Lots of thanks to Becky for the beta, and to Helen for the banner!
Chapter 5--------------
“…Measure my strangeness with my unripe years,
Before I know myself, seek not to know me... ”
Justin was lying on his back in the dark room of their apartment, constantly staring at the ceiling, unable to get any sleep. He could still feel Brian’s taste on his lips and every time he tried to close his eyes, all he could see was the man’s face and their strange little scene in the stairway, which seemed like it hadn’t happened; like it had only been a dream. A beautiful but very dangerous dream indeed.
Justin was completely sober now, and though he could feel his limbs getting incredibly heavy and tired, he clearly remembered what had happened. He wished he hadn’t. No matter how great that kiss felt, no matter how it made him feel, he regretted it and wished he hadn’t bought that bottle of gin and hadn’t left home.
He was a terrible liar and he didn’t have any idea how he would look into Ethan’s eyes the next day. He was afraid that he would betray himself somehow. He knew that he had to act like this thing had never happened, but it seemed to be almost impossible for him. He hated himself for being that easy and hated Brian for being so very irresistible. ‘God, what does he think about me?’ He asked himself, then remembered that he was not supposed to care what Brian thought anyway.
The bigger question was what Ethan would think when he finds out about it. Being faithful was something Justin expected from Ethan, and he promised the same thing to the violinist. He felt so very bad about this whole thing that it practically hurt him, and he decided not to let the actor close to him again; in fact, not to let him to do anything again. Like it was that easy.
He heard the quiet sound of keys and the front door slowly opened. Ethan was home. Since Justin wasn’t in the mood for talking – he didn’t know what to say anyway; he closed his eyes and turned to the wall so that Ethan would think that he was asleep.
*-*-*-*-*
A terrible headache woke Justin up in the morning. He yawned and began to massage his pulsating temples carefully. It didn’t help much though. Quiet snoring made him open his eyes and turn his head to find Ethan still in bed beside him. He found it pretty strange because Ethan usually got up early, earlier than his boyfriend. Besides that, his contest was really close and it made him practice even more. But considering the late hour he’d gotten back, it wasn’t really a surprise that he was still sleeping. Justin didn’t know what time it was when his boyfriend had gotten home but it must have been pretty late, he was sure about that.
Justin hoped that a fresh new morning would help him forget about the previous events or maybe he would feel a bit less guilty. No such luck. The memory had become even more embarrassing and it almost made his heart tingle. Trying to ease his conscience and remind himself who his true love was supposed to be, he decided to give Ethan a hand job so that at least his day would start off well. He began with slow motions and after a few minutes he quickened the pace. Justin knew that Ethan was only half-asleep now. He could see a lazy and satisfied smile on his boyfriend’s face and all he could think of was that how pathetic he must’ve looked.
He could almost see himself from outside as he was jerking his boyfriend off without very much enthusiasm, just to make himself feel better. But as long as it helped him to forget about that certain someone, he didn’t mind doing it. But did it help? He wasn’t sure. Without really paying attention to what he was doing, Ethan’s loud scream brought Justin back to reality, realizing that his boyfriend had just come.
“Morning…” Ethan murmured with a wide, sleepy grin, “What a nice awakening.”
“Glad you liked it.” Justin replied with a quiet voice, which was almost a whisper, “Maybe less romantic than Beethoven but not less pleasurable.”
“You could combine it with Beethoven and that would be perfect.” Was Ethan’s unexpected answer. Justin got pissed at his boyfriend’s reaction,
“Fine. Next time you should ask him to jerk you off.”
And with that, Justin got out of bed and started to get dressed. Ethan sat up in the bed with a confused look on his face.
“Come on Jus, I was just kidding.”
Justin didn’t reply, just kept on looking for clothes to wear but his movements seemed to be pretty annoyed. ‘Why does he ruin all our intimate moments lately? We don’t have very many anyway, but this morning I really would have needed it.’ He told himself as he got ready.
“What’s wrong Jus?” Asked Ethan innocently.
“Nothing. I just don’t want to be late for work again.” Justin answered without looking at his boyfriend.
“That’s all?” Ethan’s voice sounded somewhat mistrustful. Or did the blond just imagine it?
“Yeah, that’s all.” Justin assured him though he didn’t sound very convincing. He was getting kind of paranoid.
“How was last night? Did you have a great time?” Ethan asked again.
Hearing that simple question made Justin stop for a second and he could feel his body stiffen. He tried to act as casual as he could but he knew that his nervousness was easily noticeable.
“So?” Ethan asked again.
“It was fine.” Justin answered quickly with a pretend cheerful smile.
“Where did you go?”
“No place special really…I…I was just…just walking.” Justin stammered a little, never looking into Ethan’s eyes.
‘If only he knew…’ He thought and tried very hard not to imagine what Ethan would say if he’d known about his dirty little secret.
“With Daphne?”
“No I was…alone.” Justin noticed Ethan’s surprised expression so he added quickly,” But it was great…really.”
“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be with you. I promise to spend much more time with you after the contest.” Ethan sounded regretful.
But Justin knew better. He didn’t know exactly how many times he’d heard this sentence before and now he just couldn’t believe his boyfriend. He knew very well that every contest was followed by another one, and there would always be something that was more important to Ethan than spending some time with Justin. Since Justin didn’t want to start another argument he nodded, kissed his boyfriend quickly and left home.
He arrived at the diner a bit early but he didn’t mind; he hoped that work would take his mind off his problems.
*-*-*-*-*
Brian was having a relaxing shower in the morning while wearing a little smile on his face. And he didn’t even have to take a look in the mirror to know that. He couldn’t help it; the blonde’s kiss put him in a really good mood and he couldn’t forget about how cute the boy had been in that drunken state. Though some might say that it was very romantic of him to take Justin home and then gave him such a passionate kiss, he would have simply said that he just wanted to get closer to the boy’s ass.
And though it wasn’t a lie, it still didn’t explain why he was fighting so desperately for the boy’s attention. He could have anyone he wanted with no trouble at all. So why work for it? Brian convinced himself that it was only a challenge for him, and now he was sure he’d get the blond pretty soon. No matter what his relationship was like, Brian had sensed the boy’s craving for him. It was impossible to miss. He knew it wouldn’t take long for Justin to fall into his bed. And when that happened, he’d surely be there to give him a warm welcome.
On his way to the theatre he thought about stopping by the diner again. He wasn’t sure it was such a good idea though; he didn’t want the boy to think that he was stalking him or something. No fucking way. He didn’t even know if the boy was working that morning.
After a few more steps he told himself that he was hungry anyway, and if he found the blond there, he’d be able to give him a second proposal. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be rejected this time. Stepping inside the diner he spotted Justin immediately as he was taking orders at one of the tables.
Brian stepped up to the counter, to the very same spot he’d been standing the day before and waited for the boy to get there.
Justin stepped behind the counter and noticed the man who was standing there. At first he thought he’d act like he hadn’t seen him and ask someone else to take his order but he changed his mind. The man obviously came here for a reason, so the sooner they got this conversation over with, the better it would be. He let out a deep sigh, tried to control his shaking body and his more than shaking voice and stepped in front of the man. As he was staring into those annoyingly enticing eyes again, he couldn’t say a word. Brian smiled softly and began the conversation,
“How are you feeling?”
Justin tried to look casual and a bit rigid, and much to his and Brian’s surprise he was doing a good job,
“Fine.” He was careful not to look at the man again.
Brian didn’t like Justin’s strange greeting, it was not what he’d been expecting. But he was damned if he’d let the boy talking to him that way. Justin hadn’t really had a chance yet to meet the harsh and cruelly sarcastic style of the man; which he liked to use quite often.
“Great.” The man said imperturbably.
“What can I get you?” Justin’s usual question was hanging in the air.
“The same as yesterday.” Justin nodded and Brian went on, “And no, you don’t have to thank me for taking your drunken ass home.”
Justin looked up abruptly, his confidence blown away in a second. He blushed and said shyly and quietly,
“Um…thanks. I wasn’t feeling too well.” He turned and got Brian’s order with shaking fingers.
“Yeah, I could see that.” The man’s smug reply hit Justin in the stomach. He knew he had to continue this more than embarrassing discussion with Brian though, so that he could make himself clear.
The boy gathered all his strength,
“Look…it was a mistake.”
“What? Not leaving you on the street? Yeah, I know.”
Justin blushed even more and started to stammer, for the second time that morning,
“No, I mean…what happened in the stairway...It was a terrible misunderstanding…I didn’t want to…Look, I have a boyfriend…”
Brian cut him off,
“Well, you didn’t seem to care about that last night…”
“I did! I just…” Justin really didn’t know how to say this, “You shouldn’t have kissed me. I didn’t want it…” Even Justin didn’t believe his last words.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think you were protesting…”
Justin sounded weaker with every minute,
“I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend…”
“Then don’t do it.” Brian shrugged and put the money on the counter, “What the fuck are we talking about here, anyway? We didn’t even fuck.”
“He’s very important to me you know.” Justin tried again, but he knew how ridiculous it sounded.
“That’s your problem. I’ve got to go now. I don’t have time for this.” The man grabbed his order and turned to leave.
“For what?” The boy asked with a confused look, though he knew he wouldn’t like the answer. This Brian was so different. Justin realized that he didn’t want the man to leave like this.
Brian turned back and gave Justin a wrecking look that made the boy speechless.
“For you.” He said and exited the place, leaving a dumbfounded blond boy behind.
Quote:
W. Shakespeare: Venus and Adonis
Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!