Hey Jude

Can’t sleep. Justin hadn’t slept alone in a bed for years. Even at Daphne’s dorm he didn’t sleep alone. He shared her bed. Now he was alone. In this room: in this bed. It scared him. Getting up, he goes to the window. Is someone there? Did Ethan follow him? Does someone know? What if Chris Hobbs lives in the apartment down the street? No… Chris doesn’t live around here. What if Sapperstein comes to the gallery?.. No he wouldn’t. And who cares if he did?… What if Ethan comes to the gallery? What if Ethan convinces Adrienne to kick me out? What if he comes up to my room… while I’m sleeping? Pacing, Justin tries to control his breathing. I’m fine… I’m fine… everything is fine… Stopping, he nervously bites his thumb, going to the door to listen. No one is there. I’m fine… I’m fine… Maybe the window? He cautiously returns to the window, peering out. All he could see was darkness. If I turn on a light, he’ll be able to see me… Rubbing his face with his hands, he shakes his head. I’m losing my fuckin’ mind… He sits down on the floor. Tonight was going to be a long night.

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“So how do like living at Adrienne’s?” Justin smiles, shrugging, “She’s nice,” and sips his coffee. Looking out the window of the school’s café, he watches the people go by. What if Ethan stops by?… Why couldn’t we have just had breakfast in her dorm room or something? “I know she’s nice, Justin. I mean, how do you like LIVING there?” He puts the mug down, outlining the top of it with his finger, “It’s different…” She takes a sip of her tea, “How so?” Shrugging again, he sighs loudly, “I dunno.. just different. Weird. I mean, I’ve never been alone before.” Daphne smiles, taking his hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze, “You’re never alone, Justin.” He forces a smile, nodding, “That’s not what I meant, Daphne…” sighing, he looks back out the window, “It’s just… different. But I’ll get used to it. It’s just new, that’s all.” She nods, “Hey, do you want to come to my house for Thanksgiving?” He arches his eyebrow, “Daph, since when have you seen me eat a tofu turkey?” She laughs, shaking her head, “Fine. So you’re going to your mom’s?” He shakes his head, “No, she and Molly are going to my grandparents’ house… I don’t really want to see them… not like this, at least. I don’t think lunch by the country club’s pool will bode too well with them.” She nods, knowing how he and Molly would always go swimming at the country club before they would have lunch, “Are you still sore?” He chuckles, “I’ll live.” She shakes her head, “I wish you would’ve seen a doctor.” Laughing, he groans, “Oh God, here we go…” She smirks, “Fine… I’ll stop nagging you about it. But you really scared me, Justin.” He stops laughing, feeling guilty, “I know. I’m sorry.” Looking at her watch, she states, “I’m going to be late for class. You coming?” He shakes his head, “No. My class was cancelled today… my professor has some sort of conference or something like that to go to. I told Adrienne that I help her frame some pieces today to hang on her walls. You should come by and see her stuff. It’s pretty wild.” She nods, “I will, promise. Call me later tonight?” He nods, watching her leave. Swallowing hard, he returns his gaze to the window. He hated this feeling. Who cares if I see Ethan?… he can’t do anything to me… he… He stops for a moment when he thinks he sees someone who resembles his estranged lover. He’s thankful when it’s not him. Getting up, he knows he’s just going to have to get over it. I can do this. I AM doing it… Putting back on his coat, he walks out the door and into the crisp air outside. Baby steps… He wasn’t going to let anyone, especially Ethan, keep him from doing what he wanted to do.

He felt proud as he walked towards the campus shuttle bus. Every day was a little easier than the last, and Justin knew that he was going to be okay. Entering the bus, he sits down and looks out the window. I wonder how Brian is doing? He had promised himself that getting on with his life meant forgetting about Brian Kinney… but how could that be possible if Brian was always somewhere in the back of his mind? Maybe I should call him? Just to see if he’s okay?… well, duh, of course he’ll say he’s okay… what else would he say?… Deciding to wait on phoning him for awhile, Justin exhales slowly as he nears his stop. Last night may have been bad, but today… today isn’t so bad. Smiling, he pulls himself up as the bus slowly stops, and walks out into the afternoon day.