“I did the hottest guy in days” I shut off slightly as Brian says that, my hands busying themselves with pouring water for the guys. That’s so typically Brian, rubbing it in my face but I can’t let on I give a shit. I glance over at Ted, he looks so happy with Blake in his arms. I am, genuinely, happy for him. I’m glad he found someone to love, even if that someone is an ex-tweaked out twinkie who happened to put him in a coma.
If this world is wearing thin And you're thinking of escape I'll go anywhere with you Just wrap me up in chains But if you try to go alone Don't think I'll understand
“I faxed him my resume” I’m glad I wasn’t holding anything as I stared at Brian, hell, we all did. Oh, perfect, they’re all looking at me now. I wonder what they’re thinking? Oh poor pathetic Justin, thinks he’s in love and now he’s being left behind. Michael looks like a kicked puppy whereas the other three (minus Brian) look at me, worry in their eyes. Humph, I can survive with out Brian. I don’t need him. So, I flash them an obviously forced Sunshine smile that doesn’t quite meet my eyes and walk off. Well, more like stalk.
Stay with me Stay with me
The gang leave sometime later, well Brian lags behind but I manage to ignore any moves he makes on me, pushing past him. I’ll never admit I’m hurt he’s leaving. I’m just so mad at him right now. And thundering about work is all I can do, else I’d probably burst into tears and start hitting something. As it is, I’ve already broken three salt shakers. My hand is bloody but I don’t care, it’s nothing fatal, just a scratch.
In the silence of your room In the darkness of your dreams You must only think of me There can be no in between When your pride is on the floor I'll make you beg for more
So here I am, sitting in his loft looking up apartments in New York while he showers. I’m doing anything I can to spend time with him before he leaves me behind. I’d go with him, if he asked. But I know for a fact he wouldn’t. I’m just the little blonde kid who no-one cares about. I’ll end up back living with Debbie. I’m up on my feet, wandering into the bedroom to grab my jacket as he announces he’s going to take a shower. I turn to him. “Go. Go take your shower. Go to New York, go to your new life. In a year Brian or not even that long, you won’t even remember my name!” I pause as he looks at me, “Oh whatever happened to that kid who wouldn’t leave me alone, who thought he was in love with me. If you fucking think of me at all”, I look away angrily, tugging on my red jacket as he approaches. “I won’t, I won’t think of you”, I laugh at him bitterly, “When I walk out that door, I don’t plan on ever looking back. And I expect you to do the same…” We’re staring at each other now, my tears are threatening to fall. I think he can see that because the next thing I know, I’m in his arms, just being held.
Stay with me Stay with me
Home life at Debbie’s is bustling. Vic got off and of that I’m proud. After all, it was because of me he chose to fight. Only, I’m not in a celebrating mood. I just want Brian. Rubbing my eyes, I wander up the stairs, my English Lit. book in my hand. In my room, I switch on the stereo to drown out my sobbing as I collapse onto the bed, my face buried in my pillow. Christ, I’m acting like some pathetic faggot. Maybe my dad was right. Being gay has done nothing but hurt me so far. The tears subside and I shift so I’m sat upright, my book in my hand. I may be upset, but it doesn’t mean my grades have to suffer. I wonder who the ’hottest guy’ is, what color of hair does he have? Eye color? Tall? Short? Guess I’ll never know. Mikey comes in, our talk is brief and he leaves. Too bad I’m in a shittier mood than before now.
You'd better hope and pray That you make it safe Back to your own world You'd better hope and pray That you'll wake one day In your own world Coz when you sleep at night They don't hear your cries In your own world Only time will tell If you can break the spell Back in your own world
I love Brian so fucking much. I don’t want him to leave me. It’s the end of the fucking world. Nobody understands. I mean, how would Lindsay feel if it was Mel moving? Would she like it? No, she’d be as distraught as I am, maybe more considering they’ve been together so long. I sniff slightly, looking at my cell phone. Worrying my bottom lip, I flip it open and dial Brian’s number. I’m glad it’s the answer phone, my voice is low as I hum along to the music from my stereo. “Stay with me Stay with me Stay, stay with me Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay Stay with me” What I didn’t know was that Brian was staring at said answer phone as I sang.