EXPERIENTIA DOCET Alis Volat propriis He flies by his own wings This Chapter 7 in the "EXPERIENTIA DOCET" series. Narrated by Brian Kinney Featuring: Justin Taylor, Blake, Cynthia Morgan, and others Series Rated NC-17 and contains no warnings or spoilers. Summary: September 2002 Brian continues to see Justin in a different light, and thinks about how he can work things out Disclaimer: no profit made… The Boys are not mine.. No matter how much I’d love to have them.. * * * * * * * “Later,” I tell Justin kissing him lightly on the lips. As he turns and begins to walk away he replies back the same way. This whole thing.. this photo shoot did not turn out at all the way I had wanted it too. Okay, I know that Justin is good looking, but that fucking photographer that Cynthia got needs to keep his fucking hands to himself. ‘You know, Justin gets hit on every day,’ Nicholas had told me.. Fuck! That is the one fucking thing that I did NOT want to hear. Yes, Justin is beautiful.. Yes, Justin is outgoing.. but he’s MINE! The next fucking person I see laying a hand on him just may meet my fist. As I hold the key to Justin’s loft in my hand, I just can’t shake this feeling that one wrong step and this Neil guy can walk right on in, and if not him then maybe the next guy who walks through that door.. that damn fucking costume person for one. ‘Justin gets hit on every day.’ Fuck! Okay, Kinney.. now there’s nothing to worry about right? Justin is with you.. he’s not out with any of these guys. So why am I so nervous? Maybe because I know that soon I’ll have to head back to fucking glorious Pittsburgh.. back to hell, and as far away from Justin as I can get. So what’s stopping him from finding someone else? What’s going to stop him from deciding that it would be easier to go with someone who lives closer to him.. one of these guys perhaps? Fuck! Okay, Kinney.. don’t get too crazy here. Justin is with you; he said that we’d do this long distance thing, so I have nothing to worry about right? I’ll just have to show him that we’re together no matter the distance between us.. That’s what I’ll do. Tomorrow we’ll spend the day together, since all we have left is this weekend, and he’ll never want to leave. I’m a whole hell of a lot better looking than any of these guys so why the fuck am I worried? Fuck, now I am beginning to sound like some fucking whipped faggot. Well not me. Not me. Justin has no reason to be with anyone else. He’s with me, and that’s where he has said he wants to be. So why am I worried? * * * * * * * I walk into the loft, and see Blake standing in the kitchen. A part of me is upset that he’s there, but I know that I can’t really say anything since he and Justin are friends. “Blake,” I say as a greeting as I remove my jacket and reach in the refrigerator and pull out a beer. “So what are your plans for this weekend?” Just say that you’re not going to be around that’s all I ask. “As I’m sure you have already figured out, I’m never here on weekends. Some friends and I are going up to San Francisco and just hang out,” he informed me as he cleans up the kitchen. “Not that you would really care where I was at.” “I never said that,” I state as I move to the couch and turn on the TV. It’s not that I don’t care.. I do in a way. I mean with him gone, then Justin and I have the place to ourselves. And I don’t have to worry about Blake interrupting anything. “Have a good trip,” I tell him rolling my eyes slightly. Maybe, after all this time with him here, I still can’t get over the fact that he had almost killed Ted… then put Ted through hell… maybe I just don’t trust him to NOT hurt Justin. I don’t know, but I know that the less time that I’m with him the better. It does seem that he has changed, I can’t fully deny that. But then again, I do remember the time when all he cared about were the drugs, and he was just too into it to get the help that Ted was offering him. Not that I am fond of Ted or anything.. but with him here with Justin, I can’t just ignore him completely either. All I know is that if he hurts Justin in any way.. I’m not going to be responsible for what I do to him. I won’t let anyone hurt Justin, least of all a drug-addict – oops sorry Former drug-addict. That’s Justin’s problem.. he’s too trusting, and too caring of other people. I don’t think that he fully realizes things until it’s too late, and he’s too far into it. But then again, he could be right, and it’s just my past history with people and things that make me reluctant to give that much power to someone. So why am I even thinking about a relationship with someone like Justin? Why the fuck am I getting jealous over some two time photographer? Okay.. so what if he’s hot, famous, and I’d fuck him in a heartbeat, and he has the money. So what right? He still shouldn’t have been that friendly with Justin. It’s not his fucking job. Fuck! This can’t be happening.. not to me. There is no way in hell that I can be jealous. I don’t do jealousy, never have and never will. I can have anyone I want, and I know that for a fact. I just don’t know what’s going on really. Justin for some reason has brought out things in me that I never knew existed, never thought I’d be thinking, or doing. I have lived by rules I have set for myself years ago, and now I meet this one man.. practically a kid, who makes me want to throw all that shit out the window. He’s made me take a look at my life, and I’ve broken every rule I ever had for him. Why? I feel arms wrap around me from behind, and I try not to kick myself for not paying closer attention. I never heard Justin come in – so caught up in my own thoughts to even hear the loft door open. “Hey,” he whispers against my ear, placing a light kiss right behind it. “What you doing?” I reach around and pull him onto the couch with me, and quickly silence him with a kiss. I plunge my tongue into his mouth, and begin to trace the contours within. I could kiss him forever. Justin pulls away slightly to sit on my lap, and run his fingers through my hair, rubbing and massaging my scalp. “Nothing yet,” I breathe; pulling his lips back toward mine. In the corner of my mind I wonder if Blake is still here.. then I realize I really don’t fucking care. The only thing I want right now is Justin. Mainly Justin naked on that bed.. on this fucking couch.. hell anywhere. I think it’s time to show this kid why they call me the ‘stud of Liberty Avenue’ as he so adequately called me earlier. I pick Justin up suddenly, letting his legs wrap around my waist as I carry him to the bedroom. I throw him in the middle of the bed, and look down at him. “Stay, don’t move,” I command as I slowly begin to remove my clothes. I begin by unbuttoning my shirt, slowly watching him as I reveal a new part of flesh with each move I make. Justin begins to inch closer to me, and I stop what I’m doing. “I said don’t move,” I tell him removing my hands from my shirt. “Brian,” he says almost whining. “I just thought I’d help you out a little.” “No,” I tell him and I watch him dramatically collapse back down on the bed to watch the show. Once I’m satisfied that he isn’t going to move I continue to remove my shirt, tossing it to the far end of the room. I begin to run my hands over my chest, playing with my nipples, and moving down toward the edge of my jeans. Justin’s eyes are half closed, watching my hands with interest, wondering what I am going to do next. I must admit that there is some feeling of complete power that I get when he looks at me like that – the lust-filled glaze of his eyes, how his blue eyes shine with it. I can feel my groin tighten with every breath he takes, every time he licks his lips in anticipation of what’s to come. With the same speed in which I did my shirt, I being to unbutton my jeans. Each button slowly, carefully revealing the package hidden beneath it. After two buttons, a realization hits me.. Justin is entirely too overdressed for this. “Take off your clothes,” I command him, stopping what I’m doing so that I can watch him. Justin kneels up on the bed, and pulls off his shirt revealing his pale skin beneath it. I almost have to bite my tongue from bending forward and tasting his flesh, as I watch him begin to remove his pants. He decided to not go as slow as I was, and I am slightly pleased. I love the power that I have over him, and I must admit I’m slightly frightened at the power he holds over my body. Just the sight of him sends an immediate signal to my groin and I realize that my pants need to go. Removing my jeans and throwing them to the side, I push Justin down onto the bed and climb on top of him. I place his hands over his head, trapping him as I begin to taste the flesh that he had revealed earlier. Everything seems electrified, the smell of his hair, the taste of his skin, the feel of him beneath me. Fuck! Every time with Justin is new and exciting, I don’t know why but it is. I don’t think that I can ever be bored with him. We’re both hard and I can feel the precum against my skin as I move over him. Any thoughts of foreplay are shot out the window as I lean in and kiss his lips. Diving my tongue into his hot mouth, I begin to lift his legs over my shoulders. I reach over for the lube and place some on my fingers, then slide them into his waiting hole – stretching him, preparing him. Justin reaches for the condom, and pulls away from the kiss long enough to rip open the package with his teeth. I can feel his hands on me, stroking me, as he slowly places it over my hard cock. There is something erratic about having your lover placing the condom on you that only makes the need to be inside of him that much more of a necessity. I place myself at his opening, pushing past the first ring, and deep into him. Not waiting for him to adjust, I begin to pull out to the tip, then slam into him until I am fully into him. Oh fuck.. he is so fucking tight that I almost lose it, but I take a deep breath, and continue to pump in and out of him. His legs are near his head, hands still locked in my above him, as I lean in and kiss his lips. I could drown in his kisses.. something I never thought possible with anyone. Justin gets his hands free and grabs a hold of my hair holding my head where it is, and diving his tongue deep into my mouth as I pump harder into him. I feel the sharp intake of breath from him as I hit his prostate with each thrust, driving him crazy. I move one of my free hands down between our bodies, and begin to tug on his stiff cock, bringing him to the brink and pushing him over. Justin shoots between our bodies, as I ride out the waves of his orgasm, feeling him tighten around me. In and out. Quick and short strokes. Slamming into him, and hitting his prostate, I begin to feel myself tighten as his hold on me continues. Finally, it becomes too much as I let myself go, shooting my cum into the condom. Collapsing on top of him, I lower Justin’s legs, and withdraw myself from him. After depositing the condom, I pull him into my arms and pull the covers up over us. No words need to be said between us, cause everything was said in those moments. What I feel for him.. what he feels for me, nothing is in doubt. There are no reasons to fear that this can’t work out between us. Nothing will stand in our way. * * * * * * * As soon as I wake up, I call Cynthia from Justin’s place and make sure that everything is set and she is still set to leave later that day. Justin curls in a little more to my side and begins to run his hand across my chest. “I’m sure that there’s another part of me that needs attention,” I tell him grabbing his hand and moving it down my chest. “Really? And what would that be,” he quietly laughs as I feel his hand wrap around my morning hard on. Justin begins to place light kisses on my chest, taking one of my nipples into his mouth and sucked, pulling it into his mouth. He bites lightly forcing a hiss to escape from my lips. Justin leaves my nipples with a lick as he moves further down my body until he reaches my aching cock. Justin looks up at me and I watch as he flicks his tongue over my slit. Fuck, what this kid does to me. Justin continues to lick and kiss around my hard cock teasing me. He takes my sack into his mouth and sucks, and I immediately lift my hips up into the air. “Fuck, just do it,” I say as I reach for his head and place him where I want him. The little shit actually has the nerve to look up at me and grin. “Quit teasing,” I tell him. Justin moves in and takes all of me into his mouth, then moving back up to the head. I watch as he moves up and down my length, and all I can think of is how hot he looks. One of his hands begins to caress my sacks while the fingers of his other hand glide across my hole. I know I’m about to lose it, I can feel the tightening in my balls, the feeling just too intense. The moment I feel one of his fingers enter my ass, I shoot my load deep into his throat, while Justin opens his throat and takes what I can give him. Fuck.. The feeling is too intense and I collapse fully back on the bed trying to catch my breath, as Justin moves in beside me and kisses me hard on the lips. Pushing him onto his back, I roll over on top of him. It was payback time. * * * * * * * Justin and I make our way though the crowds and head into Barneys. I had told Justin that I wanted to see about getting a couple of new suits, and he had lead me here. I can honestly say that this trip so far has been a fucking nightmare for me. It seems like from the moment we got out of my rental we have been surrounded by people. That wouldn’t be so bad if the majority of people weren’t all trying to get to Justin.. to touch Justin. Alright so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but that’s what it appears to be to me.. I mean I know that a lot of people are just going about their business and not bothering with us.. but damn. I pick out three new suits, and they take them out to be fitted, telling me they will be ready tomorrow for pick-up. Justin and I leave the store and continue down the street, occasionally stopping in one store or another. I pick something up for Gus, and have it shipped to my loft in Pittsburgh. We went to Neiman Marcus and I picked something up for Lindsey that I know she would like. I know that if I don’t get her something then my balls with be in a sling when I get back home. I find myself actually enjoying this time with Justin.. just being a.. couple I guess. Laughing at some of the things that we saw in the store windows, or some outfit that someone was wearing as they walked down the street. It almost amazes me that people will hop in their car to go three fucking blocks. Justin laughs at me and would say that it was LA.. no one walks here. It seems however, that everywhere we go I catch both men and women staring at Justin with lust in their eyes, all wanting him. I can’t stop the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that if I’m not here Justin will find someone else to help occupy his time, to take to bed with him. As the hours pass the feeling grows and grows. I have to think of something, anything. “Hey what about this,” Justin says bringing me out of my thoughts. “What?” Justin laughs and shakes his head at me. “Did you hear a thing I said? What is there some hot looking guy around that I don’t know about?” I turn to Justin and pull his body flush against me looking into his bright blue eyes. “Only one that I can see,” I say as I lean in to kiss him. Justin pulls back slightly and I look at him. “What?” “Sorry, it’s just that,” Justin says turning his head slightly. “Well it’s my publicist. He has warned me about stuff like this.. about not doing anything that could scare the ‘breeder crowd’,” he tells me not looking me in the eyes. What the fuck is that? Justin is one of the most open people I have met but here he won’t show these ‘Breeders’ who he is. He’s out for fucksake. I begin to wonder if he had done this with someone else, and got his ass reamed for it. I don’t want to think about it.. don’t want to even think about who he was with, or what he was doing. Justin smiles brightly as he takes my hand into his own. “Come one, let’s go. Go somewhere that we don’t have to hide,” he says as he pulls me toward the car and we head off to West Hollywood. I try not to think about how Justin has to hide who he is.. and the possible reason why. Once we find a spot to park, we get out, and Justin takes my hand into his own. I smile down at him, and lean in to give him a light kiss on the cheek, after of course seeing if it was okay. I take a quick glance around and spot some of Justin’s admirers shaking their heads and moving about their business. Take that fuckers.. he’s with me. * * * * * * * The club is larger than Babylon, but it still holds the same vibe that Babylon has. Sweaty, muscular bodies grind against one another trying to get inside of their partner, as tons of horny men try to prove that they are the shit. Justin and I make our way toward the bar like we own the place, and I try to ignore all the looks that Justin is getting. When I had first seen him come out of the bedroom with those tight pants on, I almost said to hell with going out. His pants seemed to form around his firm bubble butt, and cock…leaving nothing to the imagination. Of course I wear tight fitting black jeans and my sleeveless button up shirt.. my usual ‘fuck me’ wear, as Emmett would call it. We order our beers and lean against the counter just admiring the view. “You have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve been out to the clubs like this.” I look over at Justin and watch as the lights of the dance floor reflect off his body. It gives him almost this surreal look to him, unearthly look. I can’t take my eyes off of him. “Yeah, and how long has that been,” I ask turning to face him instead of the mass of bodies on the dance floor. “God, it must have been almost three months ago since I’ve been here. Work has been a pain in the ass, and then YOU come into my life, and well..the rest they say is history,” he replies taking a drink of his beer. “Yeah, history,” I smirk. “Hey, Justin,” this guy says coming up to the two of us. “Long time no see. Where have you been hiding yourself?” I know this guy, or at least I’ve seen his pictures and stuff around. He’s some fucking famous actor, and I’m almost positive that he was nominated for some Oscar or something this past year. Granted with the way he’s looking at Justin, devouring him with his eyes, standing close to him, touching him.. this damn actor better watch out or he will never get another job in this town. His pretty boy looks will be no more if he continues to ogle what’s mine. Justin and the kid talk, and I can’t help but feel the anger.. and dare I say jealousy course through my veins. They seem close, and I know that this kid wants to fuck Justin. This shit has been going on all damn day.. some hot looking twink comes along and hits on Justin. I’m used to guys hitting on me.. but seeing this, having to endure this shit, is becoming too much for me. I know for certain that what Nick had said is true, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. ‘Justin gets hit on every day.’ How the hell am I going to compete with this? How can I keep them away and keep Justin to myself? I mean, who’s to say that when I head back …home, that one of these guys won’t turn Justin’s head? Won’t get him to say fuck it, and drop me like a bad habit? The only thing is.. I have no idea what I can do, what I can give Justin to keep him around. I know that with this account, I’ll be working out of the LA office a great deal, handling the Asian market, so it’s not like we wouldn’t see each other. I hear the guy ask Justin to dance and Justin tells him that maybe another time. Another time… yeah when I’m gone back to Pittsburgh and you’re here all alone.. FUCK! Okay, Kinney.. think. Justin will be here, with all these successful, hot, available men, while I’m stuck in some hellhole far away. What can I do to keep him with me, and not say fuck it.. fuck the long distance shit..‘Brian I found someone else…’ Fuck! “So stud, wanna dance?” Justin asks me and I look over at him and smile, hoping that my thoughts don’t show on my face. I smile down at him, and grab a hold of his hand. Leading Justin out to the middle of the dance floor, I make sure I keep a close handle on him. We dance closely, grinding our bodies together, letting everyone know that we are together. After about an hour or so, Justin and I move to the bar to get a drink. Justin moves away to go use the bathroom as I order the drinks. I feel someone tap me on the shoulder and I turn to the person. “Hey,” the guy says leaning into me. “Hey, fuck off,” I tell him. “Come on man.. I just wanted to talk,” he said. I look the guy over and he is good looking.. someone I would do if I was desperate, I guess – or drunk. “I was wondering if you wanted to hook up again sometime,” he tells me. Fuck! Now I know where I have seen this fucker before. It was after the first ‘date’ with Justin.. after he had left me alone at my hotel. I was feeling good, but fucking horny as hell, so I went to the clubs and picked this fucker up. I look at the guy, and a sudden feeling of dread creeps over me. “I don’t do seconds,” I say. I turn away from the guy and come face to face with Justin. Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Justin just shakes his head and turns to leave. Fuck! * * * * * * * I catch up with Justin outside of the club, and grab a hold of his arm turning him to face me. “Look about that,” I begin. Justin closes his eyes for a second then looks at me calmly. “Brian, it’s okay. I mean I know who you are.” “It wasn’t like that. That was before.. before we got together,” I explain. I don’t know why I feel like I have to explain, but I do. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want this between us, cause I do. Justin reaches up and runs his hand across my cheek. “Brian, it’s okay. Really.” Although he tells me that I can see in his eyes that it’s not alright, that it has hurt him. Now more than ever I know I have to come up with some way to keep him with me. I have to try and think of something to keep us together. And I think I finally know what I need to do. * * * * * * * TBC…