~ Thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter!!!~ Justin's POV "Wake up, you're late." My dreams fled at the sound of Brian's voice and his hand shaking me roughly. I pulled myself groggily towards consciousness. Fuck how could he be up before me? I had been home hours before he had finally got in and then he had awakened twice during the night and fucked my brains out both times. I smiled and stretched luxuriously at the memory. It had not been easy to convince Deb to bring me here instead of taking me to her house. She had been incredibly pissed off at Brian last night. They all had been, everyone except Michael and even he had not defended his friend but had chosen silence over accusation. One thing had become clear to me as I listened to their ranting about Brian "deserting" me, their word not mine, and that was that for all their warnings about expecting too much from him, I seemed to be the only one who saw clearly who Brian is. Had they really expected him to come running to me, especially after the news story that had brought out the details about what had happened? I found the body (they knew that now, the news didn't), he protected me. I almost laughed at them. Had they thought that Brian was going to turn into the model boyfriend because I had a panic attack? It embarrassed me even now to remember the extent of my fear when I found the body. I called him and he helped me, again, even though I was not his boyfriend; in fact as he had so eloquently put it not long ago, I was nothing to him. He didn't fucking need me and he damn sure didn't want me to need him. I did need him though. I needed him so much that there were times I thought I would die from it. I can read people and that really saves my ass with Brian. I can look at him and just know what is behind his words, no matter how hurtful or angry they are. I don't know why. It's something I've always been able to do. I know how far to push and when to back off. My mom says I have a knack with people. Seems weird to me since I thought artists were supposed to be moody loners; but because of it Brian can look at me and say "get the fuck away from me" and my ears hear him quite clearly but my heart understands that he means "get the fuck away from me, but not too far away." More than once he has intervened when he thought I as making poor decisions. Honestly, sometimes the only thing I can see wrong with the tricks he objects to is that they aren't him. Funny that he might see the same thing, not that he would ever admit it in a gazillion years. "It's just fucking." he would tell me and kiss me breathless. I was starting to welcome those words. They meant he recognized that he was paying too much attention to me but that he didn't intend to stop. They meant that to him there was something about me that was worth fucking…more than once. I wasn't sure what that was but I was willing to take what I could get. I saw Brian Kinney with a sharp clarity that I was sure he would flee if he was aware of it. The truth was simply that Brian was a prick and an asshole, but I loved him anyhow. One thing I could not understand is how in the hell had they expected that Brian would ever expose himself so completely as to come running to the diner to see if I was ok. It had been telling enough when he had called to make sure I had made it there safely. I understood. That dead guy had been built enough like me that it had given me the fucking creeps to stand there and look at him. I hadn't known how to warn Brian, "He's blond." god that had been so weak. I was not the only blond guy on Liberty Avenue, but I was the only one that Brian cared about and I had known that when he first saw that body it was not going to be pleasant. He hadn't spoken about it last night and I really didn't think he ever would. If I needed to talk about it I would call Daphne. He had done exactly what I had expected him to do. He had fled to the mind numbing noise and alcohol sanctuary that was Babylon. He had gotten tweaked and found somebody to fuck. His fear and pain always came out as rage and his vulnerability was masked by random acts of sex. It was as if his subconscious said "Damn, was that a twinge of heart…quick find someone to fuck." There had not been a chance in hell that any of us were going to see Brian after that afternoon. Even if I really didn't matter to him, which I don't believe, a dead guy in the foyer was not something that he would go have a burger after, especially a dead guy whose head fell off when he touched the body. That had been in the news report and I groaned at the thought. That might have happened to me, I had almost touched him. All that had kept me from it was my familiarity with human anatomy. After drawing the human form for so many years it had been clear to me that his head was not…attached the way a head should be. It had been resting on his shoulders at an awkward chin down angle that no one alive, or dead for that matter, could have duplicated if their vertebrae were still attached. I had been spared that moment. I had been spared a lot of things because once again Brian had stepped in and took control. I don't know why they couldn't see it. "Same old Brian" they had muttered trying to figure out what to do with me. Well no shit, they were the ones parroting one after the other that I can't expect anything from him, so why the hell were they all always so fucking surprised when nothing was what he gave me? The answer was easy, it was because what I felt existed between Brian and I was real. It was real enough that they could see it even if they weren't sure what it was and it made them think he was going to be different. They would watch him touch me and care about me and start to think that he was going to change and the result was they expected too much. It had taken a nearly hysterical fit on my part to convince them that I wanted to go home. I didn't want to sleep in Michael's old room at Deb's house. I didn't want to sleep on the lesbian's couch. I wanted to take a shower and get in the bed I shared with Brian. I wanted to be there when he got home. No matter what they thought, no matter how shitty he acted. He needed me and I would be there. I had been right; he had come in totally fucked up and had fallen into bed with me. When I turned to him he had not pushed me away, just the opposite. If I ever told anyone that Brian had come to me in the night and had needed to be held I would be branded fifty kinds of a liar and an even worse fool, but so it had been. I was not sure what he meant by the things he had mumbled as he had passed out. "Not Justin. Never. Never Justin." His face had been in my hair muffling his words so I doubted my ears, but even if that is what he'd said I had no idea what it meant. That he would never love me? That I could never have him no matter how many nights I waited alone in his bed for him to come home? Then his arms had tightened around me and he muttered, "fucking Sunshine." My heart eased. The affection was still there. This day had not destroyed that, even if my peace of mind had been severely compromised. It was not a comforting thing to come home and find your near double dead on your door step; though when they had shown his picture on the news he hadn't really looked anything like me at all. It was uncanny how much he had seemed to resemble me in the shadows of the foyer, enough to totally freak me out. Could that be a coincidence and if it wasn't one then what the fuck did that mean? My blood ran cold at the thought. Suddenly the duvet was gone and I was landing on my ass on the floor. Brian had both snatched the covers and shoved me out of bed. "Get up Justin, you're late. I don't think they are going to let me supply your get in to school free pass." He was lounging on the bed in just his jeans, smoking. I knew that he would pull on a shirt and step into his shoes on the way out the door. God he was sexy laying there like that, so unconcerned. His hair tousled from sleep and his flawless skin…oh fuck. I stared for a moment at the love bite that marred his skin just under his collarbone. Perhaps it was time to get ready for school. I grabbed up my clothes and fled to the bathroom. "I suppose I could write one for you." His voice pitched so that he could be heard over the water running while I brushed my teeth and shaved. "Dear Headmaster, please excuse Justin. He is currently suffering from a horrid bout of dickuphisassitis. He had two severe attacks just last night and today he is hardly able to walk. I fear that this matter is very serious and will undoubtedly lead to a outbreak of gettinghiscocksucked syndrome, in which case he will be forced to miss several days of school entirely. Justin does wish to continue his education despite these horrible physical disabilities. I am quite sure that we can count on your sympathetic support as he struggles to overcome them. Sincerely Dr. Kinney." I nearly choked on my fucking toothbrush. He was in fine form today. Oh my god dickuphisassitis, just wait until I told Daphne that one! The phone rang and Brian picked it up. "Hello Mikey." Fuck so much for his good mood. There was nothing like getting ragged on about me by Michael to screw up his day. I knew I shouldn't listen but I couldn't help it. I skipped my shower and started pulling on my uniform; so what if I smelled like sex. What were they going to do about it kick me out? "What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't ignore you last night, I didn't even fucking see you." Pause. "When I was leaving Babylon? When I was leaving Babylon I was going home not cruising fucking tricks. If you wanted me you should have fucking came and got me. Goddamn it I was not ignoring you…look Mikey I don't have time for this fucking shit we are late already." And to me "Justin are you fucking dressed yet?" "Mikey. I didn't hear you, I didn't see you. Get the fuck over it. We've got to fucking go… 'JUSTIN' …if he's late many more times he'll get kicked out of that fucking fancy pants school and I'll be stuck with him for-fucking-ever. Goddamn it I was NOT coming home to him…I didn't even…don't you have someone you can go fuck or something and leave me the shit alone. Shut up Mikey." He hung up and I walked out of the bathroom nicely groomed. Brian snorted when he saw me and sauntered over. He ran his hands under the lapel of my school blazer and leaned to whisper in my ear "Has anyone fucked you in this yet?" My cock came instantly to attention. "Not yet." I manage to choke out. He pulled back and met my eyes. His tongue poked at the inside of his cheek as he stared at me and then he turned without further comment and grabbed his keys, shirt and wallet from the foot of the bed. "Time for school." He told me sarcastically. Fucker. He knows what he does to me and he did that deliberately. Well that's ok, I'd pay him back…soon. The trip to school was pleasant enough. Michael hadn't managed to totally destroy Brian's mood and he teased me about fucking that guy's head off yesterday. "Think you could take it easier on the next one you bring home?" he asked, his gallows humor making me laugh in spite of myself, "I can't keep cleaning up all your fucking messes." We pulled up in front of the school and I waved at Daphne were she was waiting near the steps. She grinned and waved back at me heading for the Jeep. I lingered for a minute since I knew she really loved talking to Brian and it was a small thing to do for her. "Ah your mommy is here to get you." He said with that cutting sarcasm that is all Brian. "Hello dear." He said to Daphne and leaned over me to kiss her but instead of brushing her cheek as he usually did he kissed her dead on the mouth. I burst out laughing at her expression and how her cheeks colored. She would be fanning herself all day. He turned to me, "Now you." His hand slid behind my neck and he pulled me to him. His mouth slanted over mine as his kiss threatened to devour me; as suddenly as he had kissed me he let me go and sat back his eyes dancing with deviltry. "Take good care of our son today." He told Daphne, who giggled and promised to look after me. His fingers slid under my lapel and his eyes were hooded when he turned back to me. "Have a nice day, Sunshine. Don't fuck anyone I wouldn't." I was dizzy from the kiss and his playful attention and I got slowly out of the Jeep trying to clear my mind enough to make a retort. "Well that leaves a pretty open field," I finally said, knowing it was weak, "since you fuck anyone." "He wouldn't fuck me." Daphne said confidently and then colored up again. She said fuck in front of Brian. God knows she wouldn't recover today. Brian looked at her and leaned over to run his fingers under her lapel. Wide-eyed she jumped back with a gasp, and I slapped his hand away. Brian quirked his brow at me and drove away without comment, tongue firmly in cheek. "Oh my god." She breathed, "He is so fucking hot." "Tell me something I don't know." I muttered at her as I shouldered my backpack. I had a boner that was promising to be a permanent part of my day thanks to him. That look on his face when he touched my blazer had given me a severe case of Ineedhimtosuckmycocknow that made it hard to walk. I laughed at the thought and we turned to go into school. "What?" she demanded but I was staring at half the football team staring at me and didn't answer her. Fuck. Well, having that many homophobes staring at me cured my hard on quick enough. I just led Daphne straight through them and tried to ignore the worst of their taunts though their insults to Brian made me burn. Daphne held my arm tightly. She could feel the building of my temper through the tension in my muscles. "No Justin." She told me her voice pitched too low for them to hear, "you cannot fight them all. They'll kill you." What she didn't realize was that it was a little like death to walk away; to leave the taunts and the insults unanswered and to admit that I could not stop them; to wonder if this is how it was going to be for the rest of my life…haunted by so many tormentors that I did not dare stand up for myself. Fear of becoming the next victim of straight on gay crime making me into someone I was ashamed to face in the mirror. Fuck that. I turned to face them and as usual Chris Hobbs was at the head of the pack. They fell suddenly silent as I approached. They were stunned that I dared confront them. Goddamn, little did they know what small shit they were compared to my father. I approached the star of the football team, my eyes hooded. I stopped in front of him; close enough that he could feel my breath on his face. He didn't dare back down, but his eyes were wild and it was clear that he did not like having me so close to him. The fact that we were both remembering my hand on his dick was palpable between us. "Jealous?" I whispered in a voice too low to be heard by anyone but him. Rage contorted his face. The only thing that saved me from an attack was the sound of the bell, now we were all going to be late if we didn't run. "You'll get yours Taylor." He hissed as he pushed by me nearly knocking me to the ground. "Promises, promises." I called after him tauntingly but my palms were sweaty and I couldn't deny the relief that rushed through me at the sight of their backs disappearing into the school. "Fuck." I muttered. "Do you have a death wish?" Daphne asked as we made our own hurried way to homeroom, "Or are you just plain crazy?" I stopped before I went into the door and she ran into my back. "Damn it Justin." She complained. I turned to look at her. "Brian wouldn't have just walked away." I told her, "and I couldn't either." She sighed pushing me into class. I knew I would be hearing about this again. She had that female 'we'll talk about this later' look on her face. God help me. TBC ~Reviews are the meaning of life~