hopeful that they would survive. ‘After everything we’ve been through, a little break shouldn’t ruin us,’ he thought. He knew that Justin didn’t like the idea of spending so much time apart the next couple of weeks – hell Brian didn’t like it either – but that was the nature of the business. He would just have to show Justin that things weren’t going to change now that they were back into the realities of life. Brian reached over to the nightstand beside the bed and pulled out a small vial of oil, and rubbed it in his hands to warm it. Gently, he began to run his hands across Justin’s back, rubbing the oil deep into his skin. Brian began to massage the tight muscles of Justin’s shoulders and neck, receiving a moan of pleasure from the young man beneath him. “Fuck,” Justin sighed, as Brian continued to knead the muscles, releasing any tension that was there. Brian smiled and leaned in so that he could place a feather light kiss on Justin’s ear. “Feel good, Baby?” “Fuck yeah,” Justin breathed, as he felt Brian begin to trail open-mouthed kisses down to his neck. “Brian,” the man moaned, as Brian lightly bit into the flesh of Justin’s neck. Brian continued his path down Justin’s back, both with his hands and his tongue – kneading, licking, and biting his way down toward Justin’s round ass. When he reached his destination, Brian parted Justin, and began to run his tongue across the delicate flesh of Justin’s hole. “Fuck,” Justin moaned, as Brian pushed his tongue into Justin’s tight hole. Enjoying Justin’s obvious delight, Brian continued to push in and out of Justin, taking pleasure in the taste of his lover. Slowly, Brian removed his tongue, and began to trail it up Justin’s spine to his neck. “Are you ready, Baby,” he breathed into Justin’s ear. “Please, Brian. I need you,” Justin said. “Tell me what you want, Justin,” Brian asked, as he ran his cock across Justin’s ass cheeks, causing Justin to raise himself further into Brian. “I need you,” Justin quietly breathed, trying to force Brian to enter him. Brian reached over to the side table and ripped open the condom package with his teeth. After sheathing himself, Brian placed himself at Justin’s hole, teasing the young man. “You want me inside you, baby? You want me to fuck you?” Brian teased, letting his hot breath tickle Justin’s ear. “Yes.” “Tell me. . . say it.” “Fuck me,” Justin hissed, as he reached his left hand behind him to grab a hold of Brian’s hair. “Fuck me,” he ordered, as he pushed his tongue into Brian’s mouth. Hearing Justin’s order, Brian pushed himself all the way, deeply into Justin’s awaiting body. Feeling Justin’s tight, hot hole surrounding him, Brain pulled Justin’s head back by his hair, and began to bite Justin’s neck. “God, you are so fucking hot, Justin.” “Oh, god, Brian, harder,” Justin continued to moan, as Brian began to push himself in and out of Justin. With each stroke, Brian would push himself deeper into Justin, making sure to hit the young man’s prostate with each solid thrust. “Ahhh, yes,” Justin hissed. “Come with me, Justin,” Brian stated as he reached around Justin’s body to wrap his hand around Justin’s leaking cock. With each thrust of Brian’s body, and each tug on Justin’s cock, Brian felt himself losing the battle – he was going to cum and sooner than he wanted. ‘It’s always like this with him,’ Brian thought quickly, then focused on the feeling of Justin’s body beneath his own. Brian felt Justin’s hold on his cock tighten as the first wave of orgasm hit, causing Brian’s breath to catch in his throat. Pushing in one last time, Brian finally let go and released his own cum into the condom separating the two. Spent, Brian laid himself on Justin’s back, and tried to catch his breath. “I love you,” Justin whispered, turning his head so that the two could kiss. “I love you, too, baby,” Brian replied. **************** Four days later Justin came into the town home, and made his way over to the couch. In the past couple of weeks, he had worked hard so that he could use his crutches instead of the damn wheelchair. He realized that although his hand was still weak, he could get around for short periods of time with the crutches. Justin was proud of this accomplishment, and couldn’t wait to tell mom about how far he had come. He knew that he wouldn’t be completely away from the chair, but he felt a sense of freedom in being able to stand and walk that he hadn’t had in a long time. The past couple of weeks, work had been busy for both he and Brian. They had the potential to get one of the largest accounts in the history of the firm, and that meant long hours on both of their parts. It meant that any time the two could spend alone at home was treasured by both. He hated being away from Brian, but he knew what this account meant to Vanguard, and to Brian. Justin, Kate, and Rick would work long hours – often starting their day at 6 a.m. and working until 8 at night. Justin knew that Matt was only technically an intern, so he would help them out where he could, but often was called off to work on another project. Justin wished that they had more help, but he knew that it wouldn’t be possible. And Brian – Brian was being a major pain in everyone’s ass. Justin knew why, but it still hurt to sit there and get his own ass chewed by his lover. ‘That is definitely not the type of ass chewing I want from him,’ Justin thought with a small smile. He would feel differently, he knew, if Brian would just come home and spend some time with him. But unfortunately, Brian was spending more hours at work than Justin himself was. He hadn’t thought that it would be like this when they started down this path, but Justin knew that he couldn’t really complain. They understood each other, and what they had to go through at work. Justin now knew that Brian’s job was a hard one, and not one to take lightly. He only wished that Brian would come home more than he did. He would have to talk to Brian about that, and see what came out of it. Justin picked up the phone, and dialed his mom’s number. Maybe a little talk with her would cheer him up. ******************* Brian walked into the town home, and threw his coat into the chair by the door. He had finally had enough of dealing with the assholes in the other departments, and the constant nagging that he was getting from Vance, and he needed to have a break from the reality of work. He needed his little taste of reality with Justin. He knew that he had been hard on the young man these past couple of days at work, and the fact that he hadn’t been home in three days hadn’t help matters any. Brian spotted Justin sitting on the couch, with his feet propped up on the table and the telephone pressed to his ear. “Yeah . . . I know, mom . . . I just don’t understand why. I mean, we had decided that she would come down for Spring Break this year, okay this coming year. Whatever . . . Why?. . . That’s totally fucked . . . He has no right. . . yeah whatever. . . fine. . . Fine. . . No, I’m not going to talk about it right now. I don’t want to think about it right now. . . yeah . . . okay, I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bye.” Brian sat down beside Justin on the couch, watching the young man run his hands through his hair in frustration. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he began to lightly run his hand up and down Justin back, trying to calm his lover. Justin just shook his head, and sighed. “My dad,” he replied, closing his eyes. Brian bit the inside of his cheek in order to keep himself from saying what he wanted to say about Craig Taylor. “What did he do now?” Justin just looked over at Brian and shook his head. Brian could see the pain in the young man’s eyes, and hated that Craig could still cause Justin pain even after everything that he had already done to his son. Brian knew that no matter what, Justin would still be hurt by the man whom he called father. “He doesn’t want Molly to come down here for Spring Break. He doesn’t want her to be subjected to this ‘disgusting lifestyle’. He has joint custody after all and he can say when and where the FUCK she will go.” Brian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew getting angry at the fucker now would do no good, so he did the only thing that he knew he could do – he held Justin in his arms until the young man calmed. “Fuck it.” “Justin,” Brian said, forcing Justin to look over at him. When he knew that he had the man’s attention, he leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips. “We’ll work it out.” “I know. I just don’t want to worry about it now. There’s no point.” Justin slowly turned slightly toward Brian so that he could wrap his arms around his lover and rest his head on Brian’s shoulder, and sighed. “So what are doing home so early?” Brian began to run his hands through Justin’s hair, and lightly kissed his forehead. “I was hungry, tired, and that damn couch in my office is not comfortable,” he said with a slight smile. “Hmmm,” Justin replied. Brian closed his eyes, taking comfort in Justin’s presence. Before he could let everything go so he could fall into the deep sleep he needed, the phone rang, shocking them both out of their comfort. “Fuck,” Brian said, as he reached for the phone. “Yes,” he barked. Brian could tell that Justin was trying hard not to laugh at Brian’s usual way of answering the phone. Hearing the voice on the other end, Brian leaned forward so that his head rested against Justin’s. “Yes, Mikey.” Brian spotted Justin reach for his crutches, and make a move to stand. Brian halted him and looked into his eyes. He didn’t want to completely lose the comfort he was feeling. “I’m going to make dinner,” Justin whispered, not wanting to interrupt Brian and Michael. Brian only nodded in response as he watched Justin make his way toward the kitchen. “So what’s up, Mikey,’ Brian asked his friend. “You know, not much. Just waiting around for my friend to call me like he said he would,” Michael said on the other end of the line. Brian leaned forward and ran his hand through his hair. He knew he had blown Mikey off, but damn. “Well, I’ve been busy as hell lately, I haven’t had a chance to even sleep let alone call you.” “Not even to just say ‘hey, can’t talk now, I’ll call you later’?” “Sorry, but work is picking up and I can’t just tell a client to hold on a minute while I shoot the shit with my friend.” “We’re best friends, Brian.” “I know.” “And we’ve known each other for a lot of years,” Mikey finished on the other end. Brian tried not to roll his eyes at Michael’s obvious statement. “And I would think that it would count for something.” “I know, alright, fuck!” Brian leaned back on the couch, and kicked off his shoes so that he could rest his feet on the coffee table in front of him. “So what’s up?” “I think that Ted and Emmett are having trouble,” Michael informed Brian. “And mom and that detective are getting a lot closer.” “No shit. Since when?” Brian asked. The thought of Debbie and that Detective getting ‘biblical’ scared Brian to no end. “Have they done it?” “How the hell should I know?. . . I think so. . . god, that is not what I want to think about.” “Fuck,” Brian laughed. “Shut up. You shouldn’t make fun of my torment.” “So how’s the good ol’ professor?” “We’re doing okay. In fact, I’m going to be moving in with him later this month,” Brian heard Mikey explain, obviously happy. “Well good for you, Mikey,” he stated genially. He was happy for Mikey. Brian liked Ben, and knew that Ben was good for his friend. Ben was definitely better than that damn doctor. “So how are things with Justin?” “They’re going alright,” Brian answered Mikey’s question. Mikey was asking Brian about what was going on with Justin, and Brian knew that he wasn’t quite ready to share that with his friends. “Are you two a couple again?” Mikey asked. “Stay out of it, Mikey.” “But. . .” “You heard me. That topic is off limits.” “Why? I tell you what’s going on between Ben and me. Why can’t I know what’s going on with Justin and you? What are you two not working out? Did he leave you, did you leave him? What? Won’t you talk to me about it?” “No, I’m not discussing that with you or anyone else.” “Why not?” “Because it’s none of your business,” Brian said as he lifted his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He hated that Mikey always wanted to know what was going on between him and Justin. Mikey was one of the reasons – in Brian’s book anyway – that the two had broken up in the first place. Mikey had never really liked Justin, and Brian wasn’t sure how the two would get along now. He just wasn’t ready to find out. “None of my business? How can you say that, Brian? I’m your best friend,” Mikey said shocked at Brian’s dodging of the subject. “That’s what I said. . . Jesus, Mikey, it’s not like we’re some old married couple.” “You sure about that?” Mikey said. Taking a deep breath, Brian heard him continue – effectively changing the subject. “So how many hot guys have you fucked down there?” “Fuck you,” Brian said playfully. Brian looked up at Justin and saw the young man working hard at dinner. In his talk with Mikey, Brian had to try and think about what he was saying to the other man. Brian wasn’t ready to let everyone in Pittsburgh know about what he and Justin had been up to, let alone what their relationship now was. ‘Hell, I don’t even know,’ he thought. Brian hated lying to his friend, but he just wasn’t ready to share it with them either. The fact that Mikey thought that all he was doing down here was fucking around hurt him to no end. “Listen, Mikey, I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’ll talk to you later,” he said, as he hung up the phone. Brian knew that for some reason, Mikey always had a way of bringing out the worst in him. Mikey just couldn’t see that Brian had changed, and Brian wasn’t sure that Mikey would ever be able to see it. He could only hope that Mikey would be able to accept him for who he really was now. He wasn’t ready to lose the one person who had always been there for him. He knew he could, as long as he had Justin there to help him through. “So what’s for dinner? I’m hungry, then ready to crash,” Brian said as he made his way over to the table. ************ Brian was sitting in his office, looking over the ad for the Parkerson account. He was in a foul mood since Vance’s call earlier. Vance had told him that he would get the account or else. Brian didn’t know what the ‘or else’ part consisted of, but all he knew was that he was sick and tired of having to prove himself to that man. He had worked his ass off for him, and before him, Ryder. He didn’t have to prove himself to anyone – let alone a little fucking weasel like Vance Gardner. Brian punched the button on his phone summoning Cynthia to his office. “You wanted to see me?” she asked, as she walked into the lion’s den. Brian threw the designs on the corner of his desk and looked her straight in the eye. “Yeah, tell Rick to scratch this fucking design. It sucks. Also tell him that I expect THREE new designs on my desk no later than 8 a.m. on Thursday morning. Is that understood?” Brian said, turning back to his computer. Cynthia just grabbed the designs and made her way out of the office. Once there she sat down at her desk, and picked up her phone to make the one phone call she didn’t want to make. She knew that Justin would be pissed, and she silently prayed that Justin would come up here and calm her boss down. Since this account had come in, Brian had been a bear to work with. She hated what it was doing to him, seeing the “old Brian Kinney” emerging slowly. She knew that Brian would leave for a couple of hours when he had decided to stay the night there, and he would go out to one of the many bars nearby. She could only guess as to what he would be doing during his long lunch and dinner breaks, knowing that Justin didn’t accompany him. Cynthia hoped that Brian wouldn’t do anything to ruin what the two had, but she wasn’t so sure. With the pressure that Vance was giving him, Brian was resorting to things that he knew would relieve the stress. She only hoped that they got this account soon, before Brian did some serious damage to both his relationship, and to himself. ************* The next day, Justin made his way up to Brian’s office. He had been working hard with Kate, and Rick trying to get all of the designs done that Brian had wanted. Luckily they were almost finished, and Justin knew that he wanted to at least have dinner with Brian to see what was going on. He had been upset with Brian’s attitude toward his group these past couple of days, so he hadn’t made an effort to try and talk to the other man. Justin knew that if he had, they both would’ve said things that they would’ve regretted. Now, Justin had calmed down enough that he felt he could talk rationally to his lover – explain to Brian that they needed a break every now and then. To remind Brian that they were feeling the pressure as well and he didn’t have to take it all out on them. Justin wanted to talk to Brian about maybe hiring on some new people so that they wouldn’t have to be this pressured. Justin wasn’t sure that he, Rick, or Kate could take much more of this constant strain. All of their individual relationships were taking a beating, because they were ‘the best that the firm had to offer.’ They needed a break, and Justin wanted to ask Brian if they could just back off for a while. Let the three of them relax with something easy just for once. Justin knew that they were impossible demands, since a lot of their clients wouldn’t do business with anyone but the three of them, but damn! Justin was not sure he could take it much longer without some sort of vacation. As he reached Cynthia’s desk, he smiled. Justin was glad that Brian had brought her with him when he transferred down here. She was the only one that Justin knew who could put up with Brian at work. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it on a daily basis. Home was one thing – but work? ‘You couldn’t pay me enough,’ Justin thought. “Hey, Justin what can I do for you?” she asked him as he reached her desk. He had resorted back to his wheelchair, since after working and drawing for almost two days straight, he knew that there would be no way in hell he’d be able to maneuver around with the crutches. Justin nodded over to Brian’s door, and shrugged. “Is Brian busy? I was going to see if he wanted to grab a bite to eat.” Cynthia took a deep breath, and Justin was instantly alarmed. “Actually he already left for dinner. I’m sorry,” she said honestly. Justin could tell that she was hiding something from him, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know. “I’ll tell him you stopped by though.” Justin just shook his head. “That’s okay, I’ll just catch him later. Thanks,” Justin said as he made his way out of the office and toward the lobby where his friends were. Spotting them, Justin went over to them. “Brian’s not coming,” he said to them. Rick only nodded, as Kate placed her hand on his shoulder. They both knew that the couple hadn’t spent much time together in the past couple of weeks since this account had been thrown at them. “It’s okay, I’m sure we’ll catch up with him later.” ”Yeah, after all of this shit is done,” Kate said. “Then we’ll have one hell of a party, and get all of our significant others a very expensive present for putting up with our crap these past couple of weeks,” she said with a smile. Justin knew that his relationship hadn’t been the only one that was suffering, and he was grateful that his friends understood where he was coming from. “Yeah, but between Brian and I, who would buy the present?” Justin asked shaking his head. “Fuck it, let’s go eat.” “Dave and Busters?” Rick asked. After Justin and Kate agreed, the three headed toward Rick’s car and left to eat. When the three arrived, they found a table and ordered their food. Justin began to relax for the first time in days. He had been upset with the distance that he and Brian had been having lately, but more upset that he hadn’t had a chance to make love to Brian in over a week. All Justin knew was that when this was over, he was going to take Brian as far away from everything as possible for a little while. ‘Maybe a small cabin up by Lake Lanier,’ Justin thought. ‘Anywhere that does not have electronics, telephones, whatever.’ Once the food arrived, the three settled into easy conversation about what they were planning on doing with the bonus money they would get out of this account, and what they would do when this was over. Justin tried not to smile at Kate’s plans to go to some nudist beach, and get piss drunk. The image that she had woven caused Justin to cringe slightly, which caused his two friends to laugh at his discomfort. Trying to hide the sudden blush that was creeping up on him, Justin looked around the room. Almost immediately he spotted something by the bar that caused his breath to catch in his throat. Standing at the bar, with his arm around someone and a beer in his hand was Brian. Justin could tell that Brian was on his way to getting drunk, and although Justin had told Brian that he could trick if he wanted to, seeing the signs of it caused a pain deep within his heart. Looking closer at the two men at the bar, he realized that the other man couldn’t be a trick. Brian wasn’t acting like he was ‘on the prowl’, and the way that Brian was hanging on the man didn’t appear to be his usual ‘come hither’ look. Even though it appeared that Brian wasn’t there to trick, the fact that he had come out without Justin to lose himself in drugs and/or alcohol – hurt Justin deeply. Justin felt a hand on his arm, which forced him away from the scene before him. “You okay?” Kate asked. Justin only nodded, and then took a deep breath. “You guys ready to go?” he asked. The sooner he got away from there the better. He saw Rick look over to where Justin had been looking before, then stand. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. I’ll take care of the bill, and I’ll meet you out by the car,” he said, as he left the two to pay the bill. When Justin and Kate left the room, Rick paid the bill – swearing that he would have a talk with Mr. Kinney, or better yet he would send Marsha over to talk to the other man. ******************* Brian walked into the house, and sat down on the couch, ripping off his tie. All he wanted to do was pass out. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” came a loud voice from across the room. Brian sat up straight, silently cursing through his headache, wondering why and how he could’ve missed seeing someone else in the house. ‘I must be more fucked up then I thought,’ he cursed himself. “What the fuck are you doing here? Better yet, how the fuck did you get in?” Brian said as he leaned back on the couch. He didn’t want to have any sort of conversation with this person – not when his defenses were shot. “And will you please keep it down; my head feels like it’s about ready to explode.” Brian saw the figure move over to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of him, and he knew that whatever she was going to say wasn’t going to be pretty. If there was one thing that he had learned about this woman, it was that she didn’t hold back. “I’m here because you need me. I got in because you and Justin made sure I had a key, and NO I will NOT keep it down. I don’t fucking care if your head is going to explode, ‘cause mister, when I get done with you. . . you’re going to wish it would.” “What the fuck did I do now?” he asked. He really didn’t want to deal with Marsha now. “What are you doing, Brian? I want to understand what is going on with you,” she said in a quieter voice, as she laid her hands on his knees. “What’s going on?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian said, as he stood up to get himself a drink from the liquor cabinet. “Nothing is going on. We’re just really busy right now with this fucking project, that we haven’t had time to do much of anything.” “So you resort to your old self. The same old self that you told me you never wanted to emerge again. The same old self that you hated,” she asked him. Brian set the bottle down on the counter without opening it, and thought about what she had said. Was he resorting back to the comfortable routine of drinking, drugs, and sex? ‘Okay, so I haven’t fucked anyone, but I can’t say the same about the other two options,’ he said to himself. “It’s not what you think,” he said. “Then tell me. Something must have happened that made you resort to that old façade that you held for so long. Something must have pushed you to this place,” Marsha simply stated as she made her way to stand in front of him. “What happened, Brian?” Brian closed his eyes, and though about the past couple of weeks. Before this account came up, he could’ve said that without a doubt, he and Justin would be together forever. But now, these past couple of weeks, Brian’s old doubts had resurfaced. Brian walked back to the couch, and sat down, placing his head back on the cushion behind his head. “This damn account has all of us running around, trying to get things perfect. Justin and I haven’t had a chance to really spend time together. Either he’s been working late, or I have. Fuck, the last time we sat down to eat together was over a fucking week ago. And don’t ask me when the last time we made love was.” “Are you feeling neglected, Brian?” she asked, sitting next to him on the couch. “Yes. . . No . . . Fuck, I don’t know. It’s just that with this account, and Vance, and Mikey. . . Then with Justin not here. . . Fuck,” Brian cursed as he ran his hands through his hair. He hated that he had felt so out of control these past couple of weeks. He had known he was falling back with ease on the ‘asshole Kinney’ attitude, and no matter what he had tried to do, he hadn’t been able to stop it. “I’m trying to change. I am. I’m trying to be more open about things with Justin, with everyone. . . it’s just that it’s not that easy.” “I know that it’s hard for you to change, Brian. It’s not easy for anyone, but you need to sit back and think things through. When you try to go back to what was comfortable before, what do you feel like after it happens? Especially now that you have already made the steps to change? What do you feel now?” she asked him. “I feel like the world’s biggest asshole. Fuck, if Justin found out. . . “ “He already did,” she answered him. Brian sat straight up on the couch and looked at her in disbelief. “He saw you today, at the bar. Rick called me . . . and here I am.” “Fuck,” Brian yelled. “Fuck. He fucking hates me now, doesn’t he?” “I wouldn’t say that. I haven’t talked to him, but I’m sure he’s hurt. But I know he could never hate you.” “Why do I always do this,” Brian asked himself. “Why do I always resort to old comforts when things get tough? It’s what ruined my relationship with Mark, with Justin before. . . I can’t lose Justin now.” “Who’s Mark,” Marsha asked. Brian stood and began to pace the small living room. “He was this guy in college. We were seeing each other for about a year.” “Did you love each other?” she asked. Brian paused in his path to the window, and looked out. “Maybe, I don’t know. I cared about him, but I don’t know if it was love or not.” “What happened?” “It was my senior year, and I was trying to find a job, get out into the world, you know. Finals were coming up, and he started to pressure me to move away with him to California or somewhere,” Brian told her, remembering that time so many years ago. “I was feeling pressure from him, work, school, Lindsey, Mikey, hell everyone, and I just couldn’t handle it. So I went on a fucking month long binge. I don’t think I was sober for that entire month.” Brian turned back to face Marsha and shrugged his shoulders. “I turned into my father for that month. I drank, I fucked, I even fucking hit him once. Anyway, Mark couldn’t handle it – not that I blame him – so he left. I never saw him again.” Marsha sat there looking at him with understanding in her eyes. “Is that why it’s so hard for you to commit fully to Justin? Because you’re afraid that you’ll do the same thing to him that you did to Mark?” Brian sat back down on the couch and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know. . .maybe. I could never hurt Justin.” “But you have, you know you have. Maybe not physically, but in a way that is much worse.” “Fuck,” Brian exclaimed, resting his face in his hands. “What can I do? How can I stop this? I can’t lose him, Marsha, I can’t.” “Brian,” she began as she grabbed hold of his hand. “You need to let go. Let go of your past, completely. You’re not Jack Kinney, you’re not your mother, you’re not the same person you were a year ago. Let go of the façade that you want people to see, and let them see who you really are. You’re not the person that Michael used to know, or who your mother thinks you are. You’re the man that Justin fell in love with, the man that WE all love and care for. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the pattern of destruction that you have allowed yourself to live for the past however many years. You’ve changed; you’ve allowed yourself to change. Don’t fall back on something that will only destroy you in the end.” “I don’t know how,” Brian informed her. “We’ll help you, I told you that. I’ll be here for you, helping you through it. But you have to let us help you. You don’t always have to be strong, Brian. You have to let us in.” Marsha stood and grabbed her coat. “I think you need to go back to Pittsburgh for a little while,” she said. Brian looked up at her with confusion in his eyes. “You need to let go of that past, and no matter what, you can’t do that this far away. Your past is there, Brian. This is your future. You need to let go. Show them that you are stronger than that. Show them the real you. Only then can you put it all behind you, and commit fully to Justin. If that’s what you want, you have to let go.” Marsha bent down and looked him in the eye. “I’ll be there if you need me. I’m only a phone call away. Don’t shut us out. We all love you, Brian, no matter what.” “Thanks,” he said, as she made her way to the door and left. Brian sat there the rest of the night trying to decide what he was going to do, and how he was going to change. He wasn’t sure he could let go of the past – it was who he was. Could he let it all go, and still be the person he would recognize? Brian knew he had to think about what Marsha had told him. If he didn’t at least think about it, he would lose the best thing that had ever happened to him in his 31 years of life. Was he ready to give up Justin? That answer was easy – no. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready to let go of his past. It would be something that he would have to decide, and soon, before it was too late for him and Justin. **************** By late Thursday afternoon, Brian had already made plans to start on his new path with Justin. He had stayed awake the night before, thinking about what he wanted, and after they had gotten the account signed sealed and delivered, Brian knew what he wanted to do. Vance had wanted Brian to bring the contract to him directly, and Brian knew at that moment that he would have to do what Marsha had suggested. He only hoped that Justin would understand. He hoped that Justin could forgive him for the past couple of weeks, and hold off doing anything until he came back from Pittsburgh. As the two headed down Interstate 400, Brian would glance over at Justin occasionally. Justin hadn’t said a word to him in the past couple of days, and Brian was beginning to wonder if it was already too late for them – if he hadn’t already lost. “I have to head up to Pittsburgh tomorrow to give Vance the contracts,” Brian said, hoping to pull Justin into a conversation. “Oh, okay, whatever,” Justin replied and continued to look out the window at the passing scenery. The two remained silent for the remainder of the trip home. When Brian followed Justin into their home, he took a deep breath, and knew that he wouldn’t be able to get on the plane the next day with the younger man mad at him. “Justin,” Brian began. Justin turned to Brian and looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” “For what? You have nothing to be sorry for, Brian. Forget it. We’ve both been under a lot of stress and I understand,” Justin said as he made his way over to the couch to lie down. Brian walked over and sat down on the floor beside the couch so that he could run his hands through Justin’s hair. “No, it’s not okay. I’ve been an asshole to you, and Kate, and Rick. I’ve ignored you, lied to you. . . I started going back to the way it was before. And for that I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, Brian,” Justin said, looking up at Brian. “It’s not. I had a long talk with Marsha, and I think I realize what happened. I don’t want to lose you, Justin. I can’t lose you,” Brian said, laying his head down on Justin’s chest. “You’re not, Brian. I don’t think I could live without you. No matter what, you’re stuck with me,” Justin said as he began to run his hand up and down Brian’s back. ”You shouldn’t have to put up with me when I’m like that. You deserve better than that,” Brian said. Removing his head from Justin’s chest, he looked the younger man in the eye. “I love you, Justin Taylor. And I’m going to try and do right by you.” “What do you mean?” Justin asked, confused. ”Marsha told me that I needed to let go, really let go. I plan on doing just that . . . when I’m up there in Pittsburgh. I need to lay my demons to rest. I need to let it all go. If we’re going to survive, I need to do this. For you, for me, and for us. Mainly for me.” Brian saw that Justin was about to protest – telling him that he didn’t need to change – but Brian knew that he had to, for himself. He had to let go, ‘cause if he didn’t, then he would never be able to continue with Justin. “Don’t. I have to do this for myself, Justin. And when I get back, I promise that we’ll take a nice long vacation, and I’ll make the last couple of weeks up to you.” Brian saw the tears as they began to flow down his lover’s cheeks, and he reached out to wipe them away. “I love you, Brian.” “I love you too, Baby. Things will be better, I promise,” Brian promised, as he leaned in and lightly kissed Justin’s lips. Brian leaned his head back on Justin’s chest, letting the steady beat of his lover’s heart lull him to a peaceful sleep. “I promise,” he whispered as he closed his eyes. “I’ll always love you, Brian,” he heard Justin reply as he allowed himself to fall asleep in his lover’s embrace. He’d deal with everything starting tomorrow, but for now, he was happy, and content. He felt loved. ************** TBC.