Thank you so much for the beta Becky!
Lots of thanks to Helen for the banner!
Chapter 13---------------------
“‘Tis much to borrow, and I will not owe it
My love to love is love but to disgrace it;
For I have heard it is a life in death,
That laughs, and weeps, and all but with a breath.”
Ethan was right; Daphne was truly happy to see Justin standing in front of her door late at night. Though she’d already been sleeping, she didn’t mind letting her friend in and making some room for his things. She’d told the boy to move to her place long ago, and now she was thrilled to see that he’d finally brought himself to do it.
Justin didn’t speak too much and Daphne didn’t even try to push him; she knew very well that her friend would tell her everything he wanted her to know when he was ready for it. Though Justin definitely seemed to be relieved, the girl noticed that he was a bit sad and tired as well. She wasn’t surprised; breaking a relationship is never easy after all, even if it didn’t mean very much any more. And knowing how sensitive Justin was, she could imagine how guilty the blond felt.
But she knew that Justin made the right decision and he knew it too; he just needed some time to get over it. Daphne had always thought that the blond deserved a boyfriend who was a lot better than the violinist, and she’d never missed a chance to tell him so; Justin didn’t seem to care about that; he’d kept on trying to convince the girl that he’d found his true love, and this true love would last forever.
Though Justin didn’t tell Daphne, the girl could clearly see that things weren’t the same between the boys for a while. Ethan became more and more pretentious and Justin seemed to get quieter and more submissive. Though he wasn’t aware of it, he started to become his own pale and weak shadow; and Daphne didn’t like it a bit.
Her once so cheerful and talkative, surprisingly intelligent and witty, not to mention incredibly stubborn and self-confident blond friend had started to change; he’d seemed to become some opportunist and dejected housewife, whose only duty was to meet his egotistical boyfriend’s expectations.
And that was the main reason Daphne hated Ethan. Because he’d changed Justin so much, turned him into someone she didn’t even know. And it had nothing to do with her being jealous or afraid of losing her best friend. No, she wouldn’t have minded Justin’s relationship if she would have seen that Justin had been happy and content with it.
But Ethan didn’t seem to care about Justin’s needs, or maybe he thought that all Justin needed was what he needed. Daphne didn’t think she’d ever met a more selfish person. She thought Justin was smart enough to realize that but the boy didn’t seem to take notice of it for some reason.
Sometimes Daphne thought that maybe Justin didn’t think he’d find a better boyfriend; which was ridiculous considering that he was only 21 years old; he was beautiful, bright and exceptionally talented, one of the hottest boys the girl had ever known. She knew that the blond could find a much better partner without even working for it, but he didn’t seem to believe in himself.
The girl assumed that Ethan managed to break Justin’s self confidence down slowly, making the boy think that he wasn’t good for anything but keeping the fiddler satisfied. It made Daphne pissed and she’d wanted to convince Justin that Ethan had been a really bad and unlucky choice, but as long as the blond couldn’t see it, she couldn’t do anything about it.
After meeting Brian, Daphne had gotten hopeful. She saw that Justin had been impressed by the man; she’d never seen him so nervous but still excited before, his eyes sparkling, his voice shaking, his cheeks blushing. Daphne truly believed that the man could be the solution to Justin’s problem. And after Justin telling her he’d had sex with Brian, she’d thought that this would make Justin change his mind. And considering that Justin was about to stay at her apartment, she’d been right. She just hoped that Ethan wouldn’t show up and try to win the blond back, but if that happened, she hoped Justin would be strong enough to say no.
And there was Brian of course. Apart from the fact that he was gorgeous and hot as hell, the girl didn’t know too much about him; she didn’t know anything about him for that matter. She wondered if Brian wanted a relationship with Justin or at least wanted to make the boy happy. But with or without Brian, Justin had to find his own life and happiness; though Daphne couldn’t stop thinking of what a beautiful couple those two would make.
“Did you tell him?” The girl asked quietly. The blond shook his head in response, since he knew exactly whom Daphne was referring to. She went on, “I think you should talk to him.”
“I will, but not yet. I need some time.” Justin answered almost inaudibly. Daphne didn’t think she’d ever seen her friend so exhausted and insecure.
“Okay. Go, get some sleep now. We’ll talk tomorrow.” She smiled at the boy reassuringly and left him alone with his whirling thoughts.
****************************************************
The next morning Justin felt a lot better; it was strange to wake up at Daphne’s but he was relieved that he’d finally made this big step. He had breakfast with the girl while telling her what had happened the night before. Daphne tried not to show how happy she was, but there was no way the boy could miss it; he didn’t mind it though.
After breakfast he went to PIFA, but he couldn’t concentrate on what the teacher was saying, he was drawing on a piece of paper absently, reliving the memories of the previous day.
“Who’s he?” Lena, the girl sitting next to him leaned closer and asked the boy in a whisper.
“Huh?” Justin looked up and turned to the girl. She was one of his classmates he liked; they often talked between and during classes. She motioned toward the paper Justin had been drawing on and asked again.
“That guy. Who’s he?”
Justin looked at the paper in front of him. He didn’t even realize what he’d been sketching; his mind had been very, very far away. As he glanced down he was kind of startled. With that incredibly suggestive look of his, Brian was staring back at him. Yeah, it was him, there was no doubt about it.
“Um…no one.” Justin tried to look nonchalant, but his flushing cheeks betrayed him.
“No one, huh?” The girl smiled and gave Justin a knowing look, “At least now I know what you meant when you said that No One could make you blush, Taylor.”
“Shut up.” Justin said but grinned widely.
“May I keep it?” Asked the girl and Justin looked at her in disbelief,
“What for?”
“He’s hot.” She said with a smirk, “Besides, ‘No One’ looks better than my boyfriend. So?”
Justin shook his head but gave Lena the sketch anyway,
“It’s yours.”
“Yeah, I guess there’s even more where this came from, huh?” She winked at Justin and started to examine the picture intimately.
The fact that Brian seemed to be with him all the time, whether Justin wanted it or not convinced the blond that he had to meet the man as soon as possible. He didn’t want to go to the theatre though; he didn’t want to meet anyone but the actor. Since he knew where Brian lived, he decided to visit the man at his loft later that evening, after he finished at the theatre.
It was late at night when he said goodbye to Daphne and stepped onto the dark and cold street. On his way to see Brian, he kept on thinking about what he’d say and what kind of reactions he might get. He wanted to be careful, he didn’t want to look too eager but he wanted the man to know everything he was planning to tell him.
Before he arrived at the building, he realized that Brian may not be at home or worse; he may be at home having fun with some trick. He knew he shouldn’t be showing up unexpectedly, but he couldn’t wait any longer to see the man. All he could do was hope that everything would be alright.
When he arrived at the huge building some people were stepping out of the stairway, which made it easy for him to get in with no trouble. He took the stairs instead of using the elevator and found himself standing in front of the loft door in no time. He pressed his ear against the metal, looking for noises, but he couldn’t hear anything. Maybe Brian wasn’t at home. He sighed nervously and banged on the door twice.
He was almost surprised when he could see the door sliding open and a half naked Brian standing in front of him. They were staring at each other without words for a few seconds, then Justin started to speak nervously,
“I…I hope you don’t…”
But before he could finish the sentence Brian reached his hand out, grabbed the boy’s collar and pulled him in firmly, never saying a word. After pulling the door closed Brian pushed the blonde’s back against the door and attacked his mouth. Justin got lost in the sensations the man’s tongue and hands were creating, he couldn’t focus on anything else. He was so very turned on that everything became blurred.
Justin could feel Brian’s warm hands stroking his erection, then pulling his shirt off while kissing his way along his chest. He could feel Brian sucking on his tongue, pulling him up the stairs by the waistband. Being pushed down on the bed, Justin let the man pull his pants down then watched him as he tossed his own jeans aside.
Tugging at the soft brown hair while being sucked, watching the older man while he licked him cleaner than ever, feeling the warm and moist tongue leaving wet trails all over his trembling body, being held by those strong but gentle hands, the man’s soft moans mingling with his own, Justin wondered if he was about to melt away.
Feeling Brian entering and caressing him made Justin moan loudly with pleasure, pulling the man deeper than ever, feeling him in every possible way. Kissing him passionately while their bodies were becoming one, Justin realized that he’d never thought that something like this would happen to him. That was more than he could imagine. This feeling was something everyone talked about but had never really experienced. Well, Justin seemed to be the lucky one.
Feeling his climax getting closer, Justin pulled Brian as deep as he could, and without the man touching his cock, he came intensely. Brian followed soon after, grunting loudly, “Fuck!”
Laying peacefully in a comfortable silence, enjoying the post-orgasmic bliss, Justin rested his head on Brian’s chest while the man’s fingers were playing with the silky blond locks unconsciously. The man could feel the lithe body becoming heavier; he could hear the boy’s steady breathing, so he shook the blond lightly.
“What?” Justin mumbled, still half-asleep.
Brian chuckled and answered quietly,
“You almost fell asleep.”
“So what?”
“Remember the last time you slept here? You made a fucking drama scene the next morning, so you might not want to sleep here this time.” Brian answered, still stroking the boy’s hair.
“Do you want me to leave?” Asked Justin teasingly.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“You mean I can stay?” Justin purred and pulled himself closer to the man.
Brian shrugged,
“If you want. But don’t start whining in the morning because of your boyfriend.”
Justin waited for a second then said carefully,
“I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Brian’s fingers stopped and his body stiffened.
“Since when?” He asked suspiciously.
Justin sighed and answered,
“We broke up yesterday.”
Brian couldn’t believe what he’d heard. A scary feeling started to overwhelm him slowly. He was afraid of the answer, but he asked,
“What happened?”
Justin shrugged and tried to stay calm,
“Nothing. I just left him.”
The man snorted, not accepting the answer,
“Bullshit. What was it?”
Justin didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say; he could feel that Brian was getting somewhat rigid and he didn’t understand why. The man spoke again,
“Won’t you answer the question?”
Justin looked up at him,
“Why do you want to know?”
Brian shrugged and looked away,
“No reason.”
“Bullshit.” The boy answered with Brian’s word.
The man frowned and gave the blond a confused look,
“What?”
Justin decided it was time to tell Brian the truth. He couldn’t stall for time any longer, so he took a deep breath and answered quietly,
“I wasn’t happy with him. Not anymore. Especially not after I…” He didn’t know how to say this.
“After what?” The man seemed to be pretty impatient now; he hoped that the answer would not be what he thought.
“…after I met you. It’s so different with you Brian. When I’m with you, I feel…good.” Justin said out loud finally. He embraced the man gently, but Brian freed himself and sat up, looking unimpressed.
“What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t even know me!”
These harsh words surprised Justin; he didn’t expect this kind of rude reaction. He watched the man as he moved to the edge of the bed, lighting a smoke with quick movements. The boy asked weakly, hoping he could ease the tension,
“What’s wrong?”
Brian stood up and faced the boy; his face mirrored anger. He raised his voice and asked sternly,
“Are you telling me that I’m the one who’s responsible for your break up?”
The blond hadn’t thought that Brian would put it that way. He answered defensively,
“I didn’t say that.”
Brian stared at him, as if he was trying to read the boy’s mind,
“But you meant to imply that.”
Justin sighed and tried to explain it in another way,
“I just thought that we…”
But the man cut him off angrily. The boy had never seen him like that before. He could tell that Brian was incredibly mad, but he could see something else in his eyes apart from the obvious anger. What was it? Insecurity? Fear?
“What the fuck were you thinking? If you left your boyfriend because you thought I’d take his place, you fucked up. I’m not going to be your…” he couldn’t say the word, “…understand?”
Seeing Justin’s painful expression and realizing that maybe he’d been a bit too harsh, Brian rubbed his face and lowered his voice again,
“Listen, Justin. If you’re coming here to get what your boyfriend can’t give you…that’s fine with me. It’s fun. But it’s just fucking, nothing more.” He looked deep into Justin’s eyes, making sure he understood.
But Justin stood up abruptly and asked in disbelief,
“So, that’s the only thing I’m good for?”
Brian pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily,
“Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have let things get this far.” He muttered more to himself than to the boy.
“Maybe you just shouldn’t have fucked me.” Justin answered bitterly.
That made Brian yell at the boy again,
“Sure, blame all your shit on me! You’re throwing yourself at me, trying to make me feel sorry for you and now it’s all my fucking fault?”
“So the only reason you fucked me was that you were feeling sorry for me?” Justin asked, disappointment and pain evident in his voice.
Brian looked him in the eye, trying to make himself clear,
“That’s not what I meant.” He didn’t know why but the look on the blond’s face made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt the boy. He added quietly, “Look, Justin. Fucking is one thing, but what you’re talking about is…is something different. And that’s…just not my thing.”
Justin nodded then whispered,
“I see.”
And with that he began to gather his clothes and started getting dressed. Brian watched him for a moment then asked,
“What are you doing?”
Justin didn’t even bother to look up; all he wanted was to get out of there as soon as he could. He’d never felt so miserable before.
“What does it look like? I’m leaving.” He tried to sound sarcastic, but he wasn’t very convincing.
Brian stepped closer to him, and said softly,
“It’s late. You can stay here.”
“No thanks. I don’t feel like staying.” Justin answered still not looking at the man.
“Want me to give you a ride then?” Brian didn’t want Justin to leave like that. He didn’t want any of this shit at all.
“No.” Was the blonde’s short answer as he headed toward the door.
Before Brian could say anything Justin pulled the door open, and without looking at the man, he stepped out and closed it in no time. Brian was staring at the metal door for a moment, then turned around and leaned his back against it. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine that this whole nightmare hadn’t happened.
Quote:
W. Shakespeare: Venus and Adonis
Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing!:)