~*~
The blond hair fell over the boy’s face, blocking most of Brian’s view, but it really didn’t matter. The features were all wrong anyway. The lips weren’t curved or plump enough, the eyes not blue enough and the hair wasn’t even the right shade of blond to begin with. He closed his eyes, leaned back against the wall and conjured up the correct image in his mind. The mouth that was suctioned around his cock, trying to bring him off, didn’t quite match, but eventually, his body would react and he’d come anyway. It wouldn’t be explosive, wouldn’t be that wonderful sensation that started deep, deep inside, threatening to burn him up from the intensity of it, but it would be satisfying enough. He hated that he’d come to accept ‘satisfying enough’ as something he could live with.
~*~
He leaned back against the sofa, an open bottle of Beam in one hand, and his phone in the other. He glanced casually around his apartment, the rooms perfectly arranged to show off his sleek and sophisticated furniture. Only the best for an up and coming Ad Executive. Only he wasn’t up and coming anymore. He’d been fucking fired and it felt like shit. What he needed was some down time before he figured out his next step.
He dialed and then waited, finally hearing a mumbled hello on the fourth ring. “Hey Mikey,” he spoke, slightly buzzed from the alcohol.
“Jesus, Brian. It’s 1:30 in the fucking morning!”
Glancing at the clock, Brian grimaced. Clearly, it was already half past 4 o'clock. “Only because you’re on the wrong side of the fucking country.”
“Brian…”
“Shhh. You’d better be quiet. You wouldn’t want to wake the doctor.”
He heard some rattling, low whispers, and then Michael again. “Hold on, I’m going downstairs.”
“Never mind downstairs. Pack a bag, Mikey. I’m sending you a ticket.”
“What the fuck? Hold on.”
This time, there was the sound of a door shutting, footsteps and finally, less quietly, Michael said, “A ticket for what?”
“You’re meeting me in Pittsburgh.”
“Pittsburgh!? I can’t just take off. What’s going on?”
“I need you.”
Michael sighed. “You haven’t needed me in two years.”
Brian took a swig from his bottle and cringed at the burn. “Don’t be a drama queen, Michael. I always need you.”
“You only call me when you’re drunk or high or need someone to tell you how fucking fabulous you are. Usually all three. So which is it this time?”
Agitated, Brian closed his eyes. “I’m neither drunk, nor high and I already know I’m fabulous.” He paused, taking another drink. “I’m also unemployed.”
There was silence on the other end of the line before Michael finally replied, “Holy shit.”
“Thanks to Marko and his Board of fucking assholes, I’m in the market for a better agency who need my talents.”
“Oh my God! What are you gonna do?”
“What I’m going to do is meet my best friend in fucking Pittsburgh for a week of mind-blowing fun and entertainment.”
“I can’t just…”
“Look for the ticket and you’d better be there, Mikey or I’ll come and drag your sorry ass all the way to Pittsburgh myself.”
Without giving him time to answer, Brian ended the call and tossed his phone beside him on the floor. Time in the Pitts, where he could forget the hustle and bustle of the city, forgo the daily façade he had to wear to prove he was just as good if not better than everyone else, where he could just be Brian Kinney for a while. At least on Liberty Avenue, his name and status still meant something.
~*~
“So what, you’re gonna live out of a hotel until you decide what the fuck you’re gonna do with your career?”
“No,” Brian answered slowly. “I’m going to live out of a hotel for the next three weeks until the lease the two dykes have on my loft is up.” He shook his head and then glanced annoyingly at Tommy. “What the fuck was I thinking? I’ll probably have to fumigate.”
“They’re lesbians, Brian. Not infestations.”
“Whatever.”
Tommy rolled his eyes and picked at his untouched sandwich. “So you’re really gonna do it. Move back to Pittsburgh after New York City?”
“New York’s bullshit.”
“It wasn’t bullshit when you thought you’d make partner.” He watched as Brian sipped his coffee, moved his salad around with his fork and stayed silent.
“Why don’t you stay at the house with us? There’s plenty of room and I’m sure Rick wouldn’t mind.”
“No.”
Tommy frowned. “Why not?”
Brian sighed. It wasn’t rocket science. “It’s one thing to know your partner is fucking someone on a casual but semi-regular basis. It’s another when that person is sleeping in the next room.”
“Rick understands our relationship.”
“We don’t have a fucking relationship,” Brian countered sharply.
“Excuse me. I mean our arrangement,” Tommy corrected, sarcastically. “Sorry for screwing with your warped sensitivities.”
“If you and I fuck, that’s all it is. There’s no arrangements, no planned meetings, no hidden agendas.”
“I know! Believe me, I know. I was just saying that Rick isn’t threatened by you because he knows there’s no reason to be. Shit, don’t get so defensive about it.”
Brian leaned back into the booth a little further, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He came for a late dinner, not for whatever this was turning into. “People tend to see things the way they want them to be.”
Tommy stared for just a moment, debating, but then decided to blurt it out, regardless of Brian’s position on the subject. “People meaning Justin?”
With his head bent down, Brian lifted his eyes, clearly flustered. “I don’t…”
“Talk about Justin. I know the drill, but Brian… the fact that you won’t talk about it proves that he meant something to you.”
“What are you? A God damn shrink?”
“If I were, I’d have a minefield to work with when it comes to you,” he smirked.
Brian sighed. “Justin had delusions of partnership. He expected too much.”
Tommy couldn’t help but chuckle. “So he expected ‘something’ as apposed to ‘nothing’ like everyone else in your life, and that’s what scared you off?”
“Fuck you.”
“Is he the reason you took off to New York?”
Brian really didn’t like where this was going. It was time to make things completely clear. “I took off to New York because I had a fucking job offer,” he answered, firmly.
“And if you’d stayed here, you were afraid you might have found something better… like someone to love.”
“Love’s bullshit.”
“Like New York? If something doesn’t work out the way you want it to, it becomes bullshit?”
“Like this conversation?”
Tommy glared and Brian glared right back. But not enough to make Tommy back down. “Admit it and I’ll leave you alone.”
Brian grit his teeth. “No, I didn’t leave because of him, no I didn’t love him, yes, he was a great fuck and that was good enough reason to keep him around. Happy now?”
“One day you’ll realize you have to start being honest. It doesn’t matter if you’re honest with other people, but you’ll never be happy if you continue lying to yourself.”
Brian stood up, grabbed his coat and slid it on. “I’d be happier if everyone would leave me the fuck alone and stop mentioning some fucking kid that hasn’t mattered in two God damn years.” He stormed out, leaving Tommy gaping after him.
~*~
"Will there be anything else, Mr. Kinney?”
Brian looked at the same man who’d led him to this same room only two weeks earlier. He didn’t like him any better now than he did before. “You’re positive it’ll be the same person as last time?”
“Yes, sir. I remember quite clearly which one of our boys you were introduced to. Mr. Payne was very adamant about the meeting.”
Brian nodded.
“If there is anything else you require before your host arrives, press the call button near the door. As before, a robe has been provided for your convenience.”
“And the bottle of WET and free porn?” he added, with a touch of Kinney sarcasm.
“If porn is what you are looking for, you might have saved yourself some money and stayed home.”
Brian really hated this pompous asshole and glared at him, letting him know it.
“Enjoy your evening, Mr. Kinney.”
Pompous asshole left the room, not soon enough for Brian’s liking. The only problem was, he knew he really should have followed him out. What the fuck was he doing here? He was supposed to be at the airport, waiting for Michael’s plane to land. Instead, he’d left Mikey a message, telling him to meet him at Babylon later, leaving him to find his own ride into the Pitts. He’d be called an asshole later, but really, right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He wanted this. No, he felt like he needed it and that really bothered the fuck out of him.
His week had been for shit, openings in Pittsburgh’s advertising industry were in short supply and the only thing that looked halfway promising was his previous job working for Marty Ryder. At least Ryder was willing to take him back, as pathetic as that made him feel. Or he could always stay in New York and start back at the bottom again.
Fuck that shit. At least here, he might have a little bit of clout. Jesus, he really had come full circle. Two fucking years working his ass off to end up in the same fucking place he was when he left. With some exceptions.
Michael was gone, off playing house with the great chiropractor in some godforsaken state Brian would have easily dismissed off the map. Deb and the house he’d thought of as his second home, if not his true home, was also a thing of the past and Vic, well… he was just never coming back and that was fucked up beyond anything Brian could comprehend. Fucking meds.
He didn’t even have his loft to return to… yet. Inhabited by a couple of dykes that Lindsay had convinced him to let move in, he wondered if it would ever not smell like pussy again.
And finally, most disturbing of all, it bothered him that no one was around to… no. It bothered him that Justin wasn’t around to irritate the living shit out of him. He’d told Tommy that Justin was a great fuck and true, while that was a huge part of why he’d let him come back over and over again, there was so much more Brian wasn’t ready to admit, even to himself. Fuck Tommy and his honesty shit. Like his happiness really depended on his acknowledgement of being in a fucking relationship. No, he didn’t want or need that bullshit.
What he needed was this. Something just to take the edge off, which the backroom had failed to do in the week he’d been back in Pittsburgh. One more taste and then he’d turn around and never come back. Never mind the similarities in technique he refused to consider, or the obvious petite body type that matched certain criteria he’d deny he’d been fantasizing about. If the kid’s lips, his ass, the fucking way he touched him reminded him of Justin, he was the only one who had to know about it. The fact that he was here because he wanted to be reminded of Justin meant he was losing his fucking mind.