~*~
It was close to the end of a successful eight-week run and Randy was more than ready for a break. The final performance was only two days away, leaving him with two weeks free before rehearsals began for the next play he’d already been cast in. His intention was to stay as busy as possible, keeping his mind off things he knew he shouldn’t be thinking about. Things he knew he couldn’t have, no matter how much it hurt not to have them.
Each night for the past six weeks, he would return home to his empty apartment and he found himself almost wishing he were still going home to Simon and to the life he had just a couple of months ago. If for no other reason, they’d spent four years together and it was habit that he would be there to share the events of his day. But really, the thought never lasted long. Not when he’d close his eyes and it would be Gale that he would fantasize about, sitting at home waiting for him. As much as he might want it, he knew that that was never going to happen either.
At least he and Simon were on better terms now. Given the time that had passed, the initial sting of the break-up was beginning to dull. The heated anger and accusations in most of their earlier conversations had dissipated, leaving cordial dealings, if not a touch of regret on both sides. Simon had gone so far as to suggest they try to work things out, but Randy refrained, knowing their relationship could never go back to the way it used to be. He still loved Simon. He probably always would, but too much would need to be fixed and Randy didn’t have the energy to work on a relationship where his happiness would only be mediocre at best anyway.
~*~
He unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside, grabbing one fur ball of a cat before she could make her escape into the hallway. Glancing around the foyer, he went in search, knowing where there was one, kitty number two wouldn’t be far behind. Sure enough, he heard the low meow as the second ball of fur looking for attention attacked his foot.
“Hey there, did you miss me?” He smiled and bent down, giving the obligatory belly scratches before making his way to the living room to check messages. At least Simon had decided to be fair, giving Randy full custody of the cats, even joking about visitation rights on the weekends. It was true, some things worked out in the end. He kicked off his shoes, threw his bag on the recliner and picked up the phone, retrieving his voicemail messages.
~*~
Message one: Hey Rand, I wanted to let you know we got a solid bid on the apartment. They want it for a little less than what we’re asking, but they’re willing to take it as is. I guess it just means less time and money on our part and we won’t have to replace the carpets like we’d originally thought. Anyway, it looks like we could get this wrapped up in the next week or so if the offer sounds all right to you. Give me a call. (Pause) Well, I guess I’ll talk to you soon.”
~*~
Message two: Hello. This is Michelle Foster calling for Mr. Harrison. I understand you are interested in extending the terms of your present lease. Call the office between 9AM and 5PM tomorrow and I’ll be more than happy to discuss this with you. Have a nice evening.
~*~
Message 3: Hey, it’s me. When are you gonna get another fucking cell phone? I hate leaving messages on this thing. Call me when you make it home.”
~*~
Just hearing the sound of Gale’s voice was enough to make Randy smile. No matter what they were to each other now, he knew the effect Gale had on him would never go away. He might always feel love for Simon, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would always be in love with Gale.
He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before settling down on the sofa to return his missed calls. He really did need to invest in a new phone. It was amazing the things you take for granted when you’re in a relationship. Even down to joint cell phone plans.
Simon agreed to meet him for lunch the next day and the reality was that it would probably be the close of the final chapter of their relationship. It felt bittersweet, but he knew it was something that needed to be done. He only hoped the new buyers would have better luck in their apartment than they did.
Feeling a little under the weather, he debated, but finally decided to call Gale back. He wasn’t sure if it was smart, given his mood, but talking to Gale would either make him feel better or it would remind him of how miserable he actually was. Either way, his resolve to keep his distance faltered and he hit the send button before he had a chance to change his mind.
“It’s about fucking time, I almost gave up.”
Randy smiled. “Hey to you, too.” He could almost imagine the playful grin on Gale’s face.
“So how’d it go tonight?”
“I fucked up a couple of lines, but nothing disastrous.”
“Oh well. Even a genius is entitled to a few fuck ups here and there.”
He rolled his eyes and pushed down the stomach flutters. He knew Gale was proud of him and complimented him often, even if he wouldn’t come out and say it in plain English. “Far from genius but I have enjoyed this role. It’s almost over.”
“Couple of nights, right?”
“Yeah. Then vacation…” he hesitated, “I think I’m looking forward to it.”
There was a slight hesitation and then Gale asked, “Any plans?”
“Other than selling our… the apartment, and trying to talk someone into extending my lease… nope. Nothing comes to mind.”
“Simon’s not keeping it?”
“No. I thought I told you.”
“I think you failed to mention it.”
“Sorry. No, he decided he didn’t want it. Neither do I, so it’s on the market. But I think we have an offer.” He could hear the sound of Gale smoking, followed by a long exhale. Nothing ever sounded sexier.
“You don’t sound too happy.”
Randy shrugged. “I’m not unhappy about it. It’s just… weird. I don’t know where he’s going to move to, but…”
“Does it matter?”
“No, not really.”
“Because from the sound of it…”
“Gale,” he interrupted.
“What?”
“Stop playing the jealous boyfriend.”
“I’m not. Besides, wouldn’t we have to be in a relationship before I’d have a right to be jealous?” He took another drag.
Randy thought about that. He supposed he was right, but still… at this point, he felt he could at least be honest if nothing else. “I’d be jealous if there were someone else”
“There’s not,” Gale answered quickly.
Relieved, Randy closed his eyes, leaning back on the couch. “I guess that wasn’t too subtle, huh?”
“If you wanted to know, all you had to do was ask.”
“I was afraid of hearing the wrong answer.”
Gale sighed. “Randy, what are we doing? I mean really. What the fuck are we doing this for?”
“You know why. Nothing’s changed. We decided we could go back to being just friends, but if you can’t do that…” Hell, Randy really wasn’t sure he could do that. “If it’s too hard…”
“It’s fucking impossible.” And then there was another silent moment before he added, “But not talking to you would be harder. I just don’t wanna lose what little bit we have.”
This time, it was Randy that sighed. “I don’t either. But it’ll get easier, right? That’s what I keep telling myself.”
“Six weeks away from you hasn’t made anything easier.”
Randy shuddered. Gale was reading his mind.
“I know.”
He wanted to tell Gale to fuck his career, fuck his agents and fuck anyone who wouldn’t accept that he just might be happy if they’d let him live his own life. The problem was, he didn’t think Gale would ever be ready to admit their involvement. He’d been hiding so long, it had become second nature to him.
“Just do me a favor?” Gale asked, pulling Randy out of his thoughts.
“What?”
It took him a minute, but then he answered softly, “When you do find someone else… someone who isn’t afraid of showing you how much he loves you… don’t tell me about it. I don’t think I can be that kind of friend.”
His mood changed instantly and now Randy was simmering. On top of everything else, he wasn’t about to let Gale play martyr. “You sure as hell know how to make it hurt, don’t you? You’re already expecting me to find someone else?”
“I’m being honest.”
“You know what Gale? Fuck you. Your not being able to be honest is the obstacle keeping us from being together. I’m not as important as the fucking trolls you work for and you don’t seem to care about what we’re throwing away.”
“You’re blaming me? When you were going to marry Simon?! Obviously, you were willing to put me in the backseat, too. I don’t think you have much room to talk.”
“You know what? Let’s not do this.”
“Why not? It happened. You told him yes. Or did you not think I’d ever figure that out?”
“I also stopped myself before I made a huge fucking mistake.”
“But I wasn’t enough to make you say no in the first place, was I?” he accused.
Randy shook his head in aggravation. “If you only knew how wrong you are.”
“That sound like an easy out to me.”
“Dammit, just stop it! Don’t you know by now how much I love you?! How much I want you? Couldn’t you tell when we were together, when we were fucking, how I craved every single touch, every single piece of anything you could give me?! I never felt that way about him! Never! Not even when I was in love with him! But you… you’ve been enough for me for six fucking years! Too bad for me, there’s only so much time I can wait to be enough for you.”
He hung up. He swallowed hard before the contents of his stomach threatened to betray him. He wasn’t sure if it was because of his rant, or because he knew he wouldn’t hear from Gale for the rest of the night. Either way, he felt like shit.
~*~
The applause was thunderous. Every seat filled, the final night’s performance went off without a hitch and Randy could barely break a smile. No one was there to congratulate him. Fans, sure. But there wouldn’t be anyone waiting at home to celebrate his living through eight weeks of exhausting rehearsals and live performances. No one to pull him into an embrace and tell him how well he’d played his role.
Some of the cast members were meeting up for drinks afterward, but he really wasn’t in the mood for that either. He deserved to go home alone. He hadn’t heard from Gale since he’d hung up on him and he could only imagine what a setback that had been to their already rocky friendship. Although, to think they could actually have a simple friendship was ludicrous to begin with. He knew it, Gale knew it, but neither of them was willing to let go. Randy decided love really could make you insane sometimes.
He turned in the last pieces of his costume and grabbed his bag. He wasn’t looking forward to fighting the crowd outside, but there wasn’t any way to sneak out, either. He’d have to face them, sign their playbills, put on a smile and try to escape as fast as possible. Being an actor never prepared him for the celebrity he’d become. He took a deep breath and felt relief when two of his cast mates walked out with him. At least that would take some of the attention off of him.
A few shrieks from the crowd that had formed around the door and Randy sighted the direction of the path he was going to take. Pen in hand, he worked his way through the many “You were wonderfuls” and “How did you feel about your performance?” questions, narrowing in on his escape route. On the edge of the crowd, only a few more people and he would be free.
“Would you mind an autograph?”
He stopped dead, looked up, and blinked slowly.
“You can make it out to the worlds biggest asshole.”
He smiled. “You aren’t.”
Gale looked at him from beneath his hat. His full beard masked his features and Randy glanced around, realizing no one had figured it out yet. Maybe a few more seconds… but he knew they would.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Gale stepped closer, since Randy didn’t seem inclined to move toward him. “You didn’t think I would miss your final night, did you?”
And then Randy heard it. The whispers. Saw the pointing. Knew what was coming.
“You’d better go,” he whispered, taking a quick glimpse around them. “I’ll wait for you to call and we can meet somewhere later.”
Gale shook his head. “No. I have a better idea.” His hand slid behind Randy’s neck, gripping him softly, his fingers entwining in his hair. “I think it’s about time I stop making you wait.”
Randy couldn’t hide the shock before Gale pulled their bodies closer and pressed their lips together. He kissed him fiercely, never mind the gasps surrounding them, the clicks and flashes Randy barely registered in the background.
When they pulled away, Randy couldn’t help the smile that played across his lips. When Gale held his hand out to him, Randy’s heart began to beat faster.
“What are you doing?”
Gale bit his lip and linked their fingers together. “I thought maybe we could take a walk.”
~*~
When he woke up with Gale beside him the next morning, Randy knew it would be the day that would change his life. A simple kiss and a hand-held walk down a busy New York street was enough to convince him of Gale’s intentions. The day Gale stopped hiding was the day Randy came to the conclusion that they might just make it. They belonged together and that’s all that really mattered when they finally admitted they loved each other… enough.
The End