“Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest. It's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in so that they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl...and get married.” – Brian “That's not what I want. I want you!” – Justin QaF Episode 102 (c) 2001 Oh I know That the music’s fine Like sparkling wine Go and have your fun --Save the Last Dance for Me -- the Drifters # Novotni Residence Justin sat down on his bed and looked down at the book in front of him. ‘Brian’s really leaving,’ he thought. ‘What am I going to do? Do I just let him go? Can I let him go?’ Justin shook his head in hopes of forgetting all about Brian’s impending move. As he sat there and attempted to read about the U.S. Economy, the phone rang downstairs. He knew that either Vic or Debi would answer it so he continued to read. “Sunshine, it’s for you,” Deb yelled from downstairs. Justin looked over at the clock beside his bed. He had left a ton of messages for Brian today, but Brian would’ve called his cell and not the Novotni home. “Coming,” he yelled down. Justin ran down the stairs and picked up the phone. “Yeah.” Michael’s voice came over the line, “Okay, just a sec, let me get the others on.” Justin had to smile slightly. The ‘gang’ had been known on occasions to have no only three-way conversations, but also they would have six or more way conversation. He heard the connection reconnect, and Michael spoke once again. “Okay, every one here?” “Yeah, I’m here,” Justin stated and heard everyone else reply in the same. “Has anyone heard from Brian? I’ve been trying to reach him all day,” Michael asked them all. Justin shook his head and shrugged. “Me, too. But he hasn’t returned any of my calls.” “I hope he’s alright,” Lindsey stated, worry evident in her voice. Justin knew that she was one of the few who actually knew what Brian was really like, not the front he put out for everyone to see. “I wonder how the condemned man is spending his final hours,” Emmett said. Justin could almost see the smile creep on the other man’s face. Justin had wondered how Brian was handling his impending birthday, especially since Justin hadn’t seen the other man in days. The group started with what they all thought Brian might be doing. “Doing penance,” “doing drugs,” “screwing as many guys as he can.” Justin slightly cringed at that last comment. Although he knew what Brian was like, and not that he wanted the other man to change, but a part of him had hoped that Brian would come to him to get his needs met. It’s not like Justin would turn the other man down when it came to sex. All agreed that Brian going on a screwing fest definitely sounded like something that he would do. “Maybe we shouldn’t go through with this,” Lindsey stated trying to voice some concern over their impending plan for Brian’s Big 3 – 0 celebration. “He made it clear he doesn’t want to be reminded.” Justin shook his head, knowing that none of them could really see him. He had tried to talk to Brian about what the man wanted for his Birthday for weeks, but had been told in no uncertain terms to butt out and leave it alone. “We’re not even supposed to mention it,” he said remembering full well some of his ‘punishments’ for even bringing the subject up. “Could get ugly, really ugly,” Michael stated. Justin knew that it could get ugly as Michael said, but he also knew that he couldn’t NOT do it. Brian was going to be leaving soon – removing himself from Justin’s life forever with his move to New York. So Justin knew that he had to do something, and luckily it was Ted who stated that very fact – in his own way. “Still it is an event of historic proportion. Like the moon landing, or the fall of communism.” “It is our duty as friends to commemorate it,” Mel added to Ted’s comment. “And make sure he remembers it. . . Always,” Emmett finished. Justin wasn’t sure really if this was a good idea. He had his reservations about it to say the least. If anything, he had been on the receiving end of Brian’s temper often enough, and with Brian moving away to New York, the last thing he wanted was for their last couple of days together to be spent in anger. # Justin began to walk back to Deb’s, having a terrible day at school. Throughout the day he couldn’t think of anything, except Brian’s ‘birthday celebration’. ‘Yeah, like you could even call it that.’ All he wanted to do was go up to his ‘not mine Michael’s’ room, and sleep for a week. The last thing he wanted was for Deb, or Vic to ask him how Brian’s party was. He didn’t see them the night before, so he had avoided the questions that they would’ve had for him. He hoped that Michael had talked to them. ‘I know I couldn’t. How could I even explain it? Brian’s not going to New York. I don’t know whether to celebrate, or to cry. He didn’t even tell me, he made me believe that everything was still on, that he was leaving me. What a load of shit.’ As Justin reached the house he sees his mom’s car in the driveway. ‘Fuck, she is the last person I want to see right now.’ Justin opened the door to see Deb, Vic, and his mom sitting at the dining room table. ‘Fuck,’ he thought. Placing as fake smile on his face he placed his school bag on the couch. “Hey mom,” he said as he made his way over. ‘Mind as well try to be nice.’ Both Deb and Jen answered at the same time with their own ‘Hi’, then laughed at some private joke. “You’re going with your mom to the PFLAG Barbeque and I don’t want to hear another word about it,” Deb said in her ‘you’ll do as I say’ voice. “Okay,” he answered, giving his mom a kiss on the cheek. Justin just reached into the fridge, pulled out a glass of juice, and looked at the two woman strangely. “How do you think I got Michael to go all those years? This will be the first one he’s gonna miss since he was 18,” Deb sadly stated. Justin knew that Michael’s impending departure was hurting her. He felt sorry for her, especially since he was going so far away. Of course Justin knew that he wouldn’t tell her that, she’d never leave him alone, or let him out of the house. Vic looked over at his sister, “At least he’s where he belongs, with the man he loves.” “On the opposite side of the god dam world.” Justin tried not to laugh since Deb voiced almost the same thing he had been thinking. Of course, it wasn’t like Oregon was that far away. It wasn’t like Michael was moving to China or anything. Justin figured that he would have to do something, say something to get her out of her little funk, since no one else wanted to be the culprit. “Look at it this way, Deb. You’ve had him all this time.” “Listen to him.” Jenn leaned into Deb, and looks at Justin. “Tell you what we can share Justin.” Justin just raised his eyebrows at that comment. ‘Yeah, just what I need two over protective moms. Fuck.’ “Pretty soon he’s be gone too. Graduation’s coming up, the prom,” Deb stated. Justin just looked at the adults wondering what was going through their minds, as Vic described his Prom. Justin turned his attention back to the story, trying to get the image of a 200 lbs girl in purple satin out of his head. “Lance Racco. Pisser of a kisser. I wound up dancing with Connie, He wound up not going at all.” “Yeah, I’m not going either,” Justin stated as he made his way toward the living room. “Why not,” his mom asked him. Turning around to look at them, he explained “Like Vic said, it’s for straight kids.” He thought that they would understand. It’s not like he could go there and have fun, at least that’s what he believed. “I think the prom is for anyone, straight or gay,” his mom tried to explain to him. Deb continued as Justin just looked at them like they were all crazy. “That’s right. It’s one of those, those growing up experiences, you know, what in the hell do they call it.” “Rights of passage,” Vic supplied. “That’s it. It’s like losing your virginity, or getting your drivers license,” she finished. Justin just looked at him as he mom told him that she would hate to see him deprive himself of it cause he didn’t feel he belonged. Justin just shook his head and shrugged. He turned and headed up to his room, stating that he had homework to complete. Arriving there, he placed his bag on his bed and laid back on it. ‘Why can’t they understand,’ he thought. ‘I can’t go, not as who I really am. But what if they’re right? What if I could go, and still be who I am?’ Justin felt a small smile creep upon his face, as a plan began to form. # Babylon *Justin* As I walk into Babylon, I begin my search. Hopefully, I can talk him into this. As Deb, and everyone told me, I shouldn’t miss my Prom. After about a half hour, I finally see him heading down to the backroom, so I pull out my cell and dial his number. “He’s far too young for you,” I say as I see him pull out his cell and answer it. He looks at me, and I walk over to him, leaning on the lower rung of the railing so that we can talk. “Wanna dance?’ Brian just looks at me, and I have to smile. He is so fucking hot. “No, in my advanced years, I might fall and break my hip,” he tells me. He begins to walk away from me, and I can’t believe that shit. ‘Advanced years?’ I reach for his arm, stopping him. “Will you stop with the old age shit already. It’s not like your 40.” I have to laugh, especially since everyone bugs me cause of my age. Saying shit like ‘Justin, what do you want with a 30 year old,’ ‘you should find someone your own age.’ As I told Brian, when I thought he was leaving me to go to New York, what would I want with a kid who doesn’t know anything. Okay, I have to ask. If I don’t do it now, when I have his attention, I’ll never do it. “What are you doing on Friday night?” “Friday, Friday, Friday my short-term memory is not what it used to be,” he says, acting like he has alzimers or some shit. At times I wonder why I put up with him, why I love him so much. Well, Justin, it’s now or never. Here goes nothing. “Do you wanna come to my prom with me,” I ask him. Please say yes. “As what your chaperone,” he asks. He looks almost insulted. God, why can’t he understand. I have to let him know, “as my date.” “I’d love to.” YES! “Yeah,” I try to keep the excitement out of my voice, but I know that it isn’t working. He said yes. But somehow I knew that it would last, that he would stomp on my heart. He’s good at that. He made a joke about it by saying that his dress was at the dry cleaners. What a bunch of bullshit. I can’t believe it. He has to come. “Are you out of your mind?” Yes, I want to scream at him. I am out of my mind, cause I love you. “Go and ask some girl?” That’s the same shit he tried to say to me when we first met when I came to his loft and saw him with that guy. ‘If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl...and get married.’ I told him then that I wanted him, not some girl. I thought we had gotten past that. We’ve been through so much lately, in the past couple of months. Still he doesn’t get it. “I don’t wanna go with some girl, I wanna go with someone I care about, and if that happens to be a guy who cares?” Don’t you understand, I want you. Just like I did back then. Only now, I want you more. I love you dammit, why can’t you understand that. “You know that’s just what I need to be on the dance floor with a bunch of fucking 18 year olds,” he answered shaking his head. He wants to joke about it – about my feelings – fine I’ll just pull one on him. “I thought you liked fucking 18 year olds.” Take that Brian. You know that you have broken ever one of your fucking rules for me. Please say you’ll come. That’s all I want, just one night. Brian moves up one step, and I can feel my pulse quicken. “Go buy a corsage,” be begins and I feel a ray of hope. “. . . for someone else.” Brian turned and continued his destination down toward the backroom. So once again, as he goes and gets his fucking (literally) needs met, I sit here as usual with my heart bleeding – torn into a million pieces—at my feet. God, why do I love him so much? Why can’t he just give me one fucking night. I’m always there for him, always help him out. I was the only one who didn’t criticize him about Michael’s Birthday Party. I was the one who helped him out with Gus. Hell, I was the one who got him out of the fucking shit with Kip and the lawsuit. No, don’t think about that. He can never know about that. Fuck. Closing my eyes, I will the pain that is almost always present when it come to Brian ‘Fucking’ Kinney. I shake my head, open my eyes, and decide to just forget about him. Fuck him, I don’t care anymore. Why should I even bother? Why do I bother? He doesn’t give a dam about me, except I’m a convenient fuck. Well no more, Mr. Kinney. If what happened with the King of Babylon contest didn’t wake you up, then fine. Just don’t count on me to always be there. I’m not going to beg anymore. If you want me, you’ll have to prove it to me. I’m not going to run to you like a ‘stalker’ anymore. Now, if only I can convince myself of that. *Brian* The Fucking Prom. What the fuck is he thinking? Queers do not go to the Prom, especially not this one. What was he thinking even asking me? We’re not a couple, he knows that. How many times have I told him that I don’t believe in love, that I don’t do dates, or rel. . . whatever. I don’t do boyfriends. He knows this. I know I hurt him, I could see it in his eyes when I said no. God, I hate it when he is upset. At least he didn’t cry, cause I know I would do almost anything to ease his pain. But a Prom? Why do I actually think it would be nice. . . What the fuck am I thinking. It must be the drugs. It has to be. I can’t honestly think that going to a high school prom with some twink would be a good idea. I hope I hurt him. He has to realize that life is bullshit, and you don’t get anything out of it. People will treat you good to your face only to stab the knife into it the moment you turn your back. There is no such thing as love, and I should know. People tell you that they love you then they get piss drunk, and beat the shit out of you. Hell, what would a kid like Justin want with someone like me anyway. I mean really. He doesn’t know how hard it is out here in the real world. He’s from the Country Club lifestyle. He goes to a private school. He’s the type of kid that Mikey and I would hate when we were growing up, cause they had everything while we had to scrap to get by. What is it about Justin that makes me want to break all the rules. It can’t be love. He’s a good fuck, okay an excellent fuck. He’s fun, smart, sexy. Things I can get from any one. Whatever it is that I feel for Justin—cause I do feel something for him, I can’t deny that—It just can’t be love. Can it? Fuck! # St. James Academy Justin came down the steps, knowing that he had enough time between classes for a cigarette. ‘God, after these past couple of days, I really need to get high or laid. But I guess a smoke will have to do,’ he thought. The moment he reached the ground level, he felt himself being slammed into the wall, and all of his books flying across the floor. “Faggot,” came the voice of Justin’s ‘enemy’. Justin looked up. “Fuck you Hobbs,” he said with as much hate in his voice as he could. Justin hated that Hobbs attacked him every chance he got. Not a day went by that he wasn’t harassed in some way by Christopher Hobbs and his crew, and he couldn’t wait until school was over. Justin began to pick up his books, hoping to ignore Hobbs, and anyone else who would walk past and laugh at him. “You okay. What an asshole,” came a voice above him. Justin looked up to his best friend. Things hadn’t been okay between the two since he had agreed to be her first. But then again, he was still stung by her words when she had told him that he had turned into this full time homo. ‘Well yeah,’ he thought. ‘Maybe because I am.’ But Justin knew that she hadn’t really meant it. They had been friends too long, and been through too much to have something like this come between them. Justin just looked up and continued to gather his things. “Thank god, I won’t have to see him again for the rest of my life.” As Justin got up, he grabbed the book that Daphne held. “Yeah, or anyone else here either,” she sadly stated. Justin knew that he had missed her, and he had hoped that she had missed him as well. At least now he knew that she had, and hopefully they could get past this and be friends again. At least they were talking, which was a whole lot more then they had been doing. “I wasn’t talking about you,” he explained as the two made their way through the halls. “So are you going to the prom?” “Are you kidding,” she stated, shaking her head no dramatically. Justin couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I know, I wasn’t going either, but Deb said it was this right of passage, and if I missed it then I would regret it for the rest of my life.” Justin and Daphne reached the door leading out of the school, and he looked at her. He wanted to see what her reaction to his news would be, especially since it was Brian that they had—in part—argued over. “So I asked Brian.” “No,” she said with a huge smile on her face. Justin knew at that moment that things were going to be alright between the two. So he decided to continue his story. Sadly Justin finished, “he turned me down though.” Opening the door, Justin walked out and pulled out a cigarette. Brian’s rejection of the idea still stung. Daphne, being the only one who had ever stood by him fully just looked at him in shock. “Oh shit, can you imagine, people’s heads would’ve exploded,” she said. Justin lit up and smiled. “I know, it would’ve been the perfect fuck you and farewell to St. James Academy.” Justin knew that it would’ve been the best. Everyone would’ve freaked to see him and Brian out there on the dance floor. ‘Okay so it’s not Babylon, but still.’ Justin looked at his best friend and realized how calm he felt. He had wanted to talk to her about all of the crap that’s been going on in his life, but every time he picked up the phone, he realized that it wouldn’t be right. “I missed you Daph,” he said as he handed over his cigarette to her as a peace offering. “You too.” “So how about you and me going together,” he asked before he realized it. Justin hadn’t thought about going, not since he had been turned down by Brian. But the more he had thought about it, the more he began to realize that after Graduation, he may never see Daphne again. They would both be going off to school, and Justin knew it would pain him not to see her everyday. He wanted to enjoy his last couple of weeks of High School, why not go with the one person who had stuck by him through the years. “Like a date,” she asked. Justin instantly froze for a second. ‘She can’t think that, can she? Please let us be over that,’ he prayed. Taking another hit off his cigarette, he shook his head. “Like friends. Best friends.” Daphne smiled, thankful for the reprieve. “Only weirdness over,” he stated, hoping that she would agree. “Weirdness definitely over,” she answered with a large smile. Grateful that she felt the same way he did about the past couple of weeks, Justin smiled back at her. “Okay.” The two just stood there, laughing. “Come on, before Mr. Dickerson throws another fit,” Justin stated as he opened the door leading inside for her. Daphne turned her head slightly and smiled. “Yeah, the last thing we need is for you to get suspended again.” Justin cringed slightly at the thought. “So how are we going to get there?” Justin looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “To Mr. Dickerson’s class?” Daphne lightly hit him on the arm. “No, you idiot. To the Prom. It’s not like you have a car.” Justin shrugged. “I don’t know, I didn’t really think about it.” Looking at his best friend, Justin smiled. “I’ll check with my mom, and see if I can borrow the car.” Daphne got a fake worried look on her face. “Why don’t I drive? I’ve seen the way you drive.” Justin bumped her, pushing her away from him. “Bitch,” he replied as the two walked into the classroom. Emmett’s Apartment *Justin* Okay, so here I am, at Michael’s going away party. I don’t even know why I’m here. It’s not like we’re friends or anything. He hates me. He’s never liked me, cause of Brian. I know that Brian’s not going to come, but I can’t help but look toward the door to see if he’s walking through it. I feel so out of place here right now. Of course when he pulled me aside and asked me to take care of Deb, I of course said yes. But then I had to get my own little dig in when he asked me for a favor. ‘What dissappear,’ I had told him. He said that he had given up all hope of that ever happening a long time ago. At least he realizes that I’m not going away. But I don’t think that we will ever be friends. Not as long as I hold the place in Brian’s life that he wants. At least Lindsey and Melanie are there to keep me company. Emmett is depressed cause Michael was leaving, Ted seemed to be having problems with his boyfriend, which in turn pissed Emmett off. God, it’s like a fucking soap opera in here. Deb of course is upset that Michael is leaving. All I can think about is what am I going to wear to the prom, and wishing that Brian was here. Okay, I admit, I’m a drama princess, but damn. “So are you ready for the Prom,” Lindsey asked me as I was sitting in the chair in the corner. I shrugged. “I guess. I talked to Emmett, and he’s going to help me get ready. I don’t know, it still seems strange, you know. I just wish. . .” I couldn’t even complete that thought. Of course Lindsey knew, she always knows some how. “I think it was sweet that you asked him.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Sweet, yeah right. “Doesn’t matter cause he’s not going. So Daph and I are going. I guess this is the way things should be.” Lindsey laid her hand on arm, trying to give me some comfort. “He does care about you, Justin. You have to believe that.” I just look at her like she’s crazy, cause she is. Everyone knows that Brian doesn’t care about anyone. Okay, so that’s not true, he cares a great deal about everyone and will do anything for them, but this . . .well this is different. I know that there is no way that I can explain to anyone how I feel, so I don’t even try. The both of us get up and head over to the kitchen where Mel is. “So are the two of you going to be there,” I as them as I put my plate down by the sink. “To see you in a tux, we wouldn’t miss it,” Mel said. “I bet you’re going to be the best looking guy there,” Linds finished. I pull myself up on the counter, and look at them. If I had an older sister, I would want her to be the two of them. Okay so that would be impossible to have one sister as the two of them, but you get my drift. They take care of me, when all I want to do is lie down and cry. When Brian kicked me out for a trick, the two of them let me stay with them. They even got me that cool art set for getting accepted to PIFA. I hope we’re always going to be this close. We notice that Ted’s boyfriend, Blake, walk up to us, and Mel whispers to my ear, “watch out here comes the druggie.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course that started a long chain of stories. Some I knew, others I had never heard before. It was nice. I felt like I was part of the family. Okay one large dysfunctional family, but a family none the less. It makes me glad that I made that walk down Liberty Ave. and met Brian. If I hadn’t, or if I had been a second later, I don’t even want to know where my life would’ve lead me. # Novotni Residence Deb, Vic, Jenn, Lindsey, and Melanie were sitting around the living room waiting for Justin to finish getting ready. “God, he’s worse than a woman,” Mel stated as she glanced at her watch. They all laughed slightly at that comment. “And men say that we take forever,” Lindsey replied. Vic just shook his head, knowing when he was getting ganged up on. “You have to remember, that Emmett is up there with Justin. And we all know what he’s like,” Vic added with a raised eyebrow. Deb sighed. “Please don’t put all the blame on poor Emmett. We both know how long it takes Sunshine to get around in the morning.” Deb remembered many a morning when Justin would take at least an hour to get ready, with her calling from downstairs to him to hurry up. He had told her and Vic once that ‘I know that you think I can just tumble out of bed and look like this, but it takes time and preparation.’ “Don’t you worry, he shouldn’t be much longer.” Emmett arrived on the stairs and clapped to get their attention. “Attention everyone. Remember that cute little twink in the mid-drift tee and fatigues who went up the stairs? Well just take a look at who is coming down.” Everyone stood as Justin made his way down the stairs. He was wearing a charcol tux, and light blue tie and cumberbun. He was stunning. “Holy shit, Sunshine,” Deb said in shock. ‘He definitely cleans up well,’ she thought. Vic just smiled at Justin, seeing the young man before him. Gone was the ‘cute little twink’. “Well, what do you know the little chicken become cock of the walk.” Jennifer just placed her hands over her face, trying not to cry. Her baby stood before her, looking very handsome. Her baby had grown up. ‘Where is my little boy,’ she thought. “Sweetheart, you look beautiful,” she quietly said. She couldn’t believe that this wasn’t a dream. Mel and Lindsey just stood there, mouths opened. “Jesus, I could go for him myself,” Mel said placing her hand over her heart to stop her heart from beating. “If I don’t beat you to him,” Lindsey replied. Justin came down the rest of the way, and began to receive hugs from all of them. “You look very handsome, Justin,” Lindsey whispered in his ear as she gave him a hug. “Brian is going to be so mad he missed this.” Justin pulled back, and gave her a smile. He wasn’t going to be sad. Tonight was going to be fun, and Mr. Brian Kinney was not going to ruin it. Justin waved to everyone and headed out the door to get Daphne. # Hotel Justin and Daphne were dancing, enjoying the night. Justin was actually enjoying himself. He completely ignored the looks from the kids that had picked on him through the year, and simply lost himself in the music. Dancing with his best friend in the world. How could he not have fun? ‘Of course it would be better if Brian were here, but oh well maybe it’s for the best,’ he thought. He swore that he wouldn’t let Brian ruin the moment for him. He deserved this little time after all he’s been through with this school. Suddenly Daphne touched Justin’s arm and pointed toward the door. Justin turned around and was shocked beyond belief. There was Brian walking in an Armani suit and white scarf. ‘He came,’ Justin thought. ‘God, he looks beautiful.’ Justin noticed that Brian seemed a little nervous, ‘or is he scared shitless’ as he made his way toward them. When Brian reached the teens he turned and was taken back by Justin. To Brian, he looked excellant. He was most definately the best looking guy that he had ever laid eyes on. Justin just smiled up at Brian, knowing that he had caught the elder man. “I thought you said you wouldn’t be caught dead in a room full of 18 year olds,” he joked, throwing Brian’s own words back at him. Brian reached across and ran his hand lightly across the lapels of Justin’s jacket looking him directly in the eyes. “I thought I’d recapture my lost youth.” Daphne turned her head away, knowing that she was invading on something private between the two, and that she would soon be dismissed. Brian turned toward her and smiled. “You look hot Daphne.” Brian kissed her on the top of the head and whispered loud enough so that even Justin could hear, “I’d fuck you.” Daphne had always been struck by Brian’s charm, and this time was no different. She was a little embarrassed but just smiled. “You, you too Brian.” Brian turned his attention back to Justin, and held his hand. “Mind if I borrow your date?” Daphne just shrugged, and laid a hand on Justin’s arm letting him know that it was okay. Not that it would’ve mattered since Justin only seemed to have eyes for Brian. As Daphne turned and walked away Brian lead Justin toward the middle of the dance floor as the music began. As the two men reached the middle of the floor, both noticed that everyone had cleared the floor for them. # You can dance Every dance With the guy who give you the eye Let him hold you tight Brian was grateful at that moment that Lindsey had forced him into taking those damn ballroom classes when they were in college. It seemed like the waltz was the right type of dance to do. Especially with Justin. Brian reached for the silk scarf around him, and placed it around Justin’s neck, then reached for his hands. The two began to waltz around the dance floor, oblivious to everyone, and everything around them. You can smile Every smile For the man who held Your hand neith the pale moon light. The two men twirled around the dance floor, bathed in a pale blue light, basking in the knowledge that it was the two of them, and no one else. But don’t forget who’s taking you home And in who’s arm you gonna be So darling Save the last dance for me. Every now and then, Justin would catch sight of the shocked expressions of his classmates, and teachers. Looks that said, ‘how dare they,’ ‘what do they think they’re doing,’ and there were even some that saw it for it was. . . that it was romantic. Justin couldn’t help but smile and laugh every once in a while, and he noticed that neither could Brian. Oh I know That the music’s fine Like sparkling wine Go and have your fun Laugh and sing But while we’re apart Don’t give your heart to anyone. Justin couldn’t believe that Brian was here, dancing with him in front of everyone. ‘God, this song fits us perfectly,’ he thought with a smile. ‘I wonder what Brian is thinking.’ But don’t forget who’s taking you home And in who’s arm you gonna be So darling Save the last dance for me. Brian just continued to look Justin in the eye, taking in everything that this beautiful young man had to offer. It gave him hope, Justin was his future. ‘How could I have ever thought of killing myself last night,’ he thought. All he knew was at this moment in time, he had never felt more alive in his life. Dancing with the ‘hot, young twink’ who had stolen his heart that night in September while standing benieth a lamp post. This young man who had helped name his son. Baby don’t you know I love you so Can’t you feel it when we touch I will never, never let you go I love you so oh much ‘Do I love Justin,’ Brian asked himself. ‘Is this what love feels like?’ He didn’t know the answer to that. All he knew was that he wouldn’t have traded this moment for anything in the world. No amount of E could give him this type of thrill, this type of pleasure. It was romantic. You can dance Go carry on Till the night is gone And it’s time to go. If he asks If your all alone Can he take you home You must tell him no. As Brian leaned in to try and kiss Justin, Justin reached down between them, and started to unbutton Brian’s jacket. Justin walked around his lover and pulled the jacket off of his shoulders and tossed it to Daphne who was standing on the sidelines happy for her friend. Justin then removed the scarf from around his neck, and placed it back round Brian’s. The two continued to make their rounds twirling each other around the dance floor. Cause don’t forget who’s taking you home And in who’s arm you gonna be So darling Save the last dance for me. Brian grabbed a hold of Justin, and slowly and carefully dipped him back. It seemed like they were in one of the old movies, as Justin lifts his leg, placing it on the back of Brian’s leg. Tilting his head back, Justin let out a laugh. He couldn’t believe that he was here with the man that he loved. This proved to Justin that Brian did in fact love him back. ‘You can’t hide anymore Brian, I know all your secrets,’ Justin thought as Brian pulled him up from the dip and lifted him up into his arms. Cause don’t forget who’s taking you home And in who’s arm you gonna be So darling Save the last dance for me. Save the last dance for me. Save the last dance for me. As Brian twirled Justin in the air, he looked into his lovers eyes. Not able to resist, Brian closed the distance between the two and kissed him passonately. ‘You’re mine,’ Brian thought to himself. ‘Justin is mine.’ Brian never thought that he would be able to have anyone as wonderful and bright as Justin in his life, but here he was a 30 year old man, dancing with his lover at a high school prom. He had been feeling down because of his birthday, but now Brian wondered why he was worried, when all he had to do was be with Justin to feel young and alive again. ‘Of course you will never know that,’ Brian thought. He knew he could never tell Justin any of this. He always prided himself on staying in control, never letting heart person touch his. Unfortunately Justin had. ‘Or was it fortunately. Hell, I don’t think I care anymore.’ Brian pulled away from the kiss, and grabbed a hold of Justin’s hands, pulling him from the dance floor. Before they reached the door leading out of the ballroom, Justin pulled back a little. “Just a sec, okay. I gotta let Daph. know that I’m taking you to the jeep,” Justin explained as he planted a quick kiss on Brian’s lips. “Don’t take too long,” Brian said, returning the kiss. Justin practically ran over to his friend, and grabbed Brian’s jacket from her. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to walk Brian out to his car.” Daphne placed her hand on his arm. “Go will you! If he’s left alone too long, who knows who’s going to try and steal him away.” Justin just smiled brightly at his friend. “You looked hot out there. Go! I’ll see you in a bit.” Justin gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, before he ran back to Brian. Grabbing the older man’s hand he pulled him out of the room. Justin continued to pull Brian toward the stairs. Brian halted in his tracks, pulling Justin toward him. “The stairs? Why use stairs when there’s a perfectly operational elevator right there,” he asked inclining his head in the direction of the elevator leading toward the Parking Garage. Justin grinned, and continued to pull Brian’s arm. “You’ll see.” Brian bit his lower lip, and smirked at the younger man. Brian allowed Justin to pull him into the stairwell, and as soon as the door closed on them he felt himself being pushed against the wall. Justin didn’t wait a minute to begin trailing light, open mouthed kisses across Brian’s cheek, chin, and neck. “God,” he breathed against Brian’s neck Brian turned them around so that Justin was between him and the wall. He began to trail kisses from his ear down his neck. Slowly, Brian untied Justin’s bowtie, and unbuttoned the top of his shirt so that he could reach more of Justin’s smooth skin on his neck. “Fuck,” Brian breathed. Justin pulled Brian’s face toward his and planted a kiss on those lucious lips. “I want you,” he sighed staring into Brian’s deep, dark eyes. Brian licked his lips, and smiled. “Later,” he said. Halting any comment from Justin in protest, Brian placed his fingers on the boy’s kiss swollen lips. “First, I’m going back to the jeep. Then you’re going to go back in there, get Daphne, and take her home.” Justin smiled in return. “Then, I come to the loft and . . .” Brian pulled Justin into a deep kiss, loving the feel of the boy's body benieth his own. “Come on. The sooner we get out of here the sooner the real celebration can start.” # Parking Garage of the Hotel Brian grabbed Justin’s hand when they reached the garage, and started swinging him around in a circle. “So don’t forget who’s taking you home, and in who’s arms your gonna be,” they both sang as they danced their way toward the jeep. Justin started laughing as he held Brian’s hand, pulling him toward the jeep. “Did you see their faces?” Justin stood so that Brian was standing near the Jeep. “Yeah we gave them a prom they’ll never forget,” Brian replied as he placed his scarf around Justin’s neck, and turning him so that his back was to the jeep. Brian ran his hands over the smooth silk material of the scarf, easily comparing it to the feel of Justin’s skin. Justin just smiled up at his lover, happiness pouring out of him. “Me neither. It was the best night of my life.” Justin couldn’t remember a time when he had been so happy, felt so loved. Brian had actually came, and now Justin knew that things were different between them. Brian looked into Justin’s eyes, and found himself getting lost in the younger man’s bright blue eyes. “Even if it was ridiculously romantic,” he said with a smile. Brian glanced at Justin’s lips and leaned into him. However, inches from connecting, Brian stopped. Justin opened his eyes, and saw the request in his partner’s eyes. ‘May I?’ ‘Yes. God, yes,’ he replied. Taking Justin’s silent answer, Brian leaned in and kissed his lover lightly on the lips. That one short, gentle kiss lead to another gentle, but longer kiss as the two felt the differences the night had caused them in their relationship take shape. Brian pulled back, and saw Justin’s eyes light up. He never thought he had ever seen a more beautiful sight. Grabbing onto the scarf, Brian twirled it around his fingers, and pulled Justin away from the jeep. “Later,” he said just above a whisper. It was a promise of things to come. Justin just smiled brightly back at the man, knowing that tonight had changed everything. “Later,” he replied back. Justin grabs a hold of the scarf around his neck, and just laughs. Brian could see that Justin’s smile shine brightly, lighting up the entire parking garage. Brian had never seen anything like it before in his life. Justin’s smile was so real that the teen’s eyes were bright, his face lit up. It made Brian feel warm inside, knowing that he was the cause of such joy in the boy’s life. ‘So that’s why Deb calls him Sunshine,’ Brian thought as he watched Justin turn away and make his way back to his real date. Brian opened the door to his jeep, and climbed in. Looking in the side mirror, Brian noticed that Justin was practically skipping back toward the ballroom, holding the scarf tightly in his hands. Brian couldn’t help but smile. ‘I love him,’ he thought to himself. ‘Fuck, did I just say that?’ But Brian knew that he couldn’t deny it any longer. Suddenly Brian caught sight of something move out of the shadows behind Justin. Noticing immediately that the shadow was carrying something in his left hand, Brian froze for an instant. ‘What the fuck!’ Brian quickly opened his car door, and started running toward the figure behind Justin. “JUSTIN!” Noticing the bat being raised, ready to connect with the back of Justin’s head, Brian prayed. ‘God, please, please. . . don’t let this happen,’ he prayed. As soon as Brian had called out to him, Justin turned around. Brian caught a glimpse of the smile still on the teen’s face before the wooden bat connected with Justin’s skull with a sickening thud. The sound of the wooden bat connecting with the fragile bone of Justin’s skull echoed throughout the parking garage, seeping deep into Brian’s soul. As Justin fell into a heap on the cement floor, Brian finally reached the person who had attacked his lover. ‘Chris Hobbs,’ ran through Brian’s mind. He vaguely remembered this kid from Justin. This was the asshole that had picked on, and beat on Justin all year. Noting that the little shit was poised to strike again, Brian pushed him down to the cement. The bat fell from Hobb’s hand and the kid got up and began to run. Picking up the bat, Brian swung, striking the teen in the knee. “Ow, God dammit,” the teen yelled. Brian threw down the bat as reality began to set in. ‘Justin,’ he thought. Turning from the whimpering form on the ground, Brian ran to Justin. He instantly noticed that Justin was not moving, as he knelt down beside him. ‘Please. Oh god, don’t be dead. Please God,’ Brian prayed as he leaned over the teen. Blood was rushing out of his body from the side of his head, and Brian felt himself start to lose his sanity. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. GOD!” He suddenly remembered something that he had seen on TV—or was it that he had read it somewhere, he didn’t really care—Brian pulled the silk scarf from around Justin’s neck and placed it on the wound. ‘Pressure. Applying pressure, stops the blood,’ he remembered. “But how much pressure? Fuck! Justin, come on. Wake up, baby. Please wake up,” he kept repeating. Quickly he started to reach into his pockets, hoping to find something. “Where the fuck is some help here,” he yelled into the almost deserted parking garage. With one hand still holding the scarf securely against Justin’s head, he continued to search for his cell. ‘Fuck, I can’t do this. Where the hell is my fucking cell,’ He thought as he felt his strength leave him. He heard voices behind him, heard them cry out, and dial 911. ‘Thank-you,’ he thought. Brian knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold on long enough to explain what happened. Someone came behind him, and Brian refused to look up. He had to keep the pressure on Justin’s head that was all he knew. “They want to know what happened,” asked the person behind him. ‘He’s fucking dying, you stupid mother. . .’, Brian wanted to scream. But luckily he was saved from answering when the kid saw the blood as he leaned over to ask his question. ‘Yeah, get a good fucking look. Since none of you did a fucking thing when you had a chance. None of you gave a damn,’ he continued to swear in his mind. ‘Christ!’ Brian tuned everyone else out, he was falling. He needed help if he was ever going to get through this. The ambulance was on its way, or so the kid on the phone was telling him. Brian could make out the kid’s raised voice telling them to get there now. Brian reached inside his jacket again, needing to find his cell, needing to get a lifeline. He had to be there for Justin, but he wasn’t sure he could at this time. He was falling into despair, and he didn’t know what to do. Finding it, he pulled it out with one hand, ensuring that the pressure was still on Justin’s head. Slowing he pulled Justin into his lap, and kissed his blood soaked head and lips. “It’ll be okay, Justin. Just hang on, okay. Help is on its way.” Brian pressed the speed dial on his phone, not really caring who he had reached. He knew that Jenn, had to be informed. Justin would want her there when he got there, and if she was there he wouldn’t have to wait for the fucking forms to be signed before anything would be done to help him. He heard the line connect, and he didn’t care who he had reached. All he knew was that he had to get them at the hospital so that he could focus on Justin. “Justin. . .god, Justin’s hurt. Hospital. . Get there,” he said losing it. Brian felt Justin’s body get cooler, and fear began to grip deep within him. Quickly he placed the phone on the ground, and pulled Justin further into his body, hoping to warm him. “Come on, Justin. Come on. Fight. . . you have to. . . please,” Brian begged as the silence was broken by the sounds of the Emergency Medical Service Units. As the EMS approached Brian, he glanced up. “You need to let us take him from here,” one of the medical personnel stated. They knew that they had to get Brian to loosen his tight hold on the young man on the ground if they were going to help him. “What’s his name,” the man asked as soon as Brian moved away slightly so that they could begin their work. Brian however, never moved far from Justin, keeping contact with the teen’s hand. “Justin,” he whispered, leaning down to give Justin a kiss. Brian refused to remove his hand from Justin’s as they began to move Justin to the awaiting Ambulance. # Hospital Brian sat in the hard chair outside of the Emergency room, just staring at the door where Justin was taken. ‘I can’t breath,’ he realized. ‘Oh god. Please. I’ve never asked for anything in my life. I know that I haven’t been the best, I’ve done somethings that I’m not proud of. But Justin. . . .He’s innocent. He’s pure. Please, if you are really there. Don’t take him away from me. Please, I don’t think I can face another day without him. I don’t want to go back to an empty life,’ he prayed. Brian continued to look down the hallway, reliving the past year, when he felt a hand on his neck-- stroking the fine hairs in a calming manner. But Brian wouldn’t allow himself to be calm, not when it was his fault that Justin was here. If he had just been a little quicker. If he had just stayed away. If he had never seen Justin that night standing by the lamppost. His life changed that night. More so then ever before. That night in September when his life had begun. In that one night, his future had appeared. He could see Michael and Justin following him--running down these very corridors--toward his future. Brian had looked back at the blond twink twice on that run. Why had he done that, he wondered. His future was before him. He was going to see his newborn son, so why was he looking back at Justin? Why had he included Justin in that private moment? ‘Did I know then that this young man would be my future? Would help me through life? Teach me how to love,’ he wondered. As Brian continued to relive the past couple of months, he never noticed the tears that began to flow from his eyes down his blood covered face -- Justin’s blood. ‘Don’t leave me now,’ he silently sent to Justin. ‘I have so much more to learn from you.’