TITLE: Missed Opportunities 
CHAPTER: 1/12
PAIRING: Gale/Randy
FANDOM: QAF RPS- if it squicks you, feel free to move along.
RATING: ADULTS ONLY
FEEDBACK: Please!
DISCLAIMER:  I do not own Gale or Randy.  I think we all know that.  This is for entertainment purposes only.  I do not claim to know whether any facts mentioned in this story are actually true. As far as I know, Simon and Randy are a happy, healthy, loving couple. Any references to anything different are purely fictional. 
SUMMARY: When the cast comes together for the Season 5 DVD release promotion, Gale and Randy set a few things straight.






January 10, 2006- Season Five DVD release party


Everyone looked on as the hordes of fans began filling the large hall.  The echoes of noise were already at extreme levels and the mall had only opened to the public a few minutes earlier.  It always surprised them how many people actually showed up for these events.  The table was full… almost, the cast already seated by assigned nametags holding their places.  They chatted and joked around, anxiously waiting for the meet and greet to begin so they could finally wrap things up and spend the evening mingling with each other.  The fans were wonderful, but it’d been months since they’d been together… not since the premier party before the final season had even aired.  

Gale hadn’t attended that one, claiming a previous engagement had kept him away, but in reality, it was just the inevitable feeling of knowing it was the end that he didn’t want to face.  He knew he wasn’t ready for it.

So now, a year later and everyone was together again… probably for the last time.  Gale sat second to last in the line-up, Bobby to his left and an empty chair that shouldn’t have been empty to his right.  His eyes kept making their way back to the tag on the table.  Randy Harrison in bold black letters and in small parentheses below it, his character name… Justin Taylor.  

Gale had been surprised when he heard Randy was going to be making an appearance, but by the look of it, he would have been more surprised if the other man had actually shown up.  He found himself becoming more and more agitated by the thought that maybe Randy was so bitter toward this particular stepping stone in his career that maybe, just maybe he’d skipped out on them.  Purposely stood them up as a ‘fuck you’ to all things <I>Queer as Folk</I>.  He tried to push the negative thoughts out of his head.  He didn’t want to think that Randy would stoop so low as to actually do something like that.  Instead, he kept the smile plastered on, lightheartedly engaging in small talk around the table, even though he was becoming more disappointed with every minute that passed.  Twenty so far and he was still counting.  

Sharon caught his attention and he leaned in, trying to hear what she was saying from four seats down when the crowd began to cheer, the entire mall erupting into howls and whistles all around them.  Gale turned his head and his eyes immediately locked onto Randy, being ushered through a double door behind them with two security personnel on each side.  Clutching a shoulder bag in one hand and a Pepsi in the other, he pulled the chair back and sat down next to Gale, setting both items down beside him on the table.

Gale couldn’t help the smile that curled on his lips when Randy finally looked over at him.  “You couldn’t come in subtly like the rest of us?”

Randy glanced down, biting his lip and shrugged.  “Running late.”

Gale chuckled at that because he could tell that Randy was trying not to show how nervous he was.  One thing he’d learned in the past few years was that Randy hated doing these things.  He hated the large crowds… hated putting on that show biz smile for a huge mass of strangers.  Not that he didn’t appreciate the fans that came out to show their support, but Randy had always been extremely shy.  When the focus was on him, he would quickly try to direct it elsewhere, usually to one of the other cast members, or whoever happened to be around.  Interviewers, reporters, fans… they all intimidated him.  For someone so self conscious, Gale was amazed that Randy had chosen to lead a life in the limelight.  Gale smiled and diverted his attention back to the line of people that had just been let through the barricade.  They’d have plenty of time to talk later.  Now it was time to go to work.  It was time to turn on the Brian Kinney charm.

For the next two hours, they talked, signed and gave a little of themselves to countless faces that passed by them.  Gale and Randy shared in the adoration, posing together for digital and disposable cameras, side by side, their cheeks pressed flushed against one another.  Gale and Randy… Brian and Justin.  That’s how they would always be remembered.  

                                                         **~**

Once they finished the first half of their obligation to the fans, they finally managed to take a break, escaping into the small hallway closed off for them.  Gale pulled out a long needed cigarette and pushed his way outside the building.  Nicotine addiction was a bitch when you couldn’t feed the craving.  But then, it was only one of many vices he allowed himself.  The others would have to wait until later.  Leaning casually against the wall, enjoying the quiet of being alone, he inhaled deeply and let the taste settle on his lips until he heard the sound of the large, steel door opening behind him.   

“Figured I’d find you out here.”

Just the simple sound of the voice made him smile.

Randy moved in closer, taking a spot right beside Gale against the bricks and reached out to steal the cigarette from his fingers.  He brought it to his lips and Gale laughed.  “One of these days I’m gonna make you buy your own.”

Randy exhaled, handing it back, returning Gale’s smile.  “They’d go to waste.”

And it was true.  Randy only seemed to smoke when they were around each other and only when he could steal what Gale already had lit.  Whether it was a simple cigarette or something from Gale’s more potent stash they were sharing, it was an endearing quality of Randy’s that Gale would never have given up for anything.  

He took a final drag and held the butt out, offering the last of it as he spoke. “I was really surprised when I saw you on the list.  I figured this is the last place you'd be.”

Randy nodded and shrugged.  “I almost said no.  Actually, I did at first.”  He inhaled and then lifted his head, exhaling the smoke high into the air above him.  “But then I realized this’ll probably be the last time, you know?  All of us together like this?”

“Like you really care.”  Gale didn’t mean for it to sound so harsh, but he couldn’t help letting the truth slip out.  “I mean, you were so ready to move on and never look back.”

Randy took a final drag and dropped the finished butt, stomping it out on the pavement, pulling his eyes away from Gale’s.  “You know my reasons.” 

<I>Everyone</I> knew his reasons.  The ongoing tension between Randy and the higher ups was a subject that everyone tried hard not to get involved in.  That is, everyone except Gale.  More often than not, he would stand by Randy, voicing his opinions, causing his own waves of friction.  By the end, they made quite a controversial pair.

Gale slowly ran his hand through his hair, down to his chin, scratching the scruff of beard before pushing away from the wall, positioning his body in front of Randy’s.  “When you said you wanted it to be over, I didn’t think it meant our friendship too.”

Randy’s body visibly tensed.  “What?”

“It’s been ten fucking months.  Would one phone call have killed you?  <I>Hey Gale, how’s it going?  I caught your movie… you were fanfuckingtastic!</I>”  He was trying for angry, but the tone came out much more hurt than he intended.

“That goes both ways, asshole.  It’s not like you were beating down my door, either.  You couldn’t even come to see me in one fucking play?  Not one!  You didn’t even…”

“I did,” Gale interrupted, speaking so low he was barely heard.

Randy stopped, not bothering to hide his surprised expression. 

“I saw you the final night of Equus.  You were… fucking amazing.”

Randy’s mood changed immediately.  He became almost excited, full of questions, bubbling over the way he always did when he was extremely happy about something.  “What?  Why didn’t you let me know you were there?  We could have gone somewhere, done something.  Celebrated!”

Gale shrugged and slid his hands into his coat pockets, the January weather finally starting to chill his body.  “I was going to.  I planned on surprising you after the show but then I noticed you with Simon so…” He tapered off, pulling his collar up around his neck.

Randy’s cheek-to-cheek grin quickly became a frown when he realized what Gale was saying.  He’d been there but wouldn’t approach him, went away without so much as a word.  “Because of Simon?  What the fuck? Why?”

Gale pulled in his bottom lip, holding it between his teeth and shook his head.  “You know how he feels about me…” Randy opened his mouth but Gale wouldn’t let him argue,  “and don’t try to deny it.  He would have been pissed if he’d known I was there that night.”

“Gale…”

“No.  You know it and I know it.  Things changed when he came along.  Things were different with us and it’s because he hated it when I was around you.”

“He’s like that with everybody, you know that.”

But Gale knew different.  It wasn’t a matter of Simon wanting to keep Randy all for himself.  It wasn’t even the thought of his boyfriend having other people he could talk to and confide in.  Gale knew the real reason Simon didn’t like having him around.  

“So that’s why you never called me?  Kept in touch?  Well fuck what Simon might have thought!  He doesn’t own me and he doesn’t choose my friends.”  Even as he said it, he knew exactly how wrong he was.  There’d always been a huge amount of animosity between Gale and Simon, right from the beginning.   He’d never been able to enjoy having his best friend and his boyfriend around at the same time, both making excuses not to be anywhere near where the other might be.  Once he finally realized they would never become friends, he accepted it and dealt with it as best he could, the only way he knew how.  He began to pull away from Gale and everything having to do with the show.  After all, Simon was his life… ‘Queer as Folk’ was just a job.  One that Simon was not so happy with.

Besides, by that time, tension began to increase between himself and Gale, replacing the comfort they’d always shared with each other.  Or maybe it was just that he was uncomfortable with the thought that he shouldn’t have been so relaxed in such intimate settings with another man, while his partner was forced to watch from the sidelines, pretending… or at least trying to pretend that it didn’t matter.  In truth, he’d be lying if he said Simon didn’t have a reason to be jealous.  Not that he would ever do anything to jeopardize what they had, but just the thought that he <I>could</I> was enough to make him nervous; hence the tension and uncomfortable feelings. So yes, Simon <I>had</I> made a difference whether Randy at the time was willing to admit it or not.  Unfortunately, once he did admit it to himself, there were noticeable differences in his relationship with Gale, both on screen and off.  

Gale swallowed and shrugged, pulling out another cigarette to give his hands something to do.  He could think of a million things he’d rather be doing than having a conversation about Simon’s possessiveness.  In fact, anything having to do with Simon was his least favorite topic.  Still, he knew Randy was happy so he dealt with it.  “I just didn’t want to fuck things up for you.”

“You wouldn’t have.  I manage to do that just fine on my own, thank you.”  It was Randy’s attempt to lighten things a bit and it worked.  He noticed the hint of a smile curling on Gale’s lips.  “Oh well, I guess it was better that you didn’t come see me.  I was really pissed off at you around that time anyway.”  He mentioned it so casual, like Gale shouldn’t have been surprised… or confused.  

Not knowing whether he was actually serious or not, Gale decided to stumble into it headfirst.  Little did he know what can of worms he was opening up.  “What the hell did I do?  I hadn’t seen you in what, two months?”

Randy didn’t hesitate and answered, “Nothing.  Nevermind.”  He pushed himself away from the wall and began to turn around, stepping around Gale at the same time.  “We’d better get back inside before they send out a search party.”

Gale grabbed his arm, not letting him walk away without at least a hint of what he was talking about.  “Fuck ‘em.  Tell me.”

“It’s not important now so just leave it alone, okay?”

“No.  Tell me what the fuck you were talking about.”

Randy sighed and pulled his arm out of Gale’s grasp.  

With a sudden sort of accusing anger, he asked, “Why couldn’t you trust me?”

Gale stepped back and gave him another ‘what the fuck’ look.  

Randy crossed his arms in front of him and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  “You were outed in the fucking tabloids, Gale.  I had to read it in some fucking trash magazine.”

Of all the things Randy could have said, this was definitely not what Gale had expected.  There was an awkward silence between them for just a moment, for just a few seconds when they couldn’t seem to even look at each other, until Randy finally added, “ It’s not like I didn’t already know.  I did.  I’d known for a long time.”

It was then that their eyes finally met, Gale’s full of questions and Randy’s full of hurt.  “You don’t spend that much time and work that close with someone and not know.  I was just waiting… waiting for you to finally tell me, or something.  But you never did and it made me feel like I wasn’t important enough, like I didn’t…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath,  “Fuck.”  

“Like you didn’t mean anything to me?”

And there it was, on the table.  The simple nod and look in Randy’s eyes said it all.

Gale hated it.  “I wanted to.  So many people were telling me it would ruin me, that I’d come across as a better actor if they all thought I was this straight man playing a gay part. ‘<I>Oh, look at him… that Gale Harold is one hell of an actor… if he can pretend for a role like that, there’s nothing he couldn’t do</I>!’”  He glanced down and then forced himself to face Randy’s gaze.  “Believe me, there were so many times I wanted to tell you the truth and so many times I came so close to actually doing it.  But then things… happened and I figured it just really didn’t matter anyway.”

And right then, Randy knew.  ‘Things’ meant Simon.  Simon happened and Gale stepped back, giving them space while shoving himself even deeper in the closet.  When Randy began dating Simon, Gale began dating Kim.  At the time, it left Randy confused because he was sure he’d been right in his assumption about Gale’s sexuality.  Listening to the explanation years too late, it all made sense.  It was Gale’s way of covering up so many things.

He felt numb inside.  He’d been so angry with Gale for not confiding in him.  Now, he didn’t know what to feel.

“Fuck, Gale.  If you’d just been honest with me.  Maybe… I don’t know, maybe things…”

 “Might have been different?”  Gale laughed, more out of nervousness than humor.  “That maybe we would have stopped all the fucking friendship bullshit and actually both started being honest for a change?”

Randy shrugged and opened his mouth, the words not forming in time before Gale answered for him.  “You don’t have to say anything.  I fucked up, okay?  A fucking set of pictures taken on a fucking beach forced me to admit something I never should have denied in the first place.  I was such a fucking hypocrite.”

Randy reached for him, putting his hands on Gale’s shoulders, forcing their eyes to meet.  “I understand.  And I don’t think you’re a hypocrite.”

Gale tried to look away, but Randy moved his hand to Gale’s chin, turning his head back.  “I know how this business is… how people can manipulate and control you until you think you’re doing what needs to be done.  Until you think you don’t have a choice.”

“Don't make excuses.  You always have a choice.  I just made the wrong one.”  He placed his hand over Randy’s, pulling it away to guide it around his waist and then let go when he felt the fingers wrapping around his belt loop.  He moved in closer, sliding through the long, blond hair, and gripped the back of Randy’s neck.  “If I’d had my choice, I would have done <I>this</I> a long time ago."  He placed his lips over Randy’s, kissing him softly and then dove deeper when he felt Randy’s tongue urging something more.

It was like finding something you’d lost and then trying to hold onto it so you wouldn’t ever lose it again.  So familiar because they’d felt each other this way so many times, but yet different because this was real.  It was honest and open and it was them.  No characters, no scripts… no cameras.

Gale felt Randy shift and then try to pull away, and he let him go, only to see the confusion with a larger hint of guilt.  

“God, Randy, I’m sorry.  I just…  I didn’t mean...”

“I have to… we should…” Pointing toward the door, Randy turned and darted inside, not even glancing back to see if Gale was following.