BRIAN POV I never thought I'd be here again. As if the ambulance ride wasn't a big enough dose of deja-vu. I, once again, sat on that piece of shit plank they dare to call a seat, gripping Justin's hand. Once again, I felt as if the whole world was crashing around me. As the EMTs were monitoring his stats, I sat there staring at my beautiful boy. Correction. Beautiful man. I know everyone always sees him as so young, but I've always known him as a man, from the night we met. The only times I see him as a boy are times like these, when I feel that dire need to protect him at all costs. Yet, once again, I failed. Once again, I'm the reason he's here. During the ride to the hospital I did have time to think. I thought about everything: the night we met, him naming my son, those early days when I still thought he was just a young stalker who would go away eventually. I thought about the constant times he defended me, the day Craig kicked him out, those days when he would come home from school with bruises or a bloody lip from fuckin' Hobbs, or the one when he came home with the burn on his hand, the result of those assholes trashing his locker. I remembered the night he asked me for advice on starting a GSA at his school. I thought he was crazy. I thought he was a naïve idealist. Still, something told me he needed to do what he felt was right. So, I gave him my advice, the result of which was more shoving from Hobbs, the locker incident, and a nice suspension on the side. Then, I remembered the prom. No, I don't mean I sat there and dwelled on the bashing. I'd already done that just waiting for Justin to be loaded into the ambulance. No, I remembered right after Mikey left after his little "You're Brian Kinney for fuck's sake" speech. I had sat on the couch and thought. I swear I think my whole life is nothing but repetition. I realized that not only was I still young, still beautiful, could still hold my own against any tight-assed high school virgin, but for once in my life, I genuinely wanted to make someone else happy. I realized that I cared for Justin, much more than I would have admitted to myself earlier. Could I love him? No I wouldn't let myself become a diary pouring out every fuckin' emotion I had, but I definitely felt that going to his prom would give me the strength to finally say those three little, yet fuckin' powerful words to Justin. I almost did it. When we were in the parking garage and he was leaning against the door of the Jeep, I almost had the nerve. Then, I chickened out. Instead, I did the only thing I felt I could do that felt right. I kissed him. I kissed him with all the love and passion combined I had and begged that he would get the message. I think he did. When he turned back to me on his way to go get Daphne, he gave me one of his famous Sunshine smiles. I remembered finally realizing why Debbie calls him Sunshine, and, consequently, using the name has become second nature to me. As I walked back to my Jeep, I was on a high I'd never felt before. True, I hadn't been able to muster up balls to say the words I felt, but I had hope that I would be able to soon. That hope was shattered with the crack of a bat. I, much like today, felt every ounce of mere possibility I had to attain happiness flea in an instant. Now, I, once again, sit in this hospital, (I have come to loathe them as a whole) and wait. Wait. Wait for a simple announcement that could very possibly change my life, either for the better or for the worse. Only time will tell. Hopefully the wait won't be much longer.