Try to imagine A house that's not a home Try to imagine A Christmas all alone That's where I'll be Since you left me My tears could melt the snow What can I do without you? I got no place, no place to go Justin sat at his window, staring out onto the brightly lit streets of New York. A thick layer of snow was gradually building up on the ground far below him. Wrapped in a thick black turtleneck jumper, sent to him by Debbie as an early present; under the guise that she didn’t want her Sunshine dying of hypothermia; he rested his pale forehead against the cold glass, letting his eyes close. It was his first Christmas away from home and he was missing his friends and family like hell. He would have done ANYTHING to go back there to be with them, but his agent had told him he had to get ready for his boxing day show at the gallery. Brian had promised to call him, but so far, the only calls he’d had were his mother and Daphne. On the streets, carol singers stood on the corners. Children threw snowballs on the sidewalk and couples skated on the nearby rink. It'll be lonely this Christmas Without you to hold It'll be lonely this Christmas Lonely and cold It'll be cold, so cold Without you to hold This Christmas Pushing off the chair, he toed on his boots and wrapped his scarf tightly round his neck. Glancing about his small apartment one last time, he grabbed his gloves as he shut the door behind him. A few of the blonde’s neighbours waved at him and bid him Merry Christmas. Too bad Justin wasn’t feeling very Merry this year. Hanging his head, he exited the main apartment building, uncaring of the coldness stinging his face. A snowball hit his shoulder, causing him to glance up at the cheerful looking child, no more than about six as he bent over, before launching his own ball back at her. Her blonde hair was flattened under the hat on her head and, for one nostalgic moment, he could have sworn it was Molly all those years ago. Shaking his head, he flashed her a slightly sad and forced Sunshine smile before continuing his wander through the snow, one arm crossed over his chest as he used the hand of his other to light up a cigarette. Taking a long, and personally he thought well deserved, drag of it; he paused slightly by the singers who were in the middle of singing one of his personal favourites, ‘Lonely this Christmas’. It was so fitting, he found, that he should be hearing this song when it was in fact, true. Each time I remember The day you went away and how I would listen to the things you had to say I just break down as I look around and the only things I see are loneliness and emptiness and an unlit Christmas tree His feet continued to move, his nose becoming numb from the cold as he paused by the edge of the rink. Couples skated round, laughing and joking as they clung to one another, preventing them from falling over. Exhaling smoke, he caught the scent of hot cocoa, emitting from the stall beside him. He remembered last Christmas, when he’d managed to persuade and, consequently, drag him to one of the stalls on the streets of Pittsburgh, near to where the city’s tree had stood. Sniffing, Justin felt a tear escape his eyes as he silently cursed that shit of an agent. It was Christmas for fuck’s sake! A time when you’re meant to be with your family not alone in a strange city where you know nobody. Taking another drag, he caught the eyes of a young red head, watching him from under thick lashes. He licked his lips as he eyed Justin up, making the blonde grimace in distaste before looking away, his fingers fiddling with the ring on his finger. It'll be lonely this Christmas Without you to hold It'll be lonely this Christmas Lonely and cold It'll be cold, so cold Without you to hold This Christmas Turning about, he pushed himself away from the barrier, his fingers fiddling with his cell to see if anyone had called. Sadly, as predicted, the only missed call was from his mother demanding to know why he never answered his house phone. Normally, when his mother asked that, he’d reply with a snarky ‘because Brian’s more likely to answer it’ but this time he didn’t even bother to call her back. He was in the midst of suffering ‘twinkie angst’ and he didn’t need his mother worrying about him too. Do You remember last year When You and I were together We never thought there'd be an end and I remember looking at you then and I remember thinking That Christmas must have been made for us Cause Darling this is the time of year That you really, you really need love When it means so very, very much With a heavy, over dramatised sigh; Justin turned to head back ‘home‘, taking a second to glance over at the tree which stood in front of the Rockefeller centre, just behind the rink. Beneath it stood a lonesome figure who, as far as Justin could see, was staring straight at him. Cocking his head to the side, in a way that resembled a curious puppy, he manoeuvred his way through the crowd to reach the stranger whose hands were stuffed into the pockets of his long black coat. Rubbing his stinging eyes, he looked up as he sniffed, more from the cold than anything, to meet the most amazing pair of hazel eyes. Familiar, hazel eyes. For the first time since he’d moved to New York, he allowed a genuine sunshine smile to grace his lips. “Brian?” It'll be lonely this Christmas Without you to hold It'll be lonely this Christmas Lonely and cold It'll be cold, so cold Without you to hold This Christmas All but running towards his lover, Justin threw his arms round his neck; clinging to the older man who, in return, wrapped his arms round his waist tightly. A face buried in the blonde’s neck as he ran gloved fingers through brown hair, pulling back only slightly. “What brings you to New York? It’s Christmas Eve Brian. What about Gus?” A knowing smile was the only indication Brian gave the boy that he had actually been listening to his blond lover. “JUSSIN!” Springing apart from Brian, Justin spun about as he automatically dropped into a crouch in time to catch the brown haired whirlwind throwing itself into his outstretched arms. Softly he stroked the boys cheek, nuzzling his hair as he sniffled, “Gus…” he whispered, glancing up in time to see Lindsay and Mel approaching, JR waving her chubby little arms at Justin, motioning for him to take her. With Gus clung to his leg and JR to his neck, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Which of course, only grew when he heard a familiar shriek from the distance. He caught a flash of familiar red hair as the owner bowled people out the way to get to her boy, a rather perplexed Ted and happy Emmett following her with Carl. Handing off JR to Brian (more for her own safety than his), he managed to catch Debbie as she crushed him to her. “SUNSHINE!” came the loud sob, right in his ear as he clung to his surrogate mother. Next he hugged Emmett, who tried his best to soak Justin’s sweater and finally, and much to everyone’s amusement, he hugged Ted. Last to arrive were Michael and Ben, along with Jennifer and Molly, announcing that Hunter couldn’t come due to the flu (not that Justin minded, remembering he didn’t really get on well with the littlest hustler) It'll be cold, so cold Without you to hold This Christmas Watching his family pile onto the rink, he watched from by the oversized and brightly lit tree, Brian’s arm comfortably slung over his shoulder as his head rested on the brunette’s chest. “Well, Mother Taylor mentioned you couldn’t come to the family for Christmas so, I decided to bring the family to you…” Blinking back tears, Justin looked up at Brian with big blue eyes and smiled softly. “Christ Brian…” he whispered, turning his head as he heard the Christmas bells ringing in the distance before laughing softly and turning to face Brian; standing on tiptoes and kissing him gently. Merry Christmas, Darling Wherever you are ~~~~~~~~~~ Song: 'Lonely this Christmas' by Mud