For All Time Interlude #2 AKA. Welcome to Atlanta By: Acacia Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play And we ride on them things like every day Big beats, hit streets, see gangsta's roamin' And parties dont stop til' eight in the mornin' --Welcome to Atlanta by: Jermaine Dupri Notes: Must read the previous parts in order to understand this fic. Note 2: This fic takes place around the middle of Part 3. This is Brian, Daphne, and Emmett’s trip to Atlanta to see Justin. WEDNESDAY JULY 3, 2002 Justin stood outside the gate, waiting for the doors to open so that he could get his first glimpse in months of his friends. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed them, until that moment. With his new job, his house hunt, his volunteer work at YouthPride, his sessions with Marsha, and everything else he was working on, he hadn’t had time to really think about much of anything. Justin began to rock back and forth, trying to ease his tension and excitement. ‘God, what will Brian think of me? Will he like my new look? What will I feel when I see him again?’ Questions upon questions appeared in his mind, making him second – no one hundredth – guess his choice in asking them down here. ‘Will they get along with my new friends? Fuck, what was I thinking,’ he thought ready to turn around and go home. Justin was halted mid-turn by a hand on his shoulder. “Will you fucking chill? God, you’re worse than Kelly when she’s getting ready for a hot date,” Justin’s companion stated. Kate was about twenty-five, five-six, slender, athletic woman who treated Justin like a kid brother. Justin met Kate at work his first day, when he was assigned to her group. The two got along great after they had met, and had quickly become great friends. She reminded him of Daphne, which made Justin feel a lot better about things. He knew that he had someone who he could talk to, and she would always listen. Kate also would tell him often how fucked up he was, especially when she had found out about his ex-boyfriend. “Come on, it’s not like you’re meeting the President of the United States here, they’re your friends.” “And Brian,” Justin added looking down at his hands. “Now, that’s a person I just HAVE to meet. If he is anything like what you described . . . god,” she breathed. “So quit being a drama princess, and stay put.” Justin just rolled his eyes at his friend, and took a deep breath. “Fine,” he said turning his attention back to the gate. As he continued to watch the gate, Justin brought his thumb up to his mouth, and started to chew on his nail. “Fuck, what’s taking so long,” he exclaimed. Kate grabbed a hold of his hand and pulled away from his mouth. “Will you fucking stop already? You’re making me nervous.” Both turned when they started to see people exiting the gate, and Justin began to look through the crowd for a familiar face. Immediately he spotted Emmett, and he tried not to laugh. Emmett was dressed in a tight pink mid-drift shirt, and tight orange leather pants. It would’ve been hard NOT to notice Emmett. Directly behind him was Daphne, who looked the same as she always did. She wore a simple short white tank-top and blue jeans, which Justin knew that if her boyfriend saw her in that tank-top, he would kill her. However, it was Brian that caught his attention most of all. ‘God, he looks fucking hot,’ Justin thought as he caught sight of his former lover. Brian was wearing a red button down shirt which was opened to mid-chest, and extremely tight black jeans. “Fuck,” Justin whispered. Turning to Kate, Justin sighed. “This is going to be harder than I thought.” Kate looked over at the group that was heading their way, with wide eyes. She leaned into Justin and whispered in his eye. “That’s Brian. Holy Fuck! Why did you ever let him go? Too bad he’s gay,” she stated exasperated. Justin just rolled his eyes, and made his way over to his friends. Daphne was the first to reach him, and she immediately pulled him into a hug. “Daph, I need to breath,” Justin joked as she held tight to him. Justin felt Daphne pull away and then a sting on his arm as she punched him. “Asshole.” “What did I do now,” Justin exclaimed. “I’m an innocent party to whatever you’re thinking.” Daphne pulled back more, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, right. Since when have you been innocent?” “Before I met you,” Justin stated with a smile. “I missed you, Daph.” Justin pulled her into another hug, then turned to the other two who were standing there watching. “Emmett, I’m glad you could come.” Emmett immediately ran to Justin and pulled him into a tight hug himself, running his hands over his body as if to check for any changes. “Oh baby, it has been so quiet without you,” the other man cried. Emmett pulled Justin back to look at his face, then pulled him back into his arms tighter. Justin felt as if he was going to die if Emmett didn’t let go. He never knew that Emmett was this strong. “Emmett, please . . . can’t breath,” he tried to get out between breaths. Emmett let go of him and Justin tried to get air into his lungs. “I’m missed you too, Emmett. But damn, what is it with all of you trying to kill me?” Justin laughed at how good it was at seeing his friends again. He turned to Brian wondering if Brian would be the one to kill him. “You’re not going to hold me in a death grip are you,” he asked with one of his sunshine smiles on his face. Brian looked at him, and opened his arms. “Come here,” Brian stated. Justin just walked into the awaiting arms, and sighed. ‘God, I’ve fucking missed this,’ he thought. ‘How many times have I wanted this in the past couple of months? How many times have I almost gotten onto the bus heading back to Pittsburgh, and Brian?’ Brian felt Brian’s arms wrap lightly around him, but to Justin it felt like the tightest grip of all of them. For the first time in months he finally felt completely safe. When he felt the light pressure of Brian’s lips on the top of his head, Justin began to feel tears starting to come to his eyes. ‘God, I’ve missed you Brian.’ Justin felt Brian pull back slightly and place his hand on Justin’s chin. “What is this,” he asked with a smile. Justin pulled back and smiled at Brian, hoping that the other man didn’t see the tears that were threatening to come to the surface. “It’s called a goatee, and don’t ask. Come on, I want you guys to meet my friend,” he said taking Brian’s hand instinctively, and moved them through the crowd toward his friend. “Guys, this is Kate. Kate, this is Daphne, Emmett, and Brian.” Kate held out her hand and shook each of the gang’s in return. “Justin has told me so much about you guys that I feel like I already know you.” Justin saw her take an appreciative look over to Brian then looked at him with a ‘are you crazy’ look that he had learned well. Justin just returned her look with one of his own. ‘Leave it the fuck alone, Kate,’ it said. Kate just nodded, but Justin knew that she wasn’t going to give up on this. “So how ‘bout we get your stuff, and get the fuck out of here?” Justin flicked his finger at her ear, hoping to let her know that she needed to stay out of it. “Thank god, we don’t have to stay with you for the weekend,” he said with a satisfied look on his face. He didn’t want her trying to force an issue between him and Brian. The last thing he needed right now was that little extra stress. He had enough to deal with; he didn’t think he could handle anyone else trying to get them back together. ‘If we get back together, it will be on our own terms,’ he decided. ‘I’m not ready for that. And anyway we’re like hundreds of miles away from each other, it’s not like we can be together right now. I am so fucked.’ Kate turned to Daphne, and shook her head. “I still don’t know why you guys are staying at our place. It’s a three bedroom apartment, and we have the room.” Justin laughed, not noticing that he still held Brian’s hand in his own as they made their way toward the baggage claim. He felt good, and calm. He felt safe. Brian always had that effect on him, and subconsciously he wasn’t ready to be rid of it. “Yeah right. I don’t think that Kelly would like it if we all stayed there especially since she has these big plans with her boyfriend. Then where would everyone sleep? Brian and Emmett sure as hell can’t sleep on the couch, they’re much too big for that small ass couch you have. And why should I subject them to your little hetro love nest with your boyfriend. I don’t think so,” he laughed. Brian pulled on Justin’s hand forcing Justin to realize he still had a hold of it. Silently he cursed himself for doing it. He didn’t want to go down that path; he didn’t want to give Brian the wrong signals when he was so screwed up in the head. But Justin knew that he couldn’t let go even if he forced to. He had been having a hard time since Pride last weekend, and Justin needed the anchor that Brian could provide. He needed that strength. “Be nice,” Brian whispered in his ear. Justin just turned to face Brian, unconsciously bringing their faces closer together. “I am being nice,” Justin said with a smile. “And besides,” he began as he turned back to Kate after noticing how close he was to Brian’s lips. All he wanted to do was take Brian’s lips onto his own, but he knew he couldn’t. ‘Someday,’ he said to himself, repeating the same words that Brian had told him on the anniversary of the bashing. “Brian had gotten us rooms at the Georgian Terrace Hotel,” Justin said with a smug look on his face. Kate stopped in the middle of the walkway forcing everyone to collide into one another. “No, shit! Fuck! You lucky bastard! Can I come and visit?” Justin just raised his eyebrows in response. “Maybe,” he said. Justin saw Kate look at Brian, and sigh. “Marry me,” she said. Justin removed his hand from Brian’s and took a hold of Kate’s arm. “NO!” “But. . .” “No,” Justin said as he continued to pull her down the hallway with the others not far behind. “God, what is it with all my friends and them wanting Brian,” he exclaimed as he pulled her as far away from Brian as possible, as he heard everyone else laughing behind them. Justin quickly turned around and looked directly at Brian. “You’re not helping at all.” ************* The gang arrived at the hotel, and made their way into their room. Brian had reserved one of the three bedroom suites for them, and Brian could tell that Justin was grateful. Brian began to wonder where Justin was going to sleep. He knew where he wanted the young man to sleep, but it would be entirely up to the young man. He wouldn’t push, but it would be nice to just hold him again – the hug at the airport was enough to make Brian want more. Daphne just shook her head in disbelief as she moved her bag to her room. “I still can’t believe that your mom got you a Mustang. Especially a convertible,” she exclaimed as she moved to sit down in the common area of the suite. “I know, it was totally awesome. I can tell you that its great to be able to drive down I-20 with the top down, music blaring, not a care in the world.” Justin sat down on the couch and gave a small laugh. “It makes you feel free, you know. You know, like you don’t have anything holding you back. You’ll love it,” he finished with a smile on his face. Brian came and sat down next to Justin wanting to as close to the man as possible. He could tell that Justin wasn’t as calm and centered as he was trying to portray, but he would have to wait to get some answers. Justin did seem more relaxed, but Brian knew that there was something bothering him. He wondered if it was him being there. He hoped not, but he would have to wait and see. The last thing he wanted to have when he talked to Justin was an audience. He didn’t want any outside interference when he tried to win Justin back. That’s where they went wrong before. Everyone wanted to make things right, make things better between him and Justin, and all it had done was drive them further and further apart. No this time, Brian was going to do it right. He wouldn’t pressure Justin, and he wouldn’t allow anyone else to pressure him either. “So what do you have planned for us this weekend,” he asked hoping to get some idea of when he could talk to Justin alone. “Well, tomorrow of course we’ll go to Centennial Park for the Fourth of July festivities. Friday, we can just go and see some sites. But I do have something I have to do Friday, so you’ll have to fend for yourselves for a little while,” he stated. Brian could tell that Justin was holding something back, and he needed to know what. He watched Justin closely as he asked, and watched as the young man’s eyes move to his hands. “Well, I have to see Marsha,” he said earning a look from Brian. “She’s my shrink,” he said as explanation. That got everyone’s attention, and Brian could see Justin withdraw slightly when questions came rushing at him from Emmett and Daphne. The last thing that Brian wanted was for Justin to shut them out now. “Enough from the peanut gallery,” he said glaring at the two parties on the other side of the room. “She just feels that a week is too long between sessions, and she wanted to make sure that I was okay with all of you down here,” Justin said as he stood to walk over to the window overlooking the city. Brian gave Daphne and Emmett a look that told them that they were in trouble, and if they opened their mouth again he would cause them serious pain. Brian moved from the couch and walked over to Justin by the window. Placing his hands on Justin’s shoulders, he pulled the young man against his chest hoping to calm him some. After a minute he felt Justin began to relax against him, and Brian was glad that his touch still calmed the younger man. “I’m sure we can entertain ourselves for a while,” Brian said trying to get Justin to calm even more. Justin turned in his arms, and gave him a grateful smile. Brian let him go as they moved back to the couch. “Actually she wants to meet all of you. I guess she wants to hear what you guys know about what happened. She thinks it could help her better understand how to help me come to terms with everything.” Brian grabbed a hold of Justin’s hand and held it in his own. “Is that what you want?” Justin just shrugged and held tightly onto Brian’s hand. “Yeah, sure. I mean talking to her has helped, but it seems as if we’ve hit like a roadblock. Since I don’t really know what happened, I don’t remember, she figures that talking to the three of you she might get an idea.” Brian closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath. He hadn’t talked about what happened since he was trying to get Justin to remember. ‘Well not counting our phone call a couple of months ago, but that wasn’t really talking about it.’ Brian felt Justin’s eyes drilling into him. “But I told her that it would be up to you guys. I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. I mean, I can understand if you don’t want to do this. I won’t be mad or upset.” Brian squeezed Justin’s hand a little tighter, thankful that Justin was trying to ease his pain and guilt. What Brian didn’t want Justin to see was the anger that Justin didn’t think that he would do anything to help him, even if it meant that he would have to talk about it. “Why not? If it’ll help, I’m in,” he said taking a look at the other two and getting an agreement from both. The room fell silent with everyone lost in their own thoughts until Daphne stood up and stretched. “Well we have a big day tomorrow, and I need my beauty sleep,” she said as he went over and gave Justin a hug. “Night.” “Night,” Brian replied noticing that Emmett quickly followed suit and headed to his room. Brian turned to face Justin who was sitting there staring at the fall wall. “You looked tired,” he said taking a close look at Justin. For the first time since he had seen Justin that day, he noticed the small bags under Justin’s eyes, and tired look about him. ‘He’s learned to guard himself from everyone. He doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s feeling,’ Brian thought sadly. ‘He’s becoming like me. Fuck! At least he feels he doesn’t have to hide from me. I guess that’s a plus.’ Justin stretched, and rolled his neck hoping to ease the tension that Brian knew was there. “It’s been a busy week. With Pride last week, and you guys’ visit, then there was work, and everything else . . . I guess I haven’t been sleeping well.” Brian leaned his back against the side armrest of the couch and pulled Justin to him. Gently he began to massage the muscles of Justin’s shoulders and neck. Brian could feel the tightness there and began to knead the tight muscles, hoping to relax Justin enough so that the young man could sleep. “You’re as stiff as a board,” he said as he felt Justin give in to his ministrations. “Relax,” he breathed against Justin’s ear. He noticed Justin’s head dip forward with his eyes closed. “That feels good,” he said in a quiet voice that brought a smile to Brian’s face. Brian noticed Justin begin to nod off, and decided that he wasn’t ready to get up and lose contact with him yet. “Sleep, I’m right here. I won’t let you go,” he breathed into Justin’s ear as eh felt the young man begin to fall into a deep sleep. Brian pulled Justin closer against him, and wrapped his arms around him so that they could lay back on the couch. Brian didn’t want to move, so he just placed his head against Justin’s and closed his own eyes. “I won’t let you go,” he said as sleep over took him. ************* THURSDAY JULY 4, 2002 Brian opened his eyes to see Emmett and Daphne looking at him from the kitchen area. He glanced down and saw the top of Justin’s head. Sometime during the night Justin had curled up to him on his side to rest his head under Brian’s chin, and lay his harm over Brian’s chest. It as a comfortable position for the two of them. ‘Except this damn couch isn’t made to sleep in,’ Brian thought. Looking over at the two in the kitchen he gave them a small smile. “What time is it,” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake Justin up yet. The kid was exhausted, and Brian knew that Justin needed his sleep. “Almost nine,” Emmett said as he brought Brian a cup of coffee. “Should we wake him up? He looks so peaceful,” Emmett asked him. Brian set his cup down on one of the side tables, careful not to wake Justin. Lightly he began to run his finger behind Justin’s ear, hoping not to startle him. Brian felt Justin slap his hand away in his sleep, but Brian just went back to the same spot. “Justin,” he whispered in Justin’s ear as the other man once again tried to hit his hand. “Noo,” he heard Justin groan as the young man’s head buried itself deeper in Brian’s chest. “Go away.” “Time to wake up sleepyhead,” Brian said as he continued to tickle Justin’s ear. “Too early . . . tired . . . sleep,” came the jumbled reply from the head deep in Brian’s chest. “Justin,” Brian repeated. He looked up at Daphne and Emmett, and spotted their amused looks. Brian just rolled his eyes, as he continued to try and wake Justin up. ‘God, this kid can sleep though anything. “Justin, get up. I think my dick is asleep,” he whispered in Justin’s ear. Brian felt Justin’s hand glide down his stomach, and cup his cock causing Brian to bite the inside of his lip to keep from making any noise. “Nope,” Justin mumbled as he began to lightly stoke Brian through his jeans. “It’s wide awake,” he heard Justin laugh. Brian pushed Justin up to a sitting position which caused Justin to cry out. “No,” he groaned. “Asshole.” Brian leaned into Justin, and lightly kissed his neck. “Do that again, and I’ll show you just how awake it is,” he whispered seductively in Justin’s ear, then making sure to give it a little lick as he moved away. Justin had buried his face in his hands, and leaned forward on the couch. Brian tried not to laugh at Justin’s obvious discomfort at being woken up. “Trying to wake you up has always been a challenge, Sunshine,” Brian said as he reached back to get his coffee. “Fuck, I don’t think I can move. This couch was not made for people my size.” Justin looked over at Brian, and gave him an evil look. “I’m just not a morning person,” Justin said. “No shit,” both Brian and Daphne replied. Justin stuck his tongue out at the two, and stood up. Brian tried not to laugh as Justin had a hard time trying to get to the kitchen. “I’m not awake yet, and already I’m getting picked on. Fuck, see if I ever invite you guys back down here.” “Oh quit with the drama queen performance, already,” Brian said taking a sip of his coffee. “How the hell do you make it to work everyday?” “My car has autopilot,” Justin laughed as he got himself a cup of coffee. Brian could relate to the auto piloted car. ‘Hell how many times have I gotten to work and couldn’t remember how I got there?’ “What time is it?” “Nine,” Daphne said as she grabbed a bagel out of the basket of food that evidentially she had order that morning. Brian wasn’t sure who did, but he was grateful that there was something there. Brian knew that Justin just wasn’t awake without food, coffee, and a possible blow-job in the morning. Brian had to hide his smile at his last thought before anyone saw it. Unfortunately, he had been caught. “What are you smiling about,” Justin asked him as he sat down next to him with coffee and a bagel in his hand. Brian just looked at Justin and smiled. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” Brian could tell that Justin didn’t believe him, so he just shrugged. “So let’s get ready to go to this little shindig, shall we?” ************* As night came across the city, the four sat near the center of the park on a blanket that Justin had brought. Brian was laying on his back, looking up at the sky, while the others just sat around him, talking. Justin was trying to resist the urge to curl up beside Brian to watch the fireworks display. Justin tapped Brian with his foot, hoping to get his attention. “You’re not asleep are you?” Brian looked up at Justin and rolled his eyes. “No, just waiting for this thing to start.” Justin tried not to laugh as Brian reached over and began to tickle his side. Justin felt himself being pulled down on the ground as Brian continued his assault on Justin’s side. “Stop. Brian,” Justin tried to get out as he tried to breath. Brian rolled on top of Justin as he continued his assault, pinning Justin to the ground. Justin tried to fight him off, but Brian was too heavy, and had the right leverage over him. “Daph, Emmett . . . Help!” Justin could see out of the corner of his eye, Daphne and Emmett just sitting there laughing at this display before them. “Brian get off,” Justin began between breaths. He knew that the only way to get Brian off of him – at least he hoped it still would – would be to cause him to get him onto something else. “Have you gained weight cause you weigh a ton.” Justin felt Brian stop, and he breathed a sigh of relief. ‘Finally,’ he thought. But his victory was short lived, as Brian placed his forehead against Justin’s he ground their hips together. Not knowing what Brian was planning on doing, Justin looked in his eyes for some sign. Brian leaned into him, and Justin began to close his eyes instinctively waiting for a kiss. A kiss that never happened. Justin felt Brian’s breath by his ear, and he felt a sudden burst of fear. It wasn’t as if he was afraid of Brian, cause he knew that Brian would never hurt him, it was a good type of fear that always went along with some of their most memorable moments. “You really are asking for it aren’t you, Justin?” Justin opened his eyes to see Brian looking down at him. When Brian leaned back down, Justin felt Brian run his tongue across behind his ear, causing a suddenly reaction in his groin. “Maybe someone needs a little lesson,” Justin felt Brian whisper in his ear. Before Justin could react, he felt Brian roll off of him, and move away. Justin felt a sudden emptiness at the loss, and closed his eyes briefly to recompose himself. ‘Fuck! I’m am so screwed,’ he thought as he took a deep breath. Sitting up he looked over at Brian, and just shook his head. All he wanted to do at that moment was leave and get Brian into bed. He wanted to feel Brian’s lean body as it hovered over him, feel Brian’s lips as they ran across his body, feel Brian’s mouth on his cock, feel Brian buried deep inside him. He wanted it all at that moment, but he knew he couldn’t. ‘Stop it, Justin,’ he thought to himself. ‘You left him, remember. You broke his heart, you hurt him. Don’t start down a path that you know you can’t continue on. You can’t hurt him again,’ he told himself. “Asshole,” Justin told Brian, hoping that it would show Brian that he was okay with their little display, but to also know that he wasn’t ready. The two had always been able to communicate what they weren’t saying with looks – something that had been lost the last few months of their relationship – but Justin had hoped it was still there. When Brian nodded, Justin knew that he understood what he was saying. As the two man looked at each other, they started to hear an announcement that the show was starting. Brian leaned back down on the grass, and pulled Justin to him. Justin placed his head on Brian’s shoulder as they began to watch the show, taking comfort in each other’s presence. ************* FRIDAY JULY 5, 2002 Justin opened his eyes, and quickly closed them again silently cursing at whoever left the blinds open the night before. Deciding that he had to get up, he began to roll out of bed, but stopped as his mind began to process the things around him. He glanced over to the other side of the bed, and quickly placed his head in his hands. ‘Fuck, that’s twice I’ve slept in his arms,’ he thought. ‘No wonder I’ve been able to sleep through the night.’ Justin climbed out of bed, realizing that he was still fully clothed, and made his way out of the room. ‘Don’t get used to it, Taylor. He’ll be gone soon, and you’ll be left with the nightmares once again,’ he ordered himself. For the past couple of months he had been suffering from nightmares, as memories of the night of the prom came back to him. ‘But now that Brian’s here, holding me, they’re gone. Fuck!’ Justin didn’t want to get too comfortable in Brian’s presence. He didn’t want to have to rely on Brian that way. He knew that Brian would be gone in a couple of days, and he would be stuck with the aftermath once again. He would be alone. Justin walked out into the common area, and quietly closed the door to Brian’s room. As he walked up to the kitchen he spotted Daphne sitting in one of the chairs at the small table. “Morning,” she said, causing Justin to nod in reply. “So when are we going to do this thing with . . . Martha?” Justin laughed, “Marsha. Close though.” Justin reached into the small refrigerator and began to pull out things for breakfast. “I don’t know, she said for me to call her this morning so that we could figure out a time. She’s the back-up today at the Rainbow home, so it’s not like she had anywhere to go. But I was thinking that we could do it somewhat early, that way while she’s talking to one, the rest of us can look around then switch off. That and if we get done soon enough, then we can do everything that you guys wanted to do.” Justin began to fix breakfast, as Daphne started a pot of coffee. “I know you said you wanted to go to the Martin Luther King History Center and the zoo. Emmett wanted to the Underground, and the Coca-Cola factory, Brian who knows what he wants to do. I know we won’t get it all in, but we can get some of it in.” “Hey we have time, and it’s not like we can’t come back down here you know,” she said as she watched him fix breakfast. “I know. And next time you come down, I just may have my own place,” he said with a smile. “No shit!? That is so cool.” “I know,” Justin said. “I found this house in Alpharetta that is just awesome. I’m thinking I may get it.” Justin caught the disbelief in Daphne’s face. “So you’re really going to be staying here then?” Justin hated the hurt tone that she had, but he didn’t know what to do. Justin walked up so that he could face her, and hold her hand. “I can’t just leave now, Daph. I got this great job, I’m starting a life here for me,” he said. “If I didn’t have the job, then I’d move back up there when the time was right, but I can’t. I won’t.” Daphne just nodded in understanding, and Justin gave her a small smile. “I’m happy for you,” she said as she pulled him in a hug. “Hey who knows when I finish school, I just move down here with you.” “That would be so cool,” Justin said. “What would be so cool,” they heard a voice say from the living room. Turning they saw Brian standing there looking at them. “Justin’s found a house he wants to buy,” Daphne said. Justin caught a flash of pain in Brian’s eyes, which he quickly covered up. Justin faked a smile, before turning back to breakfast. “Hungry,” he asked Brian. “Yeah,” he heard Brian say from behind him. He hadn’t even noticed the other man come into the kitchen. “So you found a house?” Justin closed his eyes briefly, hating that once again he had caused Brian pain. “Yeah. With the job and everything. . .” Brian placed his hand on Justin’s shoulder stopping any explanation. “You don’t have to explain, Justin. I think it’s great.” Although Brian sounded like he was okay with it, Justin could hear the underlying pain. “So when do we meet Marsha?” ************* Brian sat down on the couch with Marsha across from him. Justin had been asked to sit in on these sessions so that nothing was said that he didn’t want said. While the two where here, Brian had asked Emmett to take Daphne to some of the shops nearby to keep the two busy. Brian looked toward the other end of the couch, and saw Justin. He had sat through Daphne’s and Emmett’s sessions, and he was looking a little worse for wear. Brian hated to see Justin looking so frail, especially since he had looked strong the past two days. “So what do you want to know,” Brian had asked the woman across from him. Marsha was about Brian’s age, but she didn’t look like any shrink he had ever met. ‘It must be from her working at the place Justin was telling us about,’ Brian thought. She was wearing blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt. ‘Definitely not the type of shrink I know about.’ “Well, Justin tells me that you were there when it all happened?” Brian only nodded. ‘Fuck, this isn’t going to be easy.’ “I want to hear what happened, if I can.” Brian took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t go through this again,’ he thought to himself. However, before he could put anything into words, Justin had stood up form the couch. “Listen, you already know what happened. Don’t do this. Brian doesn’t need to tell you what you already know.” Brian just looked up at Justin as he faced off with his shrink. “Justin we talked about this,” she began. “Yeah, we did. But I told you to not go there.” Brain could see the uncontrolled fury in Justin’s eyes, the uncontrolled fear, and it scared him. He had never seen Justin so out of control, more so than the night he had left. “Justin,” Brian began grabbing a hold of his hand. Justin just pulled his hand away and walked to the window. Justin took a deep breath, and turned to Marsha – his eyes pleading with her. “Please, don’t. Brian had been through enough. He doesn’t have to do this. I asked you not to,” he pleaded with her. Brain looked between the two, and made his decision. Standing, he made his way over to Justin and wrapped his arms around the young man’s waist, pulling him toward him. “Justin. Its’ okay.” Justin turned around to face Brain, and Brain could see the tears that were streaming down his face. “No, it’s not. I know you don’t like to talk about it. I know what it did to you to tell me, I don’t want you to have to go through that again.” Brian leaned down to capture Justin’s lips, and kissed him lightly. “It’s okay. Maybe it can help me to,” he informed Justin as he pulled away. Justin just looked up into Brain’s eyes, and then placed his head on Brian’s shoulder. Brian turned his head to look at Marsha. “What do you want to know,” he asked as he held Justin close to him. Marsha just looked at the two seeing their obvious love for one another, and Brian didn’t care who knew about it. Brian was in pain, not because he would have to relive the worst moment in his life, but because of the pain it was causing Justin. “I know about the actual event, but there are something that we’re not sure of. Things, which I think that only you can tell us.” Brian felt Justin grip tighter at his shirt, holding on as if Brain was his only means of survival. “What things?” “Justin’s been having dreams. However, we’re not sure if they are dreams – nightmares – or memories. I was hoping that you could tell us.” Brain looked down at Justin, and lightly placed a kiss on the top of his head. “How about we sit back down? My back is still killing me from sleeping on the couch the other night,” Brain said in hopes to get a reaction out of Justin. Justin just gave him a small nod, so Brain lead the two over to the couch and sat back down. Once there, Brian pulled Justin into his arms, and held him tightly against his chest. “What things?” For the next half hour, Brian was shocked at what Justin had remembered about that night, but was angry at the actual items. Justin had yet to remember any of the good things from that night, only the bad. “So you’re telling me that he’s remembering things like the parking garage, the ride to the hospital, and things while he was in a coma, but nothing else?” Brian looked down at Justin, noting that the young man had not moved from his spot on Brian’s chest. “So when will he remember something positive form that night?” “I don’t know, but we’re working on it. I think that right now, the parts that want to be released are the unpleasant memories. The ones that NEED to be released. Once we can deal with those, then the ‘good ones’ as you say can come out.” Brain looked over at the woman like she was crazy. “No one understands the way the mind works, Brain, and I can’t even begin to explain why things are happening this way. But because of the seriousness of the injury that Justin had sustained, these memories were never processed properly, at least that’s what is believed. They never had time to take hold, to be dealt with. They need to be dealt with, or Justin will never get better.” Marsha walked over to the two men, and placed a hand on Justin’s shoulder. She gave a small smile to Brian as she rubbed Justin’s back. “But that’s just my guess,” she said with a smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll get it all sorted out, and I’ll help him heal. I promise you. It won’t be tomorrow, or maybe not even next year.” Marsha looked at Brian, offering an explanation for what was going on. “PTSD is a disease. One that can be debilitating. Justin needs to understand what happened, and he needs to recognize and accept the impact of the traumatic event. He’s already taking steps to improve things for himself, he’s working on trying to get on with his life. Justin’s problem is that because of the amnesia, he can’t fully recognize and accept the event. That is what is hindering his healing. That’s why the dreams that he’s been having for the past six months or so have been traumatic for him. That’s why he had been attacking things, people.” Brain sat there stunned at what he had just been told. “Six months,” he asked, immediately feeling Justin stiffen beside him. ‘Six months,’ Brian thought. ‘We were still together then. Right around the time that he started working on the comic book. Fuck!’ Realization hit Brain as he began to run his hands across Justin’s back hoping to calm the younger man. ‘I didn’t even fucking see it.’ “I do understand that he didn’t feel that he could talk to anyone there about these dreams, and I’m not blaming anyone. Everyone is affected by an incident such as this. However, part of healing from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is to talk about it.” Brian sat back and listened. Although he had been reading up on the subject for the past couple of months, he still had to hear it from her. He had to know how he could help Justin, since he had failed thus far. “A survivor of this type of event needs to have a support group or person. Someone who can help the person feel less alone, feel supported or understood, or to receive concrete help with a problem that they may have.” “What will the outcome of all of this be? Will he be . . . cured of sorts . . . I guess that’s what I’m looking for,” Brain asked trying to understand what Justin is going through, and what he will go through. “Justin unfortunately will never get over it. PTSD is permanent. It doesn’t go away. However, with the proper support system, among other things, Justin will eventually be able to handle it better. He will always have some level of reaction to memories, but this is normal and reflects a normal body and mind. Healing may mean fewer and less intense reactions. But it also means greater ability to manage trauma-related emotions, and greater confidence in ability to cope.” Marsha continued to explain to him. “I can tell you, I’ll do everything I can to try and get to that point.” Brain could only nod his thanks as he continued to hold Justin tightly against him. He never wanted to let Justin go. Marsha said her good-byes, and told Justin to try and see her the next week, then left the two men alone. Brian cursed himself for not seeing the signs. He had been so busy with work, and everything else that he had not taken a closer look at what was happening right in front of his face. Now he knew why Justin had looked tired to him, and Brian decided that Emmett and Daphne would just have to fend for themselves today. Brian was going to allow Justin to catch up on some sleep, since it had appeared to Brain that Justin was sleeping better when he was in Brian’s arms. Brian knew that he was able to sleep better himself if Justin was there with him. He only hoped that he could return the favor. ************* When Emmett and Daphne had returned to the room, Brian explained to the both of them what was going on, and told them what he had planned for the following day. He was going to get Justin to open up to him, and in order to do that, he needed to be alone with Justin. They all knew that Justin didn’t feel right with opening up with them all around, and it appeared that he was willing to let his guard down with Brian. Something that he hadn’t allowed himself in months. With a plan in mind, Brian walked back into his room, and pulled Justin against him. ‘Sleep Justin. No nightmares tonight.’ ************* SATURDAY JULY 6, 2002 After leaving Emmett and Daphne at the hotel, Brian and Justin made their way through the city. Walking down the busy sidewalk, Brian held tightly to Justin’s hand as they maneuvered their way through the crowd. Justin had told Brian that he wanted to show him this spot that he goes to when he needs to relax. With sketchbook in hand, Justin lead the way toward the park located somewhere in the city. Brian had no idea where they were going, but seeing Justin excited, and happy was well worth any amount of discomfort that he may experience. When the two had awoken this morning, Justin thanked him for being there for him the day before, and for helping him out. Brian could only tell Justin that he wouldn’t be anywhere else. It appeared to Brian that they had gone back in time. Justin appeared to be afraid of physical contact except the occasional hug, or holding of hands. Brian decided that if Justin wasn’t ready for more, then he could wait – no matter how much certain parts of his anatomy wanted more. Justin needed to know that he could talk to Brain, and if they added sex back into the equation, Brian wasn’t sure if Justin would be able to open up. The two reached Piedmont Park, and walked over to a small hill and sat down beneath a tree. “I come here a lot, just to thing. It helps to just clear your mind of all that shit, get away form the city, in a way, and relax. It’s not much, but it helps,” Justin explained as he stared out across the field. Brian sat and watched Justin’s profile as the younger man stared out at the landscape. With each deep breath that Justin took, Brian could see the stress leave Justin’s body, leaving the carefree man he knew from over a year ago. He knew that Justin was only trying to push the thoughts away, instead of dealing with them, but Brian figured that Justin needed a break once in a while form the pain of living in that time. “How often do you get down here,” Brian asked as he leaned back against the tree. “Not often enough,” Justin said as he leaned back onto Brain. “I get the chance to come here maybe once every other week. The rest of the time I’m just too busy.” “I know all about being too busy,” Brian said with a smile on his face. “I thought that being a partner would mean less work, but fuck!” Brian saw Justin turn to him, and smile. “Busier than ever huh?” “Yeah,” Brian answered shaking his head. “Of course who would’ve ever thought that I would be where I am today?” Justin leaned his head against Brian’s shoulder, as Brain wrapped his arm around Justin. “I guess your parents didn’t think you would get this far,” he hesitantly stated. Brian slightly laughed at the craziness of that question. “No, they sure as hell didn’t. Dear ol’ dad only cared cause I gave him money. Mom, well we all know what dear ol’ Joanie thinks about me. And Claire . . . she’s worthless. No they were just happy to get me out of their lives, and I was all to please to give it to them.” Justin held onto Brian tighter, and Brain was grateful to have the contact. Justin was offering support for him, he was offering to keep Brian grounded from the memories of his past. Brian realized however, that for some reason, he didn’t feel the same loneliness that he normally feels when he talks about the people who raised him. He didn’t feel the same anger at the whole situation. ‘Maybe it is Justin. Maybe it’s his strength,’ Brian thought. Whatever it was, be was glad that Justin was there. ‘Not that I’ll get all in depth about that shit, but at least something can come out. Maybe I can let him know that he’s not alone. I know he’s taught me that.’ “What has Vance been making you do?” Brian shook his head. ‘He knows when to back off too. What did I do to deserve him?’ “What hasn’t he made me do. I’m still doing all the same shit that I was doing before making partner, but now I just have all the added administrative shit. I can’t tell you the last time I actually got home at a reasonable fucking hour.” Justin laughed against his chest, causing Brian to poke him lightly in the ribs. “Ow,” Justin said as he pulled away slightly. Shaking his head, Justin placed his head back on Brian’s shoulder. “I guess this means that the men of Pittsburgh just have to wait until the weekend,” he laughed. Brian just shook his head. “I wonder if they can file a protest with Vance. I wonder if they can get Mickey to file one of his petitions if they can tell Vance that you are an interracial part of everyday living on Liberty Avenue, and your presence is needed for the survival of every gay man in the city,” Justin continued to laugh. Brian pushed Justin down on the ground and hovered over him. “You think you’re funny do you?” Justin just tried to calm his laughter, but having a hard time. Brian just rubbed his finger across his lower lip, as he looked down at Justin. “Remember what I told you two days ago,” he asked watching as Justin’s eyes got wide. “You wouldn’t,” Justin dared. Brian could only smile down upon Justin, then began to tickle him into submission. As Jsutin continued to squirm beneath him, Brian thought how nice it was to hear laughter from the younger man. “Say it,” he said as he continued to tickle Justin. “Never!” “Say it.” “I’ll never surrender,” Justin laughed. “Okay you asked for it,” Brian stated as he began to take his attack to the next level. Brian slowly began to move his hands toward some of Justin’s most ticklish spots. Places that only Brian knew about. Brian could see recognition in Justin’s eyes, as he looked down at the man, grinning. “You wouldn’t. . . Brian!” Brian continued his assault, waiting for the younger man to say that he gave up. ************* SUNDAY JULY 7, 2002 Justin stood at the gate, as they waited for the plane to begin boarding. He hated that they were leaving, and he wished that he could go with them, but knew that for now, this was the best way. He wasn’t anywhere close to being healed, and until that time came, he would have to stay away. He needed to be stronger before he could face that place again. When the boarding announcement came, Justin stood and hugged Emmett. “Thanks for coming.” Emmett pulled back and placed his hands on the side of Justin’s face. “Like I would’ve been anywhere else.” “Take care of Ted okay, and I’ll talk to you later,” Justin said as Emmett kissed him on the cheek. “See you later, Sweetie,” Emmett said as he turned to board the plane with tears in his eyes. Justin then stepped in front of Daphne, and gave her a hug. “Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t let Rick treat you like shit,” he told her. “Call me.” “Same goes for you. Don’t worry, I think I’ll be down here sooner than you think,” she said as she pulled back and began to walk toward the gate. Justin just stood there looking at the remaining of the trio, and smiled. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin and lightly kissed him on the lips. Pulling away, Justin smiled up at Brian. “Thanks, for everything.” “You don’t have to thank me, Justin. I wanted to help. I told you that. I want to help,” Brian stated. Justin felt better knowing that Brian was there for him despite everything he had put the other man through. “Just call me if you need anything. Even if it’s just to talk. Okay.” “Promise,” Justin replied. “You better go, or else they’ll leave without you.” Brian gave Justin one more kiss, then began to step back. “Call me the minute you get in, okay?” Brian just winked at Justin, then turned to head to the gate. Before he was able to disappear through the door, the turned around. “Later,” he said. Justin smiled back at Brian. “Later.” ************* TBC. . .