Thank you so much for the beta Becky! :)
Special thanks to Helen for the banner! :)
‘Whoever invented the cruel mornings that follow the wonderfully elated nights, should have been killed before the idea came into their minds.’ Justin thought to himself as he was struggling with the blinding morning sun, not seeing anything for a few seconds. As he kept trying to open his eyes, he wondered if there had ever been a harder task for him to do. Even when he finally managed to keep them open, his eyelids seemed impossibly heavy. There was something very strange about the feeling that rushed over him; everything seemed to be blurred and surreal.
If there was anyone who could make him feel good in the hardest of times, whose one single touch would make all the bad feelings go away, well, it certainly had to be Brian, who was sleeping soundly and peacefully behind him. Justin’s lips curled in a smile as he recalled the incredibly hot sex they’d had the night before. God, would he ever get enough of Brian’s sweet taste and exceptional sexual talents? Would he ever stop wanting him? He didn’t think he would. Just the thought of it made him hard in a second, so he decided to give his man a nice wakening.
Justin reached back without turning around and let his hand wander on the man’s body, guiding it slowly to its destination. When he got there, he started to unbutton Brian’s pants with skillful movements; he’d had enough opportunity to develop this simple process to perfection after all.
‘Hey, wait a second! Brian wearing pants in bed???’ Justin frowned, not understanding what was going on. Brian never wore anything in bed. Never. Maybe he’d woken up earlier, gotten dressed then changed his mind and gone back to bed? That just made no sense. No sense at all. Justin decided to stop wondering; whatever the reason was, he had to take care of more important and urgent problems. By the time his hand was stroking the impressive bulge through the soft underwear, he could feel a firm grip on his wrist.
“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Brian’s sleepy but threatening voice surprised the boy.
Justin turned around to face the man. What was going on? Brian had never rejected him before; he’d always loved it when Justin initiated sex. Was this the beginning of the end? The boy didn’t dare to think about it, so he answered with a question, looking pretty confused,
“What does it look like?”
Brian glared at this cocky response, and Justin could tell he was not impressed by it a bit. The man grabbed the boy’s wrist even more firmly; so very firmly that it practically hurt. Brian stared at the blond’s face for a moment, then said in a somewhat disgusted way,
“Looks like your hand is in my pants.”
Justin didn’t understand why Brian acted so weird this morning, and the expression on the man’s face scared him even more. It was not the Brian whose arms he’d fallen asleep in.
“You’re an excellent observer.” Justin answered resentfully.
“So?” Brian asked, his voice getting more impatient.
“So?” Justin repeated in total incomprehension.
“Now, would you take your fucking hand off of me?!” Brian barked at the boy then pushed his hand away.
Just at that moment Justin looked down at himself and realized slowly that Brian wasn’t the only one who was wearing clothes. Justin had a t-shirt and cargo pants on. Now he really didn’t understand a fucking thing.
“Guess you mistook me for your girlfriend.” Brian said with a smug grin while buttoning his pants and sitting up on the edge of the bed, turning his back on the blond.
Justin sat up too, looking around the loft with a blank expression. Something just wasn’t right. Finally he realized what Brian had just said.
“What?!” He asked the man while staring at him, trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“I’m not your girlfriend Justin.” Brian turned around and gave the boy a pitying look.
“No shit.” The boy murmured.
Justin thought that was more than enough; if Brian wanted to tease him, it certainly worked, but it was time to stop this stupid scene. He crawled up to Brian, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed, and caressed him from behind slowly while placing tender, wet kisses on his neck.
“Whoa, stop it!” The man sprang to his feet immediately, looking down at Justin in disbelief, “What’s wrong with you?”
“What do you mean?” The blond asked weakly; he really didn’t like this game Brian was playing.
“I mean you’re acting like a fucking faggot. What are you going to do next? Suck my dick?” He snorted and sounded like he couldn’t imagine a more terrifying thing to happen.
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.” Justin mumbled quietly. There was only one thing going on inside his head: ‘Who the fuck are you and what did you do to my Brian? I want my Brian back! Now!’
“What the fuck did you take last night?” Brian asked him while watching his face suspiciously, “The effects of E should have passed by now.”
“What are you talking about? I didn’t take anything.” Justin said then added in his best sexy tone, “Just you.”
“Fuck. Looks like I’ll have to take you to the hospital. As far as I can see you may have a serious problem.” Brian said and he really looked worried, “I knew I shouldn’t have let you drink that much.”
“I’m fucking fine!” Justin cried out, “What happened to you Brian?”
“You’re asking what happened to me?! What happened to you Justin?” Brian retorted.
The boy sighed heavily and hoped Brian would take pity on him and stop scaring the shit out of him,
“Stop it Brian, it’s not funny at all.” It was more of an entreaty than a threat.
Brian nodded slowly and ran his fingers through his brown hair nervously, standing at a safe distance from the boy,
“You’re damn right. It’s not.”
“I love you Brian and I know you love me too. So I think we should stop this little play now.” Justin stated carefully.
Brian sighed and answered in a calm voice,
“Listen, Justin. You’re my best friend but it doesn’t mean there’s more to it. We’re good friends, that’s all.”
“Yeah, right. And do all best friends fuck five times a day?” Justin blurted out.
Brian looked taken aback,
“What are you talking about? We’ve never fucked.”
Justin slowly started to feel the sting of tears in his eyes,
“You know, if you wanted me out of your life you could have just told me so. This whole scene is so humiliating. It’s just not like you at all.”
“Are you sure you’re feeling well?” Brian asked carefully.
“I’m fucking sure, thank you very much.” And with that Justin stepped up to the bedroom closet and opened it.
“What are you looking for?” Brian inquired with a frown.
“I’m getting my things. I’m moving out.” Justin’s stern answer came from the depth of the closet.
“Um… Justin.” Brian started, scratching the back of his head.
“What?”
“You…you don’t live here.” The man finished the sentence warily, “And before you ask; you’ve never lived here.”
Justin closed the closet door, realizing that there wasn’t a single thing of his. He could see only Brian’s clothes everywhere. The boy stared into the emptiness for minutes, wondering what he had done to deserve such a fucked up turn of events. Wondering what the fuck was going on from the moment he’d woken up.
“But you…you’re my boyfriend.” Justin whispered.
“I’m your friend, Justin. And it’s not the same, is it?” Brian answered and took a step forward, “Look, I didn’t know that you…um…you were into men as well.”
“Didn’t know, huh?” Justin felt the first tear rolling down on his face slowly.
“That’s right. And let me tell you that...” Brian stopped, looking for the right words, “…it’s kind of shocking for me to hear that. But it’s your choice and I…”
“It’s not a matter of choice.” Justin cut him off angrily.
“Whatever,” Brian went on, “I’m straight and you know that. And though Lindsay doesn’t mind if I fuck other women, she got used to it to be exact; but sure as hell she wouldn’t appreciate me fucking men as well. Not to mention that the thought alone makes me want to throw up.”
“Lindsay?” Justin was really lost now.
“Yeah, Lindsay. The woman I’m going to marry in a couple of days. And you’ll be the best man in case you forgot.” Brian looked at Justin like he was out of his mind.
“You mean…Lindsay Peterson?” Justin asked dumbfounded.
“Do you know any other Lindsay I’m fucking regularly?” Brian’s sarcastic voice made the boy’s world shatter into a million pieces.
“You’re just kidding aren’t you? Is this some kind of sick joke you made up to scare me shitless? If it is, then it’s definitely working.” Justin gave Brian a look full of disappointment and pain, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Everything seemed unrealistic and impossible. Justin kept on telling himself this whole thing wasn’t happening at all.
“I’d never do such a thing.” Brian said quietly, sitting down beside the blond, but not too close to him.
The boy took a deep breath and finally said,
“Okay, let’s say I went crazy. Let’s say I’m imagining things that never happened. Then why did we sleep in your bed together?”
Brian looked at Justin, speaking with disbelief,
“You really don’t remember a thing?”
“The few things I remember aren’t real in your opinion.” Justin spat back, staring at the floor intently.
“Okay.” Brian sighed and began to speak. “I’m going to marry Lindsay next week, and it was my stag party last night. It was great actually, with lots of hookers and strippers. We got high and drank a lot. The others left at dawn but I told you to stay because you really weren’t in a good state. We must have been fucking drunk and exhausted; I guess we just fell asleep. That’s all.” Brian sighed again and went on, “I don’t know what you were thinking, but it didn’t happen. Didn’t it occur to you that we were fully dressed?”
“But…it can’t be…our past…” Justin started to stammer.
“What you call ‘our past’ is a good friendship of four years now. Nothing more.” Brian looked at him pointedly.
“But…the things we’ve gone through together…” Justin tried again.
“Fuck, you’re scaring me shitless. What are you talking about?” Brian looked horrified.
“But…our first night…” Justin didn’t give up.
“What? Getting drunk together in a striptease bar after fucking the hot waitresses? That was a truly memorable night, I admit.” Brian smiled at the memory.
“But…the bashing…” Justin started again, getting weaker with every second.
“What bashing? Well, probably you bashed your head…your mind is wandering…” Brian said, looking worried.
“Our nights at Babylon…” Justin spoke again.
“Babylon? You mean that gay disco? Fucking disgusting. I’d never set foot in a place like that; I’ll die first.” Brian gave the boy a disapproving look.
“The cancer…” Justin said carefully.
“You’re the healthiest person I know Justin.” Brian replied, looking confused.
“And your son…Gus?” The blond asked finally.
“Son? What are you talking about? I’m sure Lindsay won’t let me live until we have a kid…but I’m just not ready for that. Not yet.” Brian shook his head and examined Justin’s face, “Looks like you had the weirdest of nightmares. But forget it; it was just a dream.”
“No, it couldn’t be!” The boy cried out, wiping tears off of his face, “This whole story…years of events…can’t be just one fucking dream! Is it possible?” Justin asked with total desperation in his voice.
“What?” The man asked, not understanding a word.
“Dreaming events of years during one sleep? And not remembering a single thing that happened before? Waking up and realizing that everything that ever mattered to me never even existed? ” Justin couldn’t keep his tears from falling.
“Fuck if I know. But I’m going to take you to the hospital. You look like shit and you’re obviously suffering from some kind of memory loss.” Brian said, standing up from the bed.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Justin stated quietly, lost in sorrow and self-pity.
“It wasn’t a question Justin; it was a statement. And I think I’m going to call Daphne and tell her about this shit before you really think you’re gay.” Brian added with a grin.
“Daphne? What for?” Justin looked at the man reluctantly.
Brian shrugged and explained,
“Well, I guess your girlfriend can help you to remember where you belong.”
“What did you say?” Justin asked after a minute of silence.
“Don’t tell me you don’t even remember your partner.” Brian shook his head.
The sound of the loft door interrupted their conversation and Lindsay stepped into the place.
“Oh, Justin. Hi. I didn’t know you were here.” She smiled then stepped up to Brian, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“Thank God you’re here.” Brian said to her, “There’s something wrong with him; he’s acting fucking weird and doesn’t remember a thing.”
“I take it the stag party was a real success then.” Lindsay smiled knowingly.
“No, it’s…it might be serious…schizophrenia or whatever-the-fuck. He thinks he’s gay and we’re in love…” Brian couldn’t suppress a nervous laugh.
“What?” Lindsay asked and looked at the boy.
Justin got up from the bed and ran to her, hoping she might end this ridiculous comedy, that she’d do something, so that everything would be alright.
“Tell him Linds!” He grabbed the woman’s hand and held it tight, “Tell him that it’s him who doesn’t remember! That he’s been in love with me from the moment we first met; that I’m the love of his life and we’re meant to be together! Help him to remember…please…” Justin panted heavily, forcing himself not to let his tears fall again.
Lindsay smiled at the boy reassuringly, that made Justin feel a bit better.
“Brian…” She said, stroking Justin’s hand and looking at Brian with concern, “We really should take him to the hospital.”
“No!” Justin yelled as he could feel his brain reeling.
His legs got impossibly weak and everything became slurred; he couldn’t hear the voices anymore and he desperately tried to find something to cling to, but it was too late. The world went dark and he lost all his senses.
***************************************************************************
Justin was struggling with the blinding morning sun, not seeing a thing for seconds. As he kept on trying to open his eyes, he wondered if there had ever been a harder task for him to do. As he could hear the quiet sound of breathing behind him, he reached back automatically. Feeling the warm skin under his touch, he pulled his hand back immediately.
He started to remember the previous events, and he was sure he’d fainted after Lindsay’s jolting comment. And now he became conscious again; though he wished he’d never woken up again. There was nothing for him to live for; his whole life had turned out to be a frighteningly realistic dream, while not remembering a single thing of his so called ‘real’ life. He still couldn’t believe how a simple dream could make him feel so lonely and insecure. He wanted to lie there till the end of time.
Suddenly his body jerked as he could feel a hand grabbing his own, then he heard a soft voice whispering into his ear,
“Why did you stop?”
Justin turned around in the bed and faced a naked Brian, who was watching him sleepily, pulling the boy’s hand to his groin.
“No!” Justin pulled away as he said, “I’m just dreaming again!”
“Well, I always knew I was the man of your dreams Sunshine, so put your hand back.” Brian commanded.
“But…I…” Justin stammered in confusion.
“Is there a problem?” Brian asked, frowning.
Justin didn’t know what to think. What had happened? Was he dreaming again? Or was Brian playing with him?
“Are you…” Justin cleared his throat before he went on, “…are you gay?”
Brian blinked a few times, trying to understand if he’d heard the blond’s words correctly.
“I think I’m going to act like I didn’t hear this question.” Brian stated and looked at the boy with a strange expression.
“Are you?” Justin repeated impatiently and trustingly, determined to find out about this current situation.
“What do you think?” Brian asked, pulling the boy onto his body, rubbing their groins together so that Justin could feel his erection.
“Thank God!” Justin moaned loudly with relief, resting his head on Brian’s shoulder, “I’m so fucking happy that it’s you!” He murmured against the man’s soft skin.
“Who else would it be?” Brian asked suspiciously, but his expression softened when he realized what was going on, “Another bad dream?”
“The worst fucking nightmare ever!” Justin groaned, kissing Brian’s neck gently, still unable to believe that it had just been a terrible dream.
“That fucking Hobbs again?” The man asked quietly.
“No. It was you.” Justin admitted reluctantly, his mouth never leaving Brian’s skin.
“Me?” Brian asked with a frown, stroking the blond head gently.
“You were…straight.” Justin said with a laugh, the whole idea seemed so ridiculous now.
Brian laughed in response,
“Now I understand why you looked so shocked…” He placed a kiss on Justin’s ear, “…you horny little twat.”
“It wasn’t that funny, you know.” Justin said with a serious expression, “I thought I’d lost you.”
Brian didn’t miss the unshed tears in the blue eyes, so he pulled the boy close to him and whispered,
“Now, let’s see what I can do to make you forget about it.”
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!