A Man needs to know was ticket # 121 at Queer as Fans Convention 2005 Justin walked into Red Cape Comics with indecision. On one hand he was upset with Michael for telling Brian that they knew, but on the other hand he could understand it as well. Despite what anyone thought, he could relate… at least in part. Was he still upset with Michael? Yes. He felt that he had a right, especially after the hell he had gone through the past couple of days. The pain he had felt when Brian had kicked him out, saying they were no longer partners. The disbelief he felt when Brian had told Cynthia that he would get a restrainer order against him. Yes, he was still more than a little upset. “Justin.” Michael states, coming out from the backroom with a box in his hands. “Ummm… how are you doing?” Justin set his bag down beside the counter and closed his eyes briefly to gather his wits about him. “Before we get down to business, I just wanted to say one thing.” Justin stated as he turned around so he could lean against the counter, and face Michael. Michael set the box down and leaned against the wall on the far side of the room. A stand-off. “I just wish -- and would really appreciate it if you would warn me next time you decide to fuck things up between Brian and I.” “I wasn't trying to fuck things up for you.” Michael stated as he shook his head. Causing Brian any more pain was NOT his intention when he had brought it up. “I didn't mean for it to come out… It just slipped. And I know I should have told you but…well we can't go back and change it now.” Justin crossed his arms over his chest and nodded his head. “I know how much Brian means to you. And I know how much he needs you in his life. I just wish that you would take me into consideration at times. Just think about what it does to me… and to Brian. He was a fucking mess.” Michael let out a slow, deep breath and shrugged. “I didn't think that he would do something that stupid. He seemed fine when I left him. I mean come on… even a blind man can see what you mean to him. And even if he never tells you … he does love you.” “I know… and he loves you too.” “As a friend. As a brother.” “Best friend and best brother.” Justin nodded. “I used to feel threatened by what you two share. You have a past with Brian… know things about Brian that I never will. It's the same with Daphne and I. But I'm not the naive little twink anymore. I know he loves me in a way that he never could love you.” Michael smiles, silently thanking Justin for understanding his place in Brian's life. “And you have always seen a side of Brian that he never let any of us see. I wanted to be where you are now. I had always believed that we would be a couple.” Justin laughed a little, rolling his eyes. “Please you know that you never would have been able to keep up with him.” “Hey!” Michael laughed slightly, trying to appear offended. “Between his HUGE drama moments, his drinking, drugs… the tricks. Oh and let's not forget that he fucking is horny ALL the damn time.” Justin laughed shaking his head. “I'm young… I have youth on my side. Plus Brian NEVER would have allowed Hunter to stay with you, let alone let you give your sperm to Mel.” “Yeah… and Hunter's the best, and I wouldn't give up being a father for anything.” Michael nodded. He knew that at this time in his life, he was happier than he had ever been He had Ben, and Hunter. They were a family… something he wouldn't get with Brian. Yeah the sex would have been great, but Michael knew that it would have destroyed their friendship. Neither one of them was ready for that. At the time Justin had entered their lives, Michael knew he would have done anything to be with Brian. Now he knew what love really was… he found that out the hard way. “You deserve to be happy… and I think that being with Brian would have destroyed you.” Justin stated. “Hell, I wonder why I put up with his shit half of the time. How many times has he thrown me off of Mount Kinney ? Christ!” Justin ran his hand through his short hair, remembering the pain he had been feeling lately. “Soooo what did you do?” Michael asked with a smile playing on his lips. He had told Brian that he was wrong to kick Justin out. He had even tried to get Justin to understand where Brian was coming from. It was the least he could do… Brian needed someone around. He needed Justin, no matter what. Justin bit his lower lip to try to keep from laughing. “I told him what a motherfucking piece of shit he was, and how he should have told me.” “I bet that went over well.” Mikey laughed, shaking his head. He had told Brian the same thing almost and had been shut out. “Yeah, but then I told him that if he thought that I would leave him cause he had a ball removed then he was wrong. I had put up with too much of his shit to have him throw me out because of that. Then I told him to get his ass in bed and eat some chicken soup.” Justin shook his head. “It hurt though. Really hurt. I don't know if I can ever really forgive him for shutting me out.” Michael walked across the room and placed his hand on Justin's shoulder. “He told me he didn't want to have people treat him differently… to treat him like he was sick and an invalid. Like he was going to die.” Justin closed his eyes hoping to stop his mind from going into overdrive. “But that's the thing… I've been there, Michael. I KNOW what he's going through. I know what he's feeling. The helplessness, the feeling like everyone is treating you with kid gloves, like they see you as a little kid who if you say the wrong thing, you'll break.” Michael closed his eyes understanding something more fully that had been bothering him for days now. He hadn't made the connection before, and now that he had he couldn't believe that Brian had acted so hastily. “Have you told him that?” Justin shook his head. “The thing is, he should know. Out of anyone, he should know. He should remember what I was like after the bashing. He was there, even if he didn't want me to know, to see him.” Justin blew out a huge breath, shaking his head. “I know he thinks that because of this that he can't… well be who he was. That he can never be the ‘Great Brian Fucking Kinney' again. But that's what I felt like too. I didn't want ANYONE to touch me. I couldn't have sex for a long time afterwards. It took a lot for me to overcome that. Even after we started having sex again, I still would feel that little twinge in my gut that wanted to stop it.” “You will just have to show him. Be there for him.” Michael informed Justin as he placed his hand on the younger man's shoulder. “Be there for him, like he was for you. Prove to him that you loved him, no matter what.” “That's the thing. He should already know. But… I'm not giving up. I can't. I love him, Michael. I don't want to lose him.” “You won't. Not if I have anything to say about it.” Michael smiled, holding out his hand in a silent pact. Justin nodded his thanks and shook Michael's hand. “Together, we'll help Brian get through this.” “Even if he doesn't want our help. Zephyr and JT can bring Rage to his knees.” Justin smiled back at Michael. Their friendship that had hit so many rocks was once again rebuilding. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin walked into the loft, setting the grocery bags down on the counter. Glancing up to the bedroom he knew that Brian must still be at work, since he could see no signs of the older man. Deciding that he might as well start dinner, Justin began to put the stuff away as he tried to decide what to make. He knew that whatever they had, had to be light since Brian's stomach would be unsettled from the treatments. Justin only hoped that he didn't have to deal with Brian's bad attitude along with it. The loft door slowly opened, giving Justin a peek at the man he loved. “Are you hungry?” Justin asked as he watched Brian slowly enter the loft and head straight to the bedroom without a word. Setting the burner down low, Justin followed Brian and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You really should eat something.” Justin told his lover as he helped Brian take off his jacket. “And I think I told you to fuck off.” Brian wrenched his arm away from Justin to remove his own jacket. “Fat chance of that happening. If I leave, then you have to put up with Michael. Frankly, I think you would rather deal with me.” Justin smiled at Brian, with an evil glint in his eye. Brian shook his head as he lay down on the bed, curling up in a ball to ward off the pains in his stomach. “Just what I need. Two mother hens.” Brian lifted his head up from the pillow to look at Justin. “Why are you here?” Justin shrugged slightly as he leaned back with his feet hanging on the edge of the bed. “Michael reminded me of some things that I should have realized on my own, mind you. I should have realized what the fuck you were doing, but frankly I was just too pissed off. At you and at Michael. I was stupid to even listen to Michael to begin with, but I went along with it.” “And this has to do with what, exactly?” “It has to do with what an ass you are… with the fact that you purposely shut me out, and shoved me off of Mount Kinney once again. DO you have ANY idea how stupid you made me feel? How worthless you made me feel?” Justin stated in a low voice. He was angry, but the he didn't want Brian to have the chance to retaliate. He knew that if he exploded, then Brian would fight back like a wounded animal and they would get nowhere. “When Michael told you he knew, you held him and told him you would be okay. Me? What did I get? Me and my shit thrown out of here like yesterday's garbage.” “Yeah well you should have stayed away.” Justin rolled his eyes, already knowing exactly what Brian would say. He had heard it all before, and frankly he wasn't going to buy it anymore. “Keep telling yourself that, Brian. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not.” Justin turned his head so he could look at Brian who had turned in the bed to face Justin. “Besides, for once I think I actually have someone on my side in this whole mess. Of course if you would have told me hell even a year ago that he would be supporting US, I would have thought you were crazy.” “Fuck.” Brian cursed. ”Not tonight… I don't want you to puke all over me.” Justin smiled at Brian, receiving a glare in return. “Brian… we care. Michael and I care… hell everyone cares. Just because you had a ball removed doesn't make a damn bit of difference to us. You're not fucking God, you're not perfect. Far from it. You're Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue. The protector of Gayopolis. You will get all of that back, it just takes time.” Brian sat up slowly, propped the pillows up against the headboard and rested his head against the wall. “I'm no hero, Justin. I'm not even the Stud of Liberty Avenue, anymore. Those days are over.” Justin moved over to sit next to Brian as he turned the man's face to his own. “One ball or two… it wouldn't matter Brian. You are still the hottest looking fag in all of Pittsburgh . You can still have ANYONE you want. Right now, you're sick. The radiation is playing havoc with your system. In time you'll be able to get through a day of work. Be able to fuck me into the mattress. In time. Have a little faith.” “Christ now you're starting to sound like my mother.” Brian ran his hands through his hair. “Faith in Michael and you're friendship with him. Faith in me, and our relationship… our partnership. Faith in the fact that I love you, you son of a bitch. Nothing will change that.” Justin laid his head on Brian's shoulder, and took a deep breath. “We've been through hell and back, Brian. We can make it through this too. But you need our help.” Brian pushed Justin off of his shoulder, and turned slightly to face the blond. “I won't be treated like a fucking invalid.” “You didn't treat me like one when I got out of the hospital. You didn't treat me any differently. Why would you think that I would betray what we have by treating you like a child?” Justin stood from the bed and stood at the edge of the steps leading down to the main room of the loft. “It would be an insult to what we are to each other. An insult to who we are as individuals. Just let Michael and I help you.” Brian sat there watching Justin as the young man left the bedroom to get the soup. He knew that Justin was right; that all Michael and Justin wanted to do was to help. Brian just hated the idea of having to rely on anyone. Hated that this damn thing was ripping through his body and making him weak. Hated that Justin and Michael even knew. The two people he cared for most in his life, knowing he was vulnerable… that he wasn't their ‘hero' Rage. Justin came up and sat back down on the edge of the bed. “Eat. You have to keep your strength up. The sickness only lasts a little while with the treatment… they say after a while it gets better. So eat, that way you can be on top of your game quicker than anyone expects, and better than anyone expects. I bet you, that the doctor told you that you should even go to work, right?” Seeing the rolling of the eyes from Brian, Justin smiled. “So see, even now you are beating their expectations. So stop sulking, and let your body rest for now. Then soon, you will once again be on top of the world.” Brian took the spoon Justin had handed him and took a small sip of the soup. “Why do I even bother to try and get rid of you?” Justin shrugged. “You would think that you had learned that lesson three years ago. I never leave… at least not for long. And even when I'm not here, you're still with me. All you have to remember is that a man needs to know when to ask for help. And know that between Michael and I… we'll help you through this. All of us, your family, will help you through this. Cause that's what love is all about.” The End