Reviewer: coleamber (Signed) · Date: April 14, 2019 07:46 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
poor Brian
Author's Response: I have a bit of a thing for a vulnerable Brian. But, even in his pain, he never forgets Justin's ;-)
Reviewer: coleamber (Signed) · Date: November 10, 2018 08:18 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
hope there will be more
Author's Response: Another gapfiller? I always hated the way the show glossed over this part of the episode, and didn't show what Justin's reactions to Brian's refusals of sex were. I thought it was an important part of the story, which is what prompted me to write it. Glad you liked it :-) Thanks so much for reading!
Reviewer: Enohvee1875 (Signed) · Date: July 07, 2016 03:31 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
You nailed it! I wished the show had expanded this story arc. Justin was afraid he was losing Brian and Brian was afraid his condition would result in him losing Justin. Thanks for giving us your POV on this scene.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this gapfiller :-) I would have loved to see more of this scene in canon, too. The gap between what happened in this scene and the next in canon seemed enormas. Justin would not have just been okay with Brian leaving him the way he did. It was so not Brian. I don't think he would have truly believed that Brian was losing interest in him, but he would have known that something was very wrong, and it would have upset him. And of course Brian would have been a wreck of emotion, but would not have known how to express it without giving away the secret. I'm glad you thought this might have been a good way to bridge the gap :-) Thanks again for reading, and for your feedback. It is much appreciated!
Reviewer: BritinForever (Signed) · Date: April 16, 2016 03:14 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
Wow! That was so powerful. You wrote Brian perfectly. Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: So glad you enjoyed this! I'm glad you liked Brian, too :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely review!
Reviewer: addicted-to-romione-bedward (Signed) · Date: March 15, 2015 12:51 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
Such a beautiful little gap-filler. I have a knot in my throat. Damn. Hurts to read about this, but I'm a sucker for cancer gap-filler moments. We didn't see much of this in the show.
Thank you for shaing this beautiful story with us.
Author's Response: I'm thrilled that you liked this story, and that it tugged at the heartstrings a little bit. I'm also a sucker for the cancer arch because I think it says so much about Brian and his insecurities. What is it like for a man who is considered to be perfect and immortal to suddenly be faced with the reality that he is neither? It is too bad they didn't go into more detail in the show - I would have loved to see how some of the gaps actually did fill. But, I guess it gives us plenty to speculate (and write!) about *g*
Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review. It means a lot :-)
Reviewer: Severus_divides_into_H (Signed) · Date: February 24, 2015 10:18 AM · On: Monkey on His Back
Hi, Sapphire! I was delighted to see a new story from you. And especially a story that covers the cancer arc! I love reading about this, I wish there were more episodes in QAF centered around Brian’s cancer.
As always, your characters are very in-canon. Justin is real and perfect in his insecurities and his fear of being rejected. His ‘is it the hair?’ touched me, it sounded so innocent and hurt. Brian’s silence deeply affected him – I believe Brian didn’t think of the possible consequences at first. And when Brian replied ‘I do’ to Justin’s ‘why don’t you love me anymore?’ I didn’t even realize at first what it meant. It was so natural, I didn’t even notice that Brian basically told Justin he loves him. I can totally see this happening in the show.
The ending was amazing. This is a very powerful and intense story, I *loved* it, thank you for writing it. I really hope we will see more stories from you, you’re so talented!
Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the wonderflul review - I really miss writing and it's something I'm trying to make time for again. Hearing from people who enjoy the stories is great motivation ;-) I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this gapfiller. Like you, I really like the cancer arch in canon, mainly because of what it shows us about Brian, and I also think it could have been drawn out a little more. The scene that this gapfiller follows always seemed like a monumental cliffhanger, and it always bothered me that it never gets resolved. Hence, the gapfiller ;-)
I'm glad that you think the characters are in canon. It's sometimes hard to write a emotionally vulnerable Brian, but the circumstances in this case made it easy. Justin's line "is it the hair?" is actually right out of the episode - when Justin is talking to Emmett about Brian tunring him down, he says, "Maybe I'm getting to old for him. Maybe it's the hair!" At first it seems a little shallow, but on another level, it speaks to Justin's utter confusion. He knows Brian loves him, and he knows something is wrong - but he's in the dark as to what it is. As you say, Brian's silence is uncharacteristic and worrying, but Brian is so preoccupied that he can't see it. When he does realize it (which doesn't happen in the show), I can see him left feeling regretful and helpless.
Thanks again for reading and for your lovely review. I really appreciate it :-D
Reviewer: LibertySun (Signed) · Date: February 20, 2015 03:50 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
Thank you for this beautifully written, emotional read. *Hugs* -Mandi
Author's Response: Thanks Mandi! I'm so thrilled that you enjoyed this story, and that you found it moving. Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful comment - it means a lot :-)
Reviewer: sfscarlet (Anonymous) · Date: February 08, 2015 04:08 AM · On: Monkey on His Back
this was so poignant. I think that this could have happened. brian needed to tell justin about the cancer. it would have been so much better.
Author's Response: Thanks :-) I'm really glad you did find this story poignant. The cancer arch is one of my favourite story lines in the series because, in combination with Vic's death, it really shakes the characters out of their comfort zones. I really love what it shows us about Brian's character, and particularly his insecurities. His reason for not telling anyone was only partially because he was afraid of being seem as 'imperfect' - I think a bigger reason was that he didn't what to inflict pain and worry on the people he loved. I am immeasurably glad Justin did find out - Brian never could have made it on his own. At least, he wouldn't have made it out unscathed...
Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review. It means a lot :-)
Reviewer: Dido_MagnaCarta (Signed) · Date: February 05, 2015 09:39 AM · On: Monkey on His Back
I read this a few days ago- but I only just realized YOU are posting again! Welcome back!
This story met your usual standards. Beautiful story-telling, paying close attention to a gap in Canon that really should have been filled. This story is also extremely helpful to me because I am currently writing something for Brian's cancer arc and trying to see how other writers interpret his character.
You really capture Brian's fear. He isn't used to feeling so vulnerable. This is possibly the second time (after his bankruptcy) where he is forced to realize that he isn't infallible, and he can fall. I loved the part you had where Brian realizes he won't be fucking for some time; I could really seem him being stripped of his defences there. And yet you add another dimension to his character through those wonderful, tender scenes with him and Justin; their embrace in the shower was simply beautiful. Usually, I am sceptical of stories where Brian sheds a tear in front of Justin, but here it made so much sense. Even though you didn't say it much, his love basically shone through every gesture, which is how Brian should be portrayed. But just when the reader thinks it is all going to end happily ever after, we get that bittersweet line at the end- the infamous "Ibiza" lie.
Long review, but totally deserved for such a wonderful contribution. You ahve also helped my writing immensely, so thank you!
Author's Response: Thanks :-) I'm so thrilled you enjoyed this story! I know I haven't been around much this last year (RL stuff), but I'm trying to get back into writing. I truly miss it, and writing this reminded me just how much *g*
I came across an earlier attemot at this gapfiller a few months ago, and went back to watch the episode to refresh my memory. I'd forgotten how much I love episode 407, for all its angst and pain. It says to much about Brian, and it really showcases his inner vulnerabilities. It's easy to assume that Brian's secretcy over the cancer is an attempt to prevent people from finding out he's not perfect and he's mortal, just like everyone else. But I think the real reason is because he's terrifed causing the people he loves pain and worry, especially as it comes hot on the heels of Vic's death.
I think Brian is very aware himself that he's not perfect and that he is capable of failure, which is why he is a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak - he doesn't want people to know that. His bankruptcy - as well as getting fired - was hard for him because it was a blow to his ego. But it was his actions and his choices that lead to these events. The cancer was different in that he couldn't control it. He didn't know what was going to happen, and I think that scared him into silence. He is so tragically pathetic in this episode - how could he possibly think that he could hide the cancer from Justin? It would have been such an incredibly huge load to carry, which is why I could realistically see him losing it for a moment. Deep dwn, I think Brian is quite a sensitive person.
Thank you so much for reading, and for your lovely long review. I truly appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and feedback. It means a lot :-)
Reviewer: sarahyellow (Signed) · Date: February 03, 2015 02:35 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
Okay, first off, crazy weird title! Lol. But it drew my attention and you made it work. I really liked that you started the story off with a little bit of background info in the summary as to what had immediately preceeded the action. That way you could jump right into things and I found that an enjoyable way to start off reading.
My favorite thing about this story was that it gave me an opportunity to see a very emotional situation from Brian's side of things. Usually he is portrayed (when in character and not OOC) as not too emotional, so the only way we often experience that side of him is by hearing his thoughts. I am guilty of avoiding a very sentimental or feeling Brian in my stories for fear of being OOC, but you did a great job at showcasing Brian's innermost thoughts without deviating from who he truely is. I really enjoyed getting to witness so much intimacy from his POV. You did a really good job at this. I also thought that Justin's interactions with him in this were just precious. I was worried for a moment that Brian was going to discover that Justin had been cooerced or raped, so it was a relief when that turned out not to be the case. Good story! And way to create something in-cannon that still gave us a completely new set of events to witness.
Author's Response: Thanks :-) I'm so thrilled you enjoyed this story, and that you thought this was an ICC Brian. I know the title is a little weird, but I thought having a "monkey on his back" was a suitable expression to describe Brian's cancer - or rather, his attempt to hide the fact he had cancer - at this point. It was this expression that leapt to mind when I was trying to think of a title for the story. In my mind, this episode has always had a gaping hole in it, despite the fact that the scene this story picks up from is only three minutes long. I always wanted to know what happened when Brian came back from 'the office', and I was always curious about what he told Justin about suddenly walking out the way he did. In the next Canon scene with Brian and Justin (the scene where Brian tells Justin he's going to Ibiza), nothing seems awkward or unusual between them - so something must have happened after the scene with the two men in the loft.
This is a very emotional and difficult time for Brian. This is actually one of my favourite episodes in the whole series because it speaks volumes about Brian. It's easy to think that he's vain, and that he's afraid the world will find out he's both mortal and imperfect. But I think what scares Brian more is that his cancer will cause the people he loves hurt and anxiety, and he wants to protect them. It strikes me as so tragically pathetic - how could he have *hoped* to hide something as serious as cancer from Justin or Michael? But he does it out of fear and hopelessness - emotions Brian very seldom shares. All of these internalized feelings make for some pretty rough waters in Brian's mind, and it was interesting to try and navigate them. I'm really glad that you found him to be ICC here, and that you liked the interaction with Justin.
Thanks so much for reading and for your insightful comment. I truly appreciate your comments and feedback :-)
Reviewer: Brynneth (Anonymous) · Date: February 03, 2015 05:25 AM · On: Monkey on His Back
Yay! I smiled when I saw a new story from you! Loved it, like I do all your stuff. So emotional . . . I can feel Brian's pain. Thanks so much!
Author's Response: Thanks Brynneth! I'm very glad you enjoyed this story :-) This is the first story I've written in a very long time (real life has been very busy), and I'm so glad I had a chance to get back to it. I'm thrilled that you found this story so poignant - I like a little bit of angst here and there *g* Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely review - I appreciate it so much!
Reviewer: lrknow (Anonymous) · Date: February 02, 2015 07:21 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
this was heart rending and realistic very much in character, thank you for writing it
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading :-) I'm really glad you enjoyed this story, and that you found it ICC. Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review I appreciate it so much :-)
Reviewer: Predec2 (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2015 02:11 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
As always, you have written this beautifully. I really like how you have turned this around to be more of a hurt/comfort fic toward Justin, instead of Brian. Thank you for posting this. Enjoyed it very much. Hugs ~Kim
Author's Response: Thanks Kim :-) I'm really glad you enjoyed this story! This is a gapfiller that I've been trying to tackle for a while, and I feel like I finally managed it. This is interesting from a H/C perspective, because Brian is trying to comfort Justin for something that he doesn't yet know will hurt him. I'm convinced that Brian's reason for not telling anyone about his cancer was ot because he was ashamed of his own inperfection and mortality, but because he didn't want to inflict worry and pain on the people he loved. That's just like Brian... but fortuntaly, he didn't have to go it alone in the end :-)
Thanks again for reading and for your wonderful review I appreciate it so much :-)
Reviewer: soirsagrey (Anonymous) · Date: February 02, 2015 12:54 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
How do you review a story that has you in tears after reading?
This story is dark, emotional and very, very moving. The sadness dripping of the screen.
Written in a such a way, I felt myself in the loft at that moment, wanting to hug both our boys and comfort them.
Very, very, very well done! One of THE best stories i read in a while.
XOXO
Soirsa
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Thanks Sorcia :-) I’m so thrilled you enjoyed this story, and that you found it so poignant. I feel so much for Brian at this point in the canon, trying to endure something so huge alone. I’m convinced his silence on the subject had far more to do with wanting to protect the people he loved, than his shame at being imperfect and mortal. It’s one aspect of his character that is so tragic, but also one aspect that Justin helps to chip away at.
Thanks again for reading, and for your awesome comment. I really appreciate your feedback, and hearing your thoughts :-)
Reviewer: LNG (Signed) · Date: February 02, 2015 12:40 PM · On: Monkey on His Back
How beautiful and sad
Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it :-) Thanks so much for reading and for your wonderful review!
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