EXPERIENTIA DOCET Veritas vos liberabit The truth will set you free This Chapter 20 in the "EXPERIENTIA DOCET" series. Narrated by: Brian Kinney Featuring Justin Taylor, Emmett Honeycutt, Cynthia Morgan, Gardner Vance, and others Series Rated NC-17 and contains no warnings or spoilers. Summary: November 2003. Disclaimer: no profit made… The Boys are not mine. No matter how much I’d love to have them… * * * * * * * Now some people think that I don’t care about a damn thing other than myself. They all think that I am self-centered, maniacal, and just plain rude. Well they would be right. But the thing is… the scary thing is, that really isn’t me. That’s not who I am on the inside. All of these years, I have tried and actually succeeded in creating this image of I-don’t-give-a-shit, and I am somewhat proud of that fact. I don’t care what others think of me, never have and never will. There is one person, however, that I do care about. The one person I wonder what he thinks of me. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being unreasonable? All that sort of shit that I never cared about before in my life, has now decided to come to the forefront. Fuck, and people wonder why I never wanted to be in a relationship before. I try to be nice to his friends and co-workers. I try to do the ‘right thing’. It’s not easy, I tell you that. It’s not easy to erase years of hard work building a façade, then having to tear it down. All the walls I had built, all the rules I had lived by have to disappear. That is if I want Justin to be a part of my life. The scary thing is… I want to. I want him. And I’m willing to give it all up for him. Who would’ve thought that Brian Kinney, ass hole extraordinaire would actually consider being someone the complete opposite. Fuck me. It’s fucking crazy. Just looking at the sleeping body beside me, I know that it’s the right thing to do. It’s the thing I need to do… for both of us. The thing that I need to do first and foremost if try and figure out what I’m going to do. The thing is that I’m not ready to give this up yet. It’s still too new. I actually am finding myself wanting to find out where it will lead. Fuck, I am one sorry fag. I’m actually thinking about a future with someone. What went wrong? Why did I let myself get into this position? Looking at Justin, I know why. Who wouldn’t want him? I feel Justin’s breathing change, as he burrowed further into me. His skin is warm, and I can tell that he’s slowly waking from sleep. He blinks the sleep out of his eye, and smiles slightly up at me. “Morning,” he quietly says, his voice thick with sleep. I lean down and kiss him on the forehead. “Morning, Sunshine. Sleep well?” “Yeah, it wasn’t too bad,” he smiles. I lightly swat him on the ass, letting him know what I thought of that comment. The little shit. “Fuck!” He cursed as he stretched. “What time is it?” I glance over at the clock beside the bed, wishing that it wasn’t time to get up. “Nine,” I tell him. A large part of me wishes that we could just stay in bed all day. There is still so much that we have to talk about, so much that we have to get out. But the damn fates, God, whothefuckever, must hate me. Justin nods and slowly moves away from me and out of bed. I feel the loss immediately. “What do you have planned today?” I ask as I follow him into the shower. Like I’m going to pass this up. Justin turns so he can look at me over his shoulder as he turns the shower on. “More of the same shit, basically. Today’s the last day. Tomorrow it’s another city… another bunch of shit. The usual,” he tells me. Knowing that he will need to leave tonight, that I will not be with him tonight… fuck I don’t even begin to analyze that shit. The thing I want to do most is follow him to the next city. If what I saw here is any indication, I really don’t want him to go anywhere without me there. I wonder what it would be like to travel around like that. Yeah, I do a lot of traveling with work and shit, but it’s no where near as bad as this. How the hell does he know which city he is in from day to day. I guess it’s a good thing he’s not a musician… they have it worse. “You?” “I need to finish up the ad, then who knows.” I inform him as I step into the shower behind him. Reaching for the soap out of his hand, I lightly start to run the bar over his back. “When are you going back to LA?” Justin leans into my touch and sighs. All I want is to take this shower a little further, as I reach around and begin to run my hands over his chest. I have never felt anything like him. His skin is pale, yes, but it’s also almost as soft as Gus’. “Next week,” he breaths as he begins to lose himself in my touch. There’s something to be said about having one person. Both of you know each other’s spots… all the right places that just drive you crazy. “That feels good.” He breaths as I run my hand over his left nipple – lightly tugging on the little gold ring there. I continue to run my hands up and down his torso, leaning in so that our bodies are in complete contact. I know he can feel my hard-on pressing against his lower back, and when my hand moves farther down his body, I can tell that he’s in a similar state as I am. “Maybe I can come out there soon. With the holidays coming up… work will be a little slower for a while. It could just be the two of us.” “Mmmm,” Justin answered as my hand wrapped around his hard-on as my other hand continues to pull on his nipple ring. “God, Brian. Yes… More.” Just hearing his voice makes me even harder. Knowing that it’s because of me that he’s feeling this way. It’s such a rush. Reaching over to the soap dish I grab the tube of lube and condom. I rip open the wrapper and place the latex on my dick then flip open the top of the lube, placing some on my fingers. Bending him forward a little, I begin to run my finger lightly over his hole, teasing him. He moans and I allow one finger to push through the first ring, pushing further into him. “You like that?” I ask knowing full well what he’s feeling. “Yes… Brian… oh more… please.” He begs. I add another finger into him, plunging as deep into his hot tunnel as I can – stretching him. I run the tip of one finger over the enlarged gland deep inside him, and Justin immediately starts to move back onto my hand – fucking himself with my fingers. Watching my fingers disappear into his tight hole is making me incredibly hard, and I can’t wait to have my dick where my fingers are now. After a couple of minutes of loosing him up, I decide to take pity on both of us, and move on to the next step. I slide my fingers out and place my cock at his entrance, sinking into him until I am completely surrounded by him. Allowing him time to relax before moving, I lightly run my hands over his stomach. He signals me that he’s ready to continue and I begin to pull out then slide right back in. It’s a dance as old as time, and I know that this is something that I would not want to live without. I have never felt this close to anyone I was with. NO one has made me this crazy, this wild before. And that’s saying a lot. I have been with a lot of men over the years, but I have never felt so complete, so fucking hot as I do with Justin. No one has ever made me feel so good. And not just about sex either. Justin challenges me, he is everything that I want in a person – a partner. Whether it is a friend or … or lover, Justin meets it all. He is it all. Everything intensifies when I’m with him, my whole body is on fire. We continue to move against each other – he’s pushing back into me as I’m moving deeper into him. I can feel him beginning to tighten around me. It won’t take much more before we both lose it. Justin cries out my name as he releases his seed, and I dive in twice more before I too join him. Don’t ask me how we both remained standing, cause frankly I have no idea. My legs feel like rubber, and I know the only reason why I’m still upright is because I’m leaning on Justin. “One of these days you’re going to kill me,” I tell him, placing a kiss on his shoulder. Justin laughs. “I better watch out. You’re not getting any younger.” I pull out of him, and slap him on the ass for good measure. “Twat.” Justin only laughs more and cleans himself up. Today is our last day together for a while, and I sure as hell don’t think that we’re ready to be apart from one another. Not yet. Looking at him as he dresses for the day, I finally realize what it is I have to do. What needs to be done so that we can work all this shit out. He still doesn’t trust me… at least not completely. He’s trying, but I can tell that it’s not easy. Do I blame him? No, not really. He is right. I have lied to him… too many times to count. Three times I have broken his trust… three times I have put this – whatever this is between us – in jeopardy. I won’t allow it to slip away. Not when things just might finally get to where they need to be. * * * * * * * Was it just yesterday that I was laying in bed with Justin? Actually wanting to wake up? Fuck, what 24 hours will bring. After seeing Justin off at his plane, I was fucking stuck waiting hours and fucking hours for my own and Emmett’s. By the time that they had began boarding I was seriously considering homicide. Then about half-way through the damn flight I was not only considering homicide but suicide as well. A thought of shoving Emmett out of one of the emergency hatches came to mind. I wondered if his outfit would work as a parachute, or would he just fall like a damn rock. No, with my luck lately, he would still be around to torture me no matter what happened. Why did I agree to go with Emmett again? Oh yeah, cause I was fucking desperate. Never the fuck again will I allow myself to get placed in that position. Fuck that shit. I felt that I was in the very place my mother always told me I would be. If this was hell, they could keep it, that’s for damn sure. Crawling out of bed, I make my way toward the shower after ensuring that the damn coffee pot had started. Have I said how much I love timers on those damn things? The damn holidays are coming up, and Justin had told me before getting on the plane that he wasn’t going to go back to Pittsburgh to spend it with his family. He did mention that his mother and sister might be able to make it out for Christmas, but he wasn’t sure on anything that pertains to his ‘family’. Hell, his family makes mine almost… and I mean ALMOST – seem like saints. Not only the damn holidays either. Justin also has this damn movie premiere coming up, and I want to be there for him. Justin tells me that it’s not a big deal, that it’s only an Indiefilm, but still… the thought of him being in a movie and not sharing it with him. Well fuck that. I am going, no matter what the damn twat says. I was dressed and out the door within thirty minutes. I want to be there when Gardner gets in the office. What I have to say – well propose to him anyway – needs to be done now. If I have any chance at all, then the sooner I get it going the sooner I can get everything else taken care of. There’s a lot of shit to get done before the end of the year, and I want to have it all done, and be settled before the New Year starts. * * * * * * * Walking into my office, I think I’m still in shock. Well not really shock, but something feels a little off. Gardner gave in rather quickly, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it. He was all over the idea, thinking how great it would be. Why do I just feel like I’ve been screwed? Oh well, it doesn’t matter now I guess. Well not really. “Cynthia,” I call into the other office once I set my ‘proposal’ down on my desk. I had everything in there – everything that would be needed to prove that this was the best path for the company. Scary thing is… I didn’t really need it. Fuck me. Cynthia comes in and places a cup of coffee on my desk the moment I sit down. What could I do without her? “I have a question, and I’m not going to tell you what you should do.” I tell her. I owe her a lot. I know without a doubt that without this woman – yuck – in my life I wouldn’t be where I am today. There is no question that she puts up with more shit than anyone I know. She’s the only reason why I have made it this far in this business. I think it’s time to reward her for all of her hard work. Of course it’s all up to her. We shall see, I guess. “Okay,” she answered as she sat down in the chair across from me. “What did Vance want? Is everything alright?” I nod my head, and take a sip of my coffee. That’s another thing about Cynthia that I admire. She’s one of the few people that knows how to make coffee the way I like it. Okay so she does a hell of a lot more than that, but hey… this is me we’re talking about. There is no time to beat around the bush however – it’s time to just come out and tell her how things will be. “By the end of this year, I will be transferring to the LA office on a permanent basis. You have a couple of options. You can transfer there as well, keep your current position as my Administrative Assistant, manager… whatever. Or you can stay here, and work for someone else.” That’s where the problem lies really. I have no idea where they would put her if she stays here. I guess that’s why I hope she doesn’t mind the transfer. If this feeling I’m getting from Vance is any indication, he’s trying to find a way to let me go from the company. Cynthia will be caught in the cross-fire. But the big accounts are in LA now… the possibility for so much more is out there. Business wise it’s the only option. LA and New York… the only two choices we have if this business is going to be able to fight with the big boys. We’ve been covering New York pretty well, but that’s left a lot of clients slip through our fingers. “Pay,” she asks. “A 20% increase, plus living allowance to cover the extra cost of living out there.” Hey I’m not stupid. I have seen how much shit costs out there. Vance has already agreed to the items on my list, now all I have to do is get her to go. Okay, so when I proposed this shit to Vance, I hadn’t even discussed it with anyone else – it was all sort of on the seat of my pants type shit, but hey… fuck it. “Vacation time?” “Six weeks a year.” Cynthia nods, sitting there thinking it over. Somehow I know how this is going to turn out. We’ve known each other for long enough for each of us to be able to figure out what the other is thinking. Well as close as one can come to knowing with the obvious differences between us. “I’ll need to be able to assist in picking the staff, setting up the office. I’ll need at least four weeks to set everything up there. Transfer accounts, move…” She begins to write something down on her pad of paper, and I know she’s trying to figure out the pros and cons. Hell, she’s already figured it out, now all she has to do is figure out how she’s going to do it all in the time allotted. “When can I leave to get started?” That’s my girl. I knew she wouldn’t let me down. “You can leave on Monday. Give me all the shit I need to get done here, and I’ll make sure it’s ready for your approval.” I give her a small smile. “All Right. I’ll contact the realtor, the banks… what are you going to do about the jeep? Are you taking it with you?” Cynthia asks. She’s already taking control of the situation, making sure that nothing will be left behind. “What about Gus?” Fuck, that’s the one thing in this that I have tried NOT to think about. “I’ll talk to Lindsey. Don’t worry about that.” Have I said that I am glad that Cynthia’s here? Well I am. I watch as Cynthia makes her way out to her desk working a mile a minute. Now comes the hard part. Family, friends… Justin. Now I just have to figure out a way to let them all know. Fuck! Now I know why I never wanted this shit to begin with. I can only hope that it will all work out in the end. I have to make it work. That’s all that matters in the end. * * * * * * * TBC…