Love’s Long Journey
Chapter 4
As the pick up truck bounced along the gravel road that led to the ranch, Brian stared out the side window and recalled the first time he had visited the place with Gus. He smiled to himself as he remembered his son bubbling over with excitement. He had barely been able to contain himself when he spotted a few ranch hands on horseback and cattle roaming the hills. He practically bounced in his seat as he pointed out to his father all the different things he could see as he smiled indulgently at his son. Right then Brian knew he had made the right decision in agreeing to bring the boy here. The sparkle in his eyes that had been absent for a long while returned, and that was worth more than anything. Even if it meant giving up sitting on a beach and watching hot guys in skimpy Speedos.
“So Brian,” Josh started pulling his friend away from his reminiscing. He was very happy to see his old friend, but he noticed that he had lost weight he could ill afford from his already slim form. Also his eyes seemed to have lost some of that fiery intensity and spark that usually kept everyone on their toes.
Brian turned away from the window as Josh’s voice broke into his reverie. He looked slightly embarrassed by being caught day dreaming. “Sorry, Josh. I was thinking about the first time Gus and I came to the ranch. It wasn’t my first choice of a vacation spot, but when I saw the look on his face, the hot sandy beaches and hot guys that I was interested in suddenly didn’t seem worth any amount of money,” he chucked softly.
“Yeah I remember that visit too; especially the look on your face the first time you had to get up on a horse. The only thing funnier was when you got off,” Josh laughed out loud.
“Well, I’m glad someone thought it was funny,” he glared at his friend. “I didn’t think my ass would ever be the same after I got off that damn horse.” Brian couldn’t help but join in his friend’s laughter. “I didn’t think I would ever be able to walk again,” he chuckled. “But it was all worth it. It did Gus and I a lot of good,” he smiled as he thought of his son.
“The place doesn’t look like it’s changed much since the last time we were here,” Brian commented as the truck pulled through the gate. “Maybe a little sprucing up and such, but basically it’s the same. It’s nice to know some things don’t change,” he smiled sadly as he thought about how much his life had changed in such a short period of time. “Sorry Josh, I don’t mean to sound……” his voice trailed.
Josh had stopped the truck in front of the main house and got out. “Hey Brian, there’s no need for you to apologize to me for feeling the way you do. You’ve been through a lot lately and it can’t have been easy,” he said as he reached into the back of the truck and grabbed Brian’s suitcase.
“No it hasn’t and thanks for understanding. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to come out here. I needed to be somewhere…different.” Brian had stepped out of the truck and joined Josh. “I figured this place was it. Besides, I thought maybe the fresh air and open spaces could clear my head a little,” he said hopefully.
The soft glow of the early morning sunrise filtered through the sheer, white curtains and cast a warm shadow over Brian’s sleep filled body. He cracked open an eye and peered at the clock that sat on the bedside table and groaned. Damn, he thought to himself as he tried to bury his head under the pillow. He should have remembered to close the shades before going to bed, but the feel of the soft breeze blowing through the window and seeing the clear, night sky had been too enticing so he left the shades up. Looking at the time he now regretted his decision. He heard the ranch starting to stir and decided to get up, so threw back the covers, pulled his lean, naked body out of bed, and padded over to the bathroom. Once showered and dressed, he headed downstairs following the smell of freshly brewed coffee.
“Morning Brian,” Josh greeted as he took in the tired appearance of the man standing in the doorway. “Here, have a cup of coffee. You look like you need it,” he laughed as he handed over a heavy, white mug filled with the dark amber liquid. “Sugar’s over there,” he pointed to the white bowl in the center of the kitchen island. He remembered how Brian had liked a lot of sugar with his coffee and often teased him about it.
“You remembered,” Brian smiled wirily. “Thanks.”
“I didn’t expect to see you up this early.”
Brian chuckled, “I usually don’t, but I made the mistake of leaving the window shade up and the sun coming through caught my attention. I knew I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I might as well get my ass out of bed. Hey Josh,” he paused. “Do you mind if I take a horse and go for a ride this morning?”
“No problem. I’ll have one of the hands saddle one up for you. Take as long as you want. It’s really beautiful at this time of the morning, especially if you take your ride over the hill.”
“Yeah I remember. That’s why I thought I’d do it.”
“You could even stop over by the pond, take a break, and stretch your legs. On second thought, maybe you’d better not get off the horse once you’re on. You may not be able to get back up,” Josh let out a loud laugh.
“Asshole,” Brian said, but he joined in the laughter and added, “ I better hope not cause it will be a long walk back.”
As they walked over to the corral, Brian noticed a beautiful chocolate brown stallion tied to the rail. He paused in mid stride as he took in the sleek coat and powerful body, and then turned to look over at Josh.
“That’s not the horse you’re going to put me on?” he asked hesitantly as he looked over at the animal that appeared to be calm but extremely powerful.
“ What’s the matter? Don’t think you can handle him,” Josh laughed when he noticed that the color of the man’s face standing beside him had slightly paled when he saw Emperor. One thing you had to admit, the horse looked majestic and his size and musculature could be a bit intimidating.
“Well…ah…it has been a while since I’ve been riding,” Brian stammered but he had to admit it would feel great to take the animal out and give him his head. He recalled the feeling of exhilaration the last time he sat astride a powerful animal and raced across the open landscape.
Josh looked over at his friend with an expression that said well are you going to or not. “I can let you have Sal; the old gray mare. She’s a lot gentler,” he laughed out loud knowing the Brian would take the bait and refuse the gentler horse. He was right; he refused ol’ Sal.
As he stood next to Emperor, he rubbed his gloved hand over the sleek brown body and the felt the power behind the flesh. He held the reins and gently stroked the horse’s muzzle as he whispered softly to the animal to get acquainted with him. After he checked the saddle, he mounted and adjusted his body until he felt confidant enough to tug on the reins and lead them away from the corral.
“Relax Brian,” Josh called out. “It’s like riding a bicycle. It’s something you never forget,” he laughed once again and watched the slow gait that Brian kept the horse at as he headed toward the open field.
“Easy for you to say,” he shouted back as he tried to take his friend’s advise and relax. It wasn’t very long before the feel of riding started coming back to him, so he squared his body, nudged the horse with his heels, and loosened his grip on the reins to give the animal his head. Within a short time he had Emperor at a full gallop and the feeling of power beneath him and the freedom of being in the open seemed to clear his mind. As man and beast galloped across the open plains, Brian’s heart raced and the only thing on his mind was focusing on not letting the animal lose control.
As they were about to reach the pond, that was located next to a stand of large oak trees, he brought the horse to a slow gait and decided to let it cool down after their run. He dismounted and led Emperor to the pond to drink some water then tied him to a bush. Leaning back against the sturdy trunk of the old tree, his arms wrapped around his bent knees, he surveyed the vast expanse of lush green landscape. Wide open space as far as his eyes could see; so very different from the city, where a sea of towering concrete and glass surrounded you. One was lucky to even spot a tree at times. One thing he knew for sure was that a sense of peace and calm seemed to envelope him out here; something he hadn’t felt in a long while.
His gaze moved off into the distance and watched the sun begin its assent over the rolling hills. It seemed a lifetime ago that he had actually taken the time to just sit and watch a new day begin. He recalled that it had been on the last vacation he and Christian had taken together; when they had been able to get away for a week to St. Croix. Each morning they had risen early to sit on their private balcony, wrapped in each other’s arms, to watch the sun rise. The fiery orange and red hues that fell against the muted blue sky was a breathtaking sight that people living in New York never got the opportunity to experience. Once the sun reached its peak they’d head back to bed for a round of lovemaking, renewing their feelings for one another. Now all that was a distant memory.
When sun reached its crescent, he stood, dusted the dirt off the seat of his jeans and wiped away the dampness that had formed at the corner of his eyes. He headed toward Emperor and untied the reins.
This time he took the ride at a slower pace and gave himself over to the feeling of quietude that the early morning allowed. The heat of the sun was already making itself known as the moisture on the grass evaporated and he could feel it through the denim shirt he wore. He chuckled to himself as he thought about the 80SPF designer label sunscreen he was going to have to use during his visit. After all, just because he would mainly be around animals was no reason for him to neglect his skin and develop wrinkles. He laughed out loud at what Christian would say. He was always teasing him about his vanity, and he’d remind him that he was a gay man so what did he expect.
Josh stepped out of the barn to greet Brian as he heard him approach the yard. He thought the ride did his friend some good. His cheeks seem to be flushed from being in the sun and there seemed to be some life back in those hazel eyes.
“Hey Brian. Enjoy your ride?” he asked.
“Yeah it was beautiful out there. I’m glad I got up early and went for the ride. You were right.”
“About what?”
“Being on a horse is like riding a bicycle. It’s something you never forget, although my ass may say otherwise. Once I got the feel of it, I let Emperor take the lead. He’s a great animal.”
“I knew you would enjoy having all that power between your legs,” Josh laughed out loud at the double meaning.
“You know you’re a sick one,” Brian laughed along with him.
Each morning of his stay Brian would rise early and take Emperor out for a ride. He could be seen racing the animal across the open plains, the adrenaline rushing through his veins, his heart racing as he worked to maintain control of the powerful animal it was a feeling like no other. Then after, he’d stop over by the grove of trees next to the pond to let the horse cool down while he took up his post under his favorite tree. It gave him a lot of time to think and reflect. What did he want to do with the rest of his life? While Chris was alive there was no question what that would have been, but since his death he began to question it. Did he still want to live in the city where there were so many memories at every turn. He knew one day he would eventually have to face those issues but now wasn’t the time.
It came as a surprise to him that he would even consider a change. His business had always been first in his life, after his partner. They had been what made him want to get up in the morning and what had given him his zeal for living. He knew deep down he still loved doing what he did but he felt some of the competitiveness was gone. Christian had been part of the force that drove him to be the best at what he did. They challenged each other even though they had totally different types of business. The had pushed one another to be successful and to reach new heights.
That evening, Brian stared deeply into his glass of wine as if the rich burgundy liquid held the answers he wanted. He heard the crackling noise of the flames and looked up to see his friend silently watching him and a faint look of embarrassment colored his features.
It was well past midnight and the two men had been talking for hours. Brian hadn’t realized how much he missed having someone to talk with at the end of a long day. Spending time with Josh brought back a flood of memories of the times he and Christian would wind down after a hectic day; a fine glass of fine wine, the soft flicker of candlelight, and the gentle melodies of his lover’s favorite jazz CD playing in the background.
“Sorry Josh. My mind drifted for a moment,” he tried to explain.
“Yeah, you did seem somewhere else for a while. You look like you have a few things on your mind.”
“That’s an understatement,” he laughed warily.
“Anything you want to talk about?” Josh asked gently. He knew Brian was going through a lot and he didn’t want to pry.
“Lately…,” he hesitated as he looked up. He saw Josh nod his head to encourage him. “I think I need a change. I feel I need to get away from New York. I can’t move on if every time I turn the corner a…”his voice trailed. “I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking and trying to come up with a plan on my morning rides with Emperor. You mentioned something about possibly selling the ranch and I was wondering if you’d consider selling it to me?”
“Well…uh…uh…” Josh sputtered. If he had any wine in his mouth he would surely be choking and gagging on it now. He couldn’t have been more caught off guard by his friend’s request than if he had grown a second head. Brian would have been the last person on earth he thought would ever want to live on a ranch. Maybe he’d gotten too much sun and fresh air, and was suffering from some kind of strange malady.
“You okay, Josh?” Brian reached over and patted the man on his back. The look of surprise and Josh’s incoherent mutterings drew a loud laugh from Brian. He had a feeling his friend might think he’d gone off the deep end.
“Did I hear you correctly?” Josh asked as he put his finger in his ear as if to clear any obstruction that might have interfered with his hearing. “You’re considering buying the ranch?” he gave Brian a bewildered look.
“Yeah, I think I am, but I intend to do something different with it.”
“Whoa, now wait a minute,” Josh said his hackles up. “I’m not sure I’m willing to sell it to someone who wants to destroy it. I’d rather keep it and let it go to shit than see it destroyed by concrete and glass.”
“Now don’t go getting your briefs in a knot. I intend to keep the ranch just the way it is, but use it for a different purpose.”
“And that purpose would be….”
“Well…I’m not sure how I’m going to pull it all together, but I’d like to turn it into a place for abused kids. Every time I’ve been here it’s been very therapeutic for me. The first time I came here with Gus after his mother died really helped him…well us and whenever my life got too crazy in the city and I was having a meltdown I’d come here. Being out in the fresh and air and open spaces helped clear my head and get me back on track. It has been kind of a safe haven for me and that’s what I’d like to do for some other kids. You know growing up in my household was no picnic and it would have been nice if there was some place I could have gone for a few weeks to get away from my life for just a little while.
“Besides, I think this is a way I can, in some small way keep Christian alive. He was a big supporter of charities who worked with and helped kids. Even though I need to get away from my memories in the city; this is different. It’s my way of honoring the love we shared.” Brian blushed and turned to look into the flames in the fireplace. He couldn’t believe he made that declaration out loud. He was afraid he’d see laughter in Josh’s eyes at what he had just revealed and he turned away out of self-consciousness.
“Brian,” Josh called gently as he waited for Brian to look at him. When Brian looked up he saw the slight flush of embarrassment color his friend’s features.
“Yeah?” As Brian looked up he was relieved that he didn’t see laughter in Josh’s eyes. What he thought he saw was respect and admiration and he gave his friend a small smile.
“Hey, we’ve been friends a while haven’t we?” he asked as Brian nodded. “We shouldn’t feel that we can’t say what’s really in our minds and hearts. I’m proud of what you want to do for the kids as well as for Christian. If this is something you really want to do and you can pull it all together I’ll tell you what I’ll do to help out. I’ll lease the land to you for a dollar a year for perpetuity.”
“Ah…ahh…I can’t let you do that Josh. I’m willing to pay for it, if you’re willing to sell it to me,” Brian stammered. He couldn’t believe what his friend had just offered him.
“Listen Brian. That’s always been the difficult part of me letting go of this ranch. I just didn’t want to see it in the hands of a total stranger. It’s been in the family for ages, but I never wanted to be a rancher. I only came back here out of respect for my father, but since he’s been gone I’ve really been itching to get back to my former life. Now you’re giving me the opportunity to do that and know that the ranch will be in good hands,” he stated firmly.
“Ah…Josh, I don’t know what to say. Your offer is more than generous and I promise I will honor and respect this place as your family has. I can’t believe it. Now I can use more of the money to put into renovations and such to accommodate kids and hire some new workers and keep some specialist the kids might need on retainer.”
“Looks like you’ve really given this some thought,” Josh laughed as he watched Brian’s enthusiasm bubble up. He hadn’t seen him this excited since he arrived.
“I guess I have. I just need to work out the details. You know talk with experts in the field and find out what I need. Then have them suggest agencies who might be willing to support and promote this concept,” he explained as he laid out his plans. “Ah…Josh one other thing…” he hesitated. “Would you mind if I changed the name of the ranch?”
“Not at all. What do you plan on renaming it?”
“The Winged C.”
Josh smiled at his friend. It was nice to see some of that light sparkle in his eyes again.