EXPERIENTIA DOCET Veni, vidi, vici I came, I saw, I conquered This Chapter 21 in the "EXPERIENTIA DOCET" series. Narrated by: Brian Kinney Featuring Michael Novotony, Emmett Honeycutt, Ben Bruckner, Ted Schmidt, Deb Novotony, and others Series Rated NC-17 and contains no warnings or spoilers. Summary: November 2003. Disclaimer: no profit made… The Boys are not mine. No matter how much I’d love to have them… * * * * * * * To say that this week has been hell would be an understatement. Ever since Vance agreed to the transfer, I have been busting my ass day and fucking night trying to get everything done here. Of course let’s not forget the twenty million fucking messages that Mikey has left me trying to find out if I wanted to go out. Fuck! Like I have time to go out right now. Finally on Friday, I figured that it would be a hell of a lot easier if I just got this bit of news out of the way. The sooner I tell them about the move the sooner we can get all the damn dramatics out of the way and I can get the hell out of dodge. So after much consideration, I call up Mikey and tell him that I’d meet him at Woody’s that night. What the hell, as I said… let’s get this shit over with. So here I am, sitting on my ass at the bar – waiting for the ‘gang’ to show up. I can’t tell you how many times I had to tell someone no tonight. Is that shit pitiful or what? Fuck! The sad part is that I’m not really upset about it. Yeah, I am a little, who the fuck wouldn’t. But then I think about WHY I’m saying no, and I know that I made the right decision. If I’m going to make this work with Justin, I have to try and change. He has things he needs to work on too, there’s no doubt about that, but as long as I’m showing him I’m putting in the effort… hell who knows what can happen. I can hear the guys come in long before I even see them. Emmett’s telling the guys all about the trip to New York, and I can say it’s hard to wipe the smile off of my face. The things that went on there… the things that Emmett only wishes he knew. Hell it would make their heads spin. “My guess is that someone had a much better weekend then I, myself had.” Emmett stated as they reached me. “Soo,” he begins. “Where were you most of the weekend?” “Busy,” I simply tell him. I’m not going to share with these idiots the details of my weekend. Yeah, normally I would, but Justin is different. That part of my life is private. I see Mikey with a pissed off look off to the side, and I shake my head. 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1. “Where the hell have you been all week?” Mikey whines. Right on schedule too. He is so predictable. I turn toward him and shrug. “I told you Mikey, I had work to do. I’ve been busy trying to tie up some lose ends before I leave.” “Leave? But you just got back.” He stated. “Ohh, and where are you going? Back out to LA to see some hot, little thing?” Emmett asked. Of course that only pisses Mikey off more. You can almost see the steam coming out of his ears. As much as I love Mikey, and will always love him, he has a way of pissing me off. He’s going to give himself a heart-attack before he’s 35 if he keeps this up. “Why would he go out there? He’s done with that little shit.” Shaking my head, I just roll my eyes at him. “Actually I am heading out to LA. In fact, by the end of the year, I will be permanently moved there.” I drop on them. I look around at them and take in the various degrees of disbelief showing on their faces. Emmett seems pleased, of course. Ted… well who the hell knows with him. Ben seems happy about it as well. Mikey however, well he looks like someone just stuck a wooden stick up his ass… without lube. “This campaign is bigger than any of us thought, and we’ve gotten a lot of calls for potential clients out in that area. It makes sense that I set up there. Especially since I’d be the one to handle them. It saves on the travel expense and time.” “When did you decide this?” Mikey asks. “Earlier this week,” I tell him taking a drink of my beer. “That’s why I’ve been working every night this week.” Okay, I never figured that I had to explain myself to these fools, but in a way I do owe Mikey some sort of explanation. He has been there for me for years, even when I didn’t deserve it. “Mikey… you can always come out to visit. Just think of all the fun we could have on the beaches.” “You’re going out there with him aren’t you?” Leave it to Mikey to see what he wants to see. “You’re choosing him over us?” “I’m not choosing anyone over anyone else. This is business, Mikey. I have to do what is required of me. And the best thing for the business right now is moving to LA. It’s that simple. No fucking hidden agenda’s, no ulterior motives. Work, plain and simple.” Okay… so that’s not entirely true. I am going out there so that Justin and I can give this whole relationship crap a try. That is one of the MAIN reasons why I told Vance that we needed to do this. But it’s not like I’m lying to him. It is best for the business if I go out there. We can get a lot of high paying clients, and the possibilities are endless. The Asian market… the entire West Coast. Fuck it’s enough to make my mind go crazy. So if Justin is there… well it’s the added bonus. Mikey just looks at me and storms off. Some how I knew that this would not turn out well. Getting up from my chair, I make my way out the door. I reach out and grab a hold of his arm, turning him toward me. “What the fuck is your problem?” I ask. “I see where I stand,” he begins. “No one is that good, Brian. You’re willing to throw away fifteen years of friendship for that?!” “Jesus, Mikey, can we cut back on the drama routine?” I say shaking my head. “I’m not throwing away anything here. Even if I’m out in LA, it doesn’t mean that we’re not friends.” The only thing going through my head right now is ‘don’t make me choose, Mikey’. Don’t fucking make me choose. “You’re heading out there to be with him. How the hell is that not choosing him over us?” “I told you, it’s work. So what if Justin is out there, too? The way I look at it, that’s just an added bonus.” I watch as Mikey shakes his head and turns away from me. “Oh so it’s alright for you to go out to Portland with Doctor Dave, but it’s not alright for me to go out to LA for business? That’s fucked Mikey.” Mikey turns back toward me, and I shake my head in disgust. That’s exactly what he’s thinking. “That was different. And we both know that it’s not business that you’re going out there for. You have told me my whole life that you don’t do love… to never follow anyone. If that’s true then what the fuck are you doing?” I can feel the headache coming as I run my hands over my face. This is NOT what I wanted to do with my Friday night. The really sad part is… this is the easy part! I still haven’t told Justin yet. I can just hear him now. Fuck! When the hell did my life get so damn complicated? “Mikey,” I begin, trying to calm this whole mess down. “I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you can stop this shit now. This is business. I worked too damn long and too damn hard to get here. I’m not going to put all of it in jeopardy.” I take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “Mikey, if you can’t understand that, then there’s nothing that I can do. I’m not going to pass this up because you’re afraid of something. We’re not going to be anything other than friends.” The look in Mikey’s eyes is well known. I have always known that he had been holding out that we would some day be more than friends. I’m partly to blame for that, I know I am. He of course will always hold out hope – like some love sick teen. We’re not those damn kids anymore, and I’m trying to grow up a some. It’s taken me a long time to get here, but I’m not ready to end it yet. For the first time in my life, I’m happy. I want to go forward not backwards. Staying here – living this life – would be like stepping back in time. I’m not going to be stuck in some fantasy world. It’s time to grow up, and move on. “But… it’s not like that Brian. We made promises to each other.” “And my moving out there won’t change that. It’s time, Mikey.” I take one last look at him and turn away. I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. I can’t deal with this shit anymore. It’s time to go on with my life. Mikey has the Professor… I need something in my life too. I need to do this, if for nothing else than myself. I guess if Mikey can’t understand that… can’t accept it, then we weren’t as close a friends as I thought we were. But I can’t let my friends and family run my life anymore. Times have changed and I’m ready to hop on the train before it passes me by. * * * * * * * Somehow I knew that Melanie would be happy about my move. Hell, she’s never liked me. Never wanted me to be a part of their lives, and sure as fuck didn’t want me to be the father of Gus. The thing is, I don’t give a fuck. What this bitch doesn’t understand is that even though I’m moving to the other side of the damn U.S. it doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop being a part of my son’s life. I’m still going to be there for him if he needs me…Hell Lindsey wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course Linds is happy… fucking thrilled that I’m going. She thinks it’s the best thing that I can do for myself. We’ve talked about what it all means, what needs to be done. Making sure that Gus and her are set is my main priority. “So do you know where you’re going to live?” Linds asks. I know what she’s thinking and I have to bite my tongue. “I don’t know yet, but I’m sure I’ll know before I leave glorious Pittsburgh where I’ll be living. It’s not like I’m going to be living on the streets, Linds.” I tell her. “You haven’t’ told him yet, have you?” Linds asks. Shaking her head she just sighs. “Brian?” “Alright… no I haven’t told him yet. I wanted to be sure that it was actually going to go through before I told him.” What a pitiful, lame-ass excuse. Linds just sits there and laughs at me. “Brian… when are you going to learn? I think that if anyone needs to know your plans and be a part of them, it should be him. If you want to make things work between you and Justin you have to include him in those plans… talk to him about it, not just assume.” “How very lesbian.” I whisper, shaking my head. “I haven’t had the chance to tell him yet, okay. I’m going to talk to him this weekend ,since it will be the first time since we saw each other this weekend that we’re both not busy. Hell, he’s been traveling and shit since last week. We’ve hardly had time to call and say hello, let alone trying to talk about me moving out there.” “Brian,” Linds says moving to sit next to me. I pull Gus into my lap, looking at the miniature version of me. It still amazes me that he’s mine. “I know that you want to make this work between you and Justin, and I hope that you aren’t making this change based only on him. I mean what if things don’t work out for the two of you? What if… Brian have you thought this through? I mean really?” I shake my head as I look down at my son. “Mommy is worried about me.” I tell Gus. “Look, Linds.” I begin. “I know what I’m doing, and whether or not Justin is involved this is the right move for me. If I want to move up in the business, become a full partner, then I need to make a move. Right now, I’m being treated as some second rate hustler, instead of a partner. Fuck that! I thought if anyone would understand it would be you.” “I just want to make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons, not just for something that might not work out.” “So what? You don’t’ think I can make things work with Justin, is that it? You don’t think I’m capable of being in a relationship. Fuck you’re starting to sound like Mikey. And I’ve had enough of that shit to last a life-time.” I kiss Gus one last time, and hand him over to Linds. I need to get out of there before I lose it. It’s insane, really. No one thinks that I can do it… they all think that I’m crazy for even attempting this. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. It just means sooo much.” I am out the door and at the jeep before she can answer. I wonder briefly why the hell I even stayed here as long as I have. Why the fuck did I put up with people, who evidently have no belief in me. They all think that I’m going to fuck it up… that I’m making a mistake. The thing that they don’t realize is that for the first time in my life, I feel like I’m doing the right thing. I think I’m finally doing the thing that I should be doing, not what everyone thinks I should do. The only thing I can hope is that the last person I need to tell will understand. If not… then I guess there’s no hope for me here anymore. I pull up to Deb’s house, and shut off the engine. I know that Deb is working so this will give me the chance to talk to Vic without all the extra shit. Knocking on the door, I let out a silent prayer that someone will understand. “Brian? Come on in. What can I do for you?” Vic asks as he opens the door fully letting me come inside. “So I heard about the big move.” “Fuck. What did Mikey and the gang put an ad out in the paper?” I say as I sit down on the couch. Could this day get any longer? “Yes, I am moving out to LA. Yes, it is business. And yes I know that Justin is there too. I am going out there for work, and if things work out with Justin fine… if not then that’s okay too. What the fuck does everyone expect me to do? Say no?” I know I shouldn’t take all this shit out on Vic… he’s one of the only ones who has been supportive of me throughout my life. But damn. I am so sick of this shit today that I’m not ready to hear another ‘are you sure, Brian’ crap. “Then I say do it,” Vic states. With those words I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. “If this is what you have to do, for whatever reason you are doing it for… then do it. Don’t let what anyone here says hold you back. We’ll deal with it. You need to do what is right for you. IF that means that you move out there, that you try and make things work with Justin, then I say good for you. I’m proud of you. Hell if you wanted to go and move there because we bother the hell out of you, then do it.” I laugh slightly at his choice of words. He knows me too well. Vic leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. “If there’s one thing that I have learned, and one thing that you can take away from some old fag, it’s this. Do what you need to do for yourself. Do what’s right for you. Don’t let others dictate how you’re going to live your life. They aren’t living it… they can’t make the decisions for you. No matter how much they would want to, they aren’t you. If they are truly your friend, they will be there for you no matter what.” I nod my head, taking his words in. Vic would know too. I mean how many people turned away from him because he was gay? How many people turned away when he found out he was positive? It’s something that I will never know. But the thing is… he’s survived, he’s still here – living and breathing. I haven’t seen him quit yet, when everyone else is expecting him too. That’s why I respect him so much, why I will always count on him to give me an honest answer. “Thanks, Vic.” Vic just smiled at me, and shrugs. Sitting back in his chair, he gives me an evil look. “So, are you planning on living with him?” Fuck, now why did I think that talking to him would be a good idea? “Let me talk to Justin first. Then I’ll let you know.” I tell him. And I will. I’ll keep him informed. “Hell, who knows, maybe you can come out sometime and meet some hot actor, and fuck his brains out.” Now that would be a sight wouldn’t it? We both just laugh, knowing that no matter what we’ll always be there for each other. I know I can count on him, and I know he feels the same about me. I’ll talk to Justin tonight, and I can only hope he won’t blow a gasket when I tell him. Fuck, that will be interesting. At least I have Vic to help me through this, and I know that Justin will no matter what. I only wish that the others could be there as well. If not… then it’s like Vic said – I guess they weren’t really my friends at all. * * * * * * * TBC…