arrakis, I hope you don’t mind if I address this comment to you:) I just can’t help it. I think you’re wrong in your perception of the situation in general and of Justin and Brian in particular. Justin is indeed allowed to have a boyfriend, and tell him he loves him, like all single people - he’s moved on, or at least tried to, after what Brian’d done. And notice, he and Brian didn’t break up just because of some minor accident, Brian did something extremely hurtful and horrible, it practically destroyed Justin. So, sooner or later he was bound to find a boyfriend. He did, and they were happy for a while. Maybe even really in love. But when Brian came back to his life, when Brian started his attempts to win him back, Justin started having doubts, and that’s understandable – his love for him never went away, he just buried it deep down. And now, with Brian’s appearance, it came on the surface again.

I think no one is saying Brian is bad because of kissing – of course not. He isn’t bad at all – just complicated and with big shitty emotional baggage, but he IS doing wrong things. He is being unfair to Sean – he is giving him hope of becoming something more when at the same time he’s working on getting Justin back. That’s wrong, but again, I can’t say I blame Brian 100%. Sean knows the truth, he just chooses to believe what he wants to believe.

Great story:) I’m looking forward to an update! Thank you!     

Hi, Michelle - finally had a chance to catch up on your story.  What a mess!  Honestly, I have to say I blame Justin more here than Aaron. I think if he had been totally upfront with him from the beginning, things could have been different. But Justin is obviously torn with his feelings.  He knows which man he thinks he SHOULD love and be with, but we don't always choose what is best for us, do we? The heart has a mind and will of its own.;)  And, of course, Brian can't do anything in an understated way, can he? I DO Justin was wrong not to tell Aaron about the job Brian obtained for him, and to withhold the other information about seeing him in November. Aaron, on the other hand, should NOT have caused him to miss seeing Lindsay & Gus, although I can understand the reasons why he did it.

As always, excellently written!  BTW, I can certainly identify with how hard it is to update a story as quickly as you indicated, especially with the length of your chapters.  I write long ones, too, normally, and with a full-time job and 4 WIPs, it is a lot for me to handle as well. I hope eventually to close out at least two of them, though, and that shoudl free me up a little. But I think considering how long and detailed your chapters are, you do an excellent job of updating.  I hope one day you will get the chance to read more of mine, but I know how time consuming writing and having a full-time job can be, and mine might not be your cup of tea anyway, so it's all good.;)

Thank for the engrossing story!  I think I know who will come out as the winner here, but I  am enjoying the ride immensely in the meantime.   Looking forward to the rest! *Hugs*  ~Kim

Author's Response:

Thanks for reading and letting me know - I appreciate the kind words!

Yeah, it is a big mess. Things will start to resolve in the next chapter - but of course not everyone will be happy with certain choices that are made....Sean and Aaron, namely. There is no end game if it's not Brian and Justin, at least not in my world! 

Thanks again for reading :)

Hi! So sorry I don’t have even a second of free time now to write a normal review, (exams, yuck!) but I’ll try to tell my thoughts anyway, even in a short form.

First, Brian and Sean. Of course Brian is wrong to do what he’s doing now, because he doesn’t even consider the possibility of building a real relationship with Sean. All he cares about is how to get Justin back. But, Sean should know better as well. He’s a smart man, he can see Brian doesn’t really love him, but he chose to stay with him himself, hoping against hopes that maybe, one day, everything will change. I wonder how Justin’ll react if he knows, though, because it depends on numerous circumstances.

I was pleasantly shocked at everything Brian did. Especially flowers! Wow, that’s just amazing! And I couldn’t believe it when Aaron called him. He was no longer as gracious and cold as usual – he definitely felt threatened. I loved Brian’s determination – this time he’s not going to stop, no matter what.

Justin and Aaron… well, that was interesting! Their relationship isn’t as perfect as it seemed – or maybe was – before. Aaron is nervous and irritated, and I can understand him, but what he did with not letting Justin know about Lindsay and Gus was very wrong. He is desperate now, he wants to keep Justin at all costs, but this way he’ll only lose him sooner. Justin already has very strong doubts. As for Justin hitting him… well, I consider that like an emotional, angry reaction, an outburst, but absolutely not an abuse. Aaron is obviously physically strong, he’s not an innocent victim. Their relationship is falling apart… but, for some reason, I really like Aaron. I hope he’ll be happy anyway.  

Thank you, those were two fantastic chapters! I wish you happy holidays, and I hope you’ll update soon!

  

Author's Response:

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts!

Brian is definitely not winning points for stringing Sean along...not cool. Sean does have some awareness of the validity, or lack thereof, of his "relationship". 

Brian cares about Justin, and while he wants him back, he also just wants to make sure he's happy. As for the flowers - it was a bit of throwback to the almost-flowers he nearly bought Justin in season 2. Justin wouldn't know about that of course, but Brian definitely remembers the missed opportunity...

Justin and Aaron were in a "perfect" relationship - until it was threatened and Justin's eyes were opened to Brian again... Aaron made a bad decision preventing Justin from seeing Gus and Lindsay, but he was desperate. People do make a lot of bad choices when they're that desperate.

thank you for reading :D

You are doing a great job with this story .. When I see an update I literally drop whatever I m doing. I like that no one s perfect or entirely honest, that s real. In emotional situations acting out of character is par for the course. Thank you for Jennifer s voice of reason ...Justin blameing Brian for everything is irritating ... In his situation though its probably what most people would do. 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for the comments! I think it's especially true in emotional situations that injured parties think they are in the right, rationally or not. The only people who can see things as they are, are those around Brian and Justin - hence Jennifer's words to Justin.

Thanks for reading!

Oh, my heart goes out to Justin that Aaron didn't tell him about Gus and Lindsay.  Maybe he finally needs to realize his feelings for Brian are a little more complicated.

Author's Response:

Justin is seeing Aaron in a new light, that's for sure! 

Thank you for reading!

Now this is interesting, Aaron showing his ugly, controlling side, and Justin finally starting to be honest with himself about his feelings - for Aaron and for Brian. And Jennifer is great - asking the right questions (Do you love him?)

Wonderful chapter again, descriping all those emotions so remarkably! Your brilliant writing always takes me in the middle of the story and leaves me a bit exhausted at the end -- so, very well done :)

Can't wait to see where you take this story next!

Author's Response:

Yes...one has to wonder how long Justin and Aaron would have been happy (if Brian hadn't reappeared) before this controlling side of Aaron eventually revealed itself... As for Justin - he is making quite a few revelations about himself, as you'll see in the next chapter...

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! :D

keep it up i'm enjoying this story. I love it when stories don't evolve Michael in Brian and Justin's business.

 

 

Author's Response:

so glad to hear it, thank you for reading!! :)

Wow, what an emotionally draining chapter. I'm in shambles right now. I actually had to stop reading this chapter and close the tab for a few minutes to compose myself. My thoughts and feelings about everything still aren't in order. I'm just so annoyed and upset with everyone in this story right now! I don't think I can say I supported anyone's behavior in this chapter. 

Firstly, I really didn't like the comment Justin made about not letting Brian take Aaron from him. He's the one accepting flowers from the man and insisting on keeping them. He's the one who withheld information from Aaron. He's the one who hasn't told Brian to stop and leave him alone. He has control in this situation too, but he's not using it because he doesn't really want Brian to go away. Continuing to hang onto both men for as long as he has is just wrong. And placing blame on someone else for something he should accept some responsibility for is also wrong. He needs to get his shit together! 

I think Brian's card with the flowers was sweet. But I don't know if he meant it. Does he really want what's best for Justin? Does Justin's happiness really matter more than his own wants and needs? I'm not too sure... It's going to take more than flowers and a card to convince me that he deserves a second chance. Especially when he's still fucking Sean. He seems pretty self serving to me. 

It was refreshing to see that Aaron isn't totally perfect. He was an asshole in this chapter! He lied and tried to control who Justin could and couldn't see. He also put his hands on Justin in anger, and that was NOT okay. The two got physical with each other, and violence in any relationship turns my stomach. Just because they're both men, it doesn't make it okay for them to push and punch one another. 

I'm starting to think they'd ALL be better off alone. Maybe they could each get a cat or something? It's a nice suggestion. I'd support that decision 100%. Everything is such a mess right now. I don't know how it's all going to get better in three chapters! I trust you have your ways though. You're a brilliant writer, and I can't wait to see what you do with this story. 

Author's Response:

aw! I'm sorry (but kind of happy?) that it affected you so much. And I agree, no one was acting very mature or as an adult in this chapter. It was hard to write, and I'm glad it's over.

Justin is playing both sides against the middle, so to speak. He wants everything how he wants it, and is a littel bit of a jerk in how he's handling himself with Aaron. as for Aaron, he's proven to be a bit more judgemental and controlling than anyone knew. Too bad - he and Jusitn might have been happy together had Brian never come back into Justin's life - but then again, Justin might have found himself years down the road in a relationship with a man who was controlling and jealous. 

Brian's motives are a little vague, but I hope they'll become clearer in the coming last few chapters...

haha - yeah, as of right now, no one deserves to be happy as they're all acting like assholes. :)

Thanks for reading and for another great comment :D

Thank you for taking the time to clarify things for me. I, too, still believe that it was more Brian's fault than Justin's. It was an asshole move to be supportive and encouraging when Justin left only to turn around years later and try to lay guilt on Justin for accepting the opportunity of a lifetime. It was an even bigger asshole move to cut all ties with Justin and give up on their relationship. Yes, Justin took the job without discussing things with Brian. But it was ultimately Brian's choice to leave Justin out in the cold with no explanations and no apologies. 

Neither of them are perfect. They've both made mistakes. I'm not absolving Justin for taking the job. I thought Brian was an asshole for lying to Justin about Ibiza, and I think Justin was an asshole for not talking it over with Brian before he said yes on the job offer. But I simply cannot say that they share the blame equally for what happened. Brian broke up with Justin. Not the other way around. 

I'm thinking that Brian probably has another secret; a reason for cutting ties with everyone. Given the fact that he didn't sleep with a hot trick earlier in this story and you mentioned how dangerous and reckless he was with drugs and sex, I'm thinking he might be HIV positive. Or he's contracted another STD of some sort. He contracted syphilis in canon, so it's not far fetched to believe something happened in New York... 

I know there's more to Brian's story than what you've told us so far, and I'm looking forward to knowing it all. I hope my prediction is wrong but I can't think of any other reason that Brian would suddenly stop sleeping around so much. It took a bomb to get him to do that on that show! I hope the next chapter goes up soon because all this wondering is driving me mental. I love love love this fic. <3 

Author's Response:

Oh there is defintely more to Brian's story...heehee!

:)

You're exactly right, Brian's behavior was inifintely worse than anything Justin might have done. 

 

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response:

Well hopefully you won't have to wait too long. :)

Thanks for reading!

This is going to be so hard.  I really like Aaron.  And Justin is being the pits with him.  It was nice to see that Daphne is still there for Justin.  But in the end Justin didn't really take her advice did he?  I really can't wait to read what you have planned!!!  Great chapter.

Author's Response:

I really like Aaron too. I kind of hate myself a little bit for what I have to do to him (and Sean) - but...it's necessary!

Thank you so much for reading! Glad you're enjoying this :D

Oh, dear no! Nothing you said made me feel insecure about my comments. You've been very kind and patient in response to my reviews. Everyone here on this site has been simply delightful. I was actually replying to another reviewer to clarify why I felt the way I felt about Brian and Justin's predicament. And I agree that it is great to hear so many varying interpretations on things. It's a sure sign that you have a brilliant story on your hands when it calls forth so many different opinions and emotions from people. 

So, Justin didn't discuss his decision to return to L.A with Brian? Even after he came back to Pittsburgh for the Liberty Ride? I'm a bit confused about exactly where this story deviates from canon because in 5x01 Brian says something along the lines of how he'd only be pissed with Justin if Justin had turned down that job offer in a phone conversation to Justin, so I assumed they had discussed it a bit AFTER Justin returned to Pittsburgh. 

I can't see Justin simply saying "I'm taking the job. Fuck you and your offer to move in." Or simply leaving without explaining anything at all to Brian when it was what he wanted for so long. He even said he'd been waiting for Brian to ask him that since the moment Brian brought him home with him the first night... It makes no sense that he would refuse the offer without at least discussing things with Brian. Things between them were at a good place then. I mean they weren't fighting or slipping away from each other like they were when Justin foolishly ran off to Vermont, taking the vacation he was supposed to have with Brian solo... 

Maybe you should cover exactly what happened at Brian's loft after he asked Justin to move in because I'm totally lost on what happened there. lol. It wasn't shown on the show, and I drew my own conclusions on what had went down based on how close Brian and Justin still were with each other at the beginning of 5x01. I imagined that they had talked and Brian supported Justin's decision to take the job. Kinda like he pushed Justin to go to New York in season 5 and was behind him 100% when he made the decision to go.

If Justin simply threw Brian's offer back in his face, then my previous reviews are void. They're both idiots, and they're both at fault like JAZZEPOET said earlier! They need to pull their heads out of their asses and stop being so god damn infuriating. This is where I angry cry and scream "WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE TOGETHER?!" at my computer screen while stuffing my face with ice cream. Ugh, the things that this fic is doing to me. It's freaking killing me. But I love the hurt! I trust you'll do something to soothe my wounds before this story is over. I have faith that all my suffering shall not be in vain. 

I just have to keep believing that so I don't fall apart completely. I suck at being optimistic though, just to warn you. I may snap soon! I'm still super disappointed and annoyed with Justin. I get that he's struggling to choose because when he chooses one he'll lose the other, but it isn't fair to keep hanging on to them both the way that he's doing. He has to let one of them go for good, and I hope that he does it soon. He's already fucked up big time by hiding the fact that Brian kissed him from Aaron. I'm anxious to see how he'll make his decision. 

Thanks for the update. I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter! xx <3

Author's Response:

Oh good, I'm glad I didn't make you feel insecure about your comments! :) 

I'm basing all my Brian/Justin stuff off a few key scenes in season 4. The first being when Justin accepts Brett's offer to come back and work on the movie. He accepted the job offer without talking to anyone about it - just said yes and that he'd be back. Then, after the Liberty Ride when Brian asks him to move in he gets this conflicted look on his face. What I think happens, and what we don't see, is that he tells Brian that while he would love to move in, Brett Keller offered him a job doing pre-production on the Rage movie for a few months and he accepted. I don't see that Justin threw the "move in" offer back into Brian's face per se, but I also see it as him telling Brian that he's already made this decision. Which Brian could interpret as good or bad (and in my story, it was bad).

You are right though, that at the start of season 5 Brian does tell him over the phone that he's not pissed, and the only reason he'd be pissed is if he didn't go, so it is apparent that he and Justin discussed this opportunity again before Justin left - maybe Justin had doubts about the work or something... But - I would hazard to say that Brian has some selective memory going on here (it is eight years later so memories are likely muddled and confused for both of them!), and throwing that decision back into Justin's face was just his way of letting out some of his anger at himself. While it is true Justin made the decision to return without talking to anyone, at first, I find it completely believable that he talked about it with people when he got back to Pittsburgh - but that doesn't negate the fact that he made the initial choice to go back, without Brian's knowledge. So that's where I'm approaching this from, and I hope that makes sense!

Personally, I do think they're both idiots (and Daphne, who doesn't know all the details would also likely see Brian's point, as she does here) but I also think most of what happened is purely Brian's fault. He was awful, and nothing Justin might have done to him made what Brian did the least bit okay.

And...things will resolve themselves in a way that should please everyone :)

Your ice cream comment made me laugh! Just don't get a brain freeze, haha! :D

So thank you again for reading and commenting! It's much appreciated!

Oh the angst.  You write the scene in the hotel room with such emotion-  I can almost feel like I'm in the room.  Great job.  I feel sorry for both of them.

Author's Response:

thank you very much for reading! I feel sorry for them, too, and it won't get better for a little while longer I'm sad to say!

 

“Please don’t marry him,”

 OMG!!! I read this some time ago and didn’t have time to review, so I had to read it again and it has not lost its potency. This was chocked full of angst. Brian finally reconciled with his friends and then that heated conversation with Justin…  For once in this story, I felt so bad for Brian. But I also felt bad for Justin because he seemed obligated to stay with Aaron when he really wanted Brian.

 “Believe it or not, Brian, but my happiness didn’t revolve around you."

 I could not believe Justin said that. He was fooling himself or just plain delusional.

Awesome chapter!

 

Author's Response:

Definitely one of the most angsty chapters I've ever written, of anything. But it was a lot of fun. haha! :)

Justin does not have an easy decision ahead of him, because he really does have real feelings for Aaron - but Brian is Brian so....

thank you for reading!!

Suddenly, I feel as though I have to justify my previous comment... I made no claims that Brian wasn't pained by the fact that Justin took the job in L.A. Yes, Brian suffered, and I'm not belittling how much it probably hurt when Justin went to L.A after Brian asked him to move in. BUT why did he wait so long to say so? Why wait until Justin is with someone else to say all of this? He could have told Justin BEFORE he left for L.A. He could have visited him and told him. He could have told him at the premiere, if he had actually attended. But he didn't. He gave up on them, therefore it's my personal belief that he is more at fault than Justin is. If you don't tell people exactly how you feel, how are they to know?

It was never specified exactly how Justin turned down Brian's offer and told him that he was returning to L.A, so I'm assuming they talked and Brian selflessly encouraged him to go, like he did before. After all, in episode 5x01 when Brian and Justin are talking on the phone, and Justin says he'll have to be there longer than they thought, Brian says: "Why the fuck would I be pissed? I told you before you went out there, the only reason I'd be pissed is if you didn't go." He encouraged Justin to go AND then tries to make him feel guilty about it! Do you understand where I'm coming from now? I'm simply expressing MY own views and feelings on the situation. Maybe I'm wrong, and it's certainly okay to feel and think differently about the situation than I do. A review is meant to reflect the reader's assessment of the story and their own opinion about the actions and behaviors of the characters. I never intended to offend anyone with my personal feelings, but that's just the way I see things... I think I'm going to stop saturating my reviews with my own emotions and keep it objective. 

This is a great story. Can't wait for the next chapter. xx

Author's Response:

I hope nothing I said made you feel like you need to defend your comment (which, by the way, you don't ever have to do). I really appreciate your lengthy comments and your feelings so I hope you don't censor yourself! People are free to have different interpretations and feelings about the show and characters and that's what makes talking about it so much fun! :)

thanks for reading!

My love for this story only grows with each new chapter you present us with. Your characterization of the main characters is simply excellent. They behave exactly in the manner I expect them to. Not only do you have an amazing grasp on canon Brian and Justin, but the rest of the family as well. 

Michael forgave Brian too easily. Of course he did! Hasn't he always absolved Brian of his guilt in the hurtful acts the man committed against him and everyone else? He is his best friend, and his love and loyalty to Brian outweighs his anger. It always has, and it always will. While they are on speaking terms again, I like that you haven't just immediately had them revert back to how close they once were. What's broken can be fixed but it will never really resemble what it was before it shattered. It'll take time to cover the cracks and get accustomed to the new shape their friendship has taken. 

As for Justin, I am so fucking relieved that he did not give in so easily. I don't want to burn you at the stake at all for this chapter. On the contrary, I want to tackle you with a hug. Saying sorry in no way is enough this time. Brian better come up with something better than that; a big grand gesture that means more than words ever could. So what if he finally said what Justin wanted to hear before, almost word for word: he loved him, he went on loving him even after he was gone. If Brian had just said it instead of pushing Justin away, they wouldn't be in this mess! It's too little too little for such a declaration. Especially since Justin is getting married...

And the way that Brian tried to say they shared the blame for not being together now was not entirely accurate. At least not the way I see it. Yes, Justin took the job in L.A without asking Brian but Brian is the one who told him to go to L.A in the first place. Justin was more than willing to pass up the opportunity, but Brian told him that he would be stupid not to go. He's the one who told Justin that there were no locks on their doors and they weren't fucking married. He may have asked him to move back in but he didn't say that he had changed his views on those things. Trying to guilt him years later about taking that job was low and manipulative. I mean his logic is fucked; you hurt me first so I hurt you worse. What is that?! He couldn't have told Justin exactly how he felt BEFORE he left? Justin isn't a mind reader! 

I know it may seem that I'm being critical of Brian, but that's because I know he's better than the guy he wants everyone to think he is. When people see good, they expect good. And I've seen good in Brian. I know he's capable of it. I hold him to high standards because I love his character. I wouldn't bother if I didn't. I know he has the ability to be a good man and I damn well want him to be! I don't want him to change. I want him to evolve. To grow up and stop standing still. He's certainly on the right track to reaching the point I hope to see him end up at in this story. Opening up and making himself vulnerable in such a way was a huge step, and I'm glad he took it. I'm only hoping that he doesn't take three steps backwards like he usually does after showing he cares. 

I'm also really disappointed in Justin for not telling Aaron that he still has strong feelings for Brian. He knows he has them. The fact that he wants to fight them doesn't mean they aren't there. It seems to me that he IS having doubts, and he hasn't told his fiancé that. I wonder if he'll tell Aaron about the conversation he had with Brian. And the fact that Brian kissed him. I'm hopeful that he'll be completely honest about the kiss and how all of this has made him feel. We all know how badly he fucked up by not disclosing his feelings about Ethan to Brian years ago. Here's to hoping he doesn't make the same mistakes he made then. 

I do want to see Brian and Justin together again. But not until they've completely resolved the mistakes and pain they caused each other in the past. They need a chance to start anew, but they can't do that until they've laid their yesterdays to rest. I have faith that they'll find their way back. A love like that doesn't die, and as long as it's still breathing and bleeding, there is no way to avoid it. I'm looking forward to seeing their journey towards rekindling that fire they used to have. You're doing a wonderful job with this story so far. I love, love, love it <3

Author's Response:

Wow, thank you so very much for such a wonderful comment! I am very appreciative of the time it must have taken to write this all! Thank you!!!

haha, thank you for understanding what i did with Michael. Having been in a fallout with my very best friends, and then making up again I can say, Best Friends can forgive a lot of each other. And Michael has forgiven Brian for so much that this, something eight years old now, was not too bad. And with the heartfelt apology, it was that much easier. I do believe Michael was likely, and maybe subconsciously, wiating all this time just for Brian to apologize. 

And I'm glad you agree with what I did with Justin becuase unlike with Michael, one apology will not smooth out all the hurt Justin has edured all these years. Brian has to say and do more....(also, I accept your tackle hug! :D)

I completely understand what you're saying about Brian (I also hold him to high standards!). His argument to Justin was unfair, and a low blow. And while it may be true (to him at least) it DOES NOT excuse any of his later behavior at all. But he is desperate, so he was saying anything he could think of to keep Justin there, and engaged in conversation with him. As for his love declaration? Something he should have said long ago, for sure. But even if it was too little, too late, Justin can't unhear the words now so it remains to be seen how it will affect him going forward.

As for Justin and Aaron...I'm afraid their "honeymoon" (if you will) is over. Things are only about to get more rough, and diffucult, and emotional from here on out. Justin has a lot of soul searching to do to determine if he's really where he wants to be, and with who he wants to be with. It will be rough waters for the LA guys for while to come. And Justin?   ...let's just say he didn't learn his lesson from the Ethan/Brian debacle - but you'll see what I mean in the next chapter.

Thank you again for a great, great comment! I appreciate it (again) so much!

Wow… this is probably the best chapter in the entire story you wrote! It’s just plainly unbelievable, with emotional level so high I had trouble breathing – and heart problems too -while reading. It’s like you give all of yourself in your work, put all the feelings, all pain and fear into it. It’s amazing.

The first meeting with Michael hadn’t gone as good as Brian’d hoped it would, but still, Michael is Michael. He isn’t Brian’s best friend for nothing – he knows how Brian is, and he accepts him. In the second meeting, I don’t think he let Brian off too easily. After all, what exactly did Brian do to him? He was heartless, but his heartlessness was aimed at Justin. It’s just because of sheer accident he lost touch with Michael as well. Yes, the worst thing is probably losing Rage, but firstly, Brian couldn’t predict it would happen. Secondly – to whom Rage is more important? Yes, it was Michael’s idea, Michael is obsessed with comics just like I’m obsessed with QAF, but still, it’s more like passionate hobby that suddenly started bringing money. Michael writes a few lines, and fill everything else with his super-excitement. But for Justin it always was more like a real life – like he said, his art was imitating it. He poured all of himself in these drawings, and when Brian broke his heart and stomped on it, he lost not only Rage, but his passion, his inspiration, maybe even a part of his abilities due to such stress and shock. It was *he* who Brian betrayed in the first place. Michael was hurt, too, but in my opinion, as best friend who wasn’t even supposed to suffer from Brian’s actions, he could find strength to forgive him. With Justin, situation is much more complicated. Besides, Michael was always very forgiving:) He is just like his mother – very temperamental and explosive, but cools down quickly, too. I think you showed his reaction perfectly realistically, I really loved it. Ted’s advice was great! Simple, yet effective.

I *loved* how all Brian’s mood immediately changed when he realized Justin was in town, how Justin instantly became the only thing he could think of. Emmett could never keep secrets like that:) Thank you so much for making this chapter so long! When I was reading about Brian and Gus, I decided to look how much left for me to read, and was pleasantly shocked. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this story.

I liked how Brian turned down the trick. Honestly, I didn’t expect it. It’s not like he’s with Justin now. But it was a great moment, it showed a lot of interesting things.

Scene with Gus was sad… how fast kids are growing indeed… I can understand his interest in Brian’s parents. And I can understand how lonely Brian is feeling, knowing soon Gus might become one of typical teenage boys who are embarrassed to be seen with parents.

Oh, the possibility of Justin’s having a drinking problem must felt like hell to Brian. I admire your skills – you *are* taking Brian all over Hell. It’s indescribable journey. Emotions you awake are incredible. You must be a very intelligent and mature person, you describe bitterness and fear and loneliness so good… it always breaks my heart. ‘Broken open’, indeed.

Their moment together is beyond descriptions! Brian finally manned up to apologize – to *really* apologize. It touched me, even though it infuriated Justin. Because, really, what an irony – it seems like it’s too late. Anyway, I loved Justin’s reaction, it was honest. He didn’t say a single thing he didn’t mean, he didn’t say he’d never ever forgive Brian – just that he isn’t sure he can do that. You describe Brian’s feelings so precisely, I feel everything almost as strongly as he does. And his pain and jealousy, his fear of losing Justin again are incredibly touching. I feel like I finally begin to forgive him. I think it’s great that he told about his feelings about Justin’s leaving for LA as well – it might help in this situation. With Justin saying ‘sorry’ will never work, and I *love* how you made this episode – like a volcano, everything calms, then explodes again. Justin pushes and pushes, and Brian gives in, does things he’d normally never do. His desperation closer to the end just broke my heart. I can’t believe the way you write, everything inside me aches right now!

The Kiss was fantastic. Those two are still so addicted to each other, they love each other so damn much… it’s obvious!

Even though Justin left – and yes, I support his decision – I can also feel his confusion. He isn’t sure about Aaron any more – he wants to be, but he can’t. Brian has already captured his thoughts.

Thank you for this wonderful, amazing chapter! I got an incredible satisfaction from reading it! My hands are still shaking badly. Thank you! I really can’t wait for more! I can’t imagine what Brian’ll do now, how he feels. Will he try again, even knowing Justin will most likely avoid him? I hope you’ll update soon! 

Author's Response:

Your comment has left me speechless! Thank you so much for taking the time to say all this! I am so so happy you got so much out of this chapter. Even as angsty as it was, I had a lot of fun (haha!) writing it. 

You're right about Michael - he was collateral damage in Brian's "snub" of Justin. That doesn't mean he didn't have a right to be mad, but it also doesn't mean he can't forgive Brian now. Having been in some pretty serious fallouts with friends, I know that in the end, when apologies are made, that friends can truly forgive for a lot. I see that as how Brian and Michael are, and I'm glad to also see that in them! 

And ever since Brian saw Justin in Boston, he can't stop thinking about him. I really think, too, that had Brian not seen Justin again in New York he would have left well enough alone, but a second sighting, and then finding out he was in Pittsburgh? It's too much for Brian; Brian, who never really let Justin go to begin with. 

As for Brian turning down the trick, there's still a lot of Brian's backstory from the eight year time gap I haven't explained yet...and that will come later but there was a specific reason he didn't go with him.  (sorry to tease!)

Yes, I will be filling in the rest of Justin's backstory in the next part, and the drinking comment will be addressed further, there. Both he and Brian were so damaged and, well, broken, from their "breakup" so it'll be interesting to see how their different paths took them almost to the same place. Almost.... :D

You must be a very intelligent and mature person, you describe bitterness and fear and loneliness so good… it always breaks my heart. ‘Broken open’, indeed.

You humble me with this compliment! Thank you so much. :)

The Brian/Justin scene was MY FAVORITE thing to write! Brian's apology, Justin's anger...so much fun, I'm happy it worked for you and that you weren't expecting them to reunite right that minute! Brian, being eight years older now, certainly understands that he was a complete and total shit for doing what he did - and it might be too little, too late....but he made himself do it anyway and for that I am proud. It remains to be seen how Justin will react to it, after the fact. It would seem he's not as "over it" as he thought, and maybe far more invested in Brian still than he even knew he was. 

As for the kiss...yes. One last memory for both Brian and Justin to keep. Time will tell if it will play a part in the eventual reunion (because we all know there will be one!). 

Thank you again for such a beautiful comment. I really am appreciative of the time you took to write this! 

Hugs! :)

Great, angsty chapter! TAG

Author's Response:

thanks for reading!  I really appreciate your comments! :)

That's such a great story. And you're right . Reuniting can't be easy and fast... So I hope for a lot more chapters.

Author's Response:

thank you, I'm so happy you're enjoying it! :D

I'm very much enjoying the fic.  I love the backstory and the way you have made us understand both Justin's and Brian's POV.  Both are hurting -so palpable.  Great job.  Can't wait for more.

Author's Response:

Thank you very much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you are enjoying it!

I think the only way a story like this will work is if we see both POV's.

Thanks again!

I cannot get over how well you portray Justin in this story. To me, his characterization is absolutely flawless. You really have no need to worry about capturing his voice because you do it perfectly! The sections that are Justin's POV are always my favorite. Granted, the fact that Justin was my favorite character on the show is most likely a contributing factor in my complete adoration for the peeks you offer us into this story's version of Justin's current state of mind.  

I totally understand the reasons why Justin still harbors deep feelings for Brian despite the number of times Brian has hurt him. What he had with Brian was a love that consumed him; it was wild and passionate and adventurous. Every aspect of their non-defined, unconventional relationship was unpredictable and exciting. They both felt like they could be free when they were with each other. It had all the characteristics of a great love, an epic love. 

But unfortunately, a love like that is also filled with pain and consistent heartbreaks. Sure, it's thrilling, but it's also destructive. It doesn't just consume; it devours them until there's nothing left of the person they fell for in the first place. They just end up hating and resenting each other in the end. 

Aaron, on the other hand, is safe and stable. He seems like he'll always be good for Justin, but there's no real spark there. What they have will never be as intense as what Brian and Justin had because there's no fire. And no chances of getting burned. A real, heathy love has to have a bit of both: pain and pleasure. 

I would like to see Brian and Justin get to a place where they can have equal amounts of both. I want a mature love that doesn't completely change who they are... That means some level of monogamy, and a willingness to express how they feel about one another without a loss of desire and surprise. I could never see marriage in the cards for them, but I could see a happy relationship that wasn't full of constant breakups and fights about what they want. 

That's just my take on the two of them. I don't think Aaron or any other man that enters their lives has or ever will be able to hold a candle to Brian and Justin. I'm really anxious to see where you take this story. There's tons of different scenarios I can conjure up in my head, and I can't wait to see the direction you choose to go in. You have such a good grasp on the canon characters and their actions and thoughts that I can rest assured that I will be delighted with the conclusion no matter what :) 

Author's Response:

Thank you for the compliments regarding Justin. I hope you feel the same after I post the next chapter :)

Thank you for your thoughts on Brian and Justin. We share many of the same ideas about them as a couple. You are correct, Brian's effect on Justin was all-encompassing, all-consuming. He was his whole world. I imagine it can't be easy to get over a person like that - and seeing as Justin still isn't sure he wants to get over Brian, it's even more confusing for him! And Aaron is the exact polar opposite yet safe in his own way and that's something Justin craves as well. Poor guy has a lot of things to think about! 

How Justin makes the choice between them, and the path that leads him to that choice I hope you find interesting.

Thank you for the great comment, and thank you for reading!

Well Justin, I think you already know what this means :) I feel a little bit sad for Aaron, he seems to be a nice guy, but I suppose (and I hope!) there will be no happy ending for him.  Now I'm curious what Brian is going to do to rebuild his relationship with his old friends, definitely a very difficult task.

Great chapter - as always !!!

 

Author's Response:

I don't think Aaron will win this fight...though he'll try! And Brian certainly has his work cut out for him!

Thanks for reading! 

Now that Justin is thinking about Brian more often, how are you planning on getting rid of Aaron?  Do we get to find out how Justin's meeting with Emmett goes?  I hope so.  Catching up with the Pitts. crew was interesting.

Author's Response:

hehehe - well of course I won't be revealing my secrets ;) But I don't think you'll really see or expect what does happen with Aaron. I hope it's somewhat surprising anyway!

As for Justin's reunion with everyone in the Pitts...I skimmed over that part as it's not really a main focus, but you'll get some insight into it, in other ways later on (yes, I'm being vague on purpose - I like to keep my readers guessing!). 

thank you for reading and commenting!

I'm so happy to see an update on this story. And it's very nice to see you backtracking and covering the past. I love me a thorough story that covers all the bases! 

I thought you did a really beautiful job with capturing Justin's voice in this chapter. He's a complex character, and I felt that you portrayed him very accurately here. His reactions and feelings about the situation were what I imagined they would be had this scenario happened on the show. 

I'm really disgusted, hurt, and angry at Brian's behavior in this story. By not showing up at the premiere, he basically pissed on Rage all over again. He showed a blatant disregard for the work of his partner and best friend-- two people who were supposed to mean the most to him. I've searched for a way to justify his actions but have come up empty handed. 

I've always known that Brian was a good man beneath all of his bullshit, and I hope that his layers will be peeled back a bit in this fic to reveal those sides of him. I'm not going to forgive him that easily for his asshole behavior, so I can imagine earning redemption from his friends and family is going to be quite a difficult feat...

I love that you aren't trying to condone Brian's actions. So many fanfiction writers make endless excuses for Brian Kinney and attempt to depict him as a God like being who deserves sympathy and respect, but those things should be earned. It makes no matter to me if his doings were for noble reasons and carried out with good intentions. They still hurt people and amends need to be made for those reasons. 

I'm really anxious to know more about Aaron. He seems like a really good guy, and thus far he's more deserving of Justin than Brian is in my opinion. I have a feeling that he's not as perfect as he seems, though. If it sounds too good to be true then it usually is. We all have flaws, and I'm sure we'll find out Aaron's with time. Or maybe he'll turn out to truly be the perfect boyfriend and I'm just searching for a reason to hate him because I love Brian and Justin together. I did the same thing when Justin met Ethan. 

This storyline just resonates so well with me that I'm as engrossed with it as I was with the show! Everyone is so in character that it's easy to forget it isn't canon. I love everything about this work of fiction so far, and I can't wait for more <3 xx

Author's Response:

Thank you, I'm glad you could hear Justin's voice here. I tend to get too far into the story and then I worry it's not authentic. :)

Yes, the back and forth time jumps are serving to inform the present while slowly doling out information that's important as well. There'll be a few more jumps back in time to come.

Brian really behaved abominably - and having been at the recieving end of some similar behaviors, believe me I would never condone Brian's behavior. I agree it's frustrating when he's put so high on a pedestal that nothing can touch him - and that's certainly not how my story is going to go! He'll have to work mighty hard to win back any of his friendships - but the good news for him is that most of the people in his life haven't stopped caring about him. We already know Justin still has lingering feelings for him...

As for Aaron (and Sean, too, really), he's unfortunately going to get stuck in the middle of an emotional battle that he's not much of a threat in. Which is too bad becuase he's not a bad guy! It's a wrong place, wrong time, wrong man to fall in love with situation (for Aaron). :(

Thank you so much for reading and for this great comment! I really appreciate it! :)

Great story. Thank you.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for letting me know you're enjoying it!

love it!

Author's Response:

thank you very much for the comment! :D

So we have the backstory for what happened all those years ago.  It did take Justin a long time to find someone else, but he did.  I wonder what Brian was doing at Lindsay's?  Perhaps the next chapter will tell me.

Author's Response:

hehehehe...you will eventually find out why Brian was at Lindsay's. It won't be in the next chapter, but you will find out :)

Thank you for reading!

Good to see an update to this, Michelle!  You do such a good job of describing the boys' emotions; I thought you did great regarding Justin's turmoil and occasional dispair.  Funny how Brian, who never claimed he did the 'romantic' stuff, was the only one whose romantic overtures had any meaning for Justin while he was with Connor.

Like the background info between him and Aaron.  I figured he would be the 'knight in shining armor.' I'll be looking foward to your next update.  Intriguing story! *Hugs*  ~Kim

Author's Response:

Thanks Kim! I struggled with this chapter quite a bit so I'm happy to hear it worked for you. :)

It is funny, that the things Justin can't forget are the "romantic" (for Brian anyway) things. And yes, the knight in shining armor rescue Aaron made for Justin was super cliched, but I hope when I reveal the stuff that comes after it won't be so cliched anymore. :D

thanks for reading and for the comment!

I really like your stories and this one is amaizing. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. Keep writting please.

Best regards

Myriam

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate the lovely comment! :)

Love the banner!!

(And the story too, of course *g*)

Author's Response:

Thanks! I appreciate it! :D

You write very good, my hear is breaking for Justin and Michael, and maybe even Brian. Why, WHY did he do it??? How many times person can push someone off the cliff? Justin was so destroyed... I want him and Brian together, but I can't imagine how they will even talk!

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading and for the compliment. :) Brian has a lot of work ahead of him if he wants to make things right with all the people he's wronged - but if he wants it bad enough, he'll do it! ;)

Finally had some time to catch up with your new story - and I was addicted after the first few sentences ! Very interesting plot, taking a complete different direction after the end of season 4. I can't wait to find out where you'll take this story. Do you already know how many chapters this will have in the end? 

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading, I'm happy you're enjoying it thus far. As for chapters - there'll be around 13-14 or so, I think.

And I think this is where the angst comes in.  Something tells me his friends are not going to be so forgiving.....

Great update

Author's Response:

yes, the angst will ramp up for the next...many chapters. :) As for Brian - he has a difficult road ahead if he wants to make amends with everyone!

Thank you for reading!

I am absolutely loving this story so far! It is very in character and a brilliant take on what could have happened to Brian and Justin if the Rage film had finished production. It is all so believable and brilliantly portrayed that I am already very much invested in this story. I'm hopelessly addicted, and I can't wait to see where this work of fiction takes me. I can hardly wait for the next chapter. I'm very much looking forward to finding out how Brian will make amends for all the hurt he's caused. 

 

xx Lilith

Author's Response:

Thank you for your lovely compliments! I'm very pleased you are enjoying this. It'll be a bumpy and emotional road for awhile, but I hope you're happy with where it all ends :D

Wonderful written, you can feel the conflict in Brian.  How he will manage to accomplish his aims is a question for other chapters and one I will excitedly be looking for.  Just the fact that he wants to make amends is something he would never had concidered all those years ago.  Sean seems like a wonderful character and might or might not end up being hurt.  Time will tell.  Hope we see more of Gus, perhaps he can point Brian in the right direction. 

Author's Response:

Brian had a rough road ahead of him if he intends to try and make up for his awful behavior! As for Sean (and Aaron) - they might each become collatoral damage in the saga of Brian and Justin. We shall see, :)

Thank you for reading! 

"Every thought I had, every action I took, was with the intention of impressing Brian enough that he'd continue to want to be with me. I lived in a constant state of fear that he'd ditch me one day. I mean, why would a twenty nine year old want to be with a seventeen year old?"

"Why indeed," Aaron murmured and Justin smiled sadly.

Lord, the implications those two words are weighted with. But really, that has to be the first question about their relationship. Why, indeed? Of course, it's not a question as to why Brian would want to hook up with this beautiful boy for a night. Questionable reasoning abilities due to drugs and raging testosterone... No brainer. But with those two words, you've struck at the very base of the problem of an on going connection between the two. Justin was persistent, but let's face it... if Brian really wanted to get rid of Justin, he could have done so. Brian was, quite literally, an emotional child when it came to love. In experience he was light years beyond Justin, but emotionally? Decades behind him. 

Yet Brian didn't need defending; he had been controlling, and manipulative, and Justin had been a willing and complicit victim; 

The truth this line expresses is heartbreaking... the classic abusive dynamic. And Justin kept coming back for more of the controlling, manipulative lover.  It's the stuff of great love in stories, and the stuff of enormous pain in reality.

I love the honesty Justin is dealing with here, the processing he's let fester so long. And we all know that with these two, resolution is never easy or quick, if it comes at all. How many times have I wanted to scream at both of them = "I've got the number of a fucking great therapist! Call him!" LOL

I'm very excited to see where you take this story. I'm loving Aaron so far, from the hints you've given of his nature and the relationship he has with Justin. I find it telling that you've created a good love for J with another violinist. Can't wait to find out how they came to be...

You are, by the way, an amazing writer. ;)

Roni

Author's Response:

I love your thoughts about their age difference. I always questioned, in the back of my mind, why on earth a nearly 30-year old man would waste his time with a teenager. I mean, I know Brian was never all that mature for his age, but even still...It's not a question I have an answer to, but I always thought it curious that no one on the show really ever posed it to him, either. So, I decided I should here - even if we never really get a straight answer I needed to put it out there. 

My first time watching the show through, I was struck by how cruel Brian would be, and how forgiving Justin would be. I worried - because it seemed so very unhealthy and dangerous (and it was/is!). The upside is that while Justin did take a lot of abuse from Brian, he also stood up for himself in a lot of ways. Maybe not in all the ways he should have, but he also didn't exhibit classic behavior for the emotional abuse Brian sometimes (many times) inflicted - he did leave for good (more than once), which gives him the power back. But Brian...he was so terrible for much of the show, and I hate saying that, because I don't think Brian did all of it maliciously or intentionally (after the first few eps of season 1 anyway) - it was just his defense mechanism but still...is that an excuse? I really don't know. Brian Kinney is by far one of the most complicated characters I have ever seen on television and it's so interesting to try and figure him out.

Aaron is good for Justin, but where Justin is good for Aaron...well, not that Brian is back in the picture we shall see what becomes of their relationship! :D

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, and thank you for reading! :)

I am loving this story - can't wait for next update!

Author's Response:

thank you, and thank you for reading!

Talking from personal experience here, methinks Justin doth protest too much how 'over' Brian he is. TAG

Author's Response:

hahaha! Well.... ;)

Thanks for reading!

I'm glad to see that Daphne is someone Justin can still count on.  Aaron seems like a nice guy, but it's almost like Brian all over again, except Aaron isn't a total dick like Brian was back then.  I've heard it said that you can't go home again, but it sure would be nice if Brain and Justin cleared the air.

Author's Response:

Oh I foresee Daphne as being in Justin's life forever :)

Interesting thought, that Aaron is more like Brian than Justin realizes. I'm curious to know what makes you say that. 

Thank you for reading, the story should give you what you seek...eventually :D

I really like this story! I read these two chapters in no time. You describe emotions so good, the ache inside just didn't let go of me. Fantastic work! I'm ready to eat all of my nails in frustrating waiting for the next chapter. This story just grabbed me and still holds me tight, I can't get over it!

What Brian did to Justin - and to Michael, too - is of course unforgivable and stupid, because I can't understand his reasons. Why do that? Like in 513, pretend so to give Justin a 'better' chance at 'better' life? That's Brian all right, always his own worst enemy. But then I got a feeling that he still expected Justin to come back, to Pittsburgh at least, maybe even to him. Does it mean that despite Brian’s actions, he still didn’t believe Justin would just give up on him? Considering their past history, that’s not surprising, but I believe Justin really had enough. After all, he was ready not to come back to Brian in 409, after he’d kicked him out for knowing about his cancer. Justin did come back, but I had a feeling that it was the last time. He came close to the point of giving up on Brian altogether. In your story, it seems that’s what happened. He gave up. And Brian was too deluded, too much of a coward to change everything, though I even doubt he’d succeed.

The meeting after those long empty years was painful, of course. I’m angry at Brian, but I still hurt for him. He was devastated, and jealousy made it worse – it must be unbearable to actually see Justin with someone else. And with other violinist! Fate can be so ironic and cruel at times. Justin’s coldness and indifference are definitely killing Brian faster than anything else could. Horrible situation, but fascinating, too. I loved every bit of it! I really hope you’ll finish this story. You make a great focus on inner feelings, battles and emotions, and I think you describe pain, loneliness, desperation and jealousy absolutely perfectly, professionally. Incredible story! I can’t wait to read more, thank you so much for writing it! It might hurt to see Brian so desperate, but I still hope Justin won’t forgive him easily. Brian needs to finally learn that he can’t, *can’t* push people away like that, and all eight years he was living like in a limbo. Yes, he was aching, suffering, but not as much as he probably will seeing Justin and knowing he has no rights on him, while the other man does. I’ve read Testimony to Love and New Year a few days ago, and I was really upset because I think in both stories Justin forgave Brian too quickly. I love happy endings and usually read only those stories that have them, but when one person does something terrible, and the other one forgives it almost just like that, it takes away all the thrill, all tension I was feeling. But the build up in your story is very promising — judging by Justin’s reaction, I don’t think he’ll change his mind that quickly. So much time has passed, so many things need to be considered and talked over. Thank you for this amazing ride, for making everyone so in character! I’m looking forward to more! 

Author's Response:

Thank you for this wonderful comment. I really appreciate all your kind words and hope you don't take them all back after you read Chapter 3! :)

The road to reunion will not be easy for either guy, nor should it be, and I intend to fully make Brian work his ass off here.

Thanks!

So nice to see another story from you. Great opening premise, too! Can't wait to read on. TAG

Author's Response:

I'm glad to be back! :) 

Thanks for reading!

Um, you know the title caught my attention.  :-)

 

Love it so far! Can't wait for updates.

Author's Response:

haha! When I searched for existing fics with this title I saw yours! However, since our plots are quite widly different I went with it - I hope you don't mind! :)

Thank you for reading, I appreciate it!

OMG this is such a sad story, I hate when everyone gets mad at Brian.  I hope Justin feels bad too, then I won't feel so bad.  LOL. Please update soon, I love the story. You really captured Brian's feeling of pain and isolation.  I hope this does have a happy ending for the both of them.

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading, I'm happy to hear you are enjoying it. Things will not get easier for either of them for quite awhile, so hold on! :)

Wow.  This is so good.  But does this mean that Justin never came back from LA?  I really want to see where you take this.  It is so compelling.

Author's Response:

Indeed! Justin stayed in LA. I will divulge more details of both Brian and Justin's years apart in coming chapters. 

Thanks for reading! I'm glad you're enjoying it :)

Love this beginning. Have seen adam several times. He is the best. Brian needs to get himself together and not fly apart.

Author's Response:

Thank you for reading! You are lucky having seen Adam more than once! I've not had that pleasure, but I hope someday to get the chance :)

As for Brian, he was caught off guard in this first chapter - he'll appear much more "together" as the story progresses...

Well now this looks truly interesting. I can't wait to read Justin's POV if you write it about seeing Brian again. I also can't wait to see how you get them back together. I love stories like these some of my favorites because it allows for change in the boys. Well done!!

:)

Author's Response:

There will be Justin and Brian POV in varying chapters, so no worries, you'll get Justin's reaction too :)

Thanks for reading, I hope you like what I do with these two!

Oh I am invested in this one it sounds really good judging by the first chapter

Author's Response:

Thanks for reading, I'm glad I hooked you with the first chapter! :)

GREAT!! 

Update soon ;) pretty please

Author's Response:

thanks for reading! Chapter 2 is up :D