Come what may

Brian, hi!” Lindsay exclaimed, opening the door a bit wider so that Brian could enter. Removing his sunglasses, Brian rubs his eyes. He was fighting a headache since he woke up this Saturday morning. “Can I get you something to drink?” she offers, heading into the kitchen. Brian follows her, “You got any Aspirin or some shit like that?” Nodding, she hands him a bottle from the top cabinet and then goes to pour him some juice, “Are you going to Deb’s for Thanksgiving?” “Aw fuck, not you too!” he groans. “What?” Lindsay asks, “You have something more important to do than spend time with your loved ones on a day that we give thanks for all that we are thankful for?” He rolls his eyes, “Leave that shit for Hallmark, Linds.” She laughs, handing him his juice.

Meanwhile, outside, Mel drives into the driveway with Justin. She had gone to visit Adrienne on her way back from a meeting with a client. It was a pleasant surprise for her to find Justin sitting there on the floor, in the middle of the gallery, punching numbers on a calculator. After talking for a few minutes, she ended up persuading him to join her, Lindsay and Gus for lunch.

Hearing the screen door open, Lindsay comments, “That’s Mel,” and leaves the kitchen. Brian stays behind, deciding to wait until his headache lessens before having to deal with anything that came out of Melanie’s mouth. Leaning against the counter, he listens.

“Hey, you…” Lindsay sweetly calls out.

“Hey, honey…” kiss. “Look who I found working at Adrienne’s gallery.”

“Justin!”

“Hi.” Justin’s voice is surprisingly shy to Brian’s ears.

“Jesus, what happened to your face?”

“I fell… it’s no big deal.”

Melanie interjects, “He fell off a ladder about a week ago.”

“At Adrienne’s gallery?” Lindsay asks, still shocked at the sight of Justin’s bruise.

He shakes his head, “No!.. I started working with Adrienne after the accident… but it wasn’t even that big to call it an accident…”

Lindsay shakes her head, “But, Justin, that looks-- ”

He interrupts, “I bruise easily. It really isn’t as bad as it looks.” He stops suddenly when he sees Brian standing by the kitchen, leaning against the frame. His expression is unreadable. Melanie looks over at her wife, “baby, can I talk to you for a minute?” Lindsay nods, walking off to the side with Melanie.

Brian slowly makes his way to Justin, commenting, “A ladder?”

He nods, nervously adding, “I’ve just been really clumsy lately.”

Brian doesn’t make a comment, but Justin can tell what he’s thinking. he’s thinking: bullshit.

Brian continues to study him, “Really.”

Justin nods, looking away, “So are you here to see Gus?”

Brian walks around him, his face still unreadable, “How’s the fiddler?”

Swallowing hard, Justin enters the kitchen and away from Brian, pretending he didn’t hear. When he sees that Brian is following him, he comments, “You look like shit, Brian.”

Brian leans his back against the counter, crossing his arms. “Thank you. You look like shit too.”

Melanie calls Justin back into the living room. Without a word, Justin quickly leaves. Brian scowls Fuck. His mind was reeling. Ladder my ass. I know all about bruises.. fuck, I've seen 'em all.. and that ain't from a fuckin' ladder.

“Adrienne mentioned that you were planning to hang some of your stuff in her gallery, hmmm?” Mel asks with interest.

Justin smiles, nodding. He was grateful that Mel and Lindsay had given him an excuse to leave the kitchen, though for different reasons than they had for doing it.

Lindsay smiles, “That’s so great, Justin.”

Mel adds, “Yeah, and maybe you can get some buyers interested in your work as well.”

He blushes, “We’ll see I guess… but actually, I--” he stops himself. Should I tell them about the model shoot?

“What is it, honey?” Lindsay asks.

He smiles, shaking his head, “Nothing. I want it to be a surprise.”

Brian walks in, stating with boredom, “Oh goody.”

Justin squirms slightly, feeling uncomfortable, “I should be getting back…It was great seeing you guys…” Walking to the door, Brian suddenly announces, “I’ll drive you.”

Justin stops, turning around, “No, that’s okay.”

Shrugging, Brian follows him to the door, “It’s fuckin’ freezing outside. I’m driving you.”

Lindsay and Mel exchange looks, and Brian glances over at them, “I’ll call you later, Linds.” Heading to the jeep, he unlocks the door and waits for Justin to sit down. He can see that Justin is hesitant, and states, “Get in.” Justin looks up at him for a moment, biting his lower lip. Shit. Opening the door, he goes into the passenger side and sits down. Satisfied, Brian closes his own door and starts the engine. He was determined to get to the bottom of this. Does Justin have any other bruises that I don’t know about? Driving out and into the main road, Brian asks, “When did you fall off the ladder?”

Fuck. “A little over a week ago.” Justin stares out the window, pretending to be interested in the moving cars.

Brian grips the steering wheel tightly. If that piece of shit fiddler did that to Justin’s face.. I’m going to fuckin’ kill him. “Off a ladder, right?”

He nods, “Right. So how are you doing?”

Brian clenches his jaw. Damnit, why does he have to be so difficult?.. shit. “So you’re working with Adrienne now?”

Justin nods again, still staring out the window.

“Why?”

Finally, Justin turns to face him, “What?”

“Why did you quit working at the gallery on campus.”

Frowning, Justin snaps, “Why do you care?” He was getting tired of Brian's third degree.

Brian stretches his neck to each side, still gripping onto the steering wheel with both his hands so hard that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. "It was only a question, Justin."

"Well fuck off." Justin replies coolly and returns to the window.

Brian is silent. Stopping at a traffic light, Justin turns back to face him. He couldn't read him, especially not with the sunglasses on Brian's face. But he could sense that Brian was upset. Feeling guilty, Justin comments, "You don't have to drive me to the apartment."

Brian retorts with irritation in his voice, "Why, afraid Ethan may see us?" That little fucker..

Justin shakes his head, "No.. I.. I just don't live there anymore."

The light turns green and Brian releases the brake, "You don't live with him anymore?" Since when?

Justin nods, looking back at the window, "No, I don't. I'm staying above Adrienne's gallery. You can just drop me off there."

Brian nods, wanting to say something but feeling at a loss for words. They broke up... he didn't say that.. but they did.. but was it because of the bruises? Did Ethan hit Justin?.. and the one on his back, was that from Ethan too?

Clearing his throat, Justin points out, "It's here on your right."

Brian parks the car at the curb. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Justin is about to unlock the door, when Brian gently takes his wrist, “Justin.”

He looks down at Brian’s hand, slowly making his way up to his gaze. Staring into Brian’s eyes, he refuses to acknowledge any feeling.

Brian stares back at him, and Justin knows he wants to say something, but something is holding him back. Waiting for a few moments, Justin finally breaks the silence, quietly stating, “Thanks for the lift,” and opens the door.

Brian lets go of his wrist and watches him go. Fuck… He couldn’t understand why everything seemed so difficult where Justin was concerned. Why didn’t I tell him?… Shaking his head, he decides to head to Woody’s. He needed a drink.

Back inside the comfort of the gallery, Justin lets the tears begin to spill. Seeing Brian again was just too hard. He was proud of himself though. He stayed strong; he pretended that he didn’t care. It felt good showing Brian his independence. Heading up to the studio, Justin decides to start a new sketch. It’s there when he realizes that he’s missing his pastel set. Fuck. He knew exactly where the small tray was too: at Ethan’s apartment. Fuck! How could he have not noticed that he hadn’t packed them when he had moved out? Fuck! This was going to be the first time he had decided to use his soft pastels since the move. He had been using mostly dark colors or paint. Fuck. The day I finally decide to use my pastels, I don’t have them anymore… shit. He didn’t want to use his sanguine or conte crayons. I could borrow Adrienne’s set… no, I can’t do that. Deciding that he will simply have to go out and buy another set of pastels, Justin goes to retrieve his coat. This is good. Justin thought to himself. He was having no second thoughts about leaving the gallery by myself. This is definitely progress. Heading out the door, Justin can’t help but smile: he was certainly having a not-so-bad day.

*****

“Isn’t it a bit early to start drinking?” Ted asks.

“What are you, my mother?” Brian scolds, “Besides, why the fuck are you here then?”

Ted smiles, sitting down at the table where Brian was occupying. Ignoring the eye roll that Brian was giving him, happily explains how Blake got a job here as a bartender, and he was there to keep him company.

“So instead of drugs, your twink is learning to become an alcoholic? That’s a great idea, Teddy, really.” He lifts up his bottle of beer as a toast.

Ted frowns, “What crawled up your ass, Brian? Wait! Let me rephrase that…”

Brian doesn’t bother to comment and he begins to scan the ‘merchandise.’ This scene is getting fuckin’ old.. it’s all the same tricks… fuck..

Ted glances over at Blake and smiles.

“Jesus, Ted,” Brian states, disgusted, “You might as well put a pillow over his head and finish the job early.” Pr> Ted frowns, “You think I’m suffocating him?… No, I don’t think that I am… maybe I should ask Blake…”

Shaking his head, Brian wonders why anyone even bothers being in a relationship. It’s just fucked up. His thoughts immediately begin to wander back to Justin.

“Hey”, Ted interrupts Brian’s thoughts, “guess who I bumped into yesterday?”

Brian rolls his eyes, motioning the waiter to get him another drink, “Gee, I can hardly wait to find out.”

“Emmett. And you know what he told me?”

“I don’t care.”

“But--”

“I said I don’t care, Teddy.” Brian states once again, as if he were talking down to a child.

He shrugs, “Suit yourself, you’ll just find out about it later on… and then you’ll ask me why I didn’t say anything.”

Rubbing his temples, Brian retorts, “Yes, Teddy. That’s exactly what I’ll do.”

Ted frowns, “You know, I know that you’ve always been a sarcastic asshole… but today it’s a bit worse… it’s all asshole.”

Brian smirks, turning back to the bar where he spots an unfamiliar face. must be a tourist. He was about to say something snide to Ted, but decided that it would just be too easy. Getting up, he walks over to the new guy.

Ted scowls, “Hey!” when he realizes that Brian has just left without a word. Shaking his head, he watches him pick up a trick. “That Brian will never change.”

*****

One thing that Justin loved about living in the gallery was that there was an art store just three blocks away. Passing the café, Justin decides he may stop there after picking up some pastels to get a cup of something warm to drink. See, I can be normal… that’s normal. The art store was nearly empty when Justin walked inside. Wow, nothing like how it is in the one near campus… Finding the aisle that carried pastels, Justin chose a basic set and went to pay. What the..? Out of the corner of his eye Justin thought he had seen something. No, probably just my stupid paranoia. Get a grip, Justin. Paying the cashier, Justin hurries out. Just in case… With quick strides Justin walked with his head down. Someone was behind him. He could feel it. Shit, just turn around.. just stop and turn around.. But he couldn’t. He wanted to run. Don’t be crazy. It could be just someone from class, or maybe it’s Chase…it could be anyone… Seeing the café, Justin quickly goes inside. See, a public place… I’m fine.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

Biting his lip, Justin refuses to turn around. “No thank you,” he answers softly, his heart beating with lightning speed.

“Please?”

Swallowing hard, Justin forces himself to turn around, answering, “I’m fine.” What in the hell was he doing in that art store?

Ethan smiles feebly, “You look good.”

Justin remains silent; he didn’t want to show Ethan any sort of emotion or reaction.

Ethan continues, “I heard that you are working at another gallery… just a few blocks away from here, right?”

His eyes widen, how did he find out? Ethan answers that question before Justin even asks, “Tania told me that she saw you there one day. She needs to find an internship for next semester and had gone in to take a look… what a surprise, she said, to see you drawing in one of the backrooms. She wanted to stop in and say hello,” he smiles sadly, “But she said you looked like you were deep in concentration.”

Justin slowly nods, unable to find his voice. Ethan takes a step forward, whispering, “I miss you.”

Justin takes a step backwards, “I have to go.”

“I’ve been waiting for the right time… I knew you needed space. I’ve been watching you. I've come by this art store every once inawhile in hopes that you'll stop by.”

Justin tries not to show any panic in his voice, “You’ve been watching me?”

He nods sadly, “Like I said, I’ve been waiting for the right time. I know this whole ordeal has been difficult. But I think we deserve a second chance.”

Feeling dizzy, Justin questions, “A second chance?”

He nods again, taking Justin’s hands, “I miss you, Justin Taylor. I miss you, and I love you.”

Pulling his hands away, Justin nervously looks towards the door, “I’m sorry, Ethan.. I…”

“I need you.” Ethan’s eyes were like pools of sadness.

Justin can’t look at him, “I’m sorry, Ethan, I have to go.”

“When can I see you again?” he asks. Justin starts to walk to the door, “Ethan, I--”

“Justin, I want only you. Isn’t that what you say matters the most? It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? And that’s what you have with me. I want to be with you, and only you.”

Justin can already feel the tears starting to form, looking away, he whispers, “bye.” and hurries out. He didn’t dare look back. Just run if you have to. Just get the hell out of here… He didn’t stop until he had entered the gallery and had reached the top floor to where his room was. Falling onto the bed, Justin finally allows himself to cry. "Fuck!" He mutters outloud. First I see Brian, and now Ethan.. fuck, I should just fuckin' move to Bali or somewhere! Kicking off his shoes, he hides under his covers. Ethan still wants me. He says that he loves me.. that he only wants me... But Justin knew the price of Ethan's love. He only needed to look at the mirror for a reminder. But he's sorry... Wiping away his tears, he buries his face in the pillow. But sorry is bullshit. That's what Brian says... shit, fuck Brian! Brian doesn't know shit about love... Kicking the sheets off his face, he stares at the ceiling. But do I? Do I know what love is? Is love what I had with Ethan? Would I call that love? "No," he whispers. He didn't love Ethan, Love has to be two-sided. Rolling over to his side, he stares at the clock on his nightable. When will this day end? He could hear Adrienne coming in from the backdoor. I should get up.. I should go and see if she needs any help with anything... But he didn't want to move. She would have told me if Tania said anything... so obviously Tania didn't say that she knew me..and Adrienne doesn't need an intern. She would have told me if she was interested in having one... right?.. unless she wants it to be a surprise.. unless Tania asked her not to tell me... but Tania was never my friend.. she was Ethan's friend. I just worked with her at the gallery. No.. but I should ask Adrienne... but what if she lets her work here in the spring?.. fuck. That means Ethan will show up a lot... double-fuck. Sitting up, Justin wonders if he should just find another place to live. No. I am not going to keep running. Ethan can't hurt me. He can't hurt me. I won't let him. He can take all his words and stuff himself with them. They mean shit. Of course he didn't really mean it. He still found himself falling for Ethan's words. But I'm stronger than this. I deserve better. I do. I can do this... I just.. I just need to know if Adrienne is going to hire Tania.. fuck. Lying back down, he pulls the covers over his head. Let today just end.

****

Brian scolded himself. Fuck. The entire time he was with that trick he was thinking about Justin. I can't even get laid without having that twink enter my head. He needed to see him. He broke up with the fiddler. It's about fuckin' time.. But he needed to know why. Do I want to know why? Do I want to hear it?... Yes. He had to hear it. He had to know. Returning to his jeep, Brian shakes his head. Justin had acted as if he didn't care about him anymore. Is it really over? Was I just a semi-long-term trick for him to fuck until he figured out what he really wanted? The thought angered him. He just used me. That little shit. Slamming the car door shut, Brian realizes that he's too concerned about Justin's bruise to be angry. What if Justin is in some kind of trouble?... why didn't he tell me? He should know that he can still come to me... right?.. fuck, I didn't make it easy for him though. Fuck. I'm such an asshole. Starting the engine, Brian decides to drive over to the gallery. His beer buzz was still on high and gave him enough of a push to see Justin. I can just blame it on the booze. Pulling out, he starts to drive to the gallery. Will Justin still be there?